“Hi, Eli.” You look up from your plate and see Kai. He puts down his tray and pulls out a chair, sitting across you. “Uhm, I came back to see you and Chanyeol yesterday but you two—“

“Fell asleep?” you cut in, staring at your plate while playing with your food. “I know.”

“Is something wrong?”

You freeze. Yes, there’s something wrong. Chanyeol isn’t telling me anything other than lies. Slowly looking up, you place your fork down. “I gave up,” you say frankly while Kai just eye you confusedly. “I gave up. Chanyeol convinced me to open my heart again and you know, let people in. I did. I tried.” You pause, burying your face into your hands. “Gosh, how can I be so stupid? How can I be so reckless?”

I like you too. That sentence repeats itself in your head once again. Chanyeol and you actually told each other that you guys like one another. Like, as far as you are aware of, the feelings you guys have for each other are more than just friends now. It’s weird and annoying how you two decide to just act like nothing happened, like it doesn’t matter when it means a lot to you. You don’t know about him and you can’t think for him, but for you, it’s a big deal.

The last thing you want to do now is cry. What’s worse is letting Kai see you cry. Your heart is at the verge of being torn apart again; into pieces. Before this, you can guarantee that you’ll be fine because your heart always heals itself. Now, you can’t. You don’t know why, Chanyeol’s probably the only reason why, but you know it will never be healed easily this time.

“Eli, I—“

You cut in again, chuckling bitterly, “You know what’s funny?” Kai shakes his head, staring at your teary and strained eyes. “He actually told me to ask you out. Can you believe that guy?” you ask Kai, picking up your fork again. You shake your head and stab onto a piece of broccoli, then staring at it with a glare. Honestly, it somehow reminds you of that mental case you are talking about. You know, his fluffy, curly hair and the florets. “You disappoint me,” you hiss at the broccoli, shoving it into your mouth after that.

Kai clears his throat as you continue chewing. “Uhm, so do you want to go out?”

You stop chewing and gulp the remaining down. Giving him your best are-you-kidding look, you say, “Excuse me?”

“Never mind,” he mutters, looking down at his plate only to look back up a few seconds later. “Oh, or are you already with Baekhyun?”

You have forgotten that you already told Kai about Baekhyun during one of the times where you were waiting for Chanyeol to return from his daily check-up. Of course, Kai didn’t really comment much on Baekhyun since your story about Baekhyun ended up with him being the complete opposite of a jerk that you thought he was at first.

You narrow your eyebrows, bringing your head back a little. “Were you not listening to me?” He clearly wasn’t. “I thought it was pretty obvious I lik—“ you come to a sudden stop. You close your eyes and wave your hand vaguely at Kai. “You know what, forget it. No, I’m not with Baekhyun.” You sigh. “I’ll never be with Baekhyun.”

“Never is a long time,” Kay says softly. He then looks into your eyes and you feel your airway constricting. “How sure are you?”

You cross your arms. “I’m very sure.”

“If Chanyeol actually suggested you to go out with me, what makes you think Chanyeol won’t tell you the same thing about Baekhyun?”

“He won’t,” you say firmly. You’re very sure. You have never been so sure in your entire 18 years.

He sighs. “You didn’t tell him about Baekhyun, didn’t you?”

You nod. It’s not like you purposely want to hide the topic of Baekhyun from Chanyeol. You just don’t see the reason why Chanyeol should know about Baekhyun. And knowing how Chanyeol really is, he just won’t stop at the basic introduction of Baekhyun but rather to the point where you will be forced to actually give Baekhyun and you a chance. To put it in a more harsh way of saying it, you will be tricked. Convinced will still be an understatement.

You know Chanyeol mean well. All these while, after how many times he reminds you that that’s what friends are for, you know Chanyeol just want you to be happy. And if making sure that someone will be taking good care of you and providing you love is what it takes for you to be happy after he leaves, he will do just that.

But how can you actually be happy after knowing that developing feelings for Chanyeol is a big no-no? Something that is forbidden. How can you actually be happy after knowing and confirming what you feel for Chanyeol is real?

Yet, you can’t love Chanyeol. You’re not allowed to. Chanyeol won’t let you and you won’t let yourself either although your heart wants otherwise.

It’s just a confusing relationship between the both of you. You’re surprised how you’re coping with it rather well. At least, that’s what you think. Because all you need to do is to not fall deeper for him. That should be easy for you. You’ve been doing it for so long. But all those years, your heart was closed. Not now.

You snap back to reality from your thoughts and you see Kai eating his food quietly, staring down at his plate. You take in a deep breath and prepare yourself mentally before telling him, “When are you free?”

He his head up, staring at you, perplexed. “I’m sorry?”

You force out a small smile, not wanting to be obvious of your plan to put away the feeling you have for Chanyeol for good. “Let’s go out.”

“Look, Eli, don’t force yourself to actually go out with me. I’m fine—“

“Can you please just help me?” you interrupt, being the impatient and rude girl that you’ve been this entire conversation. “Are we friends? Friends will help each other,” you quote Chanyeol.

He breathes out a small laugh, shaking his head. “Fine,” he beg