Standing at the door to Chanyeol’s room, your clap your hands together and take a deep breath.

It’s just another day of visiting Chanyeol. There’s nothing to worry about. You reach out to the door handle and push it down, opening the door afterwards. Yes, that’s it. It’s just another normal day of visiting Chanyeol, your friend, not your crush, your friend.

Here I go.

You fake a big smile, looking up from the floor, beaming, “Hello! Chan—“ you freeze. Holy mother of freak. Chanyeol jumps in joy on his bed when he sees you but you can’t stop staring at his head. No, correction, at the thing on his head. “Chanyeol!” you exclaim, holding your hand up at his direction. “What is that?”

He tilts his head and points at his head. “This? It’s a wig!” he smiles widely at you. At his hyperness and non-stop bouncing on the bed, the wig slowly slides a little off his head but he quickly positions it back.

Your eye starts twitching. You don’t know whether to laugh at this sight or slap some sense into Chanyeol; something that you have longed to do. “It’s orange!”

“It’s not permanent,” he jokes, rolling his eyes playfully. “And it’s a fun color!”

You’re on the verge of pulling all your hair out yourself; making yourself as bald as him. “It’s orange! Chanyeol, it’s orange!” It’s not even the normal, blend-in-the-crowd orange. It’s a freaking I’ll-burn-your-eyes neon kind of orange.

“The kids love it!” he pouts, aware of how angry you are right now. “It makes people happy.”

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t?” you state, crossing your arms. “You look like a clown.”

He drops his head down a little, then looking back up at you with puppy dog eyes. “But clown makes people happy, right?”

You heave out a breath of annoyance. It’s not that you’re mad, not entirely, at least. It’s just that you can’t stand this non-selfish side of Chanyeol; this side of him that just wants to make people happy even though if it means making a fool out of himself. But if people actually are happy to see Chanyeol like this, you disapprove of it.

Chanyeol makes you happy without the need to change himself or pull some tricks out his sleeves. He doesn’t need to wear a ridiculous wig or tell lame jokes because all it takes to make you happy is to see him smile genuinely. It doesn’t have to be a wide, big or exaggerated smile. A simple one will do. You don’t show it and Chanyeol probably doesn’t know about it but it’s the truth.

And if people can’t be happy just because and only because of his smile, then maybe you should just keep Chanyeol to yourself. He’s not selfish but you are. You don’t mind being selfish if protecting Chanyeol means so.

“But I’m not happy,” you admit and reach out for his wig, pulling it off after that. Your eyes widen and you quickly put it right back onto his head. You bite in your laughter when you see this new look of Chanyeol. You know it’s rude for you to laugh but you just couldn’t help it. You just need the time to take this all in. “You know what, maybe we should get you a new wig,” you decide to jokingly say. He sighs as you plop yourself next to him. Cocking your head lower so you can see his face that is facing down, you tell him, “Hey, I was just kidding. You don’t look bad. You know, being bald and all.”

He nods. “I know.” Slowly, he pulls off his wig and holds it with both hands, resting them on his lap. “I thought you would actually be happy when you see me in it but you were angry instead.”

No, not again. You sigh. “Don’t tell me you only got it because of me.” You search for his eyes but they’re not meeting yours so you close your eyes, turn your head away and sigh again. “Chanyeol, didn’t I tell you that you don’t have to do all these crazy things just so you can make me happy?”

“I’m sorry.” He puts the wig away. “I won’t do it again,” he promises apologetically.

“Why did you shave your head bald?” you ask, confused at his sudden decision. His hair is dropping a lot but that doesn’t mean he has to shave them all off.

He remains silent, acting like he’s done something wrong again. He slowly looks over to you with a tinge of fear; fear that you might get mad at him. “Because you seem sad when you saw them dropping,” he tells the truth, and for once, you know that he’s not lying. He finally learnt to not lie just to make you happy. But again, being the insatiable girl that you always are, you can’t accept the fact that he’s doing it just because of the sake of not making you angry.

You feel like going all hell on him, maybe even scream some sense into him. Wanting him to know that you’re not worth his time, hoping that he can spend his time on better things. But you know that will just break his heart. At this point, you can’t afford to break his heart even more. If Chanyeol can be unselfish for you, why can’t you be more thoughtful for him?

You place your hand on his, slowly holding it. “Thank you.” Something that you have never bring yourself to say more to Chanyeol. He gives you a smile, the smile that you wish will happen more often. Quickly enough, you lean closer to his face and press your lips on his cheek. You didn’t pull back immediately and when you do, Chanyeol glance over to you with widen eyes. But behind those shocked-filled eyes of his, you see regrets and apologies as well. Leaning back to your side of the bed, you squeeze his hand. “I know,” you begin. “I know where the boundary is.”

A tear escape your eye and Chanyeol notices it. He pulls your head closer to his shoulder gently and rests his head on yours. You two stay in that position for a long time, with no words spoken.

The silence is just what the two of you need and you clearly know if someone is to say something, one of you is bound to start tearing. You can bet that it’ll be you although Chanyeol is clearly the more emotional one here.

Silence is good.

It’s better