Sometimes Yongguk let me go to work with him. He had a really nice couch that I could lie on in his office and I jumped at the opportunity to go with him. I had no problem getting up early in the morning if it meant I could spend extra time with him. The best place in the entire world was whatever place Yongguk happened to be and so that was exactly where I always wanted to be.

The only downfall to these days were my boyfriend’s co-workers. I couldn’t stand any of them. I knew they called me the mental patient when they thought I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t sure how they had found out about my condition but they did and there was nothing I could do about it. They all teased me about it, but I never told Yongguk. I didn’t want to cause problems. I caused enough for him.

Normally I felt the best at Yongguk’s office but on this particular day I had chosen not to take my medication. It had been making me feel tired and bloated and I wanted to be completely lucid while I was with my boyfriend. It was poison anyway. It hadn’t been my best choice. There were voices arguing in my head but I couldn’t understand what they were saying. Sometimes when this happened I understood, but most of the time it was just loud arguing. It seemed like it was in another language.

I tried to make the arguing stop but no matter how much I squirmed or whined or fought with them they wouldn’t go away. It must have been obvious because I was in the middle of trying to make the voices shut up when I felt a hand on my waist. I flinched away from it but opened my eyes. My boyfriend was sitting on the floor next to me and pulled his hand back when our eyes met. “Himchannie? Are you okay, Himchannie?” He spoke slowly, he always spoke slowly when he thought something was wrong. I wondered if that was something my doctor had told him to do. Just the thought upset me and I pushed him away from me. He was working with that bastard.

You know he’s giving you bad medications, right Himchannie? He wants you to be dependent on him. He wants you to be fatter and uglier so you won’t ever leave him. He’s trying to poison you with those medicines Himchan.

I covered my ears and Yongguk’s hand moved like he wanted to pull them down but he stopped himself. He never touched me when I was like this. He didn’t want to. I assumed he was afraid that he would catch it. He didn’t want my crazy. I shut my eyes again, praying that everything would just be silent.

“Himchan?” He grabbed one of my wrists and gently pulled it off of my ear. “Channie, it’s Guk. It’s me. Open your eyes Baby?” I shook my head, whimpering softly. He wasn’t helping at all. “I’m right here Baby. Everything is okay.”

I reached out for him and was more than thankful when he pulled me into his chest. There was so much noise. It was so loud. I couldn’t even tell what was being said and it made me feel like I was going to explode. “Make it better… Please… make it better?”

His grip tightened. It was probably obvious that I hadn’t taken the poison. He was probably mad at me. I didn’t want him to yell at me like the voices but he didn’t understand what I was going through. “Did you take your medicine today Baby?” He kissed the top of my head. He didn’t sound mad, but I knew he was.

“I don’t like it Guk… It’s poison… I don’t want to take poison… but the voices…” I wanted to cry but I didn’t want to embarrass Yongguk. “They’re so loud Guk… I’m sorry Guk… Don’t be mad at me…”

He sighed and released me. I tried to grab for him but he was out of my reach.  You can’t even make him stay. He doesn’t love you. You know that right?

“Channie? Sit up?” His voice was suddenly next to me again so I did what I was told. I wanted him to love me. His arms slid around me. “Take your medicine okay?”

“No. It’s bad. Poison.” I mumbled. It didn’t make sense for him to give me poison when I was asking him for help. “I don’t want it Guk…”

He pulled me even closer to him. “It makes the voices stop talking Baby. You want that right?” His fingers ran through my hair. He was being gentle and the voices kept telling me that he was trying to give me poison. I wanted them to be quiet. “They’ll be silent if you take it.”

“I want them to be quiet…”

“I know Baby. That’s why you have to take your medicines. If you take it then I’ll take you out for dinner when I get off work. How does that sound Baby?” He kissed my forehead and massaged my scalp. I knew he was trying to make me give into him and take the poison. It was like he didn’t understand the poisons were what was making me sick. I don’t know how he thought they were making me better. They weren’t! “You can even have soda.”

I wasn’t allowed to have soda anymore. Yongguk said it might keep me up at night and then make my condition worse. I really liked soda. I sighed but opened my mouth. He put the poison in my mouth and poured some water in. I swallowed the poison and scooted away from him. “I took the poison…” I showed him my mouth, glaring when he gave me a soft smile. “Nap now…”

“Okay Baby. Thank you for taking your medicine. We can go anywhere you want for dinner.” He got up from the couch and helped me get into a lying position. The blanket was put down over me and then he kissed me. “I love you Himchannie. Have a good nap okay?”

__________

So here is unmedicated Himchan. He's not a good place. That's all I have to say about this chapter really. I hope you enjoyed it. 
Also I decided that I'm going to update on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I go to school all day on those days. If the story gets too long I might add another day. It depends. I'm still writing it. 
Well I'll see you all again on Tuesday. 
I would appreciate comments~ <3