Chapter 15 Rebound
Lovefool
Have you ever felt stuck? Like your mind is telling you to move, but your body just won't respond, won't listen, there's a disconnect and you lose all feeling, numbness settles in and you are stuck, lost…
I find myself burying my head on my knees just wanting to disappear into the walls and be removed from reality. But my body won't respond and I just wrap into fetal position and try to forget what I just saw. It would have been better if I didn't see that girl with Kai. It would have been better believing that he still had slight feelings for me. But that's the difference between fantasy and my current reality. Why tails? Why did I have to find that coin and see it facing tails? After three months Kai has moved on. And I'm still feeling eternally lost.
. . . . . .
That was me 4 weeks ago, now, after one month, I have been trying to remove myself from that wall zone. I can't believe I am flying in a private jet to New Caledonia. Luhan and Tiffany thought it would be a good idea to have a quadruple date in a far away place. They introduced me to a friend of theirs who will be debuting with them as their main dancer of the group. I actually met their friend at a fashion show our company participated in at Busan. The fact that my girls and their men are trying to help me move on from Kai is the main reason why agreed to this. They've been so supportive of my ghost-like appearance these past months and after a good long cry and a slap on the face by Taeyeon I realized how extremely pathetic I became. It's obvious that living in limbo, a dream world, a zone between fantasy and reality, was just not healthy. Plus, seeing that Kai is married now, my attempts of leaving this wall zone has been long overdue.
"You still mad at me for slapping you?" Taeyeon leans her head on top of my shoulder.
"No, I needed it." It snapped me out of my depressed state. That slap, Kai being married, and Sehun have been my wake up calls. It's all relative. So long as I continue to believe that things will be better in time, I can start acting like the person I once was, pre-Kai.
"Sehun is hot right?" She's talking about my "date." My date for, what she calls, our 'romantic getaway.' The only thing I will gripe about my "date" is that Sehun is like a few months younger than Kai. But oh well, I'll accept my cougar ways to have fun and forget about everything, in particular, someone.
"You did well, Taeyeonnie, thanks." I wink at her. She really did. I mean what's the best way to get over a guy? Time, and a new guy, and one that is just as hot or hotter than the previous one. Again, she did really well.
I've been starting to write songs again thanks to my experience with Kai. Before this trip, I met Sehun at a fashion show he was working at. He was always getting man-handled by overly attentive and handsy male makeup artists and female stylists. Poor guy, his looks were a curse. He actually approached me introducing him as a friend of Luhan's. That evening we stayed up all night talking about music. It was pretty much like just a friend thing, he's seen me in my worse state, he was over at my penthouse during my collapse from my Kai-shock 4 weeks ago. He's also been really supportive like Luhan and Baekhyun.
It seems our circle of friends have become oddly blended. Kai has been busy with his new position as president so before I saw him that night at his penthouse I actually never bumped into him at all. Sehun has been very careful around me. He's aware of the little history Kai and I had. I think Luhan and Baekhyun spoke to him about it. Anyways, here we are, off to New Caledonia and the floating bungalows. It will be romantic for the girls, but for me, it will just be a nice escape. I still believe in fate though, that will never waiver. I mean, whatever happens with Sehun and I in New Caledonia is up to fate, and I guess up to Sehun 'cause last time I tried to take the lead it ended, well, me in the bathroom and Kai in bed having a bit of pain in the southern region….I think I need to get slapped by Taeyeon again.
. . . . .
Sehun takes hold of my hand as we walk towards the water with Baekhyun and Taeyeon running around us like adorable school children.
"Noona?" He's so adorable. I look up at his porcelain face, he kind of reminds me of Luhan. "Are you having a good time?"
"Of course, Sehun-ah." I actually really am having a good time here.
"Umm, with me I mean. Are you having a good time with me or do you wish you were with him?" It seems this is a question he's been wanting to ask since he found out about Kai and I. I turn to him, and wrap my arms around his waist. I can see he is getting nervous as he begins avoiding my eyes. I grab his head and direct his face to look at me.
"Don't ever compare yourself with Kai, understand?" He nods the most adorable of nods ever. I take his hand this time and lead him to the water. It's April so the water is too cold to enter. But the lagoon still looks beautiful under the moonlight. He stands behind me with his arms around my neck and rests his chin on the top of my head. We stand like this with my back on his chest for a while staring at the waves. Suddenly a wave threatens to engulf us and he carries me back away from the water. We laugh at the sudden attack of the waves and his quick reaction. I wipe off the wet hair over his eyes with my sleeve and he leans over to kiss me. At first I thought his destination is my lips, but instead it's my forehead. The kiss is sweet, soft, and appropriate.
"I'll be back, noona. Wait here." Sehun dashes off towards the Cabana Cafe where Luhan, Jongdae, and Tiffany are at. Jongdae's girlfriend had a recital so she couldn't come with us. But the guy is actually having fun even without his girlfriend. He reminds me a bit like Baekhyun. Easy going, a bit hyper and mischievous, and his shyness reminds me of Luhan. It will be exciting to see these guys debut. I wrote a song that Sehun ended up giving to their manager. Their manager said he gave it to the SM president. I don't actually think it will go any farther than that. But it would be nice to have the boys sing it. I wrote it in both Korean and in English. The meanings of the song changed when it was translated into Korean. Two sides to the song, two meanings, fantasy and reality…
"Where did that boy go?" I look around for Sehun and notice that I am alone by the water, Baekhyun and Taeyeon disappeared too. After a few minutes, Taeyeon shows herself and leads me back towards the water.
"We need to talk," she says. Baekhyun joins us after a couple minutes.
"What's wrong?" Both of them are acting weird.
"Umm, nothing just wanted you to join us again." Weird.
"Where's Sehun?"
"Ooh! You like him!" Taeyeon could be a little childish, but she's adorable that way so we don't mind much. Baekhyun lets out a sigh after she says it. He doesn't seem to like the idea of Sehun and I.
"Stop, we aren't like that. He left me by the water and said he'd be right back. I'm going to the Cabana." I move towards my destination only to be stopped by Taeyeon.
"I really need to talk to you actually," she insists.
"While you two talk I am heading back, I'll tell Sehun you are looking for him." He kisses Taeyeon and tickles her making her giggle for joy and she grabs him for another kiss. Just too cute for words these two are.
"Come, we need to speak in private." We are the only ones by the water, how much privacy does she need? We go back to our bungalow and Tiffany joins us shortly after. Taeyeon's talk was about her future with Baekhyun, she wants to know if we think Baekhyun is husband material. I think she is scared to lose him when he debuts.
"Ya, he is going to be an idol. If he's married, I don't know how that will look in the company's eyes when they debut."
"Wah! I want to keep him by my side forever!" Taeyeon dramatically collapses on the bed. I pat her back. I look at Tiffany, she's thinking the same thing but is trying not to show it.
"You OK?"
"Things will change when they debut, huh?" Suddenly I feel like the oldest one in the room. Tiffany joins Taeyeon in a cry fest. This is not the 'romantic getaway' I would have imagined for my friends. I step outside to the patio looking over the blue lagoons. I phone Baekhyun to tell him that Taeyeon is depressed and to tell Luhan that Tiffany needs him too. Tiffany comes out and tells me Sehun is coming with a surprise. Her eyes were red. I go over to her and tell her to wash her face.
"Your beautiful boyfriend is coming over. Get ahold of yourself. Ya, Taeyeon-ah! Baekhyun is coming now." She immediately runs to the bathroom to adjust her makeup.
"Noona! You here?" Sehun has the most adorable lisp. Ugh, I just find him so cute. And there are moments, like at the airport, where he was stared at by so many people, and I get overprotective. I don't know what I feel for him, really. There are other moments, like at the beach, where he protected me from the waves and he leaned towards me to make a move, that I can see myself falling for him. But it's too soon and I'm still not completely over Kai despite my attempts. He knows this too. And it wouldn't be fair to go further with him when my heart hasn't healed yet. I leave the bathroom and see him with a big smile on his face. Usually he's very chic and has a blank face void of emotion. But since coming to New Caledonia he's loosen up. He's wearing slim cut blue denim jeans sitting dangerously low on his hips and blackwatch tartan dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He looks enticing. These are the moments where I begin to see him as a potential. He can be both cute and y, what a catch.
I begin feeling proud that I actually had thoughts about another man for the first time since Kai. I run to Sehun and kiss him on the cheek. He is surprised and doesn't know how to react. I look up at him and laugh at his awkwardness. "Come on, we have a bungalow for ourselves." Oh boy. Fate. We walk towards the third pier of bungalows. He wraps his arms around my neck and over my shoulders to keep me warm, and we walk together, him standing directly behind me and matching my stride. He's so adorable, I really can't say that enough about him.
The new bungalow stands across from the one I just came from. Tiffany waves at me and gives me a salute as we make our way to the second tier of bungalows. Luhan surprises her with his arms around her and a kiss from behind. Those two really are in love. The bungalow looks a bit like mine, except slightly larger. Sehun stuck his head into the bathroom and quickly came out looking past my questioning look. I take a peek into the bathroom and see the tub filled with rose petals, and candles were scattered around the room and on the floors but were not yet lit. How romantic. I see why Sehun ran away.
"Oppa, how did you get this bungalow?" He asked me on the flight to New Caledonia if I could start calling him oppa. He wants people to think that he is older and therefore more mature despite his age. I told him I would call him that if he'd promise to do a modeling stint for our boutique. We shook hands and laughed about our deal.
"A friend gave it to me. Let's go for a walk, this time it will be just us?" He smiles at me and his puppy dog eyes make me say yes right away. The next morning I woke up with the sound of trickling water and waves. I look out the window and see bright shades of blues. I am in absolute paradise. I put a blanket over Sehun who's sleeping on the couch. I change into my navy and white polka dotted bikini and go outside to get a better view of the lagoon and soak up some sun. As soon as the sun hits my face I feel a calmness. Sun therapy. I lie on the patio chair and close my eyes. As soon as I do, I think of him. Disappointed in myself I get up and splash some water on my face. Seriously, Evey, you are in paradise with a handsome man in your bungalow yet you think of Kai. His sun-kissed skin would look stunning under the rays and in the water he'd look se- I let out a scream out of frustration.
"Noona!! Where are you?" Oops. Sehun is awake.
"I am OK." He peers out the window. His sandy hair in a mess, bed head never looked so good on a guy. He rubbed his eyes and scratched the back of his head. Woah. I try to shake off an image of Kai. Sehun's mannerisms are similar… I put my glasses back on, across the way, I see a dark haired man standing at the bungalow across from ours, Kai? I close my eyes and rub them because it is bad enough to be thinking of him but now my mind is playing tricks on me. I am safer inside the bungalow.
Sehun is showering and I begin editing one of my latest songs. Writing has become therapy for me. The song is called "Bleeding Love." I hear the door move slightly. It's locked so I see the door knob trying to be turned. "Who is it?"
"Open up!" Sounds like a girl, but it's not Taeyeon and Tiffany. They are the only ones besides Luhan and Baeks who know we are here. Reluctantly I open the door and in storms a thin young woman.
"Where is he?!"
"Who are you looking for?" You psycho.
"My husband!" Say what?
"I know that you think you can try to seduce him with your mixed looks, but he's still my husband and I will not let you or anyone ruin this marriage." What the hell? "He can't help it, he's naturally y, he exudes it, so back off." She bumps her shoulders against me as she enters the bathroom.
"Ah! Noona help!" Sehun! I run to the bathroom and I see Sehun trying to cover himself up with his hands, but his attempts fail, he's too tall to cover himself like that. The crazy girl stares at him with lust in her eyes. It is my turn to go psycho.
"Ya!" I grab her arm and try to pull her away from Sehun. "He's mine, and your husband isn't here. Now leave!" She won't budge and she keeps staring. Poor Sehun looks scared, he tries to hide behind the glass door. Again, that attempt fails, it's glass, you dummy. I grab him a towel and enter the shower with him. I get between her and Sehun, "You need to leave, now." I say sternly.
She finally snaps out of it. "Well, aren't you a lucky girl." She looks at Sehun up and down, I turn to him and he's wrapped his towel too low on his waist. I yank it up higher to cover his chest and signal for him not to show so much of his pelvic bones and especially cover up every inch of his trail. She finally leaves and I run after her.
"Hey! If your husband is cheating on you, why are you still wanting to be with him?"
"Your boyfriend is really hot."
"Umm, thanks…?"
"My husband is much hotter." She storms out the same way she came in.
"Well, that was, interesting."
Hi Everybody! Just wanted to let you know that I made a Lovefool trailer. Please check it out and comment. Thanks! Find it on Lovefool's foreword :)
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