Luhan needed to make it up to Xiumin. It was an "accident" apparently, and he needed to let Xiumin know that. All he needed to do was go up to him, apologize, and do something for him. It wasn't that hard to do! Well, Luhan thought the opposite.
     Luhan paced around the dining table, thinking how he should make it up to Xiumin. Only 30 minutes passed after the kiss, and Xiumin hasn't returned. What was he doing anyway? Groaning, Luhan walked to their bedroom and knocked on the door.
     "Come in," Xiumin granted.
     Luhan opened the door slowly, being hesitant. Stepping into the room, he made eye contact with Xiumin, who was busy fixing the beds. Luhan smiled at him, although warily, as a way to thank him for keeping the place clean.
     "What do you need?" Xiumin said as he fluffed the pillows. He stood and faced Luhan after, giving an awry smile. He hoped it would lessen the tension.
     Luhan looked down , still smiling, and stepped closer to the older. Slowly, he grabbed Xiumin's hands, carefully embracing them. Hushed, silenced, the air around them became warm but stagnant, still. Luhan wanted to pull him into a hug and apologize over and over, but he knew he couldn't be too hasty.
     "I'm sorry," Luhan muttered.
     "Say what?" Xiumin asked.
     "I said I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you, you just deserve something. You do all this work for us, and I really appreciate it. I admire you for it. And you... You're really cute, outgoing, nice... Perfect. You're perfect. Everything you do is perfect, even your mistakes." Luhan only blurted half of what he wanted say out.
     "What are you trying... What are you saying?" Xiumin managed to say. He was taken back at the sudden compliments.
     "I'm trying to say that I love you, and that I'll be more careful and I'll take care of you. I'll love you forever, even if you don't love me back. I'll do anything for you, even if that means I can only be your friend. I love you," Luhan confessed. Those last three words he cried out.
     He started to sob out of frustration, humiliation, guilt, and pain.
     Xiumin was surprised. He didn't know what to do, but to hug him. He held Luhan, tried to comfort him, let his tears fall on his shirt, anything. He knew he couldn't say anything that could compare to what Luhan had just said. He was sorry. The older was still confused, still unsure of his feelings for the younger.
     "Luhan... Maybe we should take some time to... Think about this first, okay? Go rest, I can take you out later if you want," Xiumin smiled at him after Luhan's weeps faded into sniffles. He placed a soft kiss on the angel's forehead and walked him out of the bedroom.
     "Call me if you need anything, alright?" Xiumin patted the other's back and left to finish cleaning. Luhan just nodded and walked to the couch. He plopped down on the couch, tears still trying escape his eyes, cries trying to escape his throat.
     'I can't do it. It's eating me alive. This monster...'
     Break down. He shut his eyes and shouted into a pillow, muffling his pleads of agony. The tears that he briefly held in then streamed down his face and soaked into the pillow. His voice was getting hoarse from the rash yells he screamed out. He couldn't hold it in. It was hard to breathe. He pulled away from the pillow and shouted at the top of his lungs.

     It hurt to wait. It hurt to confess. It hurt to love.

___

AN: it'll be happier later i promise 

yes, short update because i wrote this at my friends birthday party ok.