Chapter 27: The Crevasse

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“Baekhyun! Baekhyun, I brought food!”

 

Baekhyun looked up from his textbook, startled by the sudden racuous screaming of his name in his otherwise quiet home. Just as he stood up from his desk and turns around, the doors to his bedroom burst open and Chanyeol hurtled in, arms ladened with a variety of expensive-looking food.

 

“Um.” Baekhyun stood dumbly in the middle of the room as he watched Chanyeol pile the food onto his desk.

 

“There’s more!” Chanyeol said excitedly, and sure enough, a trail of palace guards entered the room, each with a basket of food.

 

Baekhyun stared blankly at the food, the guards, and then at Chanyeol. What in God’s name was going on?

 

He furrowed his brows and asked, “What are you doing here? Why are you in my house? And…” He gestured wildly at his room filled with specialties from at least five different countries--he couldn’t even pronounce the name of some of the foods. “What the hell is all this?”

 

Chanyeol blinked, expression a bit hurt and Baekhyun suddenly regretted his outburst.

 

“They’re presents,” Chanyeol muttered quietly, feet shuffling against Baekhyun’s floor. “For you.”

 

He smiled up at Baekhyun and ducked his head, suddenly uncharacteristically shy. Chanyeol grabbed a large tin that he had brought in and offered it to Baekhyun.

 

“This is my favorite!”

 

Baekhyun took it, still a bit shocked, and opened the lid. Arranged in sheer brown wrapping paper was an assortment of chocolate--white, milk, and dark--each exquisitely made and decorated. The aroma filled the air, rendering Baekhyun speechless, and all he could do was bite his lip and look at the chocolates.

 

“Do you like it?” Chanyeol’s voice floated to Baekhyun’s ears, prompting him out of his reverie, and his head snapped up.

 

Chanyeol was mere inches away from his, peering into the tin and looking for something, and Baekhyun took an unconscious step back.

 

“Here!” Chanyeol said suddenly, head popping back up and grin full blown on his face. “Try this one.”

 

Baekhyun hesitantly took the proffered piece of candy and bit into it. Caramel oozed out from the chocolate frame, a heavenly sweetness greeting his taste buds. He chewed slowly, eyes fixed on Chanyeol and unable to look away. Chanyeol had an giddy, expectant look on his face, and once Baekhyun swallowed, he his lips nervously and backed up some more.

 

“I-I like it,” Baekhyun finally said after clearing his throat a couple of times. “It’s good.”

 

The smile that lit up Chanyeol’s face was brilliant, taking Baekhyun by surprise, and all of a sudden, he felt an unfamiliar warmth tumbling around his stomach.

 

“Here, you should try this one next.”

 

In time, Baekhyun found himself sitting on the floor of his bedroom with Chanyeol, the great Crown Prince of Korea, eating their way through bags and bags of treats, bonding over macarons from France and tiramisu cups from Italy.

 

When Chanyeol was bundled up and sitting in the car bringing him back to the Palace, Baekhyun was sorry to see him go.

 

“Come to the Palace tomorrow,” Chanyeol said, just before the car took off. “I’ll have someone pick you up. Don’t forget, okay?”

He drove off before Baekhyun had a chance to say no, leaving a trail of dust in his wake and Baekhyun watching as the car became a tiny black speck in the fading sun.

 

Amidst walks in the Palace Garden and clandestine visits to the forests bordering the gates, Baekhyun found himself liking Chanyeol more and more, all preconceived opinions of the Crown Prince dissipated and replaced with new memories of Park Chanyeol, child risk-taker extraordinaire. More than once, Baekhyun was forced to sneak first-aid kits from the Medical Wing, carrying boxes of bandages and gauze under his shirt as he hurried through the hallways of the Palace to Chanyeol’s room, where he was bleeding from climbing up a tree that he shouldn’t have.

 

Soon, he knew the Palace corridors like those of his own home. The Emperor and Empress took a great liking to him, treating him as almost their own son, and allowed him to study with the other boyars, despite his status. Baekhyun grew up alongside the royal family, quickly gaining recognition in the aristocratic world, As years passed, people forgot that Baekhyun came from a peasant family, and saw him as Praetor Byun Baekhyun, the Crown Prince’s right hand man.

 

In all honesty though, Baekhyun was just Chanyeol’s best friend, someone who looked after him well after he passed his childhood. And Baekhyun would never admit it, but Chanyeol was, in a way, also his guardian, his sun who lit the road ahead of him, leading him into countless tomorrows and endless futures.

 

 

 

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Baekhyun really wished he was anywhere else but here right now.

 

Normally, he’d love to have Chanyeol to himself, even for a mere five minutes, but now, all he wanted was to get away, to blend into the crowd and fade away from the world like he normally does. Too bad Chanyeol was blocking the doorway and it really didn’t look like he’s going to be able to get past him.

 

With a sigh, he leaned against the wall, eyes staring down the tiny hallway at the side of the chapel.

 

“What?” He finally asked, rubbing his toe against the diamond-patterned carpet and refusing to meet Chanyeol’s gaze.

 

He heard a small chuckle of disbelief, but resisted the urge to look up. Suddenly, soft fingers lifted his chin up, and Baekhyun finally looked at Chanyeol.

 

“After all that, the first thing you say to me is ‘what’?” Chanyeol murmured softly, eyes gentle and sad.

 

It took everything for Baekhyun to look at this Chanyeol--so vulnerable and candid--and maintain a cool, stoic facade. He met Chanyeol’s gaze steadily, and tilted his head.

 

“What else can I say?”

 

His voice was low, almost imperceptible with the muffled hum of voices still in the church hall. It was calm, unnaturally so, but the equanimity was just a thin sheet of ice, ready to crack under pressure at any time.

 

Chanyeol’s eyes searched Baekhyun’s face, for what, Baekhyun didn’t know and didn’t want to know. Simplicity often came with ignorance, and even though Baekhyun was not an ignorant person, he wouldn’t mind Chanyeol thinking of him as one.

 

The silence stretched taut between the two of them as the seconds ticked by. Chanyeol was still standing too close, and Baekhyun could feel his warm breath against the tip of his nose. With the proximity of Chanyeol and the suffocating silence, Baekhyun wanted to scream and let out the building panic that was manifesting behind his chest.

 

“Nothing else? Nothing at all?” Chanyeol whispered after a few impossibly long minutes.

 

Baekhyun let the question hang in the air for a couple of extra seconds, entertaining the impossible idea of saying yes, yes there was something else, before taking a deep breath and momentarily squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them again, after a split second, he shook his head and offered Chanyeol a grim smile.

 

“No. Nothing else.”

 

Baekhyun could hear the sound of his heart shattering and his world collapsing in front of him as he watched Chanyeol’s face fall piece by piece. Chanyeol stepped away, finally, with a sense of lethargy weighing down his steps. The gap between them grew, and Baekhyun thought he could breathe again, but each gulp of air he took was like sharp edges of glass slicing through his windpipe and shredding his lungs.

 

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, voice quiet and raw, eyes staring steadfastedly at the ground.

 

As simple as that. Okay.

 

Walls were built.

 

“Okay,” he repeated, lifting his head and grinning brightly at Baekhyun. “I understand.”

 

The drive home passed by in a blur, and Baekhyun could only remember the hot tears skimming down the slopes of his cheeks and the skin of his hand as he roughly wiped them away, reminding himself again and again that he shouldn’t cry, that this was for the better, and that this was his fault and he had no right to any tears.

 

He hated the way Chanyeol masked pain with smiles that didn’t reach his eyes, because his smile was Baekhyun’s sun, and that was something Baekhyun could not afford to lose but inevitably something he had destroyed.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

“If this is about my working and sleeping habits, I do not want to hear about it,” Baekhyun said as greeting.

 

Kyungsoo was standing in his doorway, mouth half-open and ready to speak. He blinked and closed it before shaking his head. With a sigh, Baekhyun let Kyungsoo in and trudged back into his bedroom, burying himself in his blankets.

 

“When did you sleep last night?” Kyungsoo asked once he plopped himself down on the bed next to Baekhyun, one hand rubbing his back soothingly.

 

“I just said--” Baekhyun began as he lifted his head to look at Kyungsoo.

 

“Shut up Baekhyun.”

 

With a groan Baekhyun flopped back down onto his blankets and rolled himself into a burrito.

 

“Five in the morning. I think I slept for two hours before I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep again.”

 

Kyungsoo clucked his tongue disapprovingly and glanced at the pile of paperwork on Baekhyun’s desk.

 

“Are you finished with all that?” He asked, surprise lacing his voice.

 

Baekhyun gave an affirmative sound and Kyungsoo patted him encouragingly.

 

“Good job, anyone else would’ve taken a week. You finished it in a night.”

 

“I don’t think that’s something to be proud of.”

 

“Well…”

 

The pause in Kyungsoo’s voice raised alarm bells in Baekhyun’s head, and he immediately sat up, only to be met by a steely, almost angry expression on Kyungsoo’s face.

 

“It damn well is more prideful than anything else you’ve done in your sorry life,” Kyungsoo snapped, smoothing out the blankets and yanking them away from Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun yelped, desperately trying to grab hold of his comfort zone, but Kyungsoo was ruthlessly, bundling it up and tossing it behind his back.

 

“What the hell were you thinking?” He growled menacingly.

 

And as courageous and valiant as Praetor Byun was, Baekhyun shrinked away from Kyungsoo’s icy gaze.

 

“Why are you so angry?” He squeaked, snatching a pillow and burying his face in it.

 

There was something extremely comforting about hiding oneself from the world, and Baekhyun wished he could just live in the shelter of his blankets and pillows. Kyungsoo sighed at his friend’s pitiful state and refrained from taking the pillow away too.

 

“Chanyeol gave up an entire wedding for you, and you just indirectly rejected him? Does that even make sense?”

 

“Yes,” Baekhyun muttered stubbornly. “Perfect sense.”

 

And it did, in Baekhyun’s world.

 

“No it doesn’t.

“Yes it does!” Baekhyun jumped up on his bed, exasperated and tired and just wanting to be alone.

 

If Kyungsoo was startled by Baekhyun’s sudden behavior, he did not show it.

 

He leveled his gaze with Baekhyun’s and said clearly, “No, it does not. Think about it. We all know you like him. He likes you. He gave up his wedding just so you two can have a chance, and you just flushed it down the drain. It’s not like he’s going to be marrying Princess Joohyun anymore, so why couldn’t you have just gone with the flow?”

 

“But he’s going to marry another princess,” Baekhyun muttered, sinking back down onto the bed and curling into a ball, arms wrapped around his knees.

 

“What?”

 

“He’s going to marry another princess,” Baekhyun said louder. “One day. Maybe in a year, maybe in a month, but eventually, he will.”

 

It was true, Baekhyun thought. Chanyeol was the heir to the throne, which meant he had to produce his own heir once he becomes Emperor. He could not wed a man if he wanted to have a child, and thus, he had to marry a woman, whether or not it was against his wishes. Baekhyun’s arms tightened around his knees as his mind replayed these thoughts again--the same ones he had once he realized that he was in love with Chanyeol and there was no future for the two of the them.

 

There was a sigh from Kyungsoo’s direction, and Baekhyun looked up with a dull expression. He was surprised to see Kyungsoo looking amused.

 

“What,” he asked a bit angrily, throwing one of his spare pillows at him.

 

Kyungsoo caught it and gave a little laugh.

 

“Baekhyun, he would give up the world for you, and you’re afraid he won’t give up his throne for you? If it meant the two of you could be together, he would tear off his arms and legs,” Kyungsoo said, scooting closer to hug Baekhyun’s small frame.

 

He pulled Baekhyun in, resting his chin on Baekhyun’s head.

 

“He would do anything for you,” Kyungsoo whispered.

 

Baekhyun began to shake, and he could feel the tell-tale clench in his chest as tears began to trickle out again, He fisted the front of Kyungsoo’s shirt and tried to stifle his sobs.

 

“But I don’t want that,” he gasped quietly. “I don’t want that.”

 

“Then what do you want?” Kyungsoo asked gently, rocking Baekhyun back and forth like a mother would do for her child.

 

It was a long while before Baekhyun answered, even after the tears at subsided and his eyes had dried.

 

“I don’t know,” he finally said, looking up at Kyungsoo.

 

Baekhyun wasn’t sure why it hurt so much to say these words, but he thought it’s perhaps the undeniable truth in theM.

 

It took a while for Baekhyun to recover, wrapped in Kyungsoo’s arms and drifting in and out of consciousness. It was well into late afternoon when Baekhyun finally pulled away from Kyungsoo’s embrace and slid off the bed.

 

“I’m hungry,” he muttered as he shuffled into his slippers and headed to the kitchen. “Do you want something to eat?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Baekhyun opened the cupboards, filled with boxes and boxes of cereal that Chanyeol had stowed away there. He grabbed a nearest one and poured a good amount into a large bowl, handing it to Kyungsoo, before doing the same for himself.

 

“Milk’s in the fridge,” he said as he sat down on a kitchen stool and began to eat the cereal dry.

 

Kyungsoo stared at the cereal, and then at his friend.

 

“Baekhyun.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“This is cereal.”

 

“Uh.” Baekhyun blinked. “I know?”

Kyungsoo could only sigh and sit himself in front of Baekhyun, propping his chin in his hands as he watched his friend eat the bowl of cereal with mad haste. He ate his own slowly, eyes never leaving Baekhyun.

 

The picture was heartbreaking.

 

“Is this all you’ve been eating?”

 

Baekhyun grunted and shrugged his shoulders before dumping himself another bowl.

 

“It’s easy to make,” he said after a while, finally deciding that he’s had enough and standing up to put away the box.

 

Kyungsoo followed him to the cupboard and whistled at the rows of cereal.

 

“Wow. How do you have so many?”

 

Baekhyun stiffened, before relaxing a second later, slumping onto the counter so it held his weight.

 

“Chanyeol bought all of it,” he said softly. “He liked eating breakfast here, so he would stock up on cereal.”

 

Kyungsoo patted Baekhyun sympathetically and hugged him close.

 

“Well, on the bright side, you’ll never run out of cereal now.”

 

Baekhyun could only return a weak smile.

 

 

 

 

After Kyungsoo left, Baekhyun did what he had been doing for the past week--burying himself in work. Paperwork had piled up after the coup, and now he was shoveling his way through the stack of files, already nearly done with all of them.

 

He worked at a frightening pace, never pausing, even when the sun has gone down. Some days, he forgot about meals and ended up eating twice the amount when he did remember. His eyes were dry from constantly reading the miniscule print, and his hands were tired from signing report after report, but he found the slight stings of pain comforting almost, and it distracted him from the hollow pit in his stomach.

 

Hours passed without notice, and he placed both his clocks and calendars face down, so as to not be reminded about the time he had spent away from Chanyeol. The longest had been a month when Chanyeol had gone on a trip to Thailand, but even then, he would call twice a week and text him almost daily. This sort of lack of communication was something Baekhyun had never experienced before, and he hated it.

 

There was nothing else to do but drown himself in redundant reports over casualties suffered and economic losses. The grim reality that had been the consequence of the coup d’etat trivializedd his own matters and took his mind off them. There were moments where he’d be so immersed in reading the reports that he’d forget about Chanyeol for a second--just a split second--but then, he’d see Chanyeol’s name somewhere, and all the pain and memories would come rushing back again.

 

It was like swimming in the turbulent sea, the shore still in sight but too far away to reach. A sense of overwhelming despair never left him, and it was the sudden acknowledgement of doom that would leave him breathless and gasping for air every time.

 

Sometimes, he’d feel like giving up, and he’d stop whatever he was doing to stare blankly out of his window--even when it was dark outside. Drowning was a tempting option, and he didn’t mind it too much, as long as it meant that the aching in his heart would numb and he’d forget about all of the agony

 

 

 

 

It was two in the morning, and Baekhyun was finally wrapping up the last report. He was working slowly, dreading the moment he’d finish. He’s just about to sign his name when his phone began to ring, startling him out of his chair.

 

“Holy crap, who calls this late in the night,” he muttered to himself as he strode to his dresser to pick up the phone.

 

The caller ID was private, and he contemplated not picking up the phone, before finally sliding his finger over the screen, convinced that a phone call could do no harm.

 

“Hello?” He said, voice hoarse from hours of disuse.

 

He cleared his throat and waited for a reply. The static on the other line didn’t cease, and for a short second, Baekhyun had a wild idea that the caller was a serial killer. He was just about to hang up after half a minute when suddenly, a voice spoke.

 

“Hey.”

 

The word was short, but the voice was undeniably Chanyeol’s. Baekhyun could recognize his voice anywhere.

 

He climbed onto his bed and leaned back against the wall, bracing himself for the conversaton.

 

“What’s up?” He asked, keeping his voice steady and light.

 

There was a pause.

 

“Not much. I-I just wanted to hear your voice.”

 

“Oh.”

 

The conversation was awkward and stilted--something that’s never happened before. It marked a shift in their relationship, and it hurt Baekhyun to realize that it was because of him.

 

“So, how are you?” Chanyeol asked.

 

“I’m alright,” Baekhyun replied, toying with the stray threads of his blankets. “Just finishing up some paperwork.”

 

Chanyeol chuckled humorlessly. “Don’t overwork yourself.”

 

Baekhyun wanted to scream at Chanyeol to stop being nice to him, to stop caring about him, because Baekhyun was selfish and mean and didn’t deserve the love Chanyeol so tenderly showered upon him. Instead, he took a deep breath.

 

“I won’t,” he whispered, trying to keep the tremors out of his voice. “You don’t, too.”

 

“I know. Don’t worry.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Silence fell over the two of them, but they didn’t hang up. They stayed on the line, content in just hearing the static on the phone, knowing that they were still there, still with them, even for such a short time. For a moment, Baekhyun forgot about all his troubles and misery, and focused on Chanyeol’s breathing--steady and quiet.

 

The call went on for the entire night, even after Baekhyun had fallen asleep with the phone to his ears. When he woke up nine in the morning, a crick in his neck from having slept through half the night sitting up before lying down, he realized that the call had only be cut off five minutes ago.

 

 

 

 

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A/N: Hi guys! I'm back :) Sorry this chapter took so long--school got in the way. Anyways, I hope you liked it (and sorry for it being sort of short, lol).

Follow me on Tumblr if you want to find me.

Anddd the formatting for the story is weird. Sorry. T_T