Chapter 25: Page I've-Fallen-in-Love-with-You

Baekhyun laid out his best black, slim-fitting suit onto his bed.

There was an odd emptiness floating somewhere in his chest—which he found ridiculous, because if emptiness was the lack of something, the absence of something, how could there be a “physical” thing floating around in his chest? But, it was there, and no matter how many deep breaths he took, he just couldn’t seem to get rid of it. It reminded him painfully of loneliness, the kind he got when Chanyeol stood him up for an outing to the park because of Palace matters, the kind he really hated because he felt underappreciated, and even though he knew he’s being selfish, it made him wish that Chanyeol would be his friend and only his friend.

He tried his best to get rid of it though, so he hummed to himself as he undid the buttons of his pajamas, slipping out of the soft cotton to throw on the starched dress-shirt. It was the Armani one Chanyeol had gotten him for his sixteenth birthday but he had never worn.

“Save it for a special occasion,” Chanyeol had said.

Baekhyun supposed this was special enough.

He fastened a black bow tie around his neck as best as he could, because he never learned to tie bow ties the way Chanyeol did, but he thought it came out alright. He looked at himself in the mirror, fluffing his hair and applying simple eyeliner that seemed to pop against his BB Cream-masked face.

Chanyeol never liked him with eyeliner on, but this event was important and special, and important-and-special events called for eyeliner.

He messed up twice, but he managed to get it just right after a good half of thirty minutes and put on his suit jacket and slacks. He looked nice—at least he hoped so—and he took a couple of deep breaths to quell both his raging heartbeat and pit in his stomach that just wouldn’t go away.

His house was eerily quiet when Baekhyun grabbed the present near the living room door and headed out to the garage, pressing the automatic car key and watching the car’s headlights blink twice. He drove to the palace in silence, considering turning on the radio a couple of times but deciding against it in the end.

Once upon a time, Baekhyun may have found music a comfort to everything, but now, music seemed to only serve as a reminder of an opportunity lost in the folds of time.

And Baekhyun was tired of being reminded.

His phone rang just as he turned into the guest parking lot, and he quickly maneuvered his car into a parking space before picking up.

“Hello?” He said, climbing out of the car with his phone jammed between his ear and shoulder.

There was silence on the end, and Baekhyun waited patiently for the caller to actually speak as he circled around his car to the trunk, retrieving the bag he had stashed in there.

“Turn around.”

Baekhyun sighed, sounding almost exasperated, but smiled as he turned around and saw Chanyeol standing a few feet away from him, phone in hand. His expression was solemn, but Baekhyun’s face did not fall. Instead, he retained his grin, cocking his head and looking his friend from head to toe.

Chanyeol was decked out in what Baekhyun liked to call his “Prince Attire.” It was a white suit (because Chanyeol could not stand the fancy gold brocaded bright red uniform) with golden tassels hanging from the shoulders. It was simple enough, but it was nonetheless ornate and detailed, with silver threads weaved in between the shimmering gold, and the emblem of the royal family—a phoenix—woven on the pocket. Just by standing there, Baekhyun felt underdressed.

“What’s up?” Baekhyun asked, closing the distance between him and Chanyeol. “Shouldn’t you be preparing?”

Chanyeol didn’t smile. He merely looked at Baekhyun in a way that sort of scared him, and shook his head.

“It’s stuffy inside the chapel. I-I wanted to get some fresh air.”

Baekhyun nodded understandably.

“Feeling alright?”

“Yeah.”

The voice was monotonous, and Baekhyun smiled sympathetically.

“Duty as a prince. Don’t forget,” Baekhyun said as he led Chanyeol back to the doors of the beautiful cathedral. “Duty as a prince.”

Chanyeol snorted in the most un-princely way possible and Baekhyun didn’t need to look at him to know that he was rolling his eyes.

“Right. The aristocracy and conformity and all the jazz,” Chanyeol scoffed. “I hate it.”

The last part was muttered under his breath, and he ducked his head as he entered the halls, not wanting to meet any eyes. Baekhyun patted him on the back, and when he felt Chanyeol relax under his touch, he kept his hand there.

“Don’t worry, Chanyeol. It’ll be fine.”

“No, it won’t.”

Perhaps it was the conviction in Chanyeol’s voice that made Baekhyun look up from signing the guestbook.

“What?”

“It won’t be fine,” Chanyeol repeated, eyes darting around the reception hall, looking almost like a scared animal.

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun put the pen down and took a hesitant step towards Chanyeol.

Chanyeol’s eyes widened, almost like he finally realized that it was Byun Baekhyun who was standing in front of him, and he stumbled back a few steps.

“Chanyeol?”

“. ,” Chanyeol muttered, still looking at Baekhyun with that horrified expression.

He shook his head a couple of times, squeezing his eyes shut for a split second before opening them again.

Chanyeol smiled at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun felt his heart shatter.

“Thanks for coming, Hyunnie.”

Chanyeol his heel and headed out the chapel door again, walking at a speed that would have made it impossible for Baekhyun to catch up, because Baekhyun was never able to catch up with Chanyeol anyways, even when he was walking at a snail’s pace.

He always seemed miles ahead of Baekhyun, b with ideas and happiness and just love for life, while Baekhyun lagged behind, admiring the silhouette of Chanyeol as he threw his head back to laugh loudly to the sky. It was tiring, really, reaching out and seemingly being able to grab the back of Chanyeol’s t-shirt, but only to have the fabric slip smoothly through your hands as if it were made of water.

Chanyeol’s backside disappeared into the morning sunlight, and Baekhyun couldn’t help but feel as if he was unconscious again, drowning in an ocean of pain and discomfort as he desperately trying to claw his way towards the light.

“Hey!”

Baekhyun started, turning around and nearly knocking off the vase of pink roses placed on the table.

“Holy crap you scared me what is your problem,” he breathed, holding a hand over his heart as he looked wide-eyed at Kyungsoo.

“Um. I’ve been calling your name for like, the last five minutes?” Kyungsoo replied, shoving Baekhyun out of the way and signing the guestbook himself.

“Really?” Baekhyun seemed perplexed. “Didn’t hear you.”

Kyungsoo snorted. “Of course not. You were too busy staring out the door. What were you looking at?”

“Nothing.”

Baekhyun’s reply came a little too quickly, and Kyungsoo looked up, raising his eyebrow.

“Really, now.”

“Yeah.”

Kyungsoo hummed in acknowledgement as he signed his name with a flourish.

“So, Jongin’s meeting us at our table. Apparently, Sehun and Jieun are going to be sitting there too,” he said as he pulled Baekhyun towards the venue. “Sehun’s pretty angry Luhan can’t sit with us though. Luhan actually looked sort of relieved in my opinion.”

“Aww, poor lovebirds,” Baekhyun said teasingly as he spotted Sehun’s mess of rainbow hair (Baekhyun could not figure out what possessed him to dye it rainbow) and Jongin’s noncommittal wave. He was surprised to see Luhan sitting next to Sehun, looking annoyed and uncomfortable.

“Bro, I don’t know what the Sehun did, but he managed to get Luhan to sit with us,” Jongin said, addressing Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, and waving a hand in Luhan’s general direction. “Jieun finds it ing funny and Sehun’s ing delighted, but Luhan and I are just pissed.”

“Will it kill you to stop swearing for just five minutes?” Kyungsoo scolded as he settled into the seat next to Jongin.

Jongin chuckled. “If you would stop nagging for ten.”

Kyungsoo shot him a glare, then looking past him to Jieun.

“Hi Jieun, how’s it going?”

“Nothing much,” she replied, slipping her shades up like a headband before turning to smile at him. “Did you know that all fetuses are inherently female until they’re like, three months old? When they hit the three month mark, they start developing their s, so like, the guy ones get their pulled out to form es.”

“…Fascinating…” Kyungsoo said, smiling weakly. “Simply intriguing.”

“She’s developed an odd like for biology. Don’t ask,” Jongin explained, shaking his head wearily.

“And physics. She won’t shut up about it,” Sehun piped up, finally pausing his conversation with Luhan to talk to the rest of the table.

Luhan sighed as Sehun launched into how absolutely annoying it was to be woken up three in the morning by Jieun who wanted so desperately to tell him about the Hubble Bubble (I mean, isn’t that like a bubble gum or something—no Sehun, I’m pretty sure that’s “Hubba Bubba”—same thing, oh my god) and smiled at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun liked it when Luhan smiled, because, by Jove, the boy’s smile was beautiful. Sure, sometimes, it looked as if he had morphed into a completely different person because there would be wrinkles near the sides of his eyes, but even then, it just seemed as if the sun would shine twenty-four/seven if Luhan would just keep smiling. There was just something about it—maybe the way it seemed to ask questions in ways words would never.

Baekhyun smiled back, because that was the polite thing to do, and opted to avoid Luhan’s gaze. Luhan was always much too observant for his good.

“Hyung? Hyung, are you even listening to me?”

Baekhyun glanced up to see an immensely affronted Sehun with his arms crossed.

“Yes?”

Sehun blew at his bangs angry, forgetting momentarily that he had gelled them up this morning. “I asked—did you give Chanyeol-hyung and Joohyun-noona their wedding present yet?”

There it was again.

There was just something so real about the entire matter when it was spelled out into words. It was almost as if it wouldn’t exist, wouldn’t be real, wouldn’t be tangible (in the metaphorical way of course) if nobody mentioned it, if it was kept as a taboo topic and never spoken of. But as soon as someone brought it up, bam, the matter would just be set into ing stone, and the world would seem to collapse for the nth time.

“Oh, right. I forgot.” Baekhyun grinned sheepishly as he reached down for the large silver bag sitting by his feet. “I was intercepted by Kyungsoo on the way.”

“Oh please, it was not even my fault,” Kyungsoo pointed out. “You were just dazing off in front of the door, okay.”

“Right.” Baekhyun smiled again. He seemed to be doing that a lot these days. “Well, I’ll just give this to them, and come back.”

He moved to stand up, but Luhan grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t worry, Baekhyun-shi,” he said. “They actually decided to not accept presents personally for safety reasons.” He gestured to a side room. “They’re keeping all of the presents in there for scanning.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun didn’t know why he was surprised, but he sort of was. “In that case, I’ll be right back.”

He weaved his way through the tables of guests, greeting a few aristocrats here and there, before knocking on the door to the small room.

An aloof-looking guard opened the door and looked at him blankly.

“Yes? May I help you?”

The voice sounded almost dreamy, and Baekhyun handed him the bag warily.

“A gift for Crown Prince Chanyeol and Crown Princess Joohyun.”

Saying the words made Baekhyun wince, and he hoped that his smile was still intact.

Apparently, Baekhyun’s acting was not as good as he thought it was, because the guard merely leaned against the door frame, assessing the present with amused interest.

“It’s not a bomb?” He asked.

Baekhyun resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“No. It’s the limited edition collection of Leo Tolstoy books.”

The guard’s eyes lit up.

“Interesting gift. May I ask whom it’s from?”

“Me,” Baekhyun replied tersely, not in the mood for conversation-borderline-flirtation.

“Ah, Praetor Baekhyun,” the guard replied cheekily. “Would you like to leave a note?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm. Alright then,” the guard said, finally taking the bag from Baekhyun’s outstretched hand. “I’ll make sure it gets delivered to the C—“

“Actually,” Baekhyun interrupted, a thought suddenly popping up into his mind, “yes, I would like to leave a note.”

The guard grinned, immediately disappearing into the overflowing room for a piece of thick, glossed cardstock and a fountain pen.

“Here you go,” he said, handing the card to Baekhyun with a new spring in his step.

Mildly disturbed by the guard’s sudden enthusiasm, Baekhyun turned away from him to scribble his note against the doorframe.

It’ll be fine.

Baekhyun thought a moment for what else to right, tapping the pen against his chin, before thinking better of it and folding the note in half.

“Tape?”

“Right here.”

Baekhyun tore off a bit of tape, sealing the card shut, looking at it, and then folding it once more.

“Thanks,” he said, slipping the card into the bag.

“No problem,” the guard said cheerfully. “Though I expected you to write a bit more. I’m sure the Crown Prince would be delighted to see a long letter from you, Praetor.”

“Really?” Baekhyun asked in a bored voice, really wanting to extricate himself from this situation. He made a mental note to never, ever have this man in his legion.

“Yeah, maybe something like, I don’t know, a heartfelt confession letter from the Praetor proclaiming his undying love for the Crown Prince?”

“What.”

Baekhyun stared stupidly at the guard, wanting so much to punch him in the jaw and knock off that smug smile.

“Oh nothing, nothing,” the guard said, waving away the comment and moving to close the door.

Baekhyun stuck his foot out, preventing the door from closing and leaned towards the man, almost threateningly.

“Whoa, Praetor, you’re pretty direct,” he said lightly, laughing a little and making a point to not move away. They were literally inches away from each other.

“Pardon me, but what exactly did you just say?” Baekhyun asked through clenched teeth.

The guard smiled. It was a genuine smile, not one of those smirks that he seemed to wear all the time, but a smile that seemed almost sympathetic, almost wistful.

“They say there’s never a due date for honesty. Never too late to tell the truth.”

He shrugged in a friendly way, and smiled some more, before gently nudging Baekhyun out of the way.

“I’ll see you around, Praetor,” he said in almost a whisper as he closed the door.

Baekhyun stood there for a couple of minutes, just staring at the door, wondering what the guard had meant. He was amazed that he was actually able to wander back to his table and sit in his chair safely without crashing into a pillar or engaging in an equally ridiculous activity.

“You alright there?” Jongin asked once Baekhyun had fully seated himself down.

“Yeah,” he muttered in reply, reaching across the table for a slice of bread and butter. “Yeah.”

There may come a day when Baekhyun would admit that he was not alright, that he was not fine, and he was not okay, but that day was still light years away. He was already too selfish, and even he had the sense to hold off on the claiming for a while, to show some altruistic goodness and let others be aware of the beauty of Park Chanyeol for once.

There may even come a day when Baekhyun decided that locking away his feelings for ten years or more was a bad idea, and maybe that day would arrive a little bit sooner than he had hoped, he still did not see it in the near horizons. He was used to quelling the feelings, rendering them so they seemed almost non-existent. He would trivialize them so much he would almost forget they were there, until of course, Park Chanyeol appeared before him wearing the stupid smile Baekhyun just could not resist.

Then, all the barriers Baekhyun constructed carefully, piece-by-piece, around his heart collapsed just like his world did, and all he wanted to do was crawl under his bed and cry, because it was bad enough wanting something, but it was downright horrible wanting something he could never have.

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A/N: Oh boy, I outdid myself. I don't think I've updated so quickly in a very, very long time.

But here you go guys. I think there was a shift in my writing style that I did not intend to be there. I blame it on John Green. I was overwhelmed by feels from Will Grayson, Will Grayson, so I just started writing and word vomitting.

This is like the first chapter there is without any breaks.

Sorry if it seems really sudden to you ;___; Like, I did not actually plan it out like this, but I kept opening and closing the document cause I didn't know how to continue the story, and then BAM I started writing this. I hope it wasn't too bad?

Follow me on Tumblr and ask me questions! :)

Edit: omfg there were soo many mistakes sry guys i think i fixed most of them.