Chapter 28: Kiss Goodbye

listen.

Baekhyun wandered through the unusually quiet Palace corridors, idly glancing at the gigantic paintings of previous emperors hanging on the velvet covered walls. The hallways were void of guards, a rare occurrence, but the Emperor and Empress had stated that they wanted to be left alone for the time being, so all of the Palace Guards had an unannounced and indefinite vacation.

That was a week ago

A week later, the Royal Family was still in withdrawal, refusing to see anybody--especially the press--and stayed huddled within the private conference room, angry whispers filling the huge space like chlorine gas--suffocating and painful.

Baekhyun didn't know what went on in there--what kept them so busy and occupied--and he didn't want to know. He was at the Palace only because the Emperor had summoned him, and he dreaded the meeting. He could only hope that it wasn't about him and Chanyeol, and that Chanyeol was definitely not going to be there.

He paused in front of the huge doors leading to the Emperor's office, admiring the beautifully carved Romanov eagles plated in gold. He took a deep breath and knocked twice. The door swung open, narrowly avoiding clapping him in the face, and a familiar face smiled wryly at him.

"...What are you doing here?" Baekhyun blurted out, confused.

That same guard--the one who was at the disastrous wedding--shrugged his shoulders. "I'm the Emperor's private guard."

Baekhyun gawked at him, standing frozen at the doorway, until the Emperor cleared his throat. Baekhyun immediately shook himself out of his state, and bowed low.

"Good morning, Emperor," he said politely.

The Emperor waved a hand about, allowing Baekhyun to rise, and personally pulled out a seat for him.

"You know Yixing?" He asked, once Baekhyun was seated across from him.

Baekhyun glanced at the guard who was standing next to the Emperor, grinning at him, and winced.

"Yes, sir."

"We're actually really close," Yixing put in.

"No, not really," Baekhyun said immediately. "Not at all actually. I've seen him once."

"Twice."

"Right. Twice. Not close."

"B--"

"That's enough," the Emperor said finally, looking between Yixing and Baekhyun in amusement. "You two seem friendly."

"No, not really," Baekhyun repeated meekly.

The Emperor raised an eyebrow, and Baekhyun deflated, finally nodding his head.

"Apparently," the Emperor began, "Yixing also served as Chanyeol's right hand man during the counterattack, not that Chanyeol noticed. He was too busy searching for a certain someone."

Baekhyun, who had already stiffened at the very mention of Chanyeol's name, seemed to look even more uncomfortable--eyes staring fixedly on the redwood table top in front of him, rather than the inquiring eyes of the Emperor or even Yixing.

"Right."

There's a moment of uncomfortable silence, and Baekhyun knows the Emperor is searching for a way to begin talking again--searching for a remedy to this mess that somehow landed in his family--and Baekhyun's heart hurt from knowing that.

Finally, the Emperor stood up and began pacing behind his desk, occasionally tapping the desk when he passed by it.

"Baekhyun," he started slowly, voice faltering as he cleared his throat. "I'm not...blind, if that's the word for it. It may not seem it, but I pay attention to all my children. Even when I'm busy, or when I'm halfway across the world, they never leave my mind. That's just what a father does. I'm sure your parents feel the same way."

Baekhyun slowly looked up, shoulders relaxing not from comfort, but from weariness--from fatigue--from holding up this world for too long, all by himself. The Emperor had stopped his pacing, and was now looking at Baekhyun with such gentle eyes that Baekhyun had only seen in Chanyeol.

"And Chanyeol, he was always worrisome you know." The Emperor smiled and sat back down, and suddenly, Baekhyun felt like he was not listening to the Emperor anymore, but to a father, about a child whom he loved.

"He witnessed his mother's death when he was too young to understand but old enough to see. He blamed me. He blamed me, but I couldn't even defend myself, because it was my fault--if I hadn't left her alone for so long, hadn't left her unprotected, hadn't gone on a trip to the countryside--then she would still be alive."

He stopped talking for a moment, and he rifled through his drawers to pull out a picture frame. He handed it to Baekhyun.

It was a beautiful picture of Chanyeol, the Emperor, and the late Empress. Chanyeol was smiling in ways Baekhyun had never seen, and he felt almost envious. He wanted to see Chanyeol smile like that--smile like the world had disappeared and he was the brightest star in the galaxy, lighting up space and time like an exploding nebula.

"Chanyeol changed after that. He was quiet, he hardly smiled, and he spent hours and hours under the sun, just watching the generals train their troops. When he told me he wanted to raise a play army, I almost said no, because I felt he was too young--much too young--to dabble with war, no matter play and games. But I conceded anyways, because there was a spark in his eyes that I'd thought he had lost forever. Then," the Emperor took Baekhyun's hand in his own. "He found you."

Baekhyun drew in a sharp breath, stopping himself from ripping his hand out of the Emperor's and bolting out of the room, running until he reached the cliff where the picture was taken at, so the wind would carry away his screams. He wanted to leave and to never make decisions again, because he was taught to make rational choices, but love went against all rationality and so did all of the human nature.

"I had watched his transition from a cheerful, innocent little kid to a brooding, almost hateful boy, and I watched him change again--not back to the bright boy he was before, no--but to a happier person, a person who had found someone irreplaceably important to him again. And the person was you."

"Emperor, I--"

He raised a hand, signaling for Baekhyun to stop and let him continue.

"As much as I love my country, I am selfish, and I love my family more. I know that's not what a king should do, but I am not just a king. I am also a father, and fathers put their children above all else. I."

The Emperor paused.

"I just want him to be happy," he said in a broken whisper, choking on his last words as he remembered the broken gaze Chanyeol had given him when he had woken up to his mother dead. The look he wore these days almost seemed to mimic that one, and he was scared that Chanyeol would shatter again, just when he had been glued back together again.

Baekhyun squeezed the Emperor's hand before slowly pulling away and standing up.

"I'm sorry, Emperor, but I... I don't think I am the right person you should be talking to."

"Baek--"

"Look, I know you want me to, I don't know, accept Chanyeol's feelings, and I know how freaking miraculous that is--you being the Emperor and all, but why can't anyone think about how I would feel?"

The Emperor looked shocked from Baekhyun's outburst, and Baekhyun almost felt sorry. But he didn't, because it felt so damned relieving to finally say the one thing that no one had been listening to all this time.

"I have feelings too," he said softly, fists clenched at his side. "Sure, they're not worth as much as the Crown Prince's, because who am I? I'm replaceable, and well, Chanyeol's not, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings. That doesn't mean I'm not important to myself. And Chanyeol's not the only one having a hard time--I am too--and I hate myself for making Chanyeol sad and making myself sad, but no one seems to even understand that, or even care to understand that."

"Baekyun, I'm not--"

"I love him too," Baekhyun continued. "I love him too, but does anyone even care to think about how I would feel if I knew he'd given up his right to heir, for someone like me?"

The tiny pinpricks of tears finally became waterfalls, trickling down his face in hot streams. He knew how stupid he looked, standing in the center of the room and shaking from tears, but he couldn't bring himself to care anymore. The Emperor sat at his desk, dumbstruck, and even Yixing didn't know what to say.

"Do you think I care?"

Baekhyun's head raised at the deep voice, turning towards the door to see Chanyeol standing there, looking at him with an angry, incredulous expression. It scared him.

Chanyeol took a step forward, and Baekhyun stumbled back.

"Did you honestly think that I valued the crown more than I did you?" Chanyeol said lowly.

Baekhyun shook his head, trying to find the voice to say something. Chanyeol reached forward, wrapping his fingers lightly around his Baekhyun's wrist--he would never hurt him, no matter how angry he was--and tugged him towards the door.

"You're coming with me," he muttered as he pulled Baekhyun out of the study.

Baekhyun tripped down the hall after Chanyeol, protests cut off by Chanyeol's brisk steps. He finally shut his mouth after realizing his futile attempts, and contented himself with looking at Chanyeol's backside.

His broad shoulders always made Baekhyun feel terribly safe, though he never did like standing behind Chanyeol. He liked standing next to him, as a companion, because it was an assurance to him--something to tell him that they were equals, that Chanyeol looked at him the way Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol. Now, though, all he could see was Chanyeol's stiff back, and for the first time in his life, he felt a phantom fear settle in his stomach as he toyed with the idea that Chanyeol would never turn around to look at him again.

The very thought hurt like knives cutting through tender flesh.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun asked tentatively once he had slowed his pace.

Chanyeol stopped walking, finally, and they were in one of the dingier hallways of the palace--a wing that was seldom visited by anyone but the servants. Dust hung upon the walls and swirled in the dim sunlight streaking through the musty windows.

He was breathing deeply, like he was readying himself and thinking about what to say. Baekhyun reached towards him hesitantly, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulders, stopping the quivering.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun asked again.

Chanyeol turned around suddenly, eyes widening at the sight of Baekhyun, almost as if he had forgotten he existed. He flinched away from Baekhyun's touch, like he had been burned, and in his haste, missed the flash of hurt in Baekhyun's eyes.

"I." Chanyeol found his voice, but not his words.

Silence suspended overhead on a taut string, taunting the two. Baekhyun didn't look into Chanyeol's eyes--couldn't--not even when Chanyeol breathed his name in the gentlest voice possible.

"Can we just talk?" Chanyeol said finally, placing a hand on Baekhyun's forearm and tugging slightly.

They settled on the floor, ignoring the grime and dirt, and sat across from each other. There was a definite distance between the two of them, one that screamed uncertainty but not unfamiliarity

"So?" Baekhyun prompted after a while.

Chanyeol had been staring at him for the past five minutes or so, eyes just searching Baekhyun's face, and it was making him uncomfortable. The inexplicable emotions behind Chanyeol's look was making him uncomfortable.

"I don't want to be Crown Prince."

Chanyeol seemed surprise at what he had said--it was obvious that he had meant to open with a different statement. But, it was good enough, and a sort of determination settled in his face, his jaw tightening.

"I really don't."

Baekhyun nodded. "Okay...?"

"And thus," Chanyeol continued, taking a deep breath once more. "I am willing to give up the crown for you. I want to give up the crown for you."

Baekhyun stared at him for a moment, expression betraying no thoughts as he quietly surveyed Chanyeol. When he dropped his eyes, there was a hint of smile on his face--dismal and almost wistful.

"Thank you," he said quietly, words drenched in honesty. He glanced up at Chanyeol and gave him a tender smile. "Really. I'm flattered. But Chanyeol," he hesitates for a brief second before taking Chanyeol's hand and drawing idle circles into his palm, "A Crown Prince's duty is not to himself, but to the country. You are not just giving up the throne--you are giving up the entire country's wellbeing, and I don't want to be the selfish person who makes you do that for me."

Chanyeol was silent. He had no comeback for that, because he knew Baekhyun's words rang true, and the truth hurt immensely. He looked at Baekhyun, desperate for a solution to this ridiculous fiasco--cursing God for letting him be borne into this family as the eldest son, cursing God for making him fall in love with such a perfect human being. Baekhyun only kept his sad yet accepting visage, tiny smile still dancing upon his lips as he squeezed Chanyeol's hand, preparing to let go.

Not for the first time, Chanyeol wished he was anybody else--a commoner, a peasant, a farmhand--anyone but the Crown Prince. Because the Crown Prince lived in an iron cage painted golden, like a bird with clipped wings, unable to fly into the glittering blue sky.

Baekhyun stood up, ready to let his hand slip out of his grasp, but Chanyeol tightened his grip. Baekhyun looked at him questioningly, tugging experimentally, but Chanyeol didn't let go. He gazed at Baekhyun with such intensity that Baekhyun couldn't bring himself to look away.

Chanyeol stood up swiftly, blocking the sunlight from the window, and Baekhyun swore for a moment--the moment he passed through the light--he was not an angel but a martyr sacrificing everything for a country of innocent people, for a country of lovers just like they.

A hand s around Baekhyun's waist, and the other behind his head, and suddenly, Baekhyun found himself pressed against Chanyeol's torso, his lips against Chanyeol's.

Chanyeol's eyes were closed, clenched shut as if he was imagining a different future for the two of them, and if he didn't open them, he wouldn't have to face a reality that held a completely different path. They were standing at the fork of a road. One path stretched into the horizon and promised an infinite number of tomorrows, while the other split into even more branches. Each of those branches held separate tomorrows for Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

This was their first step away from the path of unity and communion.

Baekhyun closed his eyes before deciding it, it all, and draped his arms across Chanyeol's shoulders to kiss him back. Their mouths moved smoothly against one another's, and it was almost as if the world had fallen away from the two of them, and they were floating somewhere in outer space, amongst the stars.

The kiss was slow and bittersweet. It was innocent, nothing bordering lust; it was simply a kiss of longing and want for a future never to be.

When they finally broke apart, Chanyeol refused to let Baekhyun go. He leaned his forehead against Baekhyun's, face still impossibly close, and lightly brushed his nose against his. Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol's hot breath on his skin, and he gave an imperceptible shiver as his arms tightened around Chanyeol.

"I'm sorry," Chanyeol whispered, eyes shining with telltale tears as they gazed into Baekhyun's.

Baekhyun swallowed thickly before replying, "Me too."

Chanyeol took Baekhyun's hand, finally leaning away from him, and forced his lips into a smile. He blinked a couple of times to stop the tears from overflowing, and smiled even brighter.

"Come on," he said in a mock cheery voice, pulling on Baekhyun's hand to lead him away from the dusty corridors.

Baekhyun felt his heart shatter with every step he took, because Chanyeol was again, in front of him with his back facing him, and this time, he felt that really, Chanyeol was never going to turn back and look at him again.

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A/N: On a scale of one to ten, how much do you guys hate me? Please don't throw bricks lol.

Sorry for the very not on time update, but school you know--it gets in the way. I've been suffering mental breakdowns over three classes for the past couple of months (esp physics) so I didn't really have time to focus on this story. However~ I am writing for a couple of fic exchanges (I finished the SNCJ secret santa one! When it comes out, and all the authors are released, I'll link it here :D), so yeah, more crappy writing from Holly whoot!

On a more serious note, though, I am pretty sure this fic is going to get even longer because lol I apparently don't understand the purpose of outlines because I never follow them. Hopefully it'll end before 40 chapters :) Sorry about the short chapter though ;A; I'll try to lengthen them from now on!

Check out my new SeKai fanfic that I actually wrote a year ago 'tis the nightingale and not the lark which is romeo and juliet au. Which already shouldn't be good news lol.

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Ciao, lovelies!