http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3_FnVfVQR8

~

Shin's funeral was held two days after his death.

Not having the strength to cry out loud anymore, silent tears rolled down your cheeks.

You would literally wake up, sit through class, come straight home and then hole yourself up in your room.

You weren't even angry when Kris explained how the company was just a cover up for the FBI headquarters, you simply nodded.

Kris knocked on your door, "Jess...? Are you going to eat dinner?"

Your quiet voice answered, "No."

Sighing, "Alright...there's food on the table...if you get hungry."

The doorbell rang and Kris went to open the door to see Lu Han and L, "What are you guys doing here?"

Lu Han asked, "How's mei mei doing?"

Kris glanced at your door, "See for yourself."

L cautiously entered through the door and questioned, "Did she eat?"

Kris let out a weary sigh, "No. She's lost so much weight in 3 days...I don' t want to force it down ...it's been a tough month for her."

L and Lu Han nodded in understanding.

"Can I...try to talk to her?"

Kris nodded, "Go right ahead."

L slowly approached your room and knocked on the door, "_________-ah? I'm coming in okay?"

Opening the door, "Hey..."

"Hi.."

Exhaling deeply, "_________-ah-"

"MyungSoo oppa."

L stopped and gave you his attention, "Hmm?"

"Do you think it would have hurt him this much if I died instead?"

Flinching and staring at you, "...yes. Knowing him...he would have bottled it up inside until it would be too much to take. That's the kind of person he was...even when he was little."

Tears slipped down your cheeks, "How long do you think it would have taken him to get over...me?"

L sighed and turned to you, "That's pretty hard to say...I guess the honest answer is...probably never."

Your breath caught in your throat, "...really?"

He nodded, "The wound might eventually close but he probably would have never gotten over you. You were the first girl he ever gave a second look to, he loved you with every fiber in his being."

You let out a painful laugh and nodded, "Of course."

"But he wouldn't stop living. He would give it his all, even if it was so you wouldn't worry about him in heaven."

Turning to L, "WonHo oppa is a lot stronger than me then..huh?"

L wiped the tears off your cheeks and shook his head with a small smile, "No...you're stronger than anyone I know. The bravest, kindest and strongest girl in the world."

You whispered, "No I'm not...I'm scared...I'll forget him...or that his face won't be clear anymore...or...he'll be sad thinking I forgot him so easily.."

L chuckled sadly, "Silly girl. Who says to forget him? He'll always be a part of you. He'll always have a part of your heart...but that doesn't mean you can't make room for someone else to see the things he saw in you."

 You mumbled, "It's going to take a really long time..."

L affectionately pinched your cheek, "Find someone who's willing to wait."

You nodded and gave L a small smile, "Gomawo MyungSoo oppa."

He gently ruffled your hair, "What are oppas and sunbaes for?"

Patting your pillow he smiled, "Now go to sleep, you're going to have puffy eyes tomorrow."

Nodding, "Good night oppa. Go home safely."

L nodded and waved to you before closing your door.

*Live happily __________-ah. Even if the only reason for your smile is that he's watching you from above.*