c h a p t e r 7

"I'm finished eating!"

She came skipping up to me in the kitchen while I tried to flip the eggs on the pan, which takes epics skills, by the way. "What?! I just finished cooking the-----urgh, fine then. I'll go get the car keys." Oh, the story of my life. "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, you don't need to drop me off. Boss is picking me up today," Wow, that's what I really did not want to hear. I looked at her. Amber leaned on the kitchen bench and picked up one of the granny smith apples I bought at the mart the day before. I bought two kilos without thinking. They were on sale.

"Yeah, I know, he was being so retarded last night. He wouldn't get off the phone until I said he could pick me up so yeaah," she bit the apple and shrugged. I wanted to yell at her. Is she really accidentally on purpose trying to hurt me by telling me this? Does that even make any sense? Do I confuzzle your brains?

The door bell rang.

I looked at Amber and she smiled widely. "Ooh, he's here," she practically ran to the door and took a deep breath before opening it. "Good morning, Amber," And there's the voice I really do not want to hear either. "G-good morning," Amber Liu stuttered. She flipping stuttered. And it's because of him. I don’t want to live on this earth anymore. "You look pretty today," he said. Amber blushed. My heart ached.

If I were smart, I would've walked to my room and shut all the unwanted noise out. But I'm not. I'm an idiot.
I'm not usually an idiot, but Amber Liu is making me into one. She’s done that ever since I met her, which is almost my whole life, so instead of walking away like a person with a brain would, I cut in and joined the party.

"Baby, your lunch," I crept up behind Amber holding a doshirak with a grin, which soon fell when I actually saw him. There he was; all 6"2 of his enormously tall, unbelievably good-looking, incredibly rich, immensely smart, near-perfect self. I gave him a hard look. Do you get the message, Kris Wu? I'm not happy to see you. You are the biggest eyesore in my life. He says nothing but just stares back. Great, the feeling's mutual.

"Thanks, Xing. I'll see you later," she said, taking the lunch box happily. Ha. You should've seen the 's face when Amber gave me a smile and a hug. "Be safe," I half-smiled at Amber but I don't think she noticed the half-glare I gave her precious fiancée. "Sure. Love ya," Amber spoke. My throat went dry and I started to wonder if she knew how brokenhearted I felt. I didn't even have time to look at her boss' mortified, good-looking face, because at that moment, I just wanted to ask: When you tell me you love me, do you really mean it?

He recovered quickly and smirked coolly at me before taking Amber’s hand in his. I winced. She looked up at him before blushing and smiling. He smiled back at her. A smile that said, 'You're a girl I can't help but love.' That feeling was mutual too.

I couldn't take anymore of it.

From the window, I watched Kris Wu drive off in his black Lambourghini with my whole world sitting right next to him in the passenger's seat. I wonder how much it costs. Probably more than what I earn per annually. I am once again reminded of the harsh fact of life that Kris Wu was as close to perfection as one can get. How could I possibly go against him?

"Morning, Laynicorn," I heard the door open then slam shut. "Hey, Soojung," I muttered. "Has Ambiebambini gone to work?" she asked. I just grunted. "Hey, are you alright?" she asked after a while. I said nothing. Jung Soojung does not get that I don't want to talk to her. It's fine. She won't be Jung Soojung if she suspected the obvious.

"Lay," I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked over and tried to smile or at least come up with something sarcastic, but I apparently didn't have the capacity to do either. Krystal looked at me, her eyes filled with worry. "You'll be fine. You're the Almighty Zhang Yixing, remember?" she said with a sad smile. "I know it hurts, but she's happy. If he can make her happy then that should be enough."

She had a point. I didn't know how the hell she knew or when she started knowing, or if she had a third-eye or was a mind-reader or something like that, but I gave her a wobbly smile and a nod.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I nodded in agreement, trying to convince myself of my own words. She gave me a sad smile and a hug for the brokenhearted. Thanks. I really needed that.

=========================================================================================================================

I don't know...when it started.
When did she begin to make my heart flutter like it was on high or something?
When was she able to put butterflies in my stomach just by smiling like a cute idiot? When did she start looking so pretty in my eyes doing whatever the heck she did? When did I start feeling anxious whenever she’s not within my range of sight? When did I start realising...that she was the most beautiful person to ever walk on the face of the earth and that I can't possibly imagine being without her?

Was it when she told me she didn't want to go to US to live with her family but go to Korea to try her luck there, using her own strengths? No, I think it was before that. Yeah, it's definitely before that.

So when did it start then? Was it when she high-fived me when she learned that we got into the same university and she looked even more prettier under the cherry blossom trees? Or was it when I felt jelly for the first time in my then-17 years of existence when Amber started going out with her first boyfriend/one of my best mates Luhan? Or maybe it was when I saw them two walk into the school hall on prom night and turn heads, looking like Cinderella and Prince Charming, hand in hand?

No, I think it was before that too. Maybe...it was when my mother brought me to the first day in kindergarten and introduced me to her best friend's pretty, boyish daughter who offered me the burnt chocolate-chip cookies she made.

But wait, that was the first time I ever laid eyes on her. Did it...really start from the very beginning without me even knowing? She’s been in my life for so long and I always thought she was reserved only for me that it literally feels like my heart is being torn apart piece by piece every time I hear the words 'Kris', 'Amber', 'fiancée' and 'marriage' in one freaking sentence.

Oh, who am I kidding? It was even before that, wasn't it? I should've known she liked him a little bit more than just as a good boss. No, I did know. I just pretended I didn’t. I just shut out the annoying little voice inside my head, taunting me to get a move on my if I didn’t want to lose her completely. I knew it. I knew she liked him so well.

Every time Krystal brings his name up, she'd call us dorks and try to look away before we see her red face. Every time she'd stay at work later than she’s getting paid for just to keep him company and I'd feel nervous, I should've known. Those odd moments when we're out shopping and she'd buy a pack of vitamin tablets for her overworked boss out of her own money and my eyebrows would furrow, I should've known. I knew so well when his birthday was around the corner because she would usually spend a week trying to think of the perfect gift for him. She'd even ask me questions like, "If you were born in a billion-dollar family, is good-looking, talented and smart and lacking na-da, what would you want for your birthday?"

And I guess it was the fact that he never forgot her birthday too, that made me feel even more pathetically insecure. When he was always so especially nice to her and would drop her off when the sky gets too dark to let a woman walk to the bus stop by herself after work, I'd feel insecure. When he would bring flowers and some imported medicine from Japan whenever she got sick, I'd feel even more insecure. When he'd want to take her away for a business trip for days and she'd come back, excited to tell us about how she spent at least half their time together visiting tourist sites or eating at cultural restaurants like an actual holiday, I could feel myself getting even more and more insecure.

I'd feel my self-esteem shrinking and shrinking every time I saw Amber next to him, talking about him. I felt like I was nothing to Amber compared to him.

And maybe now that they're planning on spending the rest of their lives together I really will eventually become nothing to Amber. Picking her up and dropping her off everyday is just the start. Soon they'll be going on dates frequently, then their wedding day will come. It'll probably hurt like hell. It'll probably feel like my whole world just slipped away from me, and maybe she did, but I know it won't hurt as much as knowing that it won't end at just that. They're not just married; they'll be married, stay married, and I'll be here in my apartment; alone and miserable. It's what I get for loving a girl who never loved me back that way too much, but I don't regret it and I don't hate her because I can't.

And that's what scares me the most.