Chapter 11 Dialogue
Lovefool
He's an alien. There's no other reason behind his ability to make me lose control. One touch sends my body into convulsions, good ones, strong ones, unearthly ones. He's not from this planet. I don't think I could have conjured up someone like Kim Jongin even in my own fantasies. He's too much, no he's just right, no he's more than just right, he's perfect, absolutely perfect, I need to cool down. Minho is going to be here and Kai fell asleep again. Winter break ends in 4 weeks I think. My bed sheets need to be washed on account of all the sugar we ingested. He was so cute changing the sheets with me. Like he's never done it before. He must have maids. There are moments where his innocence shines through. It is often masked by his confidence. And boy is he confident. His lips and fingers should be illegal. They are no longer foreign, he placed them everywhere during the 12 hour span we've been together. The doorbell rings. It's now or never. I am giving up a potential healthy, problem-free, very certain and absolutely normal relationship with that sleeping alien.
"Hi Minho." My smile is forced. I want to like him and his easy-going smile. But my body is still sensitive, it's Kai's fault.
"Hi, just putting my shoes on and then we can go."
"I need to tell you something and it can't wait." He walks in my penthouse noticing the black converse next to my red heels. "How many roommates do you have?"
"2. Umm, we should go Minho." I urge him afraid that Kai may come out of my bedroom.
"I need to say it now or I won't have the courage to later." He looks to the west wing for a few seconds. Lost in thought. Odd. "I saw you at Club 12. You were at the DJ table, do you know him?"
"Baekhyun? Oh, my roommate is, ugh, sorta, well, she's into him."
"And the other boy, the light haired one? You know him too?"
"My other roommate is sorta dating him, his name is Luhan." That isn't entirely false, Tiffany is still with Luhan, in the bathroom. Why is he so curious?
"I know who they are. They are my cousins best friends and roommates. I didn't realize you knew them as well."
"What is it that you need to tell me?" Reminding him of the reason why he charged into my penthouse suddenly.
He turns to face me. "I don't want to scare you, but it's something that I feel needs to be out in the open before, well before us."
"Us? Is this about the arranged marriage? To be honest, I find it a little too-"
"Why'd you agree to meet me in the first place if you are against it?" He read my mind.
"It's not that I am completely against it, it's just that I like the idea of marrying the person you fall in love with. With arranged marriages it feels a little forced."
"But it doesn't have to be like that. There is an initial attraction and that can lead to love." Speak to the choir honey, case in point, the man in my bed.
"I know, and again, I am not totally against it Minho. Could you please get to the point of what you had to tell me?" Please, Kai, stay in that room, sleep until the afternoon like every other healthy college student on winter break.
"I am completely attracted to you. I think you are very intelligent, put together, beautiful, very beautiful, woman. And I know I want to give us a try and perhaps this arrangement your parents and my parents made for us will lead to marriage."
I stand silently. My mind is already picturing the wedding day, Minho waiting for me by the alter and Kai standing next to him as his best man. Is that really what I want? Kai is my fantasy incarnate, but Minho is just as great plus he's secure. He's safe. He's inheriting part of his family's company and our children will inherit it when they are older. He's a catch. Kai has dreams, big dreams, and neither of us know if we will be part of each others lives when he reaches that dream. I am silent too long. Minho touches my shoulder and shakes me.
"I apologize for throwing this at you so suddenly, so early in our relationship." I smile, telling him it's OK. I offer him a drink and head to the kitchen. Are we in a relationship? Why is it that my current relationships, with Minho and with Kai, move so fast? What I experienced with Kai last night and this morning has been more than enough romance in one woman's lifetime. A woman would be lucky to experience even half of what I went through with him this morning. My mind is lost again. That alien is taken over my inner wants and is muddling up my mind. I am having a hard time thinking rationally. The doorbell rings.
"Oppa!" Hyunshik comes storming in. When he removes his shoes, he notices a pair of black Converses and makes note of it.
"He is STILL hear?" He gets a shock when he sees Minho standing, smiling and bowing to greet him. Hyungsik extends a hand and introduces himself to Minho. "I'm sorry, we haven't met, who are you?"
'Choi Minho. I am a friend of Evey's." Hyungsik looks at me with a sly look. He must have done his homework.
"Second heir to KJ Fashion?" Yup, he's done it. Minho nods. "It's a very nice to meet you."
"Oppa you should go, we are actually about to leave." I try to drag Hyungsik out the door but he approaches Minho.
"So, what's the story on you two? How'd you meet?"
"Our parents introduced us."
"Arranged marriage!" Hyungsik sounded a little too excited. "Lucky girl." He gives me a wink.
"OK, oppa you need to leave now."
"Why? Minho gets to stay…" I finally get him next to the front door. "You need to tell me everything you little ." He says jokingly. Just then a deep, silky voice is heard from the living room:
"Hyung, annyeong." Kai… Hyungsik makes a mad dash towards the living room. Maybe I deserve this mess. I did give into my desires for 12 hours straight to a man I met only two weeks ago. The gods are punishing me for being selfish and receiving 12 hours of bliss.
"Jongin-ah. Aren't you in the wrong penthouse?" Minho replies back.
"Why are you still here!?" Hyungsik is yelling angrily with Kai with reasons why he doesn't like him around me, Kai ignoring him and both he and Minho remain staring and waiting for me to respond and react. Minho and I are supposed to have our second meeting, so I will need to push both of the other guys out my penthouse. I pull both of them over to the door without saying a word. Minho follows us, watching my every move. I feel bad he's in the middle of this crossfire.
"Minho oppa, I am so sorry for all this. Just give me a minute, OK?" I direct my attention to Hyunshik. "Oppa you need to leave."
"I will leave if Kai leaves."
"I want to be called oppa too," Kai pouts the most adorable pout ever. Those lips. He grabs my waist and kisses me. "You want to go back into the bedroom?" Hell ya. I bite my lip anticipating another 12 hours with him.
"Mmhmm," I manage to say.
"NO!" Hyungsik brings me back to reality.
"I mean, Kai, no!" I push both of them out the door. And slam the door, I lean on the door collecting my thoughts and calming my heart down from his kiss. He's from another world. I forget Minho is still standing, watching.
"My cousin, you also know Kai?" He breaks the silence.
"It's complicated."
"It's alright. So long as you give us a chance. It's OK that you are seeing my cousin." He puts on his jacket. "You know, he is like this to a lot of girls, so I am not really worried." Ouch.
"Explain what you mean."
"Look at him, Evey. Never mind, you have, he's been here all night, right?" Ouch again. "Kai is a player, in every sense of the word. He conquers women." No way. I thought of that, but didn't really think it to be true. "Have you seen him dance?" Oh yeah. "He's very good at dancing, he's trained his body to exude every emotion. He moves and girls react. He stares and girls react. They want him, all of him, and he knows it."
"Well, he and I, Kai and I, aren't like that. We…" Oh shoot, what are we? We have a connection. Fate. That's the best way I can explain but also the most embarrassing way. But why do I feel ashamed to show him off, to show my feelings for him? Is it because what I am doing with him is shameful? Is it wrong?
"It's all a physical attraction. That's how he lures women." No way. He said, forever. "When he's bored, he'll leave you. And you can't blame him, he's young. He's got his whole life ahead of him."
"We aren't that much older than him, you act like we are 20 years apart."
"Kai wants a physical connection and we want an emotional one, am I wrong? Tell me that I am wrong and I'll stop talking." He's not wrong. But I still want him to stop talking. He's making me feel dirty being with Kai. "I love my cousin to death. We both grew up privileged. But we are also in different paths. Kai wants to be a star in the entertainment world. Huge dreams, dreams that I can bet on he will achieve because he is that determined. Do you really think what he wants is a relationship? Someone who will prevent him from pursuing his dream?"
"Kai and I haven't discussed the future seriously."
"And you probably never will while he still has that shine in his eyes. Let's say he does feel the same way, would you want to be the woman that distracts him from that dream?" No way. He has to dance, he has to follow his dream.
"You talk a lot for someone I just met." I'm pissed. I hate Minho for reuniting me with my conscience.
"I'm sorry Evey, I don't mean to hurt you." I can't tell if he's sorry or just playing to his favor. But a part of me has finally stepped off of cloud 9 and is beginning to think rationally about this "thing" I have with Kai. "I don't want to push you. You should decide for yourself. You should decide if Kai is the one or not. It was never my intention to come here and tell you all these things about my cousin, but seeing him here and how he touched you...I couldn't not tell you the possibilities of dating someone like him."
"You could have just let me figure it out for myself, like you just said. You and Hyungsik may be trying to protect me, but it isn't fair to Kai that you have judged him and tried to make the decision to be with him or not for me."
"You actually have feelings for Kai?"
"I think you should leave now, Minho-ssi." I open the door and signal with my eyes to leave. He bows.
. . . . . .
Shock. Complete. Utter. Shock. Then my body feels numb. It's as if all my energy is drained, and it wasn't because of Kai. Minho. Choi Minho. Second heir of KJ Fashion Advertisement. His words, words I tried to block all night, stabbed me on the chest over and over again. Kai is a fantasy. Kai is an alien. Kai is not for me. Kai. My chest suddenly feels like it's closing and I begin to cry harder than I've ever cried before. Kai.
"Evey-ah, it will be OK. You can't let that man tell you how you feel. If you love Kai, then love him. Take a chance. Love him without any regrets." Tiffany encourages me.
"But he's right, Fany. He makes sense. Kai, doesn't make sense. Kai is…unreal."
"That isn't fair. Why can't you have the absolute boyfriend? The man of your fantasies cannot exist, why not? We've played it safe for so long. Remember our dreams? Risk your heart for a chance with Kai, do it not only for us but for you as well."
"Dreams? Kai's dream is to dance, to be a star. I will get in the way."
"Don't do that to yourself! Don't think that you are being all rational here and sacrificing your heart for the man you love when you can't even admit that he is the man you actually love. Forget that he's young, forget that he is the heir of KJ Fashion, forget that he is destined to be a star, those don't matter anymore. What matters is you and him…what matters is you two love each other, I see the way he looks at you. You say that you have this attraction to him that makes you lose control. But what I see is that you put him in a trance. You move, He moves. Love doesn't have to be picture perfect. It doesn't have to be safe. That would be boring, don't you think?" Tiffany winks.
"He is unreal, like extraterrestrial unreal. His demeanor, his looks, his blunt personality. He's brash, arrogant, smooth and rough at the same time. I can't figure him out! He knows things about my body that I've never known. He just understands me, he knows what makes me glow. And we barely know each other, Fany! How is it that he knows so much about me and I'm still trying to figure him out."
"Have you ever thought that maybe that is Kai, in essence, Kai is a 'what you see is what you get' kinda thing? Maybe he is naturally y."
"You would say that."
"I am serious! He has this animalistic way with you. Kai isn't a fantasy anymore, he is raw and real. You act like you are in cloud 9 with him and that he's playing tricks with your mind, heart, and body. But that's obviously not at all true. He's very intense about you and at the same time very cautious. You are the Earth to his moon." Sounds like an 80's love song. "He touches you in even the slightest manner and it's always just enough to light you up and I know he gets your body glowing for days." Her ual innuendos roll off her tongue so easily today. Must be influenced by Luhan. "You dating Luhan? You two an item? You met him in what, less than 24 hours. You move fast girl!"
"Shut up, and yes we are dating. That's the thing, we don't sit and calculate it. We just do."
"But it's a physical attraction, you are confident that your relationship won't end as quickly as it began?"
"Yeah, it's a risk we are taking. We want to give each other a chance, what's wrong with that?"
"That doesn't make you nervous?"
"That's the thing Evey! You can't over think this. You shouldn't over think it. You gotta think like a guy more!"
"Be like a guy! That's a stupid reason."
"Listen, Kai is close to an absolute boyfriend of your dreams. We say it plenty of times: your fantasy made flesh. You either can take the chance or walk away from it. But I'm telling you, you're gonna regret it if you don't choose to take a chance."
My head hurts, my heart hurts. I am over thinking it. I'm also a coward. So I flip a coin and let fate decide for me. Tales I risk my heart, heads I go the safe route and end it with Kai for good. Here's to fate. The coin falls and hits the ground...
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