Kai’s P.O.V

I let my backpack fall to the floor. My heart seemed like it had stopped beating. I stood there, wide eyed and dumbfounded. A few moments passed before I could straighten my thoughts out a bit and regain control over my stiffened body. When I finally managed, I profusely blinked my eyes, checking if it was real. I honestly believed I was seeing things. I focused on the same spot and was surprised to find out it was real and that I wasn’t hallucinating. Right there on the couch across from Joonmyun, sat the boy who stole my heart and never gave it back. “K-Kyung?!”

Reality hit me in the face and knocked me out of my frozen state. But unfortunately that came with the side effect of my brain’s massive flood of questions. Is Kyungsoo sitting in my apartment right now? Is this real? What’s going on? Am I dreaming? Kyungsoo and I just stayed like that, staring at each other in disbelief, until Joonmyun broke the silence. “Kai welcome home! Your friend is here all the way from Korea! Can you believe it?”

With great difficulty, I managed to tear my eyes away from Kyungsoo. I glanced over at Joonmyun to acknowledge him, but only for a split second. I quickly turned my gaze back to Kyungsoo. I guess Joonmyun sensed the oddness in the situation because he stood up and awkwardly coughed. “Well, I guess I had better go, since you’re not alone anymore.” He said to me then turned to Kyungsoo. “Nice meeting you, maybe we’ll see each other again in the future.” He said with a warm smile and a small bow. Kyungsoo nodded to him. “See you!” He lastly said to both of us then walked out and shut the door behind him.

The echo of the door closing slowly faded, and a deafening silence took over. Kyungsoo, the only person I have ever loved, probably the only one I ever will love, is right there. It was all still so unbelievable. He stood up and walked a little closer to me but stopped, still keeping a lot of distance.

“Kai, I-” “What are you doing here?!” I interrupted. He was startled by my raised voice. I sounded furious. He looked down at his shoes and I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. I mustered up the courage to speak again. “I said, what are you doing he-” “I’m obviously here to see you!” He yelled.

No, no, no! This is all wrong! I shut my eyes tight, resisting the urge to clutch my aching chest. “Why did you come here? I told you to forget me. I told you to move on. Don’t you understand that we are not together anymore?!” I gulped, hating myself for the words I was about to say next. “Don’t you understand that I don’t love you anymore?!”

“SAVE IT!” He screamed in anger. I opened my eyes and looked at him in confusion. Why is he doing this? Why is he trying to make this so hard? “Save all your crap! I don’t want to hear your lies! I know why you broke up with me.” My eyes grew ten times their original size. He knows? How? I saw tears well up in his eyes, but he was trying his best to hold them back. He clenched his fists. “I know you only did it to protect me!”

What…? How the hell does he know? I had to hold on to the lie. I absolutely had to or else Kyungsoo would suffer for a very long time. “That’s not true. I don’t want you anymore.” My voice was shaky and my eyes were stinging. Stupid tears, don’t you dare fall. I just wanted him to be happy and to move on. Even if it meant finding someone new, I didn’t want him to miserably wait for almost seven years.

“STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!” I could tell he was about to cry. Please don’t cry, or I won’t be able to hold in my tears. I averted my eyes. I didn’t have it in me to look at him. Kyung, you're such an idiot, why did you have to come here and make us both relive all this pain?

“THAT’S IT!” He screeched. He suddenly stomped towards me. Enraged, he gripped my shirt collar and violently pushed me until my back hit the door. He pinned me against it and kept a firm grip on my shirt. His forearm was across my neck and the side of his fist was roughly pressing against my chest.

I looked at him in disbelief. I had never seen him that upset, in pain and angry before. I didn’t think he ever had been that mad. His face was inches away from mine. The tears spilled over his lashes and he was breathing heavily. “Don’t lie to me.” He whispered. It was like he was threatening and begging at the same time. He looked straight in my eyes, and I didn’t dare blink, I didn’t even move my eyes because I knew the tears would fall if I did. “Please,” His voice was no longer filled with anger. The only thing left was pain, just agonizing, wrenching, brutal pain. “Don’t lie anymore.”

He let go of my shirt and his knees buckled. He looked like all his strength had evaporated. He covered his face with his hands and hysterically sobbed into them. I looked at him and felt an excruciating sting jolt through my chest. He was in so much pain. The one I loved was in so much pain and it was all because of me. I sat down in front of him and let the thick tears roll down my cheeks. “Why did you have to do this? You could have been happy…” I muttered.

“I couldn’t.” He said then took his hands away from his face. “I couldn’t have been happy. I can never be happy without you. Why are you putting me through this? I came to the U.K… I came for you and…” He continued sobbing.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I’d rather die.

I’d rather die than have him like that anymore. I abandoned all hope of holding on to that lie and submitted to my selfishness. I quickly threw my arms around him and for the first time in a year, I hugged my beloved Kyungsoo.

I heard him let out a small gasp. It took him a while to register what was happening, but soon he reached behind me and hugged me back. All the breath left my lungs. All the thoughts left my mind. Kyungsoo was there. He was actually there with me. He was there in my arms. Who would have thought that hugging someone could bring so much happiness, so much comfort, and so much ease? I knew I was going to hate myself for this later, but I just didn’t care anymore. I’m sorry Kyung, but I'm going to be selfish now.

We were both crying. I tried to stop my tears from falling because all I wanted to do at that moment was make him smile, but it was no use. I just wanted to him to be like before. I hated seeing him so angry, so hurt. I hated it so much. “I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry. I won’t lie again. I won’t lie anymore.” I promised, barely muttering my words. I won’t lie anymore, even though I know it will kill us.

I pulled away and held his face in my hands. “I love you. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I love you so much, that it hurts me every day you're not with me. I never stopped loving you. Not for one second.” His red, crying eyes were staring directly into mine. He gave a tiny smile, and my heart melted in my chest at the sight of it. He let out a laugh, still crying. “I’m so glad” His voice was shaky and unstable. “I'm so glad you still love me, because I love you too.”

I brushed my thumbs over his cheekbones and wiped the lingering tears. He reached up to my face and cleaned it with his sleeve. He laid his arms on my shoulders and held the back of my neck. I wrapped my arms around his waist. We both leaned closer to each other and closed our eyes. Our lips touched and it was like time froze. Electricity surged through me. His kiss was extremely overwhelming, yet I wanted to never pull away. A strong feeling hit me, a feeling that I hadn’t felt in a whole year, a unique feeling that only happened when he kissed me. He made my heart race, that is, when it actually started beating again.

It all ended too soon when he pulled away. He pressed his forehead against mine and ran his fingers up the back of my neck. “What are we going to do?” He whispered in dread. I swallowed hard. “I don’t know…” He took his forehead from mine to look me in the eye. He had a distressed look on his face. You’ll have to go back. You’ll have to leave me. It’s the only option. The thought of saying goodbye again made my stomach hurt. I tightened my hold around his waist. No. That’s not happening. Not this time.

“It’s too late” I stubbornly said, shaking my head. He looked at me in confusion. “It’s too late for you to go. You have to stay with me now. I gave you a chance to leave, I gave you a chance to be happy, to find someone new, but you didn’t take it and now it’s too late. I’m sorry but you just have to accept that. You’re officially mine again.” His gaze softened and he gave a tiny laugh. “You idiot, I can only be happy with you. I never stopped being yours.” His words made me smile. “I never stopped being yours either.” It was true. Even if he were to find someone new, I would never be able to do the same and I knew it. Without Kyungsoo, I had lost my smile. I barley even spoke anymore. The only friend I had in the U.K was Joonmyun and that was because he pitied me for always being alone.

“We should probably get off the floor now” He giggled. I quickly stood up before he had the chance to and picked him up in my arms. His face turned bright red. “Whoa! Whoa put me down!” He flailed his arms around. The situation was bringing back great memories. I noticed he was lighter than before. He was far lighter than before. “You lost weight.” I said in displeasure. “Are you not eating right?”

He stopped fidgeting and shrank down. “Well… It’s a little hard, you know, to eat… and stuff” He mumbled. I broke down into little pieces when I heard him speak those words. He couldn’t even eat correctly because of me. I had never felt so terrible in my life. I knew I’d spend the rest of my time with him apologizing for everything I had put him through.

I sat down on the couch, still holding Kyungsoo in my arms, having him sit in my lap. “Listen to me” I said in a serious tone. “You will start eating correctly, you will start sleeping correctly and you will smile all the time, just like before. Do you understand?” I ordered. He nodded his head in agreement. “Promise me.” I urged. “I promise” He smiled then leaned his head towards mine and sealed his promise with a kiss.

After he pulled away I let out a small laugh. “What? What is it?” He asked.

“You may not eat a lot, but you work out now don’t you?”

He seemed a little surprised. “No. I don’t work out at all.”

“Then how did you pin me against the door like that?” I rubbed the spot on my chest where previously dug his fist into. It still hurt.

Guilt flashed across his face. He probably felt bad for doing that. “Maybe because I have to lift a lot of boxes and stuff, I work part time at a convenience store now. I had to get a job…”

That explains it. It explained his advancement in body strength and it explained how he could afford a ticket to the U.K. Which reminds me… “When do you have to go back?” I asked, not bothering to hide the dismay in my voice. He shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t know how long I’d be staying, so I didn’t book a flight back.” I nodded in understanding. “So when do you plan on going back?” He shrugged his shoulders again.

It was a very touchy topic. I didn’t want him to go and I knew he didn’t want to go either. It was silent for a little while. “Hey, isn’t it summer vacation? I mean, I know I have to attend classes during summer, but they are only a few hours a day and only once a week there’s a night class, like today.”

 He looked at me, unsure of what I was implying. “Why don’t you stay for the summer? Err. I mean, please would you stay for the summer?” I asked, not knowing how he would react.

I held my breath, nervously waiting for his reply. He thought about it then suddenly cracked a huge smile. “Stay for the summer? That sounds like a great idea!” He cheered. I exhaled and my eyes widened. “So you're really going to stay?” I asked, like an excited child. He nodded. “Why not? I don’t have school and I already have enough money for a ticket home, so I can just quit my job on the phone. They won’t care!” He said, having a realization. I smiled a big smile. Is this real? Am I just dreaming? “And most of all, I get to spend the summer with the one I love.” He added.

He was leaning in to kiss me, but stopped halfway. “Oh! I forgot! I don’t have a lot of clothes!” He said, hitting his own forehead and looking at his backpack. “I’ll buy some. I’ll buy you clothes, I’ll buy you a car, and I’ll even buy you a house. I’ll buy you whatever it takes to get you to stay.” I said then grabbed his face and tugged it towards mine, taking my kiss. While I was kissing him, I couldn’t help but think childish thoughts. I’m going to get to do this for the rest of the summer! I'm going to get to kiss him and hug him just like this!

He pulled away and sighed. “Is this even real?” He muttered, speaking our mutual thoughts aloud. “We could always do this, you know. I mean, you could come here every summer. I’d pay for it; you wouldn’t have to worry about the money.” I suggested. He looked down. “You know I can’t let you do that. It’s too expensive.”

I secured my arms under him and picked him up off my lap. I got up and sat him down on the couch then stood in front of him. I shoved my hand in my pocket and dug for my wallet. “Look at this.” I said, showing it to him. I took a wad of hundreds out. “I don’t care about this” I threw it on the floor and took another stack out. “Or this” I flung it away. “Or this” I said, lastly sticking my hand in and scooping all the rest of the bills out, scattering them. He was looking at me in shock, covering his mouth with his hand. “I knelt down in front of him and tightly held his free hand with both of mine. “I don’t care about any of that. I need you to understand that I would give it all, just to see your smiling face. I would give it all just to hold you in my arms.”

I looked up at him in distress. “Please…” I begged. I could see tears forming in his eyes again. “Alright! I will come every summer!” “And spring break?” I asked. I was pushing my luck, but I didn’t care. “And spring break.” He assured me, laughing as the light tears trickled down his cheeks.  He seemed extremely overwhelmed by everything that was happening. “I will come and stay with you!” He repeated, promising me. I jumped up in delight. “Yes! I did it! I got him to say yes!” I cheered and he couldn’t help but laugh at my reaction.

I saw him glance up at the open wallet that I was still holding, and his eyes widened. “Joonmyun said…” He took a moment before speaking again. “Joonmyun said that you would smile when you looked at it…” He said then shyly covered his face. I quickly closed it in embarrassment when I realized what he was talking about. I had a printed pictured of Kyungsoo in my wallet. I originally had the picture in my phone but I put it there because I didn’t always take my phone with me when I went places, and I wanted him to always be with me wherever I went.

He quickly wiped his face clean of any tears and stood up. He took hold of my hand and pulled me towards the hallway. “What is it?” I asked. He turned to face me. “You’re going to show me where your bedroom is,” He wrapped his arms around my neck, jumped on me and hugged me. I grabbed under his thighs to keep him up. “I’m going to make you forget about the past year,” He put his lips on my ear. “And I'm going to make you moan and scream my name.” He whispered then pulled away and flashed a cocky smirk. I smirked back. “Not if I make you first.”

I carried him to the bedroom and shut the door behind me, where he showed me a good time over and over again. And the best part was: We had the rest of the summer to ourselves.