Kyuhyun gulped as he knocked the door of the room; he knew everyone was sleeping already, for God’s sake, it was just three in the morning but he couldn’t sleep at all.

And somehow, Kyuhyun knew the one behind the door he was knocking couldn’t sleep as well.

There was no response and Kyuhyun felt his heart clench at the mix of feelings he was getting. “Hyukkie,” he called closing his eyes and waiting outside the room; his head hanging down and his fists clenched in desperation in frustration.

He’s been standing there for almost an hour already and the man inside didn’t open the door. “Hyukkie…, please… let’s talk…,” he whispered fully knowing the one he loved was listening just because they were connected like that. “Hyukkie…,” and his voice broke as he felt a warm tear roll down his cheek

One more hour passed and Kyuhyun was still standing there; he gulped the knot in his throat before opening the door himself; he closed it behind him and rested his body there, turning his head towards the bulge under the blankets.

“Hyukkie…,” Kyuhyun called now walking towards Hyukjae. “Hyuk… I’m sorry…,” he said with his heart in his hand, giving it to Hyukjae to take, to do whatever the other wished to do with it.

“Go away Kyuhyun,” Hyukjae said when he felt the new weight in his bed. “I don’t want to talk to you now,” he continued biting his lower lip; because truly, Hyukjae didn’t stop crying ever since their stupid discussion on the kitchen.

Kyuhyun swallowed his own pain, his own ride, his own self. The only thing he wanted was for him to listen Hyukjae to say ‘I love you Kyu,’ once again, that was everything he could ever wish for. Was he too selfish? “Hyukkie, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to-”

“I’m tired Kyuhyun, please go,” Hyukjae said coldly, but Kyuhyun knew him too well, he knew Hyukjae was weak, he knew he touched a very sensitive topic that afternoon; he knew Hyukjae has been crying all by himself because Kyuhyun has been such a coward for not giving the comfort he needed when he, himself, was the guilty one.

“Hyukkie…,” Kyuhyun mumbled crawling on the bed and placing himself by Hyukjae’s side, the other was covering his face with the blankets, making Kyuhyun unable to see his face. “I’m sorry… I really am Hyukkie… please… it hurts… it hurts so much for me to be away from you… Hyukkie… I lied… please forgive me…,” he begged with tears shocking him, with his heart exposed.

Hyukjae didn’t even move, but Kyuhyun knew the other was crying for himself, he knew Hyukjae was probably even more hurt than himself. Stupid him. “You have nothing to apologize for…,” finally the smaller mumbled, almost as a soft whisper. “You did nothing wrong…,” he continued not even looking at Kyuhyun. “You didn’t lie either… it’s true I was the guilty one and it’s true I’m ugly… I won’t even ask myself that twice…”

Kyuhyun felt his heart clench again, as if Hyukjae was squeezing it with his words. It was painful, so painful Kyuhyun wanted to cry out loud, he wanted to shout that it wasn’t true, that Hyukjae was the most beautiful person in this world; that he couldn’t live without the other. But why was it so hard to talk now? Why couldn’t he even move his body? Why couldn’t Kyuhyun stop looking at Hyukjae still covering himself with the blankets? Why was Kyuhyun so stupid?

Seconds passed; they didn’t move, Kyuhyun felt his tears run down his cheeks and he finally dared to take away the blanket from Hyukjae’s face.

Hyukjae quickly turned around and covered himself with his pillow. “Don’t look at me,” he mumbled giving his back to Kyuhyun. “I’m ugly… just leave Kyuhyun… please…,” and his voice broke as his tears flew down again; unable to stop even after hours of doing so. “Please Kyuhyun… I beg you… leave now…”

Kyuhyun wasn’t going to obey, he was so frustrated. Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did he say something he didn’t even think? “Hyuk…,” he reached for Hyukjae’s shoulder and made the other tense at his touch. “I’m stupid Hyukkie… really stupid… so please forgive this idiot man that is crazy for you… this man that can’t live without you…,” he turned Hyukjae around until they were looking at each other and he smiled.

Hyukjae bit his lower lip and looked away ashamed. He knew his eyes were red and puffy, his lips swollen, maybe all his face was. His cheeks were covered in tears, his hair messy and his skin ugly… he was awful, how could he even try to be normal when he was that detestable?

The tears started going out once again and Hyukjae bit his lower lip hardly, almost making it bleed as the thought of Kyuhyun being disgusted by him ran through his head.

“Hyuk… I’m sorry… but you know I’m an idiot, I’m a fool, even if the Lord placed the most beautiful creature in the universe in front of me, I couldn’t see it, I was too blinded by his beauty that I ended up thinking it was unreal… that everything was a dream…,” Kyuhyun cupped Hyukjae’s sobbing face. “But Hyuk… now I realize…,” he shook his head. “No,” he said smiling softly. “Maybe deep inside me I have always known that there’s nothing prettier than you that I found the necessity to make it human, you’re perfect, there’s no one as beautiful as you… I’m crazy, I’m a fool, but Hyuk… I love you… so please… just this time… forgive me…” Kyuhyun begged.

Hyukjae closed his eyes tightly. “I…,” he mumbled covering his face with his hands. “I hate you Kyu…,” he sobbed.

Kyuhyun smiled. “I love you,” he repeated taking away Hyukjae’s hands from his face and leaning closer to kiss his forehead. “Stop crying Hyukkie… because you break my heart… your tears are venom that kills me slowly and painful… your beautiful smile in the cure… Hyukkie…,” he called now pecking Hyukjae’s eyes and cheeks, his nose and his temple.

Kyuhyun kissed almost all Hyukjae’s face, hoping to realize that he has been wrong for his entire life, because his life never actually was his but Hyukjae’s. How fool he had been thinking it was otherwise.

When Kyuhyun finally found Hyukjae’s lips, he noticed he was shaking, he was afraid and happy, his heart didn’t feel as heavy as before. Was that happiness? He smiled before capturing his beloved’s lips against his. “I love you,” he repeated once and then twice, just as many times it would be necessary to win Hyukjae’s heart again, promising to himself not to break his lover anymore.

That night when Hyukjae fell asleep out of tiredness in his arms, cuddling against his chest; Kyuhyun swore to never, ever in his life, be that stupid again.