The poisons were evil. I had thought that for years but after they had put me in such a horrible state my mind was made up. Yongguk was giving me poisons. There was a chance he didn’t know what they were, and I was going to let myself hang on that chance. I didn’t like the thought that Yongguk was poisoning me on purpose.

After much thought I decided that I would just fix the situation for him. Each day when Yongguk gave me my pills I would hide them under my tongue until he had left and then I would flush it down the toilet. I was sure I would stop feeling like garbage after all of the poisons had left my system. They were why I had the voices in my head after all. The screaming in my head would surely go away once I had detoxed.

“You don’t look very good Channie.” Yongguk sat next to me and ran his fingers through my hair. I had told him that I wasn’t feeling well, but he only thought it was a stomach bug. “Are you sure you’re getting better?” I nodded my head even though it was a lie. Three days had passed and each day was worse than the last. The voices were making me ill. I was dizzy and wanted to vomit constantly. “You’re really pale.”

“I’m fine, Guk.” I tried to bat his hands away from me. He was hovering and it was annoying. My head was screaming at me and Yongguk wouldn’t stop talking. I couldn’t listen to both at the same time. I rolled over and puked in the garbage can I had placed next to the bed. So dizzy. “I just need water.”

Yongguk nodded his head, pulling his hands away from me. I was more than pleased that he understood my desires. “I’ll go get you some then. Would you like to take your sleep medicines? At least that way you won’t be throwing up any longer.” He sounded hopeful that I would take the poisons. I wasn’t going to make him happy though. I shook my head and he sighed. “You sure?”

“Positive.” I didn’t need them, but I knew he wouldn’t like if I told him that. He understood that I didn’t like them, but he was still making me take them. Fortunately he wouldn’t force me to take the sleep poisons in the middle of the day if I didn’t want to.

He ran his hand along my forehead, wiping the sweat away. “You feel terrible though.” His arms slid around my body and he sat me up against the wall. “It would be better to sleep, don’t you think? Then you won’t be able to feel this way?”

That was something I would have loved. If I could just suddenly feel better that would be amazing, however, poisons were not the way. I was in detox. Taking any poison would ruin that process completely and I would have to start over. “I don’t want to sleep Guk. Don’t make me sleep?”

He ran his hand through my hair again and sighed. He obviously couldn’t understand why I hated the pills so much, but I knew that wasn’t his fault. I was even more afraid of them after being put in a waking coma by them earlier in the week. I didn’t want to be like that again. Being sick was better than being that way. “I just want you to get better Channie…”

“I know.” I hoped that I would get better soon, otherwise Yongguk would start to think something was seriously wrong. The doctors would surely be able to tell that I wasn’t on my medications. Then Yongguk would make me take them again and I would get sicker. “It’s just an upset stomach Guk.” I hoped my voice was as steady as I thought it was, he wouldn’t believe me if my voice shook. “Can you stay in bed with me?” I grabbed onto his shirt and tugged. I was sure I would feel better if he was holding me.

He hesitated and I tugged on his shirt again. “Okay, you have to promise to try and sleep though.” I whined. I wanted to spend time with him. He clearly didn’t want to spend time with me. “If you nap now we’ll go out when you get better?”

He climbed into the bed next to me and I rolled over so I could press our chests together. His arms wrapped around my body and I buried my face in his neck. I pressed a kiss against his flesh and his grip tightened. “I’m tired. That’s the only reason I’m taking a nap. Not because you’re bribing me.”

“Of course.” He chuckled slightly and pulled the blankets up over us. “Do you want me to stay here until you’re not tired anymore?” He asked. I nodded my head in response. “I’ll be right here when you wake up then Baby.”

When I woke up it was dark in the bedroom, but true to his word Yongguk was still holding onto me. “I love you so much Himchannie…” I heard him whisper. “You’re my life. My whole life. I wish you wouldn’t pull away, I’m not going anywhere so why are you…?” I wasn’t pulling away. I didn’t understand why he thought I was pulling away. “I’d still be taking care of you this way even if we weren’t lovers, you know that right?”

He sighed and stopped speaking for a few moments. I wanted to tell him that I was awake but I also wanted to hear what else he had to say. “You’re my best friend and the love of my life. I would do anything for you. I always would have done anything for you, even when we were kids.

“Do you remember that time I got suspended from school for punching a kid that was bullying you? You came to my crying and said that he’d been teasing you for weeks. I was so angry that someone couldn’t see how perfect you were.” He pet the back of my head and pressed his lips against my ear. “My mother says that was the first time she thought I had feelings for you.”

He stayed silent after that for a long while. He had always been good to me. He had taken care of me for our entire lives. It was really no surprise that I had fallen in love with him. “You’re the person I want to grow old with Himchannie. I want to sit on a porch swing with you when we’re 90 and flirt with each other like we’re still teenagers. You’re the only thing that’s in every single one of my fantasies. Kim Himchan and Bang Yongguk. From day one to the last day.” 

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yay update. i did stuff on saturday so i couldn't update. i have a test in two hours and i'm nervous abou it so i'm skipping my other classes so i can study. so i'm gonna go back to that. byebye~
comments are all sorts of appreciated. I like them.