Before he said anything I knew he was upset. It was written all over his pale complexion. He was conpletely heartbroken. It came to my surprise he hadn't broken into tears already, but his eyes told the story that he was about to. "Sehun-ah, wha-what happened?" Baekhyun's innocent voice rang over my being. His eyes drooped with sorrow as he watched the maknae mope his answers from his mouth. I couldn't exactly keep track of what he was saying. I was too focused on the face that Baekhyun, Byun Baekhyun was generally concerned for someone other than himself. What had this young boy done that changed my Baekhyun so entirely.

Without a fair warning Baekhyun slammed the tour bus door behind him disappearing into a mess of sobs coming from inside. The watering eyes Sehun wore only made me feel sympathetic. I wrapped my arms around him wishing he wouldn't cry. I hated it when he of all people would cry. He was the youngest of us all, it hurt me to see something so young, so fragile crumble right infront of me. My arms created a way for him to confront his feelings and calm himself a wee bit before we strolled along a feeling engraved farmer's ditch.

I hated every last bit of the silence that hovered over us. It left me to fight with my own thoughts. I thought of the many senerios of Sehun and Luhan fighting in my head. 'No' I thought, 'it can't be,' they were meant together weren't they? My head was throbbing, pushing the words off my tounge, "Sehun, you know you can trust me." I couldn't look at the troubled boy. In my head I was picturing Luhan and Sehun in Baekhyun and I's situation. If I were to bring Sehun and I's pupils together I would be afraid to see a spitting image of myself in him. I couldn't let myself get carried away like that. I ignores his approving nod, I was looking for a real answer, "Sehun.." I pressed on. Just from knowing Sehun I could see the situation Luhan and him confronted dancing around in his head.

"I just don't see how he can try so hard, then let it all go for Xiumin." Out of all the tones Sehun has used with me, this is the first time I have seen him honestly sad for himself. Maybe even a little angry with himself.
"Xiumin?" I was just thinking to myself. None of this made sense. Luhan had been with Xiumin that morning. I watched them, but Luhan was showing a great distaste. Why would he change his mind so suddenly? More than anything I wondered; why over Sehun?
"he was with him, planning for lunch. A lunch date." the last word spat from his mouth. His attitude was disgusted with luhan's behavior.

"You know, Baekhyun can be really difficult." the sentence flew off my tounge without letting me think. I kept in mind Baekhyun. Everything we were, everything we had. Yes, Baekhyun for sure could be difficult. Always teasing, and hiding away fromthe other members. He only ever wanted me to himself. Subconsciously I was telling Sehun all his flaws. Every little thing that bugged be about the doll faced small boy I loved. I let my head fall onto happier thoughts.

Yes, Baekhyun was a huge pain on the but he always cared, "But he never said anything bad about me. Never brought me down, or said anything that could hurt my self-esteem." everything was true. Baekhyun could be rude in a way, he was unhealthily obnoxious sometimes and a selective person. Someone he was always comfortably Baekhyun with, was me. But being comfortable isn't always better. Baekhyun and I were in love, but it was cutting a litte too close to home.

There was so many things the beautiful boy would plan out just to make me feel good throughout the day. He snuck hugs and kisses, each on putting me on an emotional high. I loved it all. To myself j always knew Baekhyun missed it, all our romantic touches and soft sweet kisses. Hiding like children away from all the other members. There were a lot of days I missed it too. I didnt have his long arms around me, or his warm smile shining from a distance. It made ms realize how much I actually was jealous of Sehun and Luhan. "He sees the two of you together and wants something like that. Something rebellious bt clean cut. Hidden bt open. Trusting, fun, a little weird. He wants to have a love like yours." As do I, I thought to myself. I had something though. If I only realized Baekhyun could be different, oh it would open up that loving world again. It would bring us closer. It would trap me in it's midst. "Baekhyun and I were together. Once. We were completely submerged in love. A hidden love, no one else knew. We were so good at sneaking around. He was- I mean he still is but- he's just different around me. It was a good different, it was the real Baekhyun. He puts on this front all the time and gets everything he wants. I guess I broke up with him because of that. You can get so close to someone emotionally or physically and once they are taken or pushed away from you, you start to realize what they are really like apart from you." I was drowning myself in my own pity. A large portion of me still loved Baekhyun's even thinking about the times we had shared made me want to beg him to take me back. But I had to hold up, Sehun's relationship was in chaos.

"when you were with luhan how did he act?" Right now the subject was touchy. It made Sehun confused and frustrated, but I still picked at his mindframe. "I know he acted differently with you then he did Xiumin. Sehun, just - please try." everything was pressuring him to talk. We both knew well that Xiumin didn't make Luhan act differently. Or not enough for us to catch with our eye.
"he was Luhan. Nothing more." Sehun was holding back. He could trust me but wouldn't tell me what was going on. I was becoming aggravated with him.
"Sehun-ah," my voice rolled over with a bit of restraint so I wasn't so aggressive. "He did, didn't he?" without any hesitation Sehun pulled himself into a unnatural,
"no," he was a liar. A bad one at that. Sehun acted different with Luhan the same way Baekhyun did with me. There was undoubtingly no way Xiumin was taking his place. Sehun just wouldn't let go of what he did see, a part from what actually happened.
"You're going to regret this" I murmured under my breath. All this instigation was pressing at Sehun's nerves.
"No I won't, why don't you stay out of this? You left Baek remember?" I wanted to fight back at him but held back. Stay out of this? You came to me! Urg, and Baekhyun? Why would he have to press my own personal story against me. "I hut something sensitive didn't I? Why exactly did you leave him, Chanyeol?" I was a coward. I backed down from my intimidating position over Sehun. Earlier before I convinced myself that Baekhyun was the reason for our break up. That he should take all the blame, but with Sehun and I's discussion I realizedthat maybe it was both of us., biting at the same bone. "You know what it feels like to have to let go of someone who means the world to you." he was clawing at all my sensitive Baekhyun memories. They played threw my head like my new favourite song. "When Baekhyun left you were upset weren't you? You didn't want to talk to anyone. It feels like you can't particiapte in your own kife, instead you have to watch it continue without you." I couldn't breathe, I was holding in my every breathe holding back the yells I would unleash on Sehun if I returned his speech. "That's how I feel Chanyeol-ah, don't tell me how I should feel." he bit the last happy memory floating in my head. I didn't move or give recognition that Sehun had just bantered me. I wanted to break down and cry with him. He was so upset. "Chanyeol, when I was talking about Baekhyun-ah I didn't mean to get into personal stuff. Its just you didn't relate. At his let words I spun my heels in the dirt and walked away. It was only a matter of time before I would be engulfed in music, earbuds blasting words. I can't believe how much I actually hated this.