12.07.2013

10:13 AM

Feeling the warmth of the morning light glaze his face, Seunghyun winced irritably at the pain that almost immediately engulfed his body, most notably his face; and like a child who knows better, he slowly raised his hands towards the soreness and dabbed it slightly, and in that instant, memories of the night past came flooding back into his mind, and an unfathomable pain pierced the chambers of his heart.

Silenced with grief, he looked over to his side only to see Jaejin’s head draped in slumber at the foot of the bed. Curious, Seunghyun lightly tapped Jaejin’s shoulder in an attempt to wake him.

“Hyung…Jaejin hyung…”

No response. He tried once again.

“Jaejin…Jaejin hyung…”

Feeling the futility of his attempts, Seunghyun sorrowfully began to withdraw his hand appropriately from the vicinity of Jaejin’s shoulders, but was stopped abruptly. Surprised, at the response, he shifted his focus back towards the latter, who, despite being asleep, was shedding tears.

“…No…don’t go…please…”

“…Hyung?...”

“I’m…I’m sorry…Its all my fault…so please…don’t…don’t leave me…”

Overcome with emotion, Seunghyun quickly encased Jaejin’s frail hands between his own, and squeezed warmly.

“Jaejin hyung…”

“Please…please Seunghyun…please don’t go.”

…

02.06.2013

9:02 AM

As the fair rays of light graced upon his face, Jaejin slowly opened his eyes in accordance with the luminescent symphony. Scratching his head, he slowly made his way towards the kitchen, whereupon he fixed himself a cup of coffee and smiled fondly whilst sipping the bitterness.. No cream. No sugar. No milk; just the bitter taste of a freshly brewed Americano.

RIIIING

RIIIING

Glancing towards his phone, a shimmer of hope seemed to sparkle momentarily in his eyes, but was quickly dismissed as he read the name of the caller.

Seunghyun

Lazing his fingers over the granite counter, he picked up the ringing device onto the palm of his hands before setting it down again. Walking away from the kitchen, Jaejin settled himself down within his private studies. Ignoring the mound of papers that had accumulated upon the mahogany desk, he opened the drawer located to his adjacent and withdrew an old photograph from its archives and looked upon it longingly. Taken soon after as celebration of Hongki’s discharge from the psychiatric ward, the photo depicted a smiling Jaejin, Hongki, Seunghyun, and Minhwan. Tears began to trickle sparsely down his face.

Two months had passed since that day – the day Hongki had severed all ties with him and left him alone. Two months since he had apologized to Seunghyun for his wrongdoings and irrationality. Unlike the younger whose happiness had been restored from the moment he heard Jaejin’s voice, Hongki had completely disappeared; vanished into thin air. His number having long been disconnected, even Hongki’s apartment was now being rented to someone else. For all Jaejin knew, Hongki truly was gone and it was that exact notion that continued to eat away at the fragile pieces of his heart. Never mind the guilt or sorrow. What had hurt him the most was that he had lost Hongki – he had lost his love, and that by it’s own right, continued to immerse him deeper within his depression.

RIIIING

RIIIING

RIIIING

RIIIING

It was Seunghyun again and, although tempted to reject the call, Jaejin denied himself and answered the phone apathetically.

“Hey, Seunghyun…”

“Hey Jin hyung! Had a good morning!?” the latter answered brightly.

“It’s alright.”

“Awww don’t be like that! You have to enjoy this beautiful morning hyung!”

A sorrowful smile formed upon his face.

“I guess.”

“Anyways how are you?”

“I’m fine” he replied flatly.

Silence graced the line for some moments.

“No luck with Hongki hyung?”

“…No…you?”

“He hasn’t called me either…but…I think I might know how to find him Jin hyung. Actually, I am sure I can find him.”

His hopes rising from Seunghyun’s optimistic statement, Jaejin hurriedly asked, “How?”

“Simple. If Hongki hyung refuses to reach us, then all we have to do is to reach out to him.”

…

Unsure, and somewhat nervous, Jaejin continued to follow the chirping and optimistic silhouette of Seunghyun which continued to skip jollily ahead of him.

“...Tell me again exactly how you know this guy again?”

Turning back, Seunghyun happily held onto his guitar as he smiled fondly at Jaejin’s nervous figure.

“I told you…I used to be in a band with him back during my high school and early college years. He’s real cool so stop worrying hyung.”

“Seunghyun…I –“

“We’re here.”

And before he knew it, Jaejin found himself being ushered into a radio broadcast room. Anxious, he wobbled clumsily about the myriad of people and broadcast equipment around him. Looking back, he found Seunghyun’s beaming face right behind him, and like a child, Jaejin felt thankful and comforted with the younger behind him, because for Jaejin, Seunghyun was his anchor; the unmovable pivot from which he drew the will to live.

“Seunghyun!”

Turning forward, he saw a tall, fairly built young man walk towards him. His face chiseled and refined, the fine lad bore casually a large pair of headphones on his neck, and upon locating Seunghyun, he embraced him in a warm hug.

“Yonghwa hyung! It’s been too long! How have you been?!”

“I’ve been good! Host of my own radio show now so looks I’ll finally be able to rake in some actual money.”

He winked slightly at Jaejin, who smiled awkwardly in response.

“So is this him?”

“Yup.”

Ruffling Seunghyun’s hair, Yonghwa teased affectionately, “Still trying to help everyone, huh?” Patting the younger’s back lightly, he walked over to Jaejin and extended his hand. “So you’re Jaejin. I heard all about what you’re going through from Seunghyun. You ever  sing on a radio before?”

“..No…” he said shyly.

“Well it’s nothing special. It’s just like a karaoke. Of course, the only difference is that its being broadcasted all over the nation rather then being confined to the comfort of a private room. Have you chosen your song?”

Jaejin nodded his head.

“Well, looks like we’re all good then. Just come on over into the room and take your seat. When I give you the que, you can start singing and hopefully everything will work out! You ready, Seunghyun?”

“Anytime, Yonghwa hyung.”

“Lets get to it then.”

Stepping into the recording room, both Jaejin and Seunghyun took their respective seats behind the microphone. Tuning his guitar, Seunghyun nodded his head at Yonghwa, who, after signaling five with his hands, donned his headphones, indicating the start of broadcast.

“Evening today ladies and gentlemen and thank you for once again, joining us here at Fish’n Cake Music. If you remember, last week, we held a lottery in which the winner would be granted the chance to come to our station and sing live to the nation and like promised, we have selected our lucky winner! Please warmly welcome Mr. Lee Jaejin into your hearts as he prepares to sing! WHOO!”

Clapping his hands, Yonghwa signaled Jaejin, who, at queue, leaned his head into the microphone in preparation for this portion of the broadcast.

“Well Mr. Jaejin! We’re really glad to have you here today and also really excited to hear you sing. But before, I just have one question.” Winking at Seunghyun, Yonghwa continued, “Are you going to dedicate this song to anyone?”

Nervous, Jaejin began to awkwardly rub his neck as he shakily remarked, “Well…Yes…”

“Oooooh is it you’re girlfriend?”

Laughing difficultly, Jaejin spoke, “Ah well no…not really…its just that I…I hurt somebody in the past…I really did them wrong…and well since then, they cut off all contact with me. If they’re listening right now, all I want to say is that I truly am sorry for what did. A thousand words couldn’t suffice for what I did.” Tears began to softly form in his eyes.

...

Sitting idly by, Hongki found himself bored beyond belief as he stared intently at the clock, which hung directly in front of him. It was midday, and like any other in the city, the bar was empty. Void of customers and void of life, Hongki began to shuffle lazily through the available radio channels in hopes that he would find some amusement to spend his time.

“Shuffling through the radio now, are we?”

Alarmed, Hongki immediately turned to his left, whereupon stood an old man, with a towel draped over his left arm.

“No need to get so alarmed. I’m not going to fire you for looking bored, Hongki. It’s slow during midday. Just make sure you clean the tables when you’re done.” Throwing a playful smile at the adolescent, Hongki smiled back before focusing his attention to the radio again.

“If you remember, last week, we held a lottery in which the winner would be granted the chance to come to our station and sing live to the nation and like promised, we have selected our lucky winner!”

This sounds interesting.

“Please warmly welcome Mr. Lee Jaejin into your hearts as he prepares to sing! WHOO!”

Jaejin? No…it can’t be that –

“Well Mr. Jaejin! We’re really glad to have you here today and also really excited to hear you sing. But before, I just have one question. Are you going to dedicate this song to someone?”

“Well…yes…”

Hearing his voice, an impulsive wave of anger and betrayal swept over Hongki. It was his voice. The voice of Lee Jaejin. The one person who, in his greatest time of need, coldly betrayed his trust and lied to him. It was despicable. It was hateful. It was repulsive. Still, despite all his longing to shut off the radio, Hongki found himself unable to, because, a tiny fraction of his heart, still firmly held onto the faint, childish hope that perhaps one day, things would go back to the way they used to be.

“Oooooh is it you’re girlfriend?”

“Ah well no…not really…its just that I…I hurt somebody in the past…I really did them wrong…and well since then, they cut off all contact with me. If they’re listening right now, all I want to say is that I truly am sorry for what did. A thousand words couldn’t suffice for what I did.”

“It must have been hard.”

“It was and even today, I still wonder why I made such a foolish choice.”

“Well hopefully, that special person will be listening to this broadcast, and at the end, find it in their hearts to forgive you. So what will you be singing today?”

“It’s a song called Tears.”

“Tears? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a song called “Tears” before. Whose the artist?”

“Well…I am. It’s a song I’ve written the lyrics to and arranged with my friend.”

And like a slow glowing ember, Hongki felt his heart radiate with slight warmth.

“How nice. I’m sure our fans are looking forward to it so without further adieu, Tears by Lee Jaejin ladies and gentlemen!”

Some moments after, a slow rhythm of an acoustic guitar was resonated throughout the air, and with it, a light, soft, melodic voice, which in conjunction, created a most harmonious, heart warming symphony of genuine purity.

Within this dim room,

I see myself in the mirror

And can’t help but think,

That I’m such an ugly creature

And here I am again, alone and desperate,

Still longing for you,

And here I am again, shrouded in sorrow

Still thinking about you as I call you

It’s fine if you get angry

It’s fine if you make me cry

Please, just look at me again

Just talk to me again

I don’t care if you laugh at me

Or if you curse at me

As long as it’s you I’m talking to

Within this cave like room,

I feel like a piece of dust

And can’t help but think,

That I’m such a despicable creature

And here I am again, alone and desperate,

Still longing for you,

And here I am again, shrouded in sorrow

Still thinking about you as I call you

It’s fine if you get angry

It’s fine if you make me cry

Please, just look at me again

Just talk to me again

I don’t care if you laugh at me

Or if you curse at me

As long as it’s you I’m talking to

I see myself in the mirror

And can’t help but think,

That I’m such an ugly creature

And as the song came to its close, Hongki felt the tears fall gracefully from his eyes. Grabbing his effects, he hurried out of the bar to the one place that could bring him closure.

...

Having parted with Seunghyun, who elected to stay at the radio station, Jaejin trudged on in a lonesome fashion into the empty confines of his home. Tired and drained, he slouched on the sofa and the TV and stared at it lifelessly. Ever since Hongki had severed all ties with him, time had stopped indefinitely for Jaejin, and the things that once brought lighted brilliance into his life had grown sullied and dull.

He yearned for it. He yearned desperately for closure; to forget Hongki. To forget that everything that had happened. He longed frantically for it. But contrary to his wishes, his heart continued to beat against his will, transforming life into one, long, indefinitely uninspired journey for him.

KNOCK

KNOCK

Sluggishly revolving his head towards the door, he dragged himself to the wooden entrance. Placing his fingers upon the golden knob, Jaejin opened the door and thereupon, tears began to fall from his eyes.

“H-Hongki…wha –“

However, even before he was able to complete his sentence, Jaejin was pulled abruptly into a chaste kiss, full of passion, dominance, and most of all, desperation. And although he wanted to believe the man that stood before him was doing this in genuine want, Jaejin couldn’t help but feel insecure about what was unfolding. Gasping for air, the kiss was broken as roughly as it was initiated, and upon its break, he questioned, “Hongki…what…what is this? What do you want? Please…just…can’t we go back to the way we were? I’ll give you anything…anything so please…just…just tell me what you want.“

“Jaejin.”

Looking at the poor boy, Hongki stared directly into his eyes, and as he did, released himself from the chains of his anger into the depths of his heart. Nothing mattered to him anymore. Nothing but the boy in front of him.

“I want you.”

And just like that, the dormant flames of passion were rekindled, and as they both released themselves to their wanton lust for each other, a genuine smile formed upon both their faces.

A/N: And just one more chapter before the story ends! I want to thank everyone for the support until now because i seriously would not have gotten here without you guys! Thank you!