So I decided to put this up now instead of later just because I feel like I want to send this message out to you all now ^^ I know it can't make much of a difference but I hope you all read the Author Note at the end and give it some thought <3 

I used to be able to hear. I used to be able to speak. Confessing to my 4th grade crush was the last time I ever spoke. I heard his words, so full of rejection and disgust. 

'No. You're ugly and weird and I hate your voice'

I heard the teacher yelling at me to come back.

'Chihiro Takahashi! Stop running! Tomare! You'll get hit by a car if you're not careful! Tomare!'

I heard the car approach and the tyres screech to dodge me as I ran across the road in embarassment, my pigtails flailing in the wind.

'Chihiro-chan! Chihiro-chan!'

***

I heard the screams of my fellow 4th grade classmates until I passed out and hit the ground with a hard fall straight onto my ear. This combined with the trauma and emotional heartbreak left me deaf and unwilling to speak. I miss hearing things. I miss hearing the sound of pots and pans and the sound of sizzling food. I miss the sounds of my mother singing in the kitchen to her old 80's favorites and I miss the sound of chopping onions. I've read that a boy's voice changes as they begin to reach age 14 and go through puberty. I've never been able to hear a boy's voice crack. The television subtitles told me about Luciano Pavarotti's death and how he was one of the finest tenors of the 20th Century. I've never heard him sing. I've watched countless movies where the girl confesses to the boy she loves and they gaze into each others eyes, sealing their mutual feelings with a sweet and passionate kiss. No one would ever date me. I can't speak. I can't hear. No boy looks at me twice. 

My name is Chihiro Takahashi and I am deaf and mute. I communicate through sign language and I can lip-read other people. I do not go to school and instead run a store at the local market selling sweets and treats to tourists and citizens. I make the best taiyaki in town. Boys are attracted to my face; they like me for my looks and will come to the store I run every day just for an excuse to talk to me. I can only smile though. When they realise I am deaf and mute, they look disappointed, walk away and never return. I suppose there's no fun in pursuing a girl like me. A girl with flaws. A girl who isn't... perfect.

I'm an interesting person to talk to, I swear. My favorite movie in the world is Spirited Away by Hayao Miyazaki and European culture fascinates me. I'm a girl too, damn it. I like to look at good looking boys in the hopes that one day, my very own prince will come and sweep me off my feet, not caring that I'm deaf and can't hear him and not caring that I can't speak to him either. I like to live in my own world of fantasy where my imperfections make me perfect and no one will judge me for what I am. 

There was not a day that went by when a single person would stop and do something kind for me. I'm handicapped. Why would someone want to do something nice for a handicapped person? It's not like I can give anything back. My view on humanity was low. I dealt with the same ordeal everyday: a drunk man late at night gets angry with me, a lady buys snacks for her children, some girls come and snigger that I'm not at school, some boys come and state how sad it is that I don't speak and can't hear. However, that all changed that night. The night of the festival.

He was there with a girl. A Korean boy, stunning, with milky skin and luscious golden brown hair that had been gently tousled. He wore a yukata and looked like an angel in it. The girl he was with was beautiful too, also dressed in a yukata. I watched as he dragged her towards my stall running as fast as he could, his hair blowing all over the place from the breeze and his eyes shining brightly when he saw the little market shops. He caught my eye instantly. I've never had a customer like him before. I remember the look of concern he had on his face when he saw that the girl was having trouble breathing from all the running they did and how apologetic he was towards her. Even after they had come and gone from my stall, he looked at her in the way I thought only existed on my television screen. 

When choosing the hairpin for her at the old lady's stall just a few spaces down from mine, he his lips and rubbed his nose again and again, just wanting to pick the right one for her. The way he looked at her when she closed her eyes and stood in front of him, completely trusting his judgement... It's something I long for. He looked at her with utter adoration and care and she was his first priority when they started running away from their friends again. And if he's already the perfect gentleman, the girl he was with has imprinted an even better impression on me. 

She was... truly something. I guess I'm honoured to have even met her. She probably doesn't realise it but she made me experience the first act of... love? Kindness? It was because she told him to that the boy did what he did. She's purehearted and I just had to give something back to them both. I know it wasn't much but it was really all I could give. 

After losing almost all my faith in humanity, it gives me pleasure to find that there are still good people around. It gives me hope that he wasn't disgusted by me- that that beautiful Korean boy didn't look at me as if I was crazy. He held my hands and made them clasp onto his change, telling me to keep it. That it was for me. For me. 

And the girl didn't laugh or point or stare when she realised I was mute. Sure, she looked surprised but she was reassuring. She took hold of my hands, smiling, not judging me at all. 

Just treating me like a normal person. 

Meeting the two of them has taught me something- a life lesson for all girls. It's that no matter what you don't like about yourself, be it your appearance, grades or personality etc, someone will think you're the greatest thing on this earth and that they will treat you as if you are perfect because to them, you are. You are perfect and no one can take those perfect imperfections away from you.

I wanted to make this a lesson I think all girls need to learn- including myself. I think we all get hung up on being 'perfect' but really... What is perfection? To some, its tanned skin and to others it's pale skin. To some, it's having the right haircut and to others it's getting the highest grades. There is nothing that defines what 'perfection' is. Perfection is what you make it to be and so I say we make ourselves the model for perfection. Stop trying to be someone you're not just for a guy you like. If he doesn't love the real you, then he won't truly love you for the amazing person you are.

We complain that we're too ugly for the guy we like or too fat for him or that he'll never love us but the way I see it, if he says no because of your outer appearance, he's useless. How can a guy who is so narrow-minded to only look at the cover of the book without reading what it's about, be right for such a perfect person such as yourself? The guy you're looking for will come along eventually. Don't rush it and look back and realise it was a mistake. Heck, I'm almost 17 and I still haven't had a first kiss which in this day and age, is kind of unheard of. I'm waiting for the right guy to come along, make me feel safe and be mature about life. He'll know that girls shouldn't be dated by their appearances but by their personalities. It's what's inside that counts. 

We all aim to please. It's in our human nature. But why aim to be perfect and please everyone all the time? It's hard, I know, but we should all stop caring so much about other people's opinions of us. Those who'll judge you based on appearances and without giving you time to explain yourselves are not worthy of being close to you. We'll all find our prince charming one day, I can gurantee it but till then, we need to stop the negative thoughts about ourselves, the endless bashing about not being pretty enough for our crushes and realise that we're all beautiful in our own unique and special way.

and if your crush tells you you're ugly or fat or stupid or anything like that, tell me. I'm going to go teach that douschebag a lesson he'll never forget. I love you all <3