Tao's P.O.V

Am I dead...I hear things. I see figures moving.... I just can't feel the pain. 

Mother?...Mother..??...is that you? 

I wanted to reach out..to feel something, anything that would take my lifeless body away forever. Please don't waste your time on such a worthless human being. In the back of my head I imagined crying. I couldn't do it now...nothing in my body felt right. I was broken.

"Nurse quickly!" Someone called out. The figure was just a black silhouette behind my shut eyelids. "We must sedate him. Get him in the opertaing room as soon as possible, while I try and get information on him."

"Krmkjovois... Krmvbkegnis...." I breathed in a small breath and it automatically felt like I was in hell. Only I didn't think hell was this cold. I thought it was hotter, warmer, the flames staking at your flesh..only this wasn't hell. I was still conscious  - - I was alive..only I felt nothing. None of my senses reacted properly.

"Doctor, the patient is mumbling. He's trying to speak a name...but it just doesn't make sense." Another figure ran over to me. It was darker than the one standing next to it. Menacing figures I thought. They won't let me leave. They won't let me see Kris. They want to see me suffer. Haven't they've done enough to my shattered, tattered and ripped heart? Didn't they know a broken heart could never be healed...?

"Can you hear me, son? If so try and say that name." He grabbed my hand. Whether it was my body or not, his hands felt as cold as snow. They were icy, making my hands twitch in his touch. If he weren't there, holding onto my hand, I'm sure I would have slipped into a dark abyss..

Kris... Kris. Kris!, I thought; I remembered. I hadn't forgotten. I kicked ferocioulsy in my bed, kicking, thumping, throwing my head back up and down. I grabbed the wires that were strapped around my neck, and threw thim off. I wasn't going to be tied down. It was late, it was too late but I didn't give up. Kris was still waiting. I'm sure he was waiting for good news on me; I wouldn't be there to dissapoint. 

I tried again before I fell into a state of shock, my whole body shaking ferocioulsy. My fingers balled up into fists, clawing at the soft flesh of my palms. My mouth flew open and even though I couldn't clarly make out sounds I heard the sound of my terryfying shriek as clear as the sun. It scared me to even know I possessed such a manifesting yell. That yell would forever be implanted inside me. As we came nearer to my destination a pair of strong hands, held me down, afraid they would loose me if I moved again. I wish I could be some super strong super hero like in dramas, that never die. The ones where they heal after seeing their love crying for them. If only Kris..  

Just than a slick feeling made its' way into my veins; down my bloodstream. It hugged my body tightly. I wanted to puke up everything. I had the sensation that my body was tingling. No it's my imagination. Remember how I'm going to go visit Kris really soon. I just have to leave- Ow. My mind. It hurts. I can't think properly...why-why-why...why!?!?

I was rushed inside a pair of double doors. How could I tell? There was a swift gush of air as we entered the room; where distant sounds of drills, scissors, cutting, shaving; things like that were heard. When that air hit me and I looked back to see two black flaps swish back & forth, back & forth I felt like I was flying. Like no one could touch me anymore. No hands would hold me down. I would fly to Kris. I would surf the air currents with him as long forever. For eternity would I be with him. It would be us against the world. Forever. 

Mommy, I thought, mommy, Kris. Yes, Kris. Tell him I love him. Please do so. I want him to be happy...let him..please...I lo-

Darkness evaded his body. Realyity mixed in with fantasy as he fell into a deep slumber. The anesthesia had taken its' effect on Tao. That was it. Looking out through the window, you would see miracles did not exist. Not for this lost soul. He would no longer be same. Sane is a miscalculation. Insane is a correct formation.

- - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - - - - - 

Kris' P.O.V

-1 month later-

I had gotten special permission from the doctor to enter Tao's room. He said when they had hauled in Tao, all he was mumbling (trying extremely hard to mumble even that) my name. Its' the only word that ever slipped from his mouth. I knew not whether to smile or be sad about that. It didn't matter; either outcome I would have felt grief and pain over. I didn't deserve Tao. 

He also gave me a daily check-up evaluation chart on the patient. My Tao. 

Tao was still in a coma. He wasn't exactly sedated with medicine. He just wouldn't wake up on his own accord. I had sold everything in our home..even the home itself. But only to pay for the expenses of the hospital. I cringed at the response I received from his mother. She knew..she knew from the start and yet she gave me a chance. Recalling the memory, gave me a pang in the chest. A second chance was out of this world. Whether I wanted to or not, I would never have Tao again. I had already decided this before he was in this accident. I had already chosen this path. To love and not be loved but Tao had no say in his path. He only wanted to love and BE loved, but this occurs. If only I knew I could have saved him...

-FLASHBACK-

I was standing in front of Tao's humble home in his hometown of Qingdao. The sight of it made me feel at home; like a lost traveller who was searching his whole life for an endless bounty only to realize at the end of his long journey that what he had been wanting all along was not what he had thought of at first. 

I was happy to be seeing his home again after several years when I had taken him over to the city. Even though I had no damn right at a time like this. His mother weeped that day so much when Tao had announced he was coming to live with me; they were happy tears.That day I was like a bystander; there to be there because I could only to be an adornment to the touching moment (in his mother's eyes). Now as I stood on the front door step, I realized I was no longer that bystander; I was much worse. It-it, no I was a stranger. Complete and total absence from the Huang Zis'. It was done and official. When I knocked on their straw front door, I was met with the same tearful lady opening the door. Only those weren't tears of joy, like tears of letting your only baby goose free but tears of anguish. Of pain. The way her eyes looked at me; I could tell I would no longer be a welcomed guest in this home..ever.

"Come in" was all she said before I had the chance to greet myself. What would I say? Hello, how have you been? Oh the irony in life. How a turn of events can happen in a matter of time. Time is an element. At that moment, and really any previous times it was never on my side. 

I stepped inside to be met with even more grief. There along the back of the entrance wall were pictures of Tao; candles light to signify to the Gods above that they protect one of their children because he was desperately in need of it. I lowered my eyes to see a trail of dead roses leading up into Tao's small permimeter of a "room". The roses were their to signify that all bad entities leave his poor soul alone; couldn't they see how much he was suffering even though he wasn't attached to the real world as of now. I had to leave soon. My heart was swelling at how this home was dying. The liveliness faded.

"Mrs. Huang Zi. I have to" I was cut short with a glass shattering. I ran to her, asking if she was okay. She pushed me away roughly into the mini-table Tao loved so much because it had been passed down generation after generation. She threw her head back like a manical clown and belted out the scariest screech I had ever heard. She clutched her hands in the air, throwing them back down, like she were praising the heavens... for bringing me here?

I was scared. Inside her grieving head she could have been planning anything. I scarmbled backwards, bumping my head against a wall. Dead end. 

"Tell me Kris. Are you hurting? Or is it better for your personal preferences to have Tao in that hospital?"

My senses froze. I wasn't functioning properly now. "Persona lpreferences?" I called out cautiously...

"You idiot!!!!" She threw a nearby plotting plant, barely missing my by a few inches from my head. "Don't act like you don't know. Don't act like you don't use my son for your own pleasure games. That's probably why you've never had with him. For FEAR of him finding out you've slept with COUNTLESS other men!" 

She was on a mad parade. She threw anything that was in her way. Wether I hurt myself in the process or not, I couldn't see her doing this. I stood, ran to her and wrapped my arms around her, embracing her. She stopped. She stopped. She stopped...

"The is wrong with you! Let go of me this instance or I shall report you to the authorities for physical abuse." I let go but she grabbed my waist, pulling out a knife from under her apron. She slid the knife across my neck, leaving a small gash in it's path. She taunted me saying she would cut me if I didn't tell Tao the truth. She slid the knife up my shirt. She stabbed a little at my . 

"How would you like it if you didn't have these s anymore to sell to your , bastard- customers?? HUH!!?!" She poked me with it, slightly missing chopping off the nub of my left . I was wearing a white shirt, so 

She pushed me into the wall, sliding the knife out from my shirt. Again her manical laugh came out and gave me goosebumps. She threw the knife into the kitchen sink, backing away from me only to sit calmly on the floor, beckoning for me to sit with her as of her crazy act had not just happened moments ago. 

"How could you, Kris? I entrusted my care for Tao into your hands. You ruined such a deliacte creatures' dreams of being loved. He was already loving you and you tore that from him."

"How do you know about that? How do you know about my personal life?"

"Does it matter when Tao's life is at stake here. He has been asleep for a in' month now, mister !" 

That last word hurt. It opened up new wounds. 

"Don't act like I don't know what you do with your body, and why."...."Just don't act like it."

"If you let me explain I can!" I was yelling now, mad that she was making uncalled for assumptions. 

"No Kris. Only you know the reasons for what you do." New tears were springing to her eyes now, melting down her cheeks and falling like leaves on her pants. Whatever emotions she was feeling; they were being transmitted to me by just looking at her in a painful state. 

"I let you love him. I gave you a chance. It's like all those happy times Tao would call me over the phone and tell me about were all just lies. Is it true, Kris you love Tao?" 

I couldn't respond. There was a not in my throat and my heart was crumpling in even further like a famous city falling short of values and worthy items. 

"Take yourself, and leave. I have nothing more to express to you. Leave now before I call the police."

"But please Mrs.-"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP!" She flipped the table over, making it scrape against my worn out body. 

"SHUT UP! The hell with any more words from you...just get the hell out. NOW." her tears were uncontrollable now. She wanted no more. I couldn't blame her. Harsh treatment for an impeccable sin. It was only sane to do such a thing. I stood, tool my bows and left. 

Whenever she calmed down she would find the box. The box with the money to pay for Tao's hospital pay and memories. Not memories of TaoRis moments but memories of Tao. Only and soley Tao. I hope that made her happy. And also Tao's Gucci items. All 76 of them. 

She wouldn't listen to my reasons. My reasons for doing this. It was love caked behind a shroudded mask. Behind that terryfyignly gruesome mask were eyes of warmth; eyes that were filled to the brim of tears and sick of them. 

As I slammed the door to my car, and drove off to the hospital I had my final reasonable thought of the day:

I would pay for the necessary expenses later...another added deed to my life..another added sin to my way to hell...

-FLASHBACK END-

But what had I done wrong? It was an accident wasn't it? I questioned myself. If only I knew...
I'm sure seeing Tao in bed, like this, chest rising up and down slowly, occassionaly heaving out puffs of smoke from his evaporated breath, wouldn't be knawing at my heart. A silent killer is always the best killer, they say. It's true once you experience it for yourself. What made matters worse was I didn't know whether I was the silent killer or the crying victim.

I entered the room, pulling out a chair next to the window. It was lonely until I strethched its' legs out and sat my bottom on it, the chair letting out a sigh that it was finally in a different position. I stared at Tao's paler figure. Blood was being draned from him which made me sick to see him in such a dispicable position. I took his hand into mines. It felt so cold. Lifeless Tao. No he was alive, only not awaken yet. I smiled remembering the young tales my mother would read to me: the ones about princesses being kissed by their prince and waking up (whatever sadistic situation they were in). 

"Tao, even though you can't hear me, you deserve to know. You deserve to know what a fool I've been. I was the idiot in this relationship. I chose a stupid path to earn money for you. It opened up great opportunities now, but before it only ruined the two of us together. I love you but I have been sleeping with other men. Now, I don't want you thinking all too wrong. It was because that money was used to help pay the bills and more importantly all the Gucci your heart desires. Everytime I had with a man, I always thought of you and how much better it would be to do it with you. ..you were always so afraid of the word, you couldn't bear it at times. I understand, some of the things associated with the word are terrible ideas and actions. But you never had to worry. That's a part of the fact I never laid you because I was afraid you would find out about my secret love endeavors. I was afraid you would throw me out for not telling you. That's why even to this day it will remain a secret. I'm sure your mother won't tell you. I'm postitive she wants you to find love..in the right places this time. As long as you promise me you'll be happy and live the best life out there; blossoming like a magnificent flower than I'll have no true reason to rot in hell alone. I'll have the memory of you being happy to send with me in hell. Okay?"

If miracles could happen to Kris, he felt one at that moment. Tao squeezed his hand if even the slightest bit. I looked up at his face and saw he was still asleep. Maybe I was imagining things? 

Kris stayed there smiling at him for the next couple of minutes until the nurse came in telling him it was time for him to leave. His time with his love was over. 

"Okay, Tao. I'm gonna go. I love you. I won't try to forget you, only not try to remember you. As much as it makes me suffer.."

Kris was crying, the tears picking up pace and cascading down his cheeks, as he placed his presents on the counter top near the bed. It was a beautiful yellow rose to signify Tao's getting better. A card lay on the bottom of the vase and next to it, a stuffed bear holding out a heart that says "Get better soon, I love you". There was no sender name so Tao's mother wouldn't figure out Kris had been here and throw the presents out. It was already settled with the doctor that he not tell of Kris' coming today. 

The rose seemed to have been crying. It was freshly watered, having been plucked only a few hours prior to Kris' visit. Drops of water gathered at one of the petals, end before couting its' weight count and sliding off onto the floor, signaling the end of pain. The end of Kris having to care and worry for what he knew he didn't deserve. The end of this pathetic life and onto a new one. 

Tao just didn't deserve this.. what could I have done differently?, Kris thought as he closed the door behind him, not loooking back once.

- - - -  - - - - - -  - - - - - - 

-1 month, 1 week later-

"Doctor! Nurse call a doctor. Please, I think Tao's finally stirring."

~~~~~~
"Why hello there young man. Does your head hurt? You know its' a miracle you survived right? Glad to have you hear with us."

"Miss, we're going to keep him hear another week or so just to track his progression and keep an eye on him. We don't want any miscalculations with this very lucky young fellow."

~~~~~~~

"Come Tao. We can go home now."

"Tao. I'm Tao. So my names...Tao?" 

"Yes honey, that's your name."

"I'll go tell the doctor we're leaving now. So say your final goodbyes." 

(To a ratched room is what. Why would anyone want to, I'll let you do so. This room is only sadness, Tao's mother thinks as she leaves the room.) 

Tao slowly walked over to the window, on his crutches, looking outside. He saw children playing around happily, swinging on the swings and climbing the ladders. He searched around spotting a happy, young couple giving each other piggy back rides. 

A pang hit Tao in the head. His brain was hurting. He let go of his crutches and fell to the ground. 

"Why does it hurt so much? I can't-"

Tao's mother rushes back in. 

"Tao, Tao! Are you okay, honey? Doctorrrr!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Tao exited the door, the rose that Kris had given him seemed to weep for not having an owner any longer. The stuffed animal and card were taken, but the rose was left. 

A trickle of water slid down one of its' petal, signalling the start of a new life and the end of tears. No more, was what it chanted out to the winds outside and above. No more...

A/N: There it is! Sorry if it's too long. But this only means I won't update until maybe Thursday? Friday at the latest! Hope you do enjoy and thank you SO much for reading. It means a lot to me you know. It is my purpose as an author hear to know people are enjoying my story. ^___^ <3