Jessica felt her insides freezing up. It hurt. It hurt so badly; it was beyond imagination. She hadn’t felt this way since that guy two-timed her and Tiffany. It was never easy for her to let people into her heart. If there was anything she learnt from her childhood, it was that people were imperfect. The closer you were to people, the more hurt you subjected yourself to. For most people, they would be able to handle the hurt. For Jessica on the other hand…

It was a long time ago but she remembered the times that she visited a very kind uncle who would bring her to a playroom and play with her. There were lots of toys in the room and her foster parents would stand outside, waving and smiling happily at her. She wondered why they didn’t come into the room but being a child, she was easily distracted.

This uncle wasn’t just any uncle. She later came to find out that he was in fact, a child psychologist. Her parents had been worried for her health in both the physical and mental sense. She couldn’t sleep at night. She had frequent nightmares. She wouldn’t talk. There were so many things that were wrong with her as a child. She had no idea.

Her mother was the kind one. She was the one who took extra effort to see to her needs. Her father was kind too but he was more strict and rigid as a parent; even now.

Later on, her father had shared that Jessica would eventually take over his business. Jessica took it well. She wasn’t the sort who planned her future. She wasn’t the sort to look that far ahead. So when all these things fell into place for her, she took it up quietly.

That uncle had helped her a lot. He helped her to start talking. He helped her to start playing. And for a while, she was almost like any other child. Almost.

Of course she would grow up one day. She would stop seeing a child psychologist and he was quite sorry to see her go. He had come to adore her. She was a really unique child. She had many aspects and dimensions that he had caught a glimpse of. Somewhere deep inside her, he saw a breautiful diamond, waiting to be polished, waiting to shine. She had it in her. if only she believed in herself a little bit more. If only she saw the worth in her. if only…

There was only so much a child psychologist could do.

But he couldn’t forget her. He found himself visiting the Jung family to find out how she was doing. He kept abreast of her advances in life. He felt like a father at times, finding out how well she did in elementary school and subsequently getting into So Nyuh High. He was proud of what she had accomplished.

He knew that something had happened in her life. Something that rocked her world. But her parents were kept from knowing what it was. Jessica didn’t tell them a thing. She cried with Tiffany over that guy. They bonded. And for the first time in her life, she felt equal. She felt the same. For the first time in her life, she felt that somebody could really understand her – albeit, just a small part of her. Tiffany was that special friend.

She felt lucky to have friends. Taeyeon and Tiffany meant the world to her. They were her age, growing up in similar environments, bearing the same pressures of being who they are. She accepted them into her world. She accepted them for who they were. The rest, she didn’t trust.

That’s why that guy hurt her so bad. It was so bad that she couldn’t speak. Nor could she cry. She didn’t know how to recover from it. She didn’t know how to deal with it. So she didn’t.

Life goes on.

That’s what she thought.

Just like when my parents left me. My real parents.

They left me.

But nothing stopped. Time ticked on.

They wouldn’t even stop for a second.

Or a fraction of a second.

They wouldn’t stop for me.

I’m not important enough.

Nobody cares. Nobody loves me. Nobody wants me.

Nobody.

She felt sorry for her younger sister. She was so torn, hurt and damaged that she didn’t know how to care for her sister. In general, she’s not too good at taking care of others. How was she supposed to be good at it when she couldn’t even take care of her own issues?

There were so many people that she felt sorry towards.

Her sister.

Her foster parents.

Her two friends.

And now Sunny.

She knew that the picture was only a dare. She knew that it had probably meant nothing. She supposed that most other people would merely laugh it off. So she was the one who couldn’t handle it. She was the one who was giving Sunny a hard time.

A corner of her mind was still convinced that Sunny and Taeyeon were not quite over. The other side of her mind told herself that she was being silly.

What she couldn’t deny, however, was the pain that she felt stabbing through her from her lungs to her guts. As though a huge knife was twisting inside of her, rupturing all her insides brutally.

She knew that Sunny had been doing all that she could. She knew that Sunny had put in the effort. She knew that she wasn’t an easy person to be with. All these she knew. Yet her heart… her heart seemed to have a mind of its own.

Breakup.

That sudden thought horrified her. How could she think of that?

How could she bring that word up?

With no sun in her life… where would her warmth come from? Who was going to warm her up and melt her ice?

She found herself standing outside a strangely familiar building. She had the strongest sense of déjà vu. It was as though she had been here many times before but she couldn’t remember when.

Then a familiar looking man walked past her. He stood abruptly and turned back to look at her.

‘Jessica?’

Her eyes widened in surprise. How does this man know my name?

‘Who are you?’

He chuckled. ‘You don’t remember me, do you? But I remember you. I’m Doctor Park.’

Jessica shook her head slowly. No, she did not remember a Doctor Park.

‘I was your doctor. I am a child psychologist.’

Jessica took a step backwards. She was unsure and uncertain. This was weird.

Doctor Park smiled warmly. ‘Would you like to take a look at the playroom that you used to play in?’

Playroom? Why does it ring a bell?

Jessica felt curious so she nodded and took a step forward. Doctor Park smiled even wider than before and gestured for her to follow him.

She found herself standing at a window, looking into a playroom filled with toys. She had definitely been here before.

‘I saw you for two years. You had improved tremendously and I decided to take a step back and extract myself from your life to see how you’d do by yourself. You did me proud Jessica.’

Jessica looked at him strangely. ‘I did you proud?’

Doctor Park nodded. ‘You did me proud.’

‘I’m sorry, I can’t remember much about you but I know that I came to this playroom before.’

He laughed, setting off a spark of another familiar memory in her mind.

‘Jessica, we would always play in this room. There’s no way a child would forget a place where she had a lot of fun in.’

‘Who brought me to see you?’

‘Your parents.’

Jessica raised an eyebrow.

‘Your foster parents.’

Jessica felt a little more convinced about the things he said after that. He wouldn’t have known that she was adopted if he wasn’t really her child psychologist.

‘They brought you to me because they were worried for you. It was a good thing that they did. The earlier children are brought in, the better they recover.’

‘What was I suffering from?’

‘Sleeplessness, refusal of interpersonal communication… the usual… many children are like that after they lose their parents.’

Jessica chortled, surprising Doctor Park a little.

‘What are you chortling about dear girl?’

Jessica looked at Doctor Park amusedly. ‘You are definitely a psychologist. Your words are so carefully chosen. But you can be honest with me. I know my parents abandoned me. I didn’t lose my parents. They dumped me.’

Doctor Park’s eyes opened wide in alarm. Jessica wasn’t as alright as he had thought she was. He saw it now. And this was the worst that he had feared – a deep-rooted sense of a lack of worth. Jessica was completely frozen on the inside – so deep that it was going to take a real long bake in the sun to get her thawed out.

‘Would you like to talk to me?’

Jessica looked at this vaguely familiar, kind looking old man. Could she trust him? He already knew all about her and what was inside her. Perhaps, this was meant to be. She had walked herself to this place, hadn’t she?

‘Yes, I would like to.’

Doctor Park smiled warmly. There was hope for her yet.