( Jonghyun's pov )

 

" don't ever give up on her... " " you'll regret it next time.. " Taemin's words has been echoing in my head these past few days. " how am I to not give up when there isn't any progress after so many weeks?! " I ruffled my hair and lean back on my chair, looking up onto the ceiling. 

 

They always say, if your feelings are not reciprocated, that certain feeling will just fade overtime. In the end, you'll still need someone there to receive the feeling you're giving out wholeheartedly.

 

I sigh and closed my eyes. I have been so negative about my feelings for these past few days. I can't help but wonder what would happen if Jihye doesn't get her memories back? Will she fall for another guy..? Will she date someone else? Her life will just go on normally while I'll be stuck in the past waiting for her, whom is already so far in the future. I can't imagine... 

 

" I think I need some air. " I mumbled to myself, trying to clear my mind from all the negative thoughts corrupting the positive ones. I guess when you don't get something you want, you'll just start to feel panicky and see everything in the negative light. 

 

I grab my jacket from the coat hanger and walk out of my apartment to the lift. Before I could press the button of the lift, it's door open and there stood a familiar blond hair guy. 

 

" Key? What are you doing here? " 

 

" Jonghyun!! Is that how you greet your best friend?! " key said in his usual diva-ish tone and folded his arms with one eyebrow raised. I just forced out a chuckle to his sarcastic comment. I can't seem to react with more enthusiasm to key right now. 

 

" Jonghyun? What's wrong? " Key, my best friend. Key, the guy who fell in love with the same girl I did but kept his distance from her because he wants to let me have her. Key... Kibum, the person I could tell anything to. 

 

" want to go on a walk with me at the park? " I look up at him with an small grin. 

 

" sure, let's go for your lovey dovey walk. " he grinned at me and threw this arms around my shoulder, infecting me with some of his optimism while walking into the lift. 

 

----

 

" whoa this kind of autumn, is the type of autumn that I love. "

 

Key said enthusiastically as we came out of the lift to be greeted by brown leaves scattered around the floor, somehow making the whole view more full and beautiful. The fresh cool autumn wind hit my face and a genuine smile played on my lips. 

 

I've always loved autumn, it makes you feel like you could survive another day in this ever changing and difficult world.. 

 

" how's Jihye? " 

 

" Jihye? " 

 

" yeah. It's been a week since I saw her. " 

 

" she's ... Alright I guess. She found a part time job and is currently working part time. " after key's reply, irrevocably, silence hung in the air. A comfortable silence though. 

 

" Kibum.. " 

 

" hmm? " 

 

" have you.. Ever thought of chasing after Jihye? " the silence this time, was defending and I turned to look at key. He was bitting his bottom lips and frowning. 

 

" ... Well.. Yes. " he let out a sigh and swept the autumn leaves into a pile with his feet. " but.. There can only be one. " 

 

there can only be one? 

 

" wha- " 

 

" Like these autumn leaves... In order to provide the beauty of autumn for people to appreciate and enjoy, the leaves would have to sacrifice and wither.. " he paused and stopped sweeping the autumn leaves. 

 

" likewise.. I would gladly sacrifice my feelings in order to let the love between my two good friends blossom. " key looked at the pile of leaves he had swept up with his foot and.. Jump onto it. 

 

" Only I have the power to do that and I will do that all over again to see the happiness in you and Jihye. "

 

Happiness in me and Jihye? Will we ever be happy? 

 

" what makes you think.. That Jihye will be happy? " Key turn around and look at me, shocked written all over his face. " what are you talking about Jonghyun? Why wouldn't she be happy? She loves you and you love her! Won't two people who are in love be happy together? " 

 

I let out and sigh and averted my eyes from his. " Key, Jihye lost her memories remember? She doesn't even remember me despite me spending a day with her at the place where we had the most memories. Do you know how much it hurts to see someone that you love so much going through the day without being shaken by you? Do you know how stupid I felt when I literally spent the whole day trying to give her the best and showing her the memories that I have treasured so much to find out that, hey she doesn't exactly feel much about it? Can you stand it when you see the girl that used to be always with you through you best and worst times to cower away from you now? " 

 

I let out another sigh and look back up to key. 

 

" I really hate living like that key. It's so tough, so damn tough to control my emotions. I want to just run up to her and hug her like I always did last time.. But now? Now I can't even hold her hand or comfort her whenever I want! " 

 

I felt my eyes stinging, this is so hard, but I can't break down. Not now. And not ever. 

 

" I love her Key. And because I love her, I think it's better if I let her go. She can't keep trying to live in the past when the future is building a road for her to walk on. I can't keep holding her back from moving on with her life. And maybe we should all trying to hold back someone who has the option of walking into a greater future. " 

 

" give up on her? Jonghyun! How could you say that? I understand that you want what is the best for her, you want her to be able to move on but she wants her past Jonghyun! Shouldn't you let her make her own decisions before getting out of her life again?! " 

 

" like you said, this is the best for her. I want to let her move on before she remembers. Because.. If she remember it.. It will be difficult for her to move on! Don't you see Key? She will be traumatized that certain past that she had forgotten will stay imprinted in her mind! She won't be able to move on after that! " 

 

" you've got to let her make her own decisions Jonghyun! I know it will be difficult for her to move on.. But if that is what she really wants, don't you think you should be there to guide her, to aid her in moving on? Don't you realize that even if she don't remember now she's going to remember sometime later! And when she does, the person she would need the most will be you Jonghyun. You. " 

 

" Me being there will just make it painful for her. I was the one that made it all happen for her. I was the one that made it difficult for her. If I am out of her life, she will live better right? She will live happily like she did before I appeared again after she lost her memories. She will be happier. " 

 

" Kim Jonghyun! " Key shouted in aspiration. " stop trying to persuade me Key, because I have just made up my mind. " I then close my eyes and let the autumn wind ruffle through me. 

 

-----

 

( Jihye's pov )

 

" yes! I knew it! " I smiled and took the key happily from under the flower pot. Kibum is so easy to figure out. Who would put a flower pot in a high class apartment building doorstep? Only Kibum. I laughed softly and shook my head while opening the door to Kibum's apartment. 

 

" KIBUMMMMM!! " I shouted once I step into the apartment. Nothing but the echo of my own voice came back at me. " hmm? He's not at home? " I took out my shoes and walk into his room, open ending the door slightly and popping my head through it. 

 

" Kibum? " 

 

No reply came. I struggled and was about to close the door but.. Kibum never allows me to look through his room much.. I wonder.. I stifled a grin and hit the light switch. The whole room came into life and a familiar room with light blue walls and oak furniture a came into view. 

 

Wow his room is still as neat as ever. Keeping a grin plastered to my face, I approached the certain drawer that he had never allowed me to touch. 

 

" Let's see what is your secret Kim Kibum. " I grinned evilly and open the drawer. My grin instantly disappeared when I saw what was in the drawer. Something very familiar to me yet.. I can't decipher what it was to me. 

 

" A recorder... Why is this in here..? " without thinking, I picked up the recorder and looked through the whole thing. This recorder it feels so.. So similar but I.. My eyes landed on the play button and before I could stop myself, the button was pressed. 

 

" dear diary...... "

 

-------

 

Hey guys!!! 

Sorry for being gone for so so long T.T

I finally finished my exams!!! (On Monday)

I was busy working for the past two days sooooo.... 

Haha and here's a double update to //hopefully// make up for it!! 

I will be updating more often from now on BUT, I will be editing the front chapters because there is a whole lot of spelling errors :/

Well I should be updating the day after tomorrow so watch out for it!! 

I hope my writing didn't deprove haha

Till Friday! 

 

// sorry if there are any spelling errors!//