The rumours were true. Those crazy sasaeng fans’s incredible investigative skills were no joke. He and Park Bom really were in a relationship before. They were great together, they understand each other, they loved each other with a great passion, and he could not imagine anyone more perfect than her. Then Kiko came. Everything changes.

They say if you have an interest in another person while in a relationship, leave for the second person because if you really love the first person, you wouldn’t go for another. He lived by that rule at that time. But being young and stupid, what did he know about love, really? He left Bommie for Kiko.

It was like a chain and Bommie seems to know what was coming. She had this kind of situation before. He knows because she told him before they started going out. He used what her last ex-boyfriend did to her. He was a jerk, he knows that.

He ignored Bommie's calls. He ignored her texts. Avoiding her in the buildings, getting out early after rehearsals and saying he was busy was his routine for almost a year. She found out about Kiko through the rumors. She caught them red-handed at the boys' dorm while he and Kiko were spending time together watching DVDs. The boys never knew about him and Bommie but he was open on telling them about Kiko. Now that he thinks about it, Bommie was always his little secret.

It made him feel guilty. But there was nothing he could do about it. The fight was ugly. It involved a lot of tears and screaming. A very broken Park Bom and a Kwon Jiyong who has probably moved on the instant the fight was over.

His relationship with Kiko has its ups and downs. They went on and off over the years but they always ended up together, again and again. He did not understand the relationship himself but he knew he felt safe whenever he was with Kiko. Familiar, fun, comfortable. Everything Park Bom was.

But with Park Bom... He found something else. He was more alive. He knows that and regret consumed him like there was no tomorrow. Rubbing his chest to calm his heart down as if that would give any help, he looked at the view below.

There was one specific place down the road that he and Park Bom would sneak out every night and see each other. Ice cream, corn, kisses, hugs, hand holding, joking around. More chest rub and a few puff of smoke, he felt a tear escaped his right eye down to his cheek.

Even though he denies it every time people ask about his crush on Park Bom, saying that his friendship with Bom was a love-hate kind, he could not lie to himself. He loves Park Bom. He still loves Park Bom with his whole heart. He could not let her go but he knows that she already moves on, especially when the dating ban is now lifted. He almost went nuts at every guy approaching him to ask about Park Bom.

And he heard from one of the staff that Park Bom was dating someone at the moment. Someone who is a celebrity from the music industry. That was just a rumour, it couldn’t be real. Not until he could confirm it with Park Bom, anyways. True or not, he was sure that relationship is not going to last long because only idols could understand other idols better. He remembered during her trainee days, how that dumped her because he could not understand how busy she was.

But he was not any better, wasn’t he? He was one of the s that fcuked up her heart. But Park Bom was a goddess not only in name, but also for beauty and at heart. She forgave him for everything even though he did not deserve any little bit of it. That was why there were awkward moments with them sometimes but not enough to break their renewed friendship.

There was that one day that they stayed at the Teddy’s recording studio. Four years after they broke up, he finally had the courage to ask her about their break up. It broke his heart when he heard her reply.

She talked in a calm manner while smiling gently, “I understand Jiyong ah. I should have not gotten too emotional that night and I could have done better. I love you too much. I was not ready to let you go.” She stopped talking, fiddling with the ring on her left forefinger. “I love you still but I know you love Kiko more, that’s why we never got back together, right?” She still smiled, “It pains me to see you so happy with Kiko. It hurt me so much that I thought about committing suicide. But Youngbae and Daesung convinced me not to, checking up on me 24-7 just to see if I’m still alive.” She chuckled. “They’re so cute. They’re such grownups. I guess maturity knows no age?” She said as an afterthought. It would be cute if the matter wasn’t so depressing. “But it is okay now. I know we have to be professional in front of the cameras but you know that I’ll always be cheering you on like a crazy fangirl behind the stage and among the audience, right? I want us to be best friends again, together with Youngbae. And Tabi. And Mingkki. And Daesung-ie. And Ssantokki and Cielroo. Even that prick, little Seunghyun.”

“Do… Do you hate me, Bommie-yah?” He asked with great difficulty.

“Ani… I love you too much to hate you. And one day, maybe I’ll be able to move on and give that love for someone else.”

It was the last sentence coming out of that scared him more than anything else. That she might move on and didn’t love him anymore. That one day, he was just Jiyong-goon or G-Dragon-sshi to her. What if her calling him of his nicknames such as, “Jingyo~” or “Gaho-papa” and “y collars” were gone just like that? Who was he kidding, she never call him those anymore. He noticed that the absence of her sweet names calling started after their breakup conversation. He missed that. He hated missing her all the time.