It's never good to gain too much attachment to someone, because when you lose them, it's even harder.






" ____________ ."

You hear someone whispering your name.

Your stubborn eyes refuse to open and acknowledge the call though. You just feel like going back to sleep.


"____________ ."

It's more insistent this time.

And...


Kyungsoo.

Somehow that comprehension brings you closer to consciousness.


"Hummph...?" You manage an incoherent response, eyes struggling to keep up with the awakening of your throat.

"Are you ok?" His voice has a hint of amusement.


You mumble a dry "ok" but it comes out sounding like half way between a croak and "mmmph". When your brain finally connects vaguely with your visual system, you see Kyungsoo's beady round eyes and genial smile appear and then retreating from you as he straightens up from his bending.


"It's near evening. I thought I should wake you up for dinner." His voice is gentle, as if still coaxing you awake.

You push yourself into a sitting position and fleets a glance towards the clock beside you.

4:15.


Shuttles of memories triggers back and you remember the hike in the morning, now seemingly foreign like it happened yesterday.

"Gosh, I slept for quite a while." You rub your eyes and sniffs to clear the block in your left nostril.

"Nearly four hours." He nods.

"It must be all that exercise... Or maybe that big bowl of black bean paste noodles we ate, too much insulin." You moan.

"So are you hungry now?"

"I'm.. not sure. My stomach hasn't woke up yet."


Kyungsoo chuckles.

"Then let me know again when it does."

"Do you have anything you want to do?" You hook your legs over the side of the bed, reckoning it's time to get up anyway.

"My shift starts at 7, before that I'm pretty much available. Do you?"


You fathom your mom will be expecting you at the hospice.

Besides that, you never have anything to do on Saturday nights anyway. Your best friend Hae Jung saves it for her boyfriend and the other closer friends usually hangs out in cliques and you don't like entertaining large crowds. They almost always end up clubbing and you are not the drinking nor dancing type (nor gyrating with men who doesn't seem to understand there are people who go to clubs not seeking attention/flings/relationships).


"No. Maybe I'll visit my mom after dinner."

Kyungsoo nods. He's prepared for that answer.

"So we'll just go out for dinner?"

You eye him warily.

"Not too far. I've had enough exercise to last me a week."

He chortles.

"The only exercise you'll be doing is walking to the lift and downstairs for dinner." He assures with a short wave of the hand. "Unless you want to eat kimchi and ramen again at home?"

You are a bit embarrassed at that. You haven't done much grocery shopping since you don't eat a lot nowadays. You used to love cooking, the fridge stocked up nicely with fresh vegetables and meat every week. Now, you just lack the energy to do so.


Eating. Waking. Breathing. Practically everything that has got to do with acting like a normal human being.

Basically living.


"Plus I'm giving you a treat." He adds animatedly.

You are taken aback.

"Where did you get the money from?"

"I'm working aren't I? I got an advanced pay." He answers.

Albeit unusual, you didn't question further. Kyungsoo just silently thank Him again.


"That's nice. But you don't have to, you know, you'll need it for your way back to Ggyeongi-do." You reason.

"Nah, I don't need money there..." He laughs but stops when he sees your serious frown.

"What do you mean you don't need money there? You got family back there to support you?" You ask, a bit more pressing than you think. You have been ignoring the ambiguity of his background, but you don't want him to suffer because of you.

"Well, sort of, yes. I have everything I need back there." He says firmly and nods to double assure you.

"You sure?"

His head bobs even more furiously.

"Still..." You slacken a little. "You don't... have to... you know."

"I want to." He smiles as he bends again, his face just less than a metre away from yours. "To thank you."


You fight a creeping blush as you stumble, "T-Thank me for?"

"For being you."

_____________________


Kyungsoo thinks he must be very bad at fitting in to this world because he saw you turning red in the face when he said his thanks and glowering "I need to wash my face" before plodding out of the room.

What's worse is that the same weighty feeling he felt in the morning returns, only this time, it feels more like a rapid flutter in the chest and he is confused.

Is he having allergies to the air here?

He must ask Baekhyun when he meets him later.

______________________


You stay immobilized in front of the bathroom mirror, watching as beads of water drips off your chin.

It's not so obvious now, the blush.

You never know how much someone can have an effect on you in such a short time. Two days?

Two freaking days and you don't even know where exactly he lives, how many brothers and sisters he has (not that it matters but knowing someone has to start from somewhere right?) and why is he even here. You hadn't meant to, but your edginess came out hostile. You felt a pang of sadness when you detected a flinch of perplexity on Kyungsoo's face as you strode away. 


You don't like to see him worry or upset.

He's always so happy. But now you are the one throwing your depressing and miserable baggages on him.

He doesn't deserve it.

And you don't deserve him.


Not even if you so badly want to.


It's never good to gain too much attachment to someone, because when you lose them, it's even harder.