Kyungsoo’s P.O.V (Part 2)

Two days. For two days, he didn’t answer his phone, or his texts. He didn’t even answer his door. He had broken up with me, but I hadn’t given up. For two whole days, I had the words planned, what I wanted to say to him, repeating it over a hundred times in my head. Kai, I’m sorry. Kai please forgive me. Even though I had absolutely no idea what I had done wrong. Kai, I love you. Kai, you're breaking my heart. Kai, I’m nothing without you. All those words, saved in my head. And that’s where they remained, in my head. I didn’t get to say any of them to him in time.

I was lying on my bed, face in my pillow. It was slightly damp because of my tears, but I didn’t have any energy left in me to care. I heard a knock on my door, but I ignored it. The door opened anyway and someone walked in. They sat on the bed beside my limp body but didn’t touch me. “Are you okay, kyungsoo?” The person asked in a caring tone, and I instantly knew the voice. It was Sehun. His question made me a little angry. Of course I'm not okay. But I knew there was no reason to get mad at him; he was just trying to be a good friend.

The whole thing replayed in my head. The dreadful day that I wished I could just forget.

Earlier that day:

I looked down at my phone. Dammit, only ten minutes left. I shoved it back in my pocket and ran even faster. I was darting through the airport, pushing and shoving people out of my way. “Kyungsoo, wait!” I heard Sehun call from behind me, but I ignored him. My mind was set on one thing and I couldn’t think of anything else. My lungs were burning and my legs were screaming. Why the hell is this airport so huge?!

I came to a big sign with all the different flight information on it. I already knew which terminal it was, but I didn’t know which direction it was in. I scanned the sign starting from the top, going down. Found it. I started to run again. Come on, come on!

I got there and skimmed the whole area, panting like crazy. I pulled my phone out and checked the time. Six minutes left. I was just putting it back in my pocket when I heard it. “K-Kyungsoo?!” He said, and I immediately spun to look at him, recognizing his voice. “Kai..” I whispered in an exhale. I was out of breath and surprised to see his face.

His eyes were wide and his expression was confused. “What are you doing here?!” He asked in shock.

“I needed to see you before you left.” I admitted, looking down at the floor. He came towards me. “Kyung, you have to go. We aren’t together anymo-”

“No! I love you and I know you still love me! I don’t know what I did wrong, but I'm sorry!” I yelled, looking up at him. My voice was strained and my eyes were sore from all the crying I had done in the past two days. I was sure he still had feelings for me, because he wasn’t denying it.

“You ignored me for two days.The last two days we had, were wasted because I did something upset you, and I'm sorry! Just please, don’t do this Kai.” I begged. I probably sounded so pathetic, begging for him to stay with me, but I didn’t care; the one I was in love with was about to leave and forget me. Just the thought of it made my stomach lurch.

He gripped my shoulders. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.” He said, biting his bottom lip and trying to hold back tears. He looked miserable. “I know you still love me! So why are you doing this?!” I shrieked, shutting my eyes tight, trying to fight the pain in my chest.

He let go of my shoulders. I looked up at him with my teary, aching eyes. I tried again.

“Why?-”

“BECAUSE I DON’T” He screamed, quickly. All I could feel at that moment was that terrible wrenching pain in my gut.

“You.. you don’t…”

“That’s right. I don’t love you.” He said, barely letting me finish my sentence. Those little words he said caused me to feel the most agonizing feeling I had ever felt in my life.

 No. No it’s not true. “You're lying. You’re lying to me.” I said with a shaky voice, denying it. I couldn’t stop the tears; I started crying. I could see his bottom lip shiver. He was definitely in pain. “I’m not lying.” He said, shaking his head. I could see the tears forming in his eyes. He swallowed hard, trying to calm himself. “Move on, find someone new, forget about me and be happy. It’s over.” He said in a cold, voice, trying to hide the agony in it. He turned before I could see his face and my whole body went cold, like the life was out of me.

All I could hear was the little voice in my head, screaming. NO, NO, NO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! THIS ISN’T REAL!  But I eventually stopped hearing that as well and everything around me went silent. I wanted to move, but my body wasn’t doing what my brain was telling it to. I was staring at his back as he walked in the other direction. The sounds began to surface again. Kai.. Kai.. Kai....

“KAI!!!” I screamed, finally forcing myself to snap out of the shock. He didn’t turn around. Come on, louder! “WAIT! PLEASE!” I kept shouting at the top of my lungs, trying to get him to look at me. But he didn’t stop walking.

I tried to follow him, but the second I took a step forward, my legs failed me. I fell to my knees, the thick tears were spilling one after the other.

DAMMIT YOU STUPID BODY JUST LISTEN TO ME!  

I was screaming at myself, begging myself, but it was no use.

GET UP NOW OR IT WILL BE TOO LATE! GET UP NOW!!!

My brain kept on screeching and crying at me. The tears thickened as I finally accepted the fact that my body wasn’t going to move, no matter how hard I tried. It was so numb that I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing anymore. All I could do was helplessly sit there, with a bunch of people gathered around me, staring at me in confusion and concern, observing me with judging and scared eyes as I watched the love of my life walk away and leave me behind.

I just longingly stared as he faded into the distance. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, bawling my eyes out. I just remember seeing Sehun push through the crowd and come to my side. “Kyungsoo are you okay?! What happened?!” He asked, sounding both concerned because of the state I was in, but relieved that he had found me. He patted my body, searching to see if I was hurt.

He realized how I was just staring at the same spot, that same spot that I saw Kai walk off into. Trying to savor the last moment I had with him, despite how dreadful and painful it was. Sehun shook my shoulders. “Kyungsoo, tell me what happened.” He said firmly. “K-Kai.. he.. he was here. And h-he told me.. that he doesn’t..” I said, trailing off. I was wincing, sniffling and stuttering all because of the sobs. “Doesn’t what?” Sehun asked caringly while wiping my tears with his sleeve. “He doesn’t love me anymore!” I forced out the words, crying even harder. It was like I was telling both Sehun and myself, trying to convince myself that it was real. He really doesn’t love me anymore. The words made my head throb in pain and my chest ache. I cried more at the thought of him forgetting me and moving on without me.

Sehun held the back of my neck and pulled my face into his shoulder. He let me cry into it as he caressed my hair. People were probably staring at us, but I still didn’t get up. I didn’t care about anything. I couldn’t think about anything other than Kai as the time passed. It felt like everything was moving at supersonic speed around me but I was stuck in slow motion. It was only there, sitting on the cold airport floor, that reality finally hit me.

He's gone. The one I love is gone and he's forgetting about me.

Back to present time:

“Are you hungry? Do you want me to get you something from the cafeteria?” Sehun caringly asked. I took my face from the pillow. My legs were sore and my eyes were all dried up. It hurt to move, it hurt to blink. With great difficulty, I sat up and shook my head in response to his question. The silence lingered for a while, until he decided to speak again. “So, do you want to talk about it? I mean, I'm not that good with words, but I'm a great listener.” Sehun offered, giving a timid smile.

“If I talk about it, I will.. you know” I said, speaking for the first time since I got back to school. My voice box seemed to be the only thing on my body that didn’t hurt when I used it. I guess all the voice lessons and singing practice paid off. “You will cry, right?” He asked, seeming genuinely unsure if that’s what I meant or not. I nodded in reply, too ashamed to answer with words. “It’s alright, to cry, I mean. It’s fine with me; you can use my shoulder again, if you want.. and stuff” He suggested, sounding a little shy. He wasn’t joking when he said he wasn’t good with words.

 I just kept quiet. I want to talk about it, but it hurts too much. I guess he noticed how quiet I was being. “If it’s too hard, I get it. Do you want me to start?” He asked and it was like he was reading my thoughts.

“Yeah” I answered with a small nod. He smiled at me.

“Remember, two days ago, when you asked me to talk to Kai?” He asked. I immediately knew what he was talking about.

“I remember.” I replied.

“Okay, and remember what you told me, at the airport when I found you on the floor?” He asked. I thought about his question and scanned my brain for the memory of what I said to him. When it finally came to me, I swallowed hard.

“I told you that Kai doesn’t..” I tried to say it, but I just couldn’t. I was on the verge of tears; I could feel my eyes starting to burn again. Sehun noticed this and quickly put his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him and he nodded, signaling that he understood what I was trying to say.

“Yeah, and I thought about that,” He began. I wasn’t sure where he was going with this. “And, I think I know why he said it.” He concluded, making my eyes widen. What is he talking about? “He said it because he doesn’t love me!” I yelled, getting a little angry at him. A tear welled up in my eye but Sehun gasped and quickly wiped it off before it could reach my cheek. “No, Kyungsoo, listen!” He said, getting nervous. “I talked to him just like you asked me! I talked to him and I think I know what is going on!” He explained, a little frantic. He probably wanted to get the words out before I cried more. I calmed down to listen to him. He talked to Kai? What happened?

He took a deep breath. “When I talked to Kai, he told me that he had to leave for six years and that he couldn’t come back during vacations and holidays.” Sehun said, making my heart drop. Six years..? I thought it was four years, along with visitations. Six full years? “And that’s not all!” Sehun added, noticing my silence. “He said something else, and I didn’t understand it until today.” He began. What else could there possibly be? “When I was talking to him, he mumbled something, kind of like he was saying to himself..? I’m not sure. He said: I don’t want Kyung to be miserably waiting for me in the six years that I'm gone. Kyungsoo, I think that’s why he broke up with you.” Sehun said, hoping I would understand.

It took me a while to register all his words. Kai doesn’t want me to wait 6 years. I suddenly remembered something he said to me at the airport. “Move on, find someone new, forget about me and be happy.” All the pieces were fitting together. Everything was becoming clear. He told me to move on and find someone new. He told me to forget about him. I kept replaying it in my mind until,

that’s it! I understand!

I looked at Sehun with wide eyes. “He broke up with me, because he was looking out for me. He didn’t want me to suffer because of having to wait for him that long. He told me to be happy and forget about him.” I mumbled in realization. Sehun caught my words and smiled. “Yes! That’s what I was trying to say!” He exclaimed.

“Sehun, do you know what this means?” I asked with a shaky voice as tears started forming in my sore eyes. He looked at me and shook his head in reply. I gripped his shoulder and smiled. “It means he still loves me. Kai still loves me!” I cried out in delight. I felt a strange feeling well up inside me, and it wasn’t until later that I realized it was happiness. I was feeling happy. I had almost forgotten what that felt like in the past two days.

I hugged Sehun then quickly got up. All the movement made my aching body sting even more, but the adrenaline in my veins was overpowering the pain. He looked at me with a puzzled expression. “Where are you going?” He asked. I looked back at him. “I need to take care of some stuff.” I answered, but Sehun looked at me, obviously unsatisfied by my vague answer. “It’s going to take a while, but I’m finally sure of what has to be done." I explained, just before turning the doorknob and heading out the room with a smile on my face. Kai, just wait for me, because I know what I need to do.