I hit the wall of my room with my head and slunk to the ground. Partly because of the pain and shock from the crash, but I was also panting pretty hard too.

‘It can’t be…I can’t…’ The words kept repeating in my mind, over and over again.

‘Do I ever get a chance? A chance to make you happy…instead of confused, instead of sad? Do I have a chance to love you?’ These phrases also ran through my brain at the same time.

I was suffocating. There was too much to take in.

I had been faithful, and had, in my mind, promised to be faithful to Junsu. Anyway, it should have been ME making HIM make that promise. He was an international idol. I was just his caretaker, and now, house cleaner/keeper. What was so special about me?

Gasping, I regained my balance, stood, and shakily, walked to the restroom, where I grabbed a glass of water.

I thirstily drank the cool, smooth, liquid, hoping to come to my senses again. I felt no change.

Stumbling back to my room, I flopped on the bed and put a hand above my face.

“BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!” The buzzer rang for the fourth time that day. (Manager, Nichkhun, Junho and Chansung = three times already)

“Chansungie!!!” I yelled. I wasn’t about to get up from my rest. “Will you let the rest of the 2PM boys in for me?”

“MMMMMPH!” I heard the ‘yes’ in Chansung language, and heard the door click open.

Almost immediately, I regretted not telling Chansung to also tell the boys to be quiet as they entered the house. It was nighttime, and the neighbors wouldn’t be pleased if the boys were too loud, plus my headache would get worse at the loud noise.

“Where’s Eun-Gyo?” I heard Junsu ask
.
“In her room, I think she’s not feeling too well. She usually comes to answer the door and welcomes you guys back, but she asked me to let you in today.”

“Hmmmm…”

I heard foot steps come towards my room.

“Eun-Gyo?” The soft voice called out to me.

“Y-y-yes?” I croaked back.

“You feeling unwell?” The door was shut and a moment later, I felt Junsu’s cool hand against my forehead.

“Just a little. I don’t feel sick. My head hurts a little.”

“Poor thing. You’ve probably overworked yourself. Get some rest.” Next thing I knew, Junsu had leaned downwards and gave me a kiss on the forehead.
Right where it hurt. Just what I needed.

Junsu drew away and was proceeding towards the door. I had an urge for him not to go.

“Junsu…” I whispered.

“Hm?” I heard him return to my side.

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t…”

I felt a heavy weight on my bed, and heard a creak. Then, Junsu’s arms were around my waist, pulling me towards him. I sighed and closed my eyes.

This is the feeling I always want to have. Being safe and secure in your arms.

Suddenly, I had a flashback to when Nichkhun, also took me in his arms. They were different from Junsu’s.

Junsu’s were more soft and tender, gently embracing me, but enough force to close in on me.

Nichkhun’s were not rough, but very sturdy and manly, and I could feel his arm muscles tighten around me.

…Wait, no! This isn’t what I’m supposed to be thinking about.

Someone…Help me…


I woke up to the chirping of birds. Morning, no doubt.

I looked over to my side and realized that Junsu was gone. I felt a pang of guilt, for thinking about someone else before I fell asleep, and sorrow, for not catching Junsu when he woke up, to say goodbye, and good luck.

I sighed and shuffled to the kitchen, still wearing what I wore yesterday, and grabbed a glass of milk.

“Morning…” I heard his voice from the couch.

“Junsu?” I moved closer to the couch to confirm. Sure enough, there he was lying on the couch, having just woken up from his slumber. “I didn’t see you when I woke up. I thought you’d already left.”

“No silly, it’s only 6:00 A.M. in the morning. We don’t start our schedule until 7:30 A.M.”

“Then…why are you sleeping here? I thought you were going to be by my side.” I knew I sounded selfish, but I couldn’t help it.

“I was going to…”

“What?” I frantically asked. Did I snore or drool and it was unattractive to him? What had made him decide to leave me? “Did I make it uncomfortable for you?”

“I was physically comfortable,” Junsu began, and I noticed some hurt in his eyes. “I was also mentally comfortable too, ready to fall asleep with you in my arms until…”

“Until what?” I was dying. Why was he talking like this? How had I hurt him?

“Until you whispered ‘Nichkhun’ and ‘help me’ in your sleep.”

My blood ran cold.

NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I felt extreme sympathy for her as she lay in her bed. She looked pale and in pain.

I smoothed her hair and kissed her forehead tenderly. The poor thing needed sleep. I knew I should have convinced the other members not to load her with so much!

As I drew away from her, I prepared myself to inform the members.

“Junsu…” I heard a hoarse whisper from her.

“Hm?”

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t…” I held her hand and she sighed.

I had the urge and I couldn’t stand it anymore, I decided that I’d stay the night in Eun-Gyo’s room.

Climbing near her onto the bed, I tried not to disturb her, as to make her headache worse, and gently lay next to her.

Wrapping my arms around her, I felt her relax at my touch and also, held my arm in return.

This is how I would love to live the rest of my life. With her in my arms, the scent of her sweet shampoo, her whispered inhaling and exhaling.

As I felt her relax even more, I tightened my arms around her, getting the notion that she was falling asleep. I, too, could feel my eyelids getting heavy and I breathed outward and began to close my eyes.

“Nichkhun…Help me…” I heard his name murmured, and I was wide awake again.

How could that name have come out of ? Maybe it was a mistake, perhaps she’s having a dream and I was just hearing bits of it and it wasn’t how it seemed.

Even so, I felt my heart rip at the name, and I slowly took Eun-Gyo’s arm and pried it off my arm. Then, ever-so-gently did I slide out of the bed and tiptoed towards the door.

I took one last glance into the dark room, and then quietly closed the door.

I sniffed and ran my hand through my hair.

‘Dammit!’ I beat myself inside.

Making my way to the living room, I noticed the time. It read 2:20 A.M. All other members were in their own rooms, sleeping, I presumed.

I shared a room with Junho, and I knew he was a pretty light sleeper, and I didn’t want to wake him up if I crept to my own bed, so I settled for the couch.


I opened my eyes and groggily stared at the ceiling, and then looked at my watch to read the time. Then I heard shuffling coming towards the living room/kitchen area.

‘Great,’ I thought miserably. ‘It’s probably Eun-Gyo…No one is ever up more than an hour before 2PM is picked up for activities.’

“Morning,” I found myself saying, and a little louder than I intended.

“Junsu?” I heard her coming towards the couch.

‘Ah no…this wasn’t what I wanted…”

“I didn’t see you when I woke up. I thought you’d already left.”

“No silly, it’s only 6:00 A.M. in the morning. We don’t start our schedule until 7:30 A.M.” I shouldn’t have called her ‘silly.’ It made me sound way to chipper and happy, which I was the exact opposite of right now.

“Then…why are you sleeping here? I thought you were going to be by my side.”

“I was going to…” I began.

“What? Did I make it uncomfortable for you?”

“I was physically comfortable,” I continued. Should I really be telling her this now? Yes…I need an answer… “I was also mentally comfortable too, ready to fall asleep with you in my arms until…”

“Until what?” I could tell that she was innocent by her impatient and frantic voice. She couldn’t recall what had happened.

“Until you whispered ‘Nichkhun’ and ‘help me’ in your sleep.” I blurted. There, I’d said it. ‘Now I want a clear explanation’ is what I would have said if I didn’t notice her face grow white at my comment.

“Uhm…” I heard her voice waver.

That was not a good sign. Was it because she KNEW she’d said it but was hoping I was asleep when she did? Or was she struggling to remember or come up with an excuse? I really didn’t know. All I knew was that I was confused just as much as she was.

“I really said that?” A worried expression crossed over her face.

“Yes. Yes you did.” I kept a straight face, hoping that she’d get the hint that I wasn’t joking or pulling anything.

“I-I-I-I’m so sorry.” I saw tears begin to pool in her eyes.

‘Great.’ I thought again. ‘I become so weak when she cries or gives that expression before she’s about to cry.’

“It’s time we have a talk…” She somberly said.

This wasn’t the line she was supposed to say. This is the part when she cries, begs for forgiveness, saying that she was having a dream, and it was just bits and pieces that she’d said in her sleep.

I didn’t say anything. I just nodded.

Eun-Gyo sat down next to me and drew a deep breath in and out.

“Nichkhun and I talked yesterday, in the afternoon, while you and some of the others were shooting the variety show.”

“Wait, this talk is private, Eun-Gyo. How did you two make sure Junho and Chansung didn’t hear?” I was confused again. This was a private matter.
Eun-Gyo swallowed.

“It was just the two of us, Junho and Chansung decided to go shopping because of their free time.”

I was starting to get frustrated and angry. I knew that this was a private matter, and that the talk between her and Nichkhun should have been just between them, but they were alone in the dorm together? I would have expected that at least one other person was in the place, maybe not in the same room, but still!

“What did you tell him?” I said icily.

“I cried, told him that I didn’t have feelings for him at the time and cried some more. Apologized.”

“Then what’s the problem?” I demanded.

“He…He embraced me,” She confided.

‘HE WHAT?!?!?’ I screamed in my head. ‘This guy is SO dead when I see him!’

“And I didn’t exactly…push him away.”

My head snapped up.

“Are you telling me that you actually have FEELINGS for him?” I growled. That’s right. She had said ‘…told him that I didn’t HAVE feelings for him…’ It was in past-tense. A sickly feeling entered my stomach.

“NO!” Eun-Gyo cried. “At least…No…I don’t…I don’t think…”

I couldn’t believe that this was happening. After all the effort and time I’d used to make her mine, it still wasn’t enough for her to not think of other men? I punched the couch pillow.

“Junsu,” She began to plead, and I batted her hand away from mine.

“Just leave me alone!” I almost shouted. “I need some time to think. And so do you.” I said a little more quietly.

I got up from the sofa and went into my and Junho’s room. It was now 6:30 A.M. and Junho would be up. He wouldn’t mind if I barged in now.

“What’s wrong?” He clapped me on the shoulder as I charged angrily into the room.

“I don’t want to talk about it now.” I shrugged him off and opened my closet, trying what to decide to wear.

‘Seems like I need to have another talk with that guy…’ I ground my teeth. I didn’t even want to say his name. No more ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ for you…