Thoughts and being Insensitive

Suju Dorm

**Sungmin’s Pov**

Wookie and I were making dinner, and the former was looking at me with a weird expression on his face.

‘hyung? Is there something bothering you?’ he asked me

I shook my head and sighed ‘aniyo…just confused lately’

‘why are confused hyung?’

How do I tell my dongsaeng that I’m not sure about my feelings for my son’s mommy?? That would sound weird…then again we never had a foundation to begin with, we were never friends, we never talked, we have never lived together…are those reasons enough for me to be confused right now?

‘admit it you’re just plain jealous and you like her’ my heart told me…why am I having one sided conversations with myself?? I looked at my dongsaeng and he smiled at me while we has slicing a couple of vegetables and instead of helping him I was just sitting there doing nothing.

It was  only yesterday when I saw fishy, siwonnie and hyukkie with lin and I haven’t talked to them about it,  though I plan to, I just don’t know what to say or how to start…why is it always so hard for me to tell them what’s bothering me?

‘sungmin-sshi, wookie-sshi…I’ll be going out for dinner’

We all looked at siwon who looked like he was attending a formal party because of the suit he was wearing rather than a simple going out for dinner like what he told us…

‘where are you going siwon-hyung?’ wookie asked him

I grinned at him ‘looking hmm like a prince charming tonight eh?’

He blushed and gave us a wave as he called out ‘I have a date…wish me luck’

Shindong suddenly appeared from out of nowhere wearing an orange wig and a grass skirt followed by yesungie who was carrying a ukulele

‘date? Siwon-sshi has a date?’ shindong asked as he tried to do a hula

I tried hard not to laugh and keep a straight face as I answered him ‘ne hyung, he has a date…that’s what he said’

Yesungie pouted and kept strumming his ukulele ‘everyone is in love…while me and a-chan hasn’t fixed things between us’

We all looked at him for he and aia-sshi were so close before but after a couple of months it seemed like they replaced the former relationship status of cat and dog turned newlyweds now expecting parents heenim-hyung and Sammie-sshi.

I smiled as I thought how crazy love was and how it managed to change suju so much, from bickering and child-like bachelors to grown up men thinking of the future…it all started with their magnae kyuhyunnie who married a Japanese beauty named ria and now they have a lovely daughter and suju’s first baby, then months after that suju’s resident Cinderella and pretty girl heechul-hyung tied the knot with their fashion designer Sammie, and the last one who was bitten by the love bug is none other than suju’s leader and their hyung/appa teukie hyung who was engaged to be married to their official publicist yna. I cant count myself as in love even if I have a son…lin and I didn’t have a relationship, who would’ve thought that one night together would make a baby…

‘you look problematic sungminnie’ eunhyuk asked me as he was biting an apple

‘hmm I’m alright don’t worry about me…’I said with a grin hopefully they would stop asking questions for now

‘is it about lin-sshi? I hope you wont get mad’ he said while he was looking at the table as if something was very interesting about it

‘ne hyukkie? Why would I get mad?’

He grinned shyly at me with his famous aegyo face that had wookie pretending that he was about to puke as the former was looking at me as if he was confessing to a man of the cloth.

‘well?’ I asked him

‘I talked to lin-sshi yesterday, I wanted to ask her out’ he whispered the last statement then raised his hands in surrender ‘she didn’t say yes…I accepted that…’

‘uhh ohh…’ yesungie and wookie whispered in unison while shindong hyung was whistling the soundtrack of mission impossible.

‘she also said that she wants a family for Vinnie…and she wants to treat all 3 of us as friends’ eunhyukkie continued nervously

‘3?! Why only 3??’ shindong asked then before I could say something he added  ‘there’s at least 13 of us…doesn’t she like the other 10?’

‘that makes me sad’ wookie pouted and sighed

I shook my head and asked  eunhyukkie to explain what he was saying though I had an idea what he was trying to say, I just didn’t want any of them to find out that I spied on them yesterday…that wouldn’t be right and I know I should’ve trusted them…

‘fishy, siwonnie and I asked her out…and she told all 3 of us yesterday that she just wants to be friends and nothing more’ eunhyuk said as he took another bite from his apple

Yesungie nodded and grinned ‘ok…’then stopped ‘wait, you guys did that?? knowing that sungmin-hyung is the father of Vinnie?? Ehhh…’

Hyukkie blushed and looked at me ‘mianhe hyung…I wouldn’t do it again…’

I smiled and nodded ‘no harm done hyukkie, thank you for telling me…I don’t know what lin-sshi and I have though, yes we have a son…but I don’t think she likes me that much’

‘do you like her sungminnie?’ shindong asked as he was dancing the hula with eunhyukkie

I looked at them and just remained silent for I really don’t know what I’m feeling right now, if I like her enough to have a relationship with her or am I just being cordial and polite because we have a baby?? Aigoo….why are matters of the heart so confusing??

‘I guess I do…I don’t know, I’m just confused right now hyung’ I answered him as I munched on some carrot sticks on the table

**Donghae’s pov**

Sungmin hyung loves lin-sshi…who am I to stand in their way?

I sighed as I silently walked back in the living room, I was about to go inside the kitchen to get myself a glass of water when I overheard hyukkie talking to sungmin hyung about him talking to lin yesterday. So I’m not the only one who’s interested in lin…but she doesn’t seem to like me after what I confessed to her yesterday, siwonnie and hyukkie accepted her decision why was it hard for me to do that?

I noticed her first in Kowloon…I didn’t end up in bed with her, I lost the bet…but if she liked me enough to establish something with me she would’ve said yes to what I offered yesterday, yet remembering her reaction she looked sad and frustrated. When she saw me her eyes didn’t light up the way she would look at sungminnie…I wish she would give me a chance, I’ll be a father to  Vinnie, but I know that would make things complicated…

What to do…what to do…maybe I should go home for a day or 2 before we’re scheduled to leave for our series of concerts, maybe when I’m home I can finally think of what to do and confess to my hyung about my feelings for the mother of his son, I shouldn’t be standing in their way…

**

‘mama…when will I see appa?’

I smiled at my son as I was combing his hair and he was playing with our cat Scottish fold cat he named tuna.

He wanted to go malling today but since it was raining we just decided to stay home and make pancakes together. At 2 years old he can talk well and there isn’t a shy bone in his body, took after his father who was the king of aegyo in suju…speaking of that jerk its his fault why I didn’t get much sleep last night. After what seemed to be a tiring and eventful day of talking to his dongsaengs and trying to reason out with them why I couldn’t and didn’t want to go out with any of them, I was expecting I could fall asleep as soon as I got home…but that didn’t happen. I had to spend a full hour talking to Vinnie about what he saw on tv about suju and that they were scheduled to leave seoul sometime next week and would that mean his daddy is going away again? The poor baby cried for a good 30min or so before I called his moronic of a father and they had a conversation in a language only they could understand, and if that wasn’t enough his mother called me up and asked me about what kind of food I like and what other activities do I like…his mama was sweet but then again she was acting like a real mother in law when I’m not even married to her son and we don’t even have a relationship…

Why are men stupid and dense when it comes to a woman’s feelings?? Somebody tell me please…

‘mama? I want to see appa’ Vinnie said with a pout

‘honey…you’ll see appa tomorrow, we’re going to go on a picnic remember?’ I told him

He smiled and jumped up and down in his pink sweatshirt and white shorts looking very much like a pink ball of fluff and looking very much like his father…Lee Sungmin, if not for your son you’d be dead by now for being so insensitive!