Ren POV

I went to the market around the corner, taking Sangmin with me, wrapped in his fluffy blue blanket. I didn't like putting Sangmin in a stroller all the time and while I heard it was bad for a child's emotional development to constantly hold them, I thought Sangmin needed to be as cloe to his umma as possible for now. I bought fresh fruits and veggies and some meat, hoping to find the time to make something nice for JR that night. I then headed to the convenience store to buy wha I'd been putting off for the the past two weeks since I slept with JR.

A pregnancy test.

As much as I loved babies, considering my little sangminnie, I knew there was no way that I could possibly handle having another child, especially this soon. I needed some kind of independence from JR before I could even consider having another kid. I probably should've thought about the fact that I hadn't finished high school and had never even worked a part time job before I decided to get serious with JR. He had control over me, emotionally, physically and truthfully, financially, and that last one was as true as ever. Before, I only had myself to think about, and I probably could've gone to Baekho or someone for a few days, or roughed it with some other friends. But now, those options simply weren't reasonable. I had a child who was barely two months old, and JR was our only source of income. 

I headed home with all my groceries giggling at my adorable baby making little noises as I held him in my free left arm. He was so light for his age and it made me nervous, but the doctor told me he would catch up. I unlocked the front door and then placed Sangmin a fluffy blanket on the floor with his toys around him. He squirmed around made cute noises and I couldn't resist tickling his tummy. I then headed into the kitchen to make dinner. 

Halfway through cutting the vegetable I heard the front door open and I couldn't help but smile. I wiped my hands off on my apron before going into the living room and hugging him. 

"Hey, honey. Is that dinner I smell?" I nodded and he kissed both my cheeks before walking over to Sangmin and kneeling down over him. "How's my baby, today?" Sangmin made noises at him and JR tickled him on his stomach before picking him up and following me back into the kitchen. We chatted idly about nothing in particular, JR playing with our son more than actually paying attention but I couldn't complain. JR grabbed the box on the counter and at first I wondered what could be left in the grocery bag, before panicking as soon as I remembered. 

"Why do you have these? Are you...?" I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I haven't had morning sickness or anything but some people don't get it until later, and some people don't get it at all. It's better to just make sure." He sighed and Sangmin's head. "What are you going to do if you are?"  I shrugged again, hugging myself. "What can I do? I'll keep them and raise them and love them." JR moved closer to me and we got into a family group hug. "I don't want to be pregnant again JR. I just can't right now..." He shushed me as i started to tear up, and sniffle. "We'll handle whatever happens as it happens, okay? We'll do this together. I mean it's partially my fault. I had with you without a even though you asked me to use one.... I'm sorry baby. I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking you know? I was in the moment and I couldn't wait another second to have you. I shouldn't have been so careless. I love you." I smiled at his words, suprised that he admitted he'd been wrong at some point.

(Later that night...) 

I watched JR from the door way as he sang to Sangmin, his voice a little rusty but it was cute. JR rarely sang and it was usually only to Sangmin at night, but he wasn't bad at all. JR trailed off in his song, leaned into the crib to kiss Sangmin's forehead then turned around. He jumped when he saw me, and then laughed nervously. "Ren, don't just stand there silently like a creeper, you scared the daylights out of me." He put his hands on my waist and kissed my forehead. "Did you... do it yet?" I nodded and snuggled into his shoulder, not wanting to talk about it. "Not yet, I'll do it tonight before I go to bed. Let's go have some tea, I already have the kettle on the stove and I got you that orange spice tea you like so much." He kissed my forehead again then led me to the kitchen.

We sat and had tea and cookies I made from scratch, joking and actually being teenagers for once. I felt like I'd grown up to fast, like I'd never truly gotten the opportunity to act like an idiot and have no worries. It saddened me how much I was going to miss because of Sangmin. I wasn't going to graduate with my class, or go to prom, or get to go to homecoming any more or any of the things that before, had just been taken for granted as things I was naturally going to get to do at my age. 

JR shook me gently, "Baby, let's go to bed. You seem kind of out of it." I let him lead me to our bedroom. I took a detour into the bathroom and reached into the cupboard under the sink where I'd hid the tests. I went through the instructions, doing as I was told and then I waited...and waited, and waited.

Finally, after 10 minutes I picked up the stick and held back a sob as I looked at the results. A plus sign showed in the little white space and I screamed, unable to control myself. I hit the wall with my right hand repeatedly and knocked bottles of lotion, makeup and cleasers off the counters. I ripped the towels off the rack and threw them to the floor. I hit the mirror with my palm open and knocked our toothbrushes into the sink. I was so angry, at him for ruining my life, at myself for being stupid enough to stay with him.

I stared at the test again suddenly losing all my energy and just sobbed leaning against the wall. Why was this happening to me. I didn't even want this baby. It was all JR's fault, he forced it into me, and now I was screwed again. I heard the bathroom door open, and even though I knew it was him I didn't even move. I started to slide down the wall but he grabbed me and held me up in his arms. "What's wrong? Baby, what's the matter with you, why are you like this?" I tried to push him away, but I just couldn't find any strength.

"Get away from me...It's all your fault! It's all..." I trailed off just crying into his chest, my hands, formerly pushing against his chest, now grabbing handfuls of his shirt and leaning into him as we slid down to the floor together. "I don't know what you're talking about... Ren, please, talk to me." His voice cracked and I tried to stop myself from crying. Eventually we were both just breathing hard on the floor afraid to let go of the other. 

"The test... the test came back positive. I don't even know where I dropped it...I...JR it's all your ing fault. You always hurt me and you never think about what you're doing to me! You just ing treat me however you want to, and you never consider my feelings. You ed up my life JR. I know it takes two to tango but you me! I told you no...I told you! I've been telling you since the first time you ever hurt me to stop, but you don't listen. Because you just assume that I'm going to be here for you always. You take me for granted. I'll always love you JR, but you can only push me so far and so hard. I can't keep doing this with you. Can't you see that this is crazy?"

He held on to me tighter. "I'm sorry... I know. Don't you think I know? I've always wondered why you were still with me, but then I was just happy that you stayed. I'll fix this, Ren. I'll be better. I promise." I kissed his cheek then pulled myself out of his arms. I stood and opened the bathroom door, and stopped right as I was about to leave, hearing my name. "Ren, I'm trying..."

I shook my head and held back my tears. "Try Harder."

OMO, our poor Ren! Anyway I'm back again :) I bet some of you want to beat me with some for taking so long but it's exam time! anyway, mian, I'll try to be better. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I've sort of half written the next one...