“Chanyeol, where are you taking me?”

He turns his head back to where you are, continuing to run forward while pulling you by your hand. “You’ll see!”

You didn’t question him after that, trying to catch up to his pace instead. He seems so eager to get you to the place he’s heading to. You have no idea where he’s bringing you but from the looks of it, since you guys just exited the hospital from the west main door, you figure that the surprise is set in the garden.

It is a Sunday and the garden seems awfully quiet and empty for a Sunday. Normally, you would only visit Chanyeol after school, which means you rarely set foot into the hospital during weekends. And you’ve gotten yourself a part-time job lately since you know, not like Chanyeol, your parents’ money won’t last you a lifetime. That just adds on the reason why you don’t visit Chanyeol during weekends but you do drop by sometimes.

Sometimes, pft, today is supposingly your fifth day to be at work but you’ve already took 3 days off. You’re surprised how your boss hasn’t fired you yet. He’s nice, you think, or maybe too nice. You shudder at the thought of his creepy smirk whenever you step into your workplace, which is the coffee shop the date with Kai took place. That place has no female workers, making you the first one. Come to think of it, your boss is really kind of scary.

Just then, Chanyeol stops on his track abruptly and you accidentally bump into his back. You wince and rub your forehead as he quickly turns to you, grabbing onto your arms to steady you. You squint up at his worried face, thinking, it’s either he’s getting thinner to the point that a thin layer of skin is what’s left over his bones or he just has a very strong back with tightly packed muscles. Muscles, you snicker inwardly, Chanyeol can’t possibly has muscles.

Nothing comes out from Chanyeol’s mouth but from his expression, you know very well that he’s wondering if you’re fine. You hold up an ‘ok’ sign and nod a few. With that, he smiles and pulls you in for a sudden hug which makes you widen your eyes in complete shock and confusion. Your knees can’t help but feel weak and you wrap your arms around his thin waist, just in case you needed the support. That stupid reason aside, you just want to hug him whenever you can because being in his arms is the best feeling anyone can never offer. Closing your eyes, you form a smile against his chest.

“Eli,” Chanyeol calls your name, breaking the silence and you nod in respond. He slowly pulls away from the hug and in between that, you look over his shoulder and see someone staring at the both of you.

You pop your head from the side of Chanyeol’s figure and narrow your eyebrows. “Kai?” Chanyeol turns around and now both of you are facing that person that has been staring at you guys quietly. “Why are you here?”

Kai smiles and nudge his chin at Chanyeol’s direction. Looking back at him, Chanyeol blushes and scratches the back of his bandana-covered head. “Surprise?”

You sigh and cross your arms, rolling your eyes at that. Kai is the surprise? After all these while, after all the times you’ve told him not to set you up with anyone, he’s still doing it? Is Chanyeol really incapable of taking orders? Especially orders from you?

“Chanyeol, listen to me. You have to stop—“

“No, wait!” Chanyeol holds both hands up in front of you. “Let me talk first.”

“Fine,” you say, tilting your head up, almost in a cocky way with your chin up high. “Speak.”

Chanyeol reaches to your crossed arms and unfolded them. Holding onto both of your hands, he looks at you deeply with sincerity while you can’t help but look back and forth from Chanyeol to Kai. It’s really kind of awkward, having Kai staring at both of you.

“I’m never good with words,” he begins softly. Really? You eye him weirdly. Because you never seem to shut up. “I mean, I’ve never done this before so…” he trails off but continues briefly after. “And I never felt this way before,” he adds, “I was the one who asked you to open your heart and let people in, you listened to me and you did. It doesn’t matter who you let in. I’m happy for you but for me, I’m disappointed in myself.” He pauses with a sigh but you didn’t interrupt. You want to hear what he has to say. “All those while, I was just pretending about keeping my heart open. It was never open. I acted like it was but it wasn’t.”

“Chanyeol,” you say his name softly, almost to tears. You don’t even know why you’re being so emotional lately, especially when it comes to Chanyeol talking. Maybe it is because his voice is not as strong and firm as compared to the 3 months back. “What are you trying to say?”

“My heart was closed ever since I knew about my condition. And even though I said I would live my last few months differently, I did but my heart never change. I longed for it to open again, to accept people who love me. Melody, Heojin, the old folks, the staffs. I only know I love them, coming from my mind, but I never get to feel it from my heart.” His grip tightens and you feel the coldness of his skin overcoming the heat of your hands, radiating into your skin. His stare deepens. “Until you came.”

You are unsure of replying him. You know very well he’s going to confess again but you can’t pull yourself to listen to it. Another confession will just make things worse. It will just force you to distance yourself from Chanyeol. It will just make you blame yourself more for his death although you know very well you’re not the cause of it but it’s just something that you’re used to. You blame yourself for everyone’s death; those people who are around you.

And for many reasons, you don’t want to blame yourself for Chanyeol’s death because it’s something that you can’t live with. Blaming yourself for the death of someone you love is the biggest pain, you figure, you can ever face. You don’t want that. You want to continue living with the thought of being able to bringing a smile to Chanyeol’s face when he’s alive.

Before he can say anything more, you beat him to it, sighing, “Chanyeol, don’t do this. Please, don’t do this.”

He shakes his head. “It’s something I need to do before I regret it. Before I die.”

You drop your head, covering your face from his sight and secretly blink the tears off your eye sockets. “Chanyeol, don’t mention that word.”

He grabs your arm and shakes you slightly while you continue to stare down at the grassy land with blurry vision. Tears keep on falling, as though the sky is raining, forming droplets on a few grasses. “I love you, Eli. You know that right? I love you.”

When someone you love confesses to you, a normal person will feel happy and probably feel like he or she is the luckiest person in the world. Your feelings got half of that covered, without a doubt, you feel like the luckiest person alive. But you’re not happy. You don’t feel a tinge of happiness but instead, tears start building up more.

“I… I-I love you too.” That is the last straw; you burst out crying even more. Sniffing and gasping for air while holding tight onto Chanyeol’s sleeves as you slowly drop onto the ground.

Does it hurt to love someone? Would it hurt more when you actually lose someone you love for the first time? You grudged over your parents’ death but when it comes to knowing Chanyeol is leaving you soon, it’s more than that. It’s pure agony. Your heart feels like it’s completely wrenched out and is never returned back to you.

Chanyeol kneels down in front of you and embrace you within his arms; your body is tiny compared to his. He’s weak because of his condition but you feel weaker. You can’t stop crying and your tear ducts stubbornly won’t stop producing tears. You hate this new part of you. You hate crying and feeling weak. Felicity Kwon is never we