"I Love You like you love chocolate. 7/70".




As words become too cumbersome from trying to skirt the issue of the pending departure, you ask him to sing. He obliges, singing songs after songs from the CD collection he remembered listening to at your house. When he doesn't know the lyrics, he hums, voice low and slightly husky from the strain of the night, but still divine like an angel's.

And you can't help but think that when he leaves, he'll be taking away the only little piece of heaven in your life.

______________________

You are sleeping, head resting on Kyungsoo's shoulders when his movement stirs you.

"Sorry." He whispers.

You shake your head indicating it's fine and sniffs a little, taking in the surroundings.


Your mom is still sleeping on the bed and you and Kyungsoo are huddled close together on the plastic chairs opposite the bed against the wall.

The room is dark with gentle hues of orange and purple illuminating the entire sky outside the window.

It's dawn.



You peer up at him who is giving a wane smile and you know he knows what you are thinking.

He slips his hand over yours, fingers twining as you clutch at the safety of present tenderness and warmth.

"I have to go." He verbalizes your fear.


It is possibly also with fear he'll let go of your hand anytime that you allow him to lead you down the hallway towards the hospice's main entrance in silence.

When the two of you approach the open doors, your legs immobilize involuntarily and your hands tighten around his. He swings around and utters your name,


"____________" The pain and sadness is evident in his voice.


"Can't you... go tomorrow? Or next week?" You hate the desperation in your tone.

He gives a pensive smile and says quietly. "I can't."

"Why? Why does it have to be today?" You are behaving like a stubborn child.

"It has to be because... I promised."

"Why? What will happen if you don't go back?"


Kyungsoo remembers the warning.

Seven days is enough to make a difference, more than that and it'd get difficult.

Difficult what? For whom?

He doesn't know anything that can be more difficult than this already, but since he isn't sure whether disobeying will help or make worse the situation, he can only trust. Even if it's hurting him excruciatingly.


"Things will get difficult." He lets out.

You swallow the lump in your throat.

"Can I... go visit you?" You mumble.

He bats his eyes several times.

"The place where I'm going... You cannot go... now." It sounds almost like he's doubtful.


"What... What do you mean?" Your eyes are stinging. "If it's dangerous, then you probably shouldn't go b-- "

"I-I don't belong here, ___________. "

It's your turn to blink in confusion.

"Wh-- ?"


"Do you trust me?" He presses.

"Of course I do! I--"


"Just... " He cups your face with both hands, eyes poring into yours. 

"Remember... Don't give up, ok? Don't you ever give up. Because you are stronger than you think and I have total, ultimate faith in you."


"No... " Your voice comes out in a hoarse whisper.

"Listen," His tone becomes firmer but softer. "My place is not here, it's somewhere else and in order for us to be together... " He pauses.

"You have to be strong. You have to live on."

You stare into his eyes, which is now b red.



"But I--   love you." You breathe.


The last two words break him and he pulls you into a crushing embrace.

"I love you too." He utters softly into your ear, eyes tingling and he feels so, so sore inside. Sore from the thrashing and wrenching in his gut right now and finally he understands what Baekhyun means when he cautions against getting too close to you.


It's not hard.

It's impossible.


It takes all of his energy to release his grip on you and he clings on to the last moments by easing his lips toward you, planting a kiss too tender yet too cruel on your forehead, then brushing down and kissing the edge of your eye that has now fluttered close.

His lips come away wet, not because of his own, but because you are crying, the tears spilling out and dampening his lips that now open to say the dreaded parting words.


"Remember... Be strong. Remember... Me."



Wednesday- The Last Day


She is gone in the evening.


The two most important people in your life left, one at the start, one at the close on the same day.

You are alone.

Again.


Your father is crying over her bed.

He rushed here the moment he heard the news.

He is sobbing, giant shoulders huffing as he wheezes, "Sorry...sorry..." over and over again.


You didn't cry. You can't.

And when your father turns to you and apologizes, "I'm sorry... _________ , Please forgive me..." You hug him, because you think he needs it more than you do right now.

Then you realize, you did forgive him.

_________________


You are somehow glad with the tediousness of the after matters.

Signing of documents (which you acknowledge with impassive humming and nodding then signing without processing anything), deciding type of burial (cremation, it's the one that doesn't prolong the pain of looking at her wasted body), funeral package (the simple crematory and memorial service package please, because tomorrow's a weekday and there's only so many mom's friends I know, it won't be a big procession)... Hardly any chance for you to face grief.

By the time you are done, it's 9:20 pm and you can't help thinking it's the time Kyungsoo will usually be getting off work.


Just that this time, he won't.


You open the door to find the place feeling even more empty than when you left it.


Nothing has changed in the house but everything has been taken away and you finally feel the loss and mourn gnawing at your heart, eating out the last pieces of your sanity.

It's too quiet.

You slump on the couch, eyes unseeing as you grab the remote control off the table and switches on the TV, randomly picking a program that has some human voices to fill the stoic silence in the room.

You close your eyes, placing the remote down next to you on the couch when you hear a rustle as it hits something.


Your eyes flick open to find a post-it note sitting on the sofa, with a familiar handwriting on it.

"I enjoy watching TV with you, be it Pororo or your favorite music programs. 8/70"


Kyungsoo.


You scuttle out of the couch and look for more of the notes.

There's one on the kitchen table.

"I love your kimchi ramen. 6/70".

One on the refrigerator door.

"Remember to eat more. 9/70".


You sprint through the house.

"I love singing to you. You should sing too, it makes you happy. 23/70".

"I love your smile. Smile more! 2/70".

"Do not be troubled nor afraid. 43/70".

CDs. Mirror. Your mom's photo frame. Books. Calendar. Chairs. Closet.


You slap the notes on a wall according to the numbers.

1, 2, 3... 33... 54...70.


The wall is quickly covered in yellow little squares. You finger an empty spot between two notes.

Number 7 is missing.


You scour the house. The sink, window sills, cupboard, slam, drawers, slam, slam, under the pillows...

You can't find it.

Flopping lifelessly on the floor, you pick up the silver ice-cream spoon which had the note, "Forgive, else get fat." on it. You let out a choked laugh.


Then you remember.


You spring up and stride to the kitchen, yanking the fridge door open.

The big tub of chocolate ice-cream he first brought you is there, a bright yellow square on it.

You tear the note off and shut the door.


The note is cool and quivering in your trembling hand.

"I Love You
like you love chocolate. 7/70".


"No..." You croak hoarsely to yourself. "I love you... more than chocolate."

You start sobbing then, clutching the note tightly in your hand, because you know he can't hear that anymore.



Heartbreak is light, the weight of a post-it note, but heavy and over-laden on your soul. You squeeze your eyes and all you can see now is yellow.

________________

Thanks for staying with me! The ending is coming up! Do stay with me! (And leave me comments! ^^)