“You kissed him!”  Taeyeon squeals in my ear.  I more than kissed him, it was a full-fledged make-out session with lots of groping, spit swapping and tongue.

“Was he everything that I imagined?  He’s gotta be good, I mean, just looking at him, he’s gotta be REAL good.”  Tiffany squeals just as louder.

“I don’t know,” I do know; he wasn’t good at all, he was amazing.  And when he spoke about all the girls he’s dated I begin to think he is more experienced than I am. 

“You gotta give us something!  Did you see his abs, his chest?  Did he have a six pack, was it chiseled like he said?  Did he dance for you, he said he could dance better than Taemin?  How did you keep yourself so cool and in control?  I couldn’t have stopped my hands from touching him.  He is so magnetizing, right?  I’m getting hot just thinking about him.” Tiffany runs outside in the cool air. 

“Does he have any friends or brothers?” Taeyeon looks at me hopeful.

“I’ll ask.”  She squeaks and runs to Tiffany with the good news.  I lie back down in the couch lying in a fetal position and think about Kai and his warm arms and beautiful lips.  Fantasy became reality in one full sweep.  But something isn’t right, this “thing” we have is based on a lie.  He isn’t really the guy of my fantasies.  He isn’t the heir of a big company, he isn’t my age (ugh, I hate that part the most for some reason), he hasn’t even graduated high school.  But it isn’t so much that I’m worried about what other people will think about us.  He does look older than me, but I would know and so would our close friends and then our families.  I can just see his mom pleading me not to take away her baby boy from her.  I picture myself waiting for him at the entrance of my alma mater, Seoul School of Performing Arts, with my car.  “Oh hello, headmaster, long time no see.  What am I doing here?  Oh, just, you know, picking up my boyfriend from school.”  His high school classmates giving me dirty looks as I steal a kiss from Kai, seeing him in the school uniform makes me uncomfortable, then my boutique gets trashed by his fan girls because I took away their school’s ulzzang. 

I get up from my daydream turned nightmare and look out the window.  Tiffany and Taeyeon are still outside with only their nightgowns and robes on.  What was I thinking about again?  Oh yeah, like I said, it isn’t so much that I’m worried about what others would say, but the fact that he has his whole life ahead of him.  He will meet so many people in his life, girls, women, and he will grow tired of me quickly.  Right now my most favorite word is fleeting.  In time, that’s how his heart will be towards me, fleeting.  And I can’t afford to be swept away by a fleeting heart of another.  My phone rings and the display show Hyungsik.  He wants to meet today to talk.  Last night after our make out session in Cheongdam-dong strip, Kai brought me home in his range rover.  He drives a range rover AND he delivers pizza?  I really don’t know anything about this kid.  Kid, boy…oh boy, this has to end. 

The girls finally get ready for work and I tell them that I will be arriving later because I am meeting someone.  They think I am meeting with Kai and tease me about it.  I get texts reminding me to give him a note with a good excuse so he doesn’t get a tardy from school.  Hyungsik and I meet at a café just across from the boutique and I did not realize until I got to the café that the HQ of KJ Fashion sits directly adjacent to it.  The real Kim Jongin, first heir to KJ Fashion walks those very halls in that very building.  I let out a sigh.  Hyungsik gives me a warm smile and orders my favorite, hot cocoa with whipped cream so it isn’t too hot for me to drink right away.

“I’m going to get straight to the point Evey.  So forgive me if I am being too blunt.” I nod for him to continue.  “Kai is not right for you.  He may be the heir of KJ Fashion, but he’s not right for you.  I did a background check on him.”

“What?  Oppa, since when have you been so curious about my love life especially when you have your own to consider?  Plus shouldn’t you be practicing your dance moves with your group members right now?”

“Don’t change the subject.  At first I was going to tell you that he’s a liar, but my sources don’t show that:  Kim Jongin IS the first heir of KJ Fashion.  He did graduate from Seoul School of Performing Arts early and is now attending Korea National.  His parents are very proud of him and are supporting his decision to pursue a career in dancing…” Hyungsik continues but I don’t hear him.  Kai really did do his research.  Hopefully Hyungsik didn’t find a photo of the real Kim Jongin.  “Here’s a photo of him from Seoul Arts, your alma mater.”  Great.  He hands me the photo.  Oh my gosh!  He is so cute in that yellow gold uniform.  Wait, what am I saying?  It’s Kai.  Kim Jongin is Kai.  Kai is Kim Jongin.  And those are his friends, Luhan and Baekhyun.  “Listen, I am glad that he was honest with you about his background and status, but he’s too young Evey.  He is a boy.  You wouldn’t want to be the woman that jades his perspective on women do you?”

“What!?  How will I jade him!?”

“Well, he’s younger than you.  He probably looks at you and you epitomize his fantasy of what he wants in a woman.”  He epitomizes my fantasy of what I want in a man.  “You are older, more knowledgeable, although, you and I both know you really aren’t.”  He snickers.  “I’m just saying, when you guys break up he can go fatal attraction on you!”  I am the one who is fatally attracted to Kai.  “And/or he probably only wants one thing from you…you know?”  He continues since I don’t say anything.  “You want someone to love you, to care for you, to protect you.  All the money in the world won’t matter unless you have someone who reciprocates the love back, right?  Do you really think this kid will be able to reciprocate the kind of love back to you?”

“The KIND of love?”

“Jihyun was constantly talking about how very good looking Kai is.  It was utterly irritating.  She kept saying how his looks are just so perfect, otherworldly, and makes you yearn for him.” Get to the point Hyungsik.  “Congratulations, you found yourself a chic magnet.  The “love” I am referring to is pure carnal attraction.  It’s not the real love that I know you are seeking.  From Kai, you will be satisfied physically, but what about emotionally.  What about that connection, the emotional connection, not the dirty kind that I know you are thinking about right now…”  He knows me too well. 

“We are just having fun,” I manage to almost make myself believe.

“Liar.  You don’t approach a relationship with that attitude.  You want romance, you want passion but you also want substance.  Kai’s isn’t substance, Kai is purely from your fantasies, he’s everyone’s fantasies.”

“Everyone’s?”

“Every ‘woman’s’ I mean, shut up, you know what I am saying.  Although I bet guys from his school find him attractive too.”

“Do you?”  I . 

“Stop.  You do agree with me on this Evey, I know you do.  This Kai, this Kim Jongin, is not for you.  He will eat you alive…”  My eyes look up, contemplating.  “Eww, don’t think like that.” 

“So you think that Kai loves me because I am exciting and am an older woman?”

“Yes.  And he’s the kind of guy that women fantasize over but never actually keep close.”

“What?” 

“He is flesh and body when you want heart and soul.”

“You are so cheesy, like those 80’s power ballads.”

“Which you adore and enjoy as much as I do.”

“It makes me wonder if there really is someone for me, oppa.”  I whisper out loud.  Hyungsik moves closer to me and takes my hand. 

“There is Evey.  But it isn’t Kai.  Trust your oppa.  Look, I gathered some videos.
 

“What kind of videos?”

“Confessions of who Kim Jongin really is in the eyes of his peers and teachers.”  Hyungsik is such an old man.  “Take this IPad mini.  It contains those videos.  Watch it, if you don’t want to believe me, being someone who doesn’t really know him, then listen to those that do.”

“Have you seen the videos?”

“No, I haven’t, but I’m confident that you’ll make the right decision.”  Hyungsik leaves me at the café, lost in my thoughts.  He’s completely right.  Kai isn’t for me and I am not for Kai.  These feelings I have were fleeting and the moments were fleeting.  He’ll drop me the moment he becomes a star; No, the moment he gets bored and finds another woman to conquer. 

I know it isn’t fair for me to depict Kai as a player.  I don’t even know him completely.  But it is my way to cope.  I have the tendency to look too far ahead and predict that the outcome of the push and pull attraction that Kai and I have for each other will lead to him leaving me with a broken heart.  The fact is I am completely attracted in him.  Physical appearance aside, what I know of Kai in this short amount of time is that he is intelligent, determined, and honest.  I can already see myself enjoying the whimsical moments we would share with each other like the back and forth banter from his clever comments.  He pulls me with his deep stare as easily as I breathe this air.  I will try to be as nonchalant about our relationship as he is and pretend that I am the cool older woman who doesn’t need him around all the time.  I’d call him up whenever I want and we’d give in to our desires for a night and go back to our normal routines the next day.  Every night with him would play like a fantasy.  And the day after that fantasy ends will be a reminder that he will never be able to love me the way I yearn for him to.  Kai needs to remain in my fantasies and never come out again. 

My girls and I head for a night out clubbing and forgetting my current situation with Kai.  It’s been almost two weeks since our very passionate kiss and not a single call.  Not that I want him to call.  It does make it easier on me that he is ignoring me.  But still…this makes me think that Hyungsik was right.  Kai is probably too experienced for me and that kiss was probably not what he expected.  It didn’t do anything for him physically so he’s done.  Kai did say that his “relationships” only last for two weeks at the most.  Time’s up I guess.  I need to get out of my pity party, I really need a drink. 

Tiffany, Taeyeon and I are dancing in the middle of the dance floor to DB5K’s Mirotic.

You want me, You’ve fallen for me, You’re crazy over me


You can’t escape I got you- Under my skin


You want me, You’ve fallen for me, You’re crazy over me


You’re my slave, I got you under my skin.

The song is a little too close for comfort.  I take a moment to catch my breath, adjust my fitted dress as it was riding up a bit.  Thank goodness I wore tights.  I yell at Taeyeon and Tiffany that I’m going to the bar for a drink.  I sit at the stool and I see the crowd move like waves then split a bit making a circle around someone.  I sit as straight as I could and caught a glimpse of the man dancing.  Mirotic ends and two dancers move into the center of the crowd.  The crowd begins to scream and cheer.  I move over to our booth and stand up on the seat while I lean on the wall.  Tiffany and Taeyeon join me and stand up on the seat too, anticipating.  Time Control plays and two men in perfect unison begin to dance.  The dance ends and the crowd ask for more.  I catch my breath. The brownish blonde haired dancer steps off to the side and tells the DJ to play another song, more hip-hop this time.  The two set off from opposite sides of the circle and the darker haired dancer points to the lighter haired one and they move towards each other and makes the crowd scream with excitement due to their hypnotic dancing.  The DJ looks familiar.  “Baekhyun?”

“What’d you say, Ev?!” Taeyeon asks me screaming.  I nod my head to indicate it was nothing.  The music stops and the two boys lift up their shirts as quickly as they put it down causing fan girls to scream like banshees.  Tiffany and Taeyeon were two of those banshees.  I laugh at myself and nearly fall off the booth, I drank a little too much.  A sun-kissed hand catches my fall and I bow thanking him.  I move towards the bathroom and replay the two dancers hip choreography.  Did I just say hip?  I like aged twenty years with that word, I laugh at myself.  The restroom is packed.  Girls are adjusting their nonexistent s under their dresses and check their lipstick.  I look down at mine, thank goodness for having some European genes.

“Oh my gosh, did you see Kai?  I almost had a nosebleed.  He is SO gorgeous when he dances.”

“He gives me nosebleeds by just staring at his half-smile.”

“His arms!”

“His lips!”

“If he moves like that when he dances, can you just imagine what he’s like in bed?”  The banshees scream.

“I am so going to make him mine.  Wish me luck girls.”

Kai.  Kai.  That was HIM out there?  I finally gather myself together for that shock.  I was standing too closely by the girls trying to eavesdrop on their conversation about Kai and they noticed.

“Ya! Unnie!  Mind your own business!”

“You are too old for Kai anyways.  Don’t you dare go near him!”

“You honestly think he’d go for the likes of you!?  And I am not that much older than you two so show some respect.  And get a job!”

Those girls were irritating.  I spot the girl in the restroom who said she’d make Kai hers and of course she stands right next to Kai.  Her girlfriends move in to follow suit and give me nasty looks reminding me of our encounter in the bathroom.  Kai is wearing black pants with dark gold patterns on it and a black tank with gold stitching and cut dangerously low exposing his chest.  He completed his outfit with a white jacket with reversed zippers.  It looked good with his dark skin.  There I go again, overanalyzing his wardrobe, his looks, his perfection.  Shake it off Evey.  It’s time to keep moving.  Let him be engulfed by the fan girls.  He belongs to them while he remains in your fantasy and nowhere else.  I’d slap myself in the face to wake me up from his trance but I don’t want people thinking I was nuts.