It’s been three days since the incident at Winter’s house. It’s also been three days with no update from her. She hasn’t been visiting the AVR as well. I miss her already… even after what happened.

 

I contemplated whether I should message her or not but I’m honestly really hurt. To think she didn’t even follow me when I left. How can she be so insensitive to do me like that?

 

Right after making out with me too. She could have said thank you to me and that would have been a thousand times better. I can’t think of a reason why she would do that.

 

I mean, I thought we were on the same page. Did I think wrong? But she kissed me! She held my hand. She went on a not-so-friendly date with me. Like, hello?! We did couple stuff without actually being an official couple. That’s something.

 

Ugh. I’m feeling a mix of anger, disappointment, and hope. I never thought it would be so stressful to like someone. Naalala ko na naman yung nangyari…

 

The way her face fell when I uttered those words. She looked shocked. Parang nakakita siya ng multo or something. And those goddamn seconds of silence that felt like an eternity.

 

Yunjin lightly tapped my shoulder. I didn’t realize I was zoning out in class. “You alright? You don’t look right these days.”

 

Natawa ako sa ginamit niyang word. Whenever I’m down or in a bad mood, it really shows sa appearance ko. I’ve honestly lost my focus for this week, and the weeks to come. Something shifted that night.

 

I’m feeling upset again. She didn’t even bother sending me a message me to know if I got home safely that night. She just let me be. Just like that. Parang ang dali for her to have me walk out on her.

 

And ngayon naman, iniiwasan niya ako. It’s so obvious. I wonder what’s she thinking about these days. I hope when she thinks of me, she feels nothing but guilt and regret.

 

I heaved a heavy sigh to my friend, “It’s Winter.” My friends are well aware of my growing connection with the younger girl. I remember telling them earlier in the first month of the year.

 

They were surprised, to say the least. We all knew of Winter’s weird crush kay Heejin kaya they didn’t expect it. They’re still very supportive of it. Sabi pa ni Yunjin, siya na lang walang love life.

 

Heejin started dating her ex again. Gaeul is close to finally committing to a person, after years of playing around. Chaeryeong has been in a long-term relationship, I think about four years now. Yunjin is not in the dating scene so there isn’t much to say about her love life—so much diversity in our friend group.

 

“What happened? Did you two break up? Already?!” My ever-so-dramatic best friend is at it again. It reminds me of the time she told me about her argument with Winter, that’s what she called it even though it was far from one.

 

I shushed her kasi nagtuturo pa yung prof. “No… I don’t know.” I forgot to tell them about it, must have slipped my mind. All I’ve been thinking about is Winter.

 

We were never official tapos break na agad? I want to cry and lock myself in my room. Winter Kim, I swear to God. She better thank her genes kasi maganda siya. Miss ko na naman siya.

 

After class, we have an hour and a half of vacant time. Yunjin invited us to have brunch, and we all accepted her request except for Gaeul. She has an absence to settle sa SAO dahil she’s close to getting dropped from a subject.

 

“So, what happened?” Kapag chismis, laging ata itong mga babae.

 

We haven’t even ordered yet. Yunjin’s really one to make use of precious time. I sat beside Heejin with Chaeryeong in front of me. I slumped in my chair, “She’s not talking to me. And I’m not talking to her either.”

 

Chaeryeong raised an eyebrow, “Because?”

 

I pursed my lips before answering. “Well, we kissed and I told her I liked her, and she-”

 

“You guys kissed?” Yunjin exaggeratedly held her hand to her chest.

 

Chaeryeong remarked, “You confessed?” Her eyebrows were drawn to each other.

 

I turned to Heejin, I anticipated for her to say something but she stayed quiet. To say they didn’t see this coming is an understatement, I mean, seeing their reactions.

 

Napalakas pa yung boses ni Yunjin, people inside the restaurant turned their heads sa table namin. She then repeated her question in a whispered voice, kahit na malakas pa rin talaga yung boses niya.

 

I told them everything that happened. They are now collectively expressing their irritation towards Winter. Parang mas galit pa si Yunjin kaysa sa akin. They’re all on my side, of course.

 

As anyone should be.

 

We spent all our vacant time here because our conversation got prolonged. Pinagsabihan nila ako, huwag daw ako marupok. I know naman what to do, I’ve assessed myself. I have a scenario laid out in my mind already.

 

That is if she plans on ever talking to me again.

 

I wasn’t able to participate properly sa discussion sa afternoon class namin. On top of that, we have to finalize our research paper for midterms, which is in three weeks. Our teacher is consistent with asking for progress on our paper.

 

Luck really isn’t on my side lately dahil sa birthday ko pa natapat ang exams namin.

 

Breathe, Karina.

 

I was startled by a ding from my phone. Rapidly, I opened it, hoping it was from one person and one person only. To my luck, it wasn’t. It’s Jaemin asking to get coffee later, he’ll be at our building after his classes.

 

I didn’t bother replying to it. I’m not in the mood for coffee right now, not with him. The thing I want to do the least would be to go out with someone else. Especially knowing na he’s interested in me.

 

Ewan ko ba sa kaniya, I feel like I made myself very clear na I’m not into him, yet he still insists on taking me out on dates. I’ll need to tell him upfront next time.

 

After my classes, I dropped by the AVR, again hoping I would see her there, but she was nowhere to be seen or found. I couldn’t help but show my frustration with a groan.

 

Ryujin noticed my obvious bad mood and walked up to me. “Wala ulit si Winter, teh.”

 

She continued as I stayed mum, “Okay lang ba kayo nun?”

 

“Has she not been messaging you guys?” I asked, curious if Winter has been contacting them.

 

Umiling siya. She expressed her confusion about what was going on between the two of us. She even joked that maybe I got rejected. Well, she’s not exactly wrong, baka tama pa nga siya.

 

She and I aren’t the closest but I do feel comfortable enough opening up to her. I am also considering the fact that she’s literally the prime witness of our landian during meetings. She’s also very supportive of us, I feel like I owe it to her to tell her about what occurred.

 

She didn’t say anything for a good five seconds. She gathered her thoughts first before talking, “Legit…?”

 

I simply nodded as a response. We both fell silent after. I don’t know what she could possibly be thinking right now. She looks serious, ngayon ko lang siya nakita na ganito. Her face looks so concentrated.

 

It feels as if she’s also affected by it. Sabi niya nga OTP niya kami ni Winter. Eunchae and her joke around, telling us na sila ang magiging best woman sa kasal namin.

 

“May plano ka bang gawin?” She carefully asked me. We are seated at the frontmost part of the room. The other members that are here are busy with their respective duties.

 

I do, actually. I’ll wait it out. I know she’ll come through. Kahit na I’m feeling all upset and disappointed right now, I trust her. Winter knows what she needs to do and I’ll bide for her.

 

I’m not the most patient person but for her, I’ll bear the wait. I just hope she comes to a realization, a positive one.

 

I nodded at our friend, “I know Winter. She’s just taking her time.” I’m not delusional, I’m truly confident.

 

Ryujin agreed. We talked a bit about her. Come to think of it, ngayon lang kami nakapagusap na it’s just the two of us. Winter is always with us. Most of the time, she’s the reason Ryujin and I even interact with each other. Just recently that we started to bond more.

 

It can’t be helped kung puro pangaasar sila ni Eunchae, who isn’t here as well. Speaking of which, I miss their teasing already. Gustong-gusto ko yung pag-push nila sa aming dalawa.

 

Our conversation became more light-hearted with the mention of our birthdays. We’re both Aries pala. Winter and she are the same age, kaya siguro they go along really well. Ryujin also reminds me of Liz, at times.

 

To tell you the truth, I’m not very fond of younger people. Especially here in college. I find them quite stubborn and big-headed sometimes. I’m proud to say I never went through a phase like such during my first years in college. I’ve stayed humble, and I’m going to keep being humble.

 

Yet, I find myself constantly being attracted by them. Like Winter. In my three years in our college, I have never once had a romantic attraction towards another student in the same program. First time ko.

 

I find it funny na it happened to be someone who was initially into my friend. Kind of ironic. There’s something about her. I don’t have a specific type when it comes to the people I like. I just like who I like.

I think coincidence lang na lagi silang mas bata sa akin.

 

It started with a small crush. She’s so cute kasi. I remember the number of times I would be watching over them when we had the street dance event pa. The way she would bicker with Liz and Ning Ning. Napaka-cute!

 

It’s endearing. Reminds me of how my sisters and I would always play around with one another when they still lived with us.

 

That was it.

 

Then… I started to notice other things. Her short hair and the way it bounced around when she moved a bit more vigorously. How she pouts when her friends . Her stance whenever she was attentively listening to our choreographer. Just, a lot of little things.

 

I told my friends about it agad, although I didn’t specify who. They aren’t the type to pry so they didn’t really care much. Plus, at that time, it was a harmless crush. I just thought she was cute and pretty.

 

That’s what I thought.

 

I found out we were both part of the school radio and I got really excited. Apart from the fact that she was the only one I knew, I also took it as a chance to get closer to her. As a friend. At first.

 

After the competition, I was elated to know na we would have more interactions with one another. Grabe lang yung kilig ko. My so-called “crush” on her grew and grew thanks to SLC.

 

During meetings, I would always sit beside her. That escalated to waiting for her after meetings. Which then extended to leaving school together. I was honestly shocked at how close we got. I grew fonder of her as we spent more time together.

 

She was very reciprocal of my actions, without her knowing it. There were times na siya na yung unang tumatabi sa akin, sometimes she would even be the one to wait for me para sabay kami umuwi.

 

I can’t forget about our meals out for lunch and the times when we had coffee after school. I was happy because she was easing up on me. I find it weird nga na our common grounds prior to SLC are never really brought up sa conversations namin.

 

We’re both from Educ but we never talk about it. We are both friends of Liz, yet she really hasn’t been mentioned many times—actually, even at the dance competition.

 

It’s nice to know that I didn’t have to depend on those as much to develop our relationship. It was simply us.

 

Then, I started flirting with her. I wasn’t too pushy but I also wasn’t being vague. Shocks me how well she takes my advances. Siguro gusto rin niya talaga.

 

The Valentine’s Day event really did something for us. I will forever be grateful to our station director and instructors for organizing it! From her inviting me to the concert to our date. It’s been nothing but butterflies in my stomach.

 

“Karina?”

 

I woke from my train of thoughts. I looked up to see Chaewon staring at me worriedly. I fixed myself and answered, “Yes, Chaewon?”

 

She handed me a piece of paper. She explained our assignment for the rest of the month. I’ve been assigned to the news recap. It’s an ongoing thing that all announcers have to go through. It’s similar to what they do sa team nila Winter.

 

Except, it’s a video recording for us. They post it on our social media to serve as a quick and effective source of information for the students. I need to work with the technical team on it.

 

I scanned through the paper given to me. Not much has happened pala. February was far more eventful. I’m glad that I got March