Chapter 31: I Found You

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Jongin strolled through the corridors of the Palace, eyes fixed on the day's newspaper he held out in front of him. He narrowly avoided colliding into two guards as he turned the corner, and didn't spare them a glance when one of them yelped and jumped out of his way.

"Y-your highness, it's not safe--" A guard began tentatively, cutting off with a barely concealed sigh when Jongin waved a flippant hand at him.

Jongin continued wandering down the halls, ignoring the guards who muttered their greetings and parted ways for him. He stopped in front of an office, the label Do Kyungsoo, glaring brightly from the platinum plate secured to the door. Without knocking, he pushed open the door.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"

Jongin finally looked up from his newspaper and grinned. 

"Is that really the first thing you're going to say after an entire week of not seeing me?" He replied playfully, plopping onto a couch and placing the newspaper next to him.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, glancing up from his paperwork momentarily before letting out a scoff and shaking his head.

"Did you read today's newspaper?" Jongin asked, waving it at Kyungsoo.

"Yeah. The economic section is full of crap."

Kyungsoo's reply was short, bordering frustration, and Jongin would see the way his fingers tightened around the pen he was holding.

"It'll get better," Jongin said firmly. "Business cycles always go through recessions. It's only a matter of time. Anyways," Jongin's grin reappeared on his face, "I heard Baekhyun's back."

He could see the way Kyungsoo's eyes brighten and the way his shoulders relaxed.

"Yeah! He returned this morning. Chanyeol probably dragged him back, and thank God for that. I won't have to do two times the work anymore."

"He came by already? Aww man, I missed the great reunion! Did you really punch him in the face like you said you were going to?"

During Baekhyun's absence, whenever his name was mentioned, Kyungsoo would declare loud and proud that the first thing he was going to do when Baekhyun returned was to deck him in the face. Jongin always joked that Kyungsoo didn't have the guts to do so, and that he'd probably just burst into tears as soon as Baekhyun walked through the door. His jibes had earned him a mural of bruises on both his arms.

Kyungsoo smiled. "Yeah, I did. Too bad you came back a few hours too late. But speaking of which, how was the excursion?"

Jongin flopped against the couch and groaned. "Excursion, what excursion? It was a business trip, and I kid you not, I had to smile twenty-freaking-four hours a day in fear that the Chinese Emperor was going to have my head. Thank heavens Chanyeol-hyung is too big of a softie to kill people ruthlessly or else I'd my pants trying to speak to him too."

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. "Chanyeol told me Hangeng was an amiable person and there was no need to worry."

"...Hyung thinks everyone's friendly. I don't think he's ever seen evil in anyone. Except maybe Soyeon, but she was like, the Queen of Evil, so I don't think that counts."

"Hangeng's not evil."

"I know. He's just. Frightening."

Kyungsoo laughed, the lines of fatigue that had decorated his face for the past months finally fading away and disappearing. The sound was unsure, almost as if he had forgotten what it felt like to let go and just laugh. 

Jongin stared at him, stunned at the sudden laughter, before joining in. They laughed for a much longer time than they should've--laughing not at what Jongin said, but for the pure sake of laughing itself. 

And when they finally stopped--when Jongin began to worry that Kyungsoo would once again wear the mask of lethargy, of too many days spent reading miniscule print, of too little sleep littered between days of too much work--the regained youthfulness remained in Kyungsoo's face, lighting up his features. He pushed back his chair and stood up, walking towards Jongin and pulling him up as well.

"Come on, let's go visit Baekhyun."

Jongin smiled--none of that Cheshire Cat grin, mischievous and plotting, but a genuine, concerned smile. 

"Okay."

He followed Kyungsoo out of the office and down the hallways once more, hands stuck deep in his pockets as he surveyed him contentedly. The smile never disappeared from his face.

If he were a little braver--if he could strip away a little more of that anxiety--perhaps, just maybe, he would catch up to Kyungsoo, sneak his hand down his arm and entwine their fingers together. He would wink at the surprised look on Kyungsoo face, disregard the fear of rejection broiling in his chest, and he would pull him a little closer so they could be together forever.

But for now, he thought, quickening his footsteps when Kyungsoo threw an impatient look over his shoulder. For now, this is enough.

 

---

 

"Holy crap."

Jongin blinks at Baekhyun, confused. "Um? Is everyone just going to greet me with mean words or what."

Baekhyun gaped at him, eyes traveling from his face slowly to his hair and remaining there. Jongin tugged at his locks self-consciously, realizing what all the shock was about, and clears his throat.

"I-I'm sorry," Baekhyun spluttered, finally snapping out of it. "It's really good to see you again, Jongin," he said warmly, pulling Jongin in for a hug. "It's just...oh my God, you really did dye your hair blonde."

Jongin laughed nervously and glanced at Kyungsoo who was desperately trying to muffle his giggles behind a hand. He glared at his laughing figure, but Kyungsoo merely waved him off, instead turning towards the wall to calm himself down.

"Did you lose a dare or something?" Baekhyun asked when they settled around his kitchen table.

Jongin's face fell. "Does it look that bad?"

"No, no!" Baekhyun immediately said, placing a glass of orange juice in front of Jongin. Chanyeol had taken him grocery shopping before Kyungsoo and Jongin had arrived--his cupboards were stocked with rows and rows of cereal boxes again. "I just didn't expect you to do something so drastic." He looked at Chanyeol desperately, worried that he'd made Jongin feel bad.

Chanyeol laughed, taking a sip of his own orange juice. "Actually, Kyungsoo was the one who lost the bet."

Kyungsoo crossed his arms and grumbled under his breath. "No thanks to you," he muttered at Baekhyun, kicking him under the table.

"What? Wait, what? But why isn't your hair blonde?" He pointed at Kyungsoo, imagining his friend with blonde hair and only managing to reign in his laughter when Kyungsoo kicks him again.

"Because Jongin was being a knight in shining armor and valiantly decided to take the punishment in lieu of Kyungsoo." Chanyeol casted an amused look to his younger brother, who fired daggers back at him.

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows, looking at Kyungsoo and then at Jongin, and then nodded slowly. 

"Oh.... I see..." He said, voice teasing, as he nudged Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo responded with another well-aimed kick, resulting in a high-pitched yelp on Baekhyun's part.

"So what was the bet?" Baekhyun asked. "Did it have something to do with me? Because both Kyungsoo and Jongin are giving me murderous looks and it's making me a bit uncomfortable."

"Well," Kyungsoo began, sitting back and crossing his arms. "The bet was how long it would take for you to return home. I, being the greatest friend in the freaking universe, said that it wouldn't take over two months." 

He ended his sentence with a glare at Baekhyun, who smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"And when two months passed and there was no news from you," Jongin continued, "Chanyeol demanded Kyungsoo cash in his punishment. Which was dying his hair blonde. But I volunteered to do so instead, since you know, I sort of wanted to dye my hair and everything, and well. This happened."

He gestured at the mess of blonde hair on his head and shrugged. 

"Ahh... who were you betting against, Kyungsoo?" 

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes and pointed at Chanyeol. "This little said it'll take you eight months. I swear to God, he probably went to bring you back just so he wouldn't have to lose the bet and dye his hair crimson."

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows and turned to Chanyeol. Chanyeol laughed, snorting cookie crumbs and hastily wiping his lips.

"That was part of the reason," he admitted, reaching out to smooth down Baekhyun's hair.

"Yeah?" Baekhyun said, voice challenging. "And the other part?"

Chanyeol grinned, picking up another cookie. Baekhyun had bought two packages of chocolate chip because he knew Chanyeol loved them.

"I couldn't stand being away from you any longer."

He laughed and stuffed the cookie in Baekhyun's mouth.

 

---

 

At the end of the day, Baekhyun was left in the house alone, tidying up his belongings as he got ready for bed. He hadn't felt homesick when he was living with his family, but now that he returned, he realized that he really did miss this. All of this.

He missed his simple office, walls empty save for the one behind his desk. That one was plastered with pictures--photos of him, of him and Chanyeol, of him and Kyungsoo, of him and all of his friends. It was a record of his life from the moment he had met Chanyeol. For some reason, he had forgotten all about this wall, and seeing it again made him not want to leave it ever again.

It held beautiful memories--memories that fade but never really disappear, resting in the depths of his subconsciousness. 

He sat down at his desk, spinning around in his chair. There was a neat stack of pristine white paper sitting on the upper left-hand corner, just like how he'd left it. The paperwork was all gone though, probably sitting somewhere in Kyungsoo's office, catching dust. He found pens inside his drawers, color-coded with blacks in the front and reds in the back. Someone had replenished his supply of post it notes as well.

Baekhyun pulled open the lowest drawer, expecting to see folders lined neatly in alphabetical order, but all he found was a small notebook. It was simple, a black moleskin cover hiding its contents. He reached in and took it out carefully, quickly flipping through the pages.

They were filled with Chanyeol's hand-writing.

He paused at a random page and began to read.

 

Dear Baekhyun,

I had to meet with an ambassador from England today. It was pretty fun, I guess. We talked a lot about tea, but I didn't know much about it. You were always the one who was particular about what tea to drink for what occasion, how to prepare it, and all of that. I miss the days where you'd force me to sample ten different teas and ask for my opinion, but really, I could barely tell Darjeeling from Earl Grey. 

Baekhyun, I miss you.

 

Dear Baekhyun,

When are you going to come back? Do you think it's funny? Being away for so long? It hurts you know, not being able to see you. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with this thought in mind, and my first reaction is "Whoa! Gotta tell Baekhyun!" But then I realize that nope, nope you're not ing here and I won't be able to ing tell you and space because I really don't like giving you space it's not cool.

 

Dear Baekhyun,

Damn, Jongin's an idiot. I told him to confess to Kyungsoo because the kid would never shut up about him, and we were arguing and everything, and then Kyungsoo walked in. Perfect opportunity, right? But instead of telling Kyungsoo everything, he shrieked like a little girl and ran out of the room. Kyungsoo was pissed because he was holding a glass of apple juice ('cause Jongin freaking asked for it and Kyungsoo went to get it) and Jongin knocked it over when he hightailed it out. Tsk tsk. When are you coming back, Baekhyun? You need to deal with this nonsense with me. I don't think I can do it alone.

 

Dear Baekhyun,

It's been two months. Kyungsoo lost the bet I was talking about a few weeks ago. He was supposed to dye his hair blonde, but Jongin the lovesick idiot said he'd do it instead. I suppose it was funny, and I should probably feel happy for winning the bet but wow, the only thing I feel is this suffocating pain and it's killing me. You're still not back. What if you'll never come back? How am I supposed to live my life with only the memory of you?

 

The entries are all dated. Baekhyun noticed that they weren't daily, but the time gaps never exceeded a week. Chanyeol must have visited this empty house a lot and kept this journal here. Baekhyun flipped back to the first page and started to read from the beginning.

Something twisted inside of him with every entry he read. Chanyeol had recorded all his thoughts here--the words were raw and unadorned, and Baekhyun could feel the emotion drenching every letter. He could see the loneliness Chanyeol felt, the pain he had to go through, but worst of all, he could see that he, Byun Baekhyun, had made himself an irrefutable part of Chanyeol's life. And it wasn't a small part either. 

He had carved holes in every aspect of Chanyeol's life and inside them, he had placed a part of his own existence. He had in Chanyeol's life, and if he were to leave, Chanyeol would become an unfinished jigsaw, missing puzzle pieces littering the expanse of his life.

It hurt Baekhyun to realize that he was stuck in this middle zone, in this goddamned ecotone, unable to fully give in and unable to pull away. This was the safe area, the place where neither he nor Chanyeol would have to face reality and face decisions. This was where they would feel no pain, but at the same time, they would feel no happiness.

And no matter what, they could not escape the phantom pinpricks of heartbreak. It was always there, residing deep in their chest and ready to resurface at a moment's notice. 

He spent the entire night reading the journal. Once he finished, he started over, as if he was trying to commit every word to memory.

This is what Chanyeol felt, he thought to himself. These are his feelings, his words. There are no lies. There is only the truth. This is Chanyeol.

Somehow, Baekhyun had fallen asleep on his desk, cradling the journal. It was open to one of his favorite entries--one he'd read and reread over and over again.

Dear Baekhyun,

Today, the sky is grey. It was grey yesterday too, and the day before that, and the day before that. Maybe it'll be grey tomorrow too. Maybe the sky will stay grey until you return. 
Today, the sky is grey. I hate grey skies, but it gives me some sort of comfort, because I know somewhere out there, you're looking at the same sky.
I love you, Byun Baekhyun.

 

---

 

"Hyung?" Jongin asked tentatively, nudging Kyungsoo a little in the shoulder.

"Hmm?" He hummed, distracted. They were both walking back from Baekhyun's house--Kyungsoo to his own dwelling and Jongin to the Palace.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," Kyungsoo mumbled in reply, eyes trained at the floor.

Jongin frowned and quickened his footsteps, stopping in front of Kyungsoo to face him.

"Hyung?" He asked again.

Kyungsoo looked up at him, taking in the concerned expression on Jongin's face, and sighed. 

"It's really nothing, Jongin," he said, putting on his most convincing voice. He even pasted on a little smile and nudged Jongin back.

Jongin raised an eyebrow, skeptical, but he gave a tiny nod and they began to walk again, footsteps barely out of sync.

"You know," Jongin said after a while. "Baekhyun isn't going to leave again."

Kyungsoo looked at him, surprised.

"What?"

Jongin smiled. "That's what you're thinking about, right? Baekhyun-hyung and whether or not he'll just up and go and never come back?"

He chuckled at Kyungsoo's astounded face and patted him lightly on the cheek.

"I know you, hyung."

Kyungsoo immediately scowled and batted Jongin's hand away. 

"Respect your elders, you little ," he growled. Then, his voice softened. "How are you so sure?"

"Well, Chanyeol isn't going to let him go. Not anymore."

"But, time passes and things change, and I don't know if that's going to be enough--if that's ever going to be enough--and well, Baekhyun's my best fri--"

Jongin interrupted, "Things change but it takes a lot more than time for feelings to change."

His voice was firm and hard, and it made Kyungsoo look at him. Jongin's expression was hard to read, betraying nothing, but Kyungsoo saw the tension in his jaw.

Slowly, he raised a hand and lightly ran his fingers along Jongin's chin.

Surprised, Jongin's eyes widened and turned to Kyungsoo.

"Hyu--"

"I'm sorry, Jongin," Kyungsoo said softly, reaching up to brush Jongin's bangs out of his eyes. 

The look in Jongin's eyes hardened. "Why are you sorry?"

His voice was low and unforgiving, and Kyungsoo felt a little bit of himself break away as he stared into Jongin's eyes.

He smiled sadly. "Because I couldn't return your feelings. Because I'm sorry you had to feel this way."

Jongin was silent as he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he searched Kyungsoo's face with a gaze just shy of desperate.

"You're sorry that I'm in love with you?" He whispered, not trusting his voice.

"No, that's not what I mea--"

"'Cause I'm not sorry," Jongin cut in, voice growing a little louder. "I'm not sorry that I love you, and even though it sort of how you don't like me back, I'm not sorry."

Kyungsoo looked at him for a while, staying silent, his hand still lingering against Jongin's cheek. He drew in a deep breath and looked away.

"I'm just sorry we had that promise. I should've just broken it off when you...when you said you liked me. I shouldn't have promised that I'd give you an answer later, but I did because, well, I couldn't very well just reject a prince and imagine that I'd walk away unscathed, right?"

"Look, I wasn't going to punish you or whatever for not liking me back. I j--"

"I know. I know you're not actually a pompous little who walks around like he's the best looking guy in the universe even though you really are, and that you're actually just a boy--or I guess, a young man now--and it took a lot out of you to confess, and I didn't know what to do. I just. Didn't know what to do."

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo.

"So your best course of action was to drag it on for a few months or so, and then cut it off without any warning? Sort of like dangling me from a string down a cliff and then chopping off the string and letting me fall?"

Kyungsoo winced at the accusation but made no move to deny it. 

"That was harsh, Kyungsoo."

Jongin's voice was gentle and soft. His hand cupped Kyungsoo's chin, and he slowly leaned in. He stopped centimeters away, eyes boring into Kyungsoo's.

"It really hurt when you told me it wouldn't work out."

"But you never let me finish my sentence," Kyungsoo whispered, breath brushing against Jongin's skin. 

He placed his hand on the back of Jongin's neck and closed the distance between them. He kissed him, and kissed him, and Jongin kissed him back, and it seemed like an eternity had passed before they broke apart.

Jongin's eyes were wide, pupils dilated as he stared at Kyungsoo uncomprehendingly. "Wha--"

"You were wrong, you know. When you said I didn't like you back. It wasn't that."

Kyungsoo lowered his eyes, suddenly shy. There was a hint of blush coloring his cheeks, and Jongin could see it even in the dim lighting.

"I just wasn't ready."

Jongin's eyes twinkled under the moonlight. 

"Are you ready now?"

"Yes."

 

---

 

"Jongin? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah sure."

"Look, I. I don't think this is going to work out."

"What?"

"Me and you."

"Oh."

"Right now, I ju--"

"No, I get it, hyung."

"Mayb--"

"It's okay, hyung. It's okay."

 

---

 

"Jongin? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah sure."

"Next time can you not toss the day's newspaper onto the floor. It's my office. I have to clean it up."

Jongin blinked and looked up from his phone. The newspaper was lying crumpled on the carpeted floor. He grinned and laid back onto the couch. He made no move to pick it up.

"Sure hyung. Whatever you say."

 

 

 

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A/N: Sorry. 

Please read.

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