Hyukjae forgot it. He forgot Kyuhyun was the one that would always be by his side. He forgot that Kyuhyun was the very first person who actually believed in him. He forgot Kyuhyun was the love of his life; that Kyuhyun loved him as much as he did, that when they held hands together everything seemed to be right in the world, that without Kyuhyun, all places seemed to be darker.

Hyukjae forgot that Kyuhyun was his entire life.

And now he was there, holding Kyuhyun’s limp and cold hand, hoping for his love to open his eyes, to hit him, to curse at him.

Because he deserved every piece of hate Kyuhyun had to offer.

And he wouldn’t mind, everything he wanted was for Kyuhyun to be alive again, to take away that damn machine that was helping him to breathe, to disconnect the other one that told Hyukjae he was barely living.

“Kyu…,” Hyukjae sobbed kissing Kyuhyun’s cold hand. “I’m sorry…,” he whispered for nth time that minute. He wouldn’t get tired of it, he couldn’t.

Why was Kyuhyun like that? Why wasn’t him? Hyukjae was supposed to be the one at the end of the gun shot that night. He was supposed to protect the love of his life because he knew, he wouldn’t be able to live without the other. Kyuhyun wasn’t supposed to rescue him from those dangerous guys that night he went out of their house angry. Kyuhyun wasn’t supposed to follow him.

But he was mad then, he was jealous and he couldn’t even remember why. Maybe because he felt he was losing him, maybe because he was insecure. Maybe because he unconsciously thought he wasn’t good enough for the other, that Kyuhyun was way too perfect for him, so perfect that he even thought he wasn’t human but an angel.

Probably Kyuhyun was even more perfect than an angel, or a God. Kyuhyun was everything for him.

But Hyukjae, he was nothing, he couldn’t understand why the other loved him, why he stayed by his side even when he had nothing to offer. That night he went out from the house after having a fight, he enrolled into a fight with some gangsters and when one was about to shot at him, he saw how Kyuhyun fell slowly to the ground, blood coming out from his body endlessly.

Hyukjae forgot how much Kyuhyun loved him.

Hyukjae couldn’t help his mind to remember those beautiful moments of the first time Kyuhyun kissed him, the first time Kyuhyun made him his, the time when Kyuhyun proposed to him and gave up on everything he had just to be by his side.

Why was Hyukjae so selfish?

“Kyu…,” Hyukjae begged, “please Kyu… my love… please…,” he closed his tired eyes, red from so much crying, painful for so many days being awake.

The machine started sounding strange. Hyukjae panicked, standing up and yelling to the nurses to come and help him, doctors following instantly.

The machine was indicating there was no life left for Kyuhyun, it was indicating Kyuhyun was death.

But no one was ready to accept it, even less Hyukjae. “Kyu! KYUHYUN!” he yelled trying hard for his love to hear him. “KYU!”

And the machine was fine again, the same beating, the same noises that now sounded so perfect.

After almost an hour, doctors and nurses went out again, making sure Kyuhyun was fine.

Hyukjae walked to his spot again, sitting down and holding Kyuhyun’s cold hand, squeezing it lightly and not even minding on drying the tears running down his face. He kissed Kyuhyun’s cheeks and lips softly, wanting Kyuhyun to wake up.

Hyukjae forgot what life was, he forgot how to take care of himself. Nurses would try to make him eat but he would refuse, they would try to make him drink at least water but he didn’t want to. He was going to wait for Kyuhyun, as much as he had to.

Hyukjae was pale, he was weak, he was thin. Hyukjae was dying.

And then Kyuhyun’s eyes opened slowly and Hyukjae smiled. “Kyu…,” he called caressing the other’s cheek softly with his thumb.

“Hyukkie…,” and Kyuhyun’s voice was weak and shaky. “You’re pale… and thin…,” he commented bringing his hand to caress Hyukjae’s cheek as well.

Hyukjae placed his hand over Kyuhyun’s and closed his eyes, pressing himself against the now warm touch. “Kyu…,” he called opening his eyes. “I’m sorry…,” he said whole heartedly.

“There’s nothing you must apologize Hyukkie…,” Kyuhyun said pulling Hyukjae closer to him. “I love you…,” he whispered with a shaky and weak voice, only meant for Hyukjae to hear.

Hyukjae smiled softly as well. “I love you too,” he said before pressing his lips tenderly against Kyuhyun’s.

And Kyuhyun closed his eyes forever, just at the same time as Hyukjae. Their hands holding together, their breathe stopping at the same time, their heart beat synchronizing into an agonizing but heavenly pause.

Because in that very minute, Hyukjae forgot how to live as well.