Fear is the prelude of a requiem to our own hell.

Friday 27 December 2019

If one day I had been told that I would want to have a family of my own – my other half, or in my case, a husband and our daughter or much more be told that my life would revolve around them, I would have genuinely laughed. Despite of choosing love first over any things, I still want to focus in my career, more importantly, in our career. Aside from Sungyeol who was already hooked with his coffee, I can’t deny that among the other members I was the one who was not interested into being romantically involved with someone else but that was until Nam Woohyun enters my life. Me. The charismatic leader of INFINITE. Their main vocalist. Their LeaderGyu, GranpaGyu, HamsterGyu, and what else. Over the years, I became the willing prisoner of my family’s need for protection and love and being physically weak would not hinder me for providing what was necessary to my family.

"When do you think they will get here?" questioned Woohyun, tapping his foot impatiently while scrutinizing the driveway from the bay window of our CEO’s house. Although Sungjong was not with us anymore and have established a name for our own and have our individual careers we still remain as INFINITE. We would still gather in our CEO’s house during Christmas season to celebrate as a family – the Woollim family to be exact. Everyone was present, from our CEO and the other Woollim staffs, to our stylists, and to our managers, of course. I just wish that even for once, our maknae would join us. Sungjong will always remain as a part of Woollim family. Now, we were only waiting for the MyungYeol couple to arrive.

"L called me two hours ago to tell me they were on their way. They should not be too long."

Joining me in the living room to wait for the two, Woohyun sat on the arm of the sofa, propping himself up. I knew that move. That meant he was going to engage in a serious negotiation. "You should have told him about it."

I sighed. "What Sungjong does is no longer L's concerns. Besides, Sungyeol would not be too pleased with the information."

Woohyun huffed. "Since when does the insecurities of the other members stopped LeaderGyu? You would always be the one to step out first to fixed the indifferences between our members even it could hurt their feelings. L should know."

"Should know what?" asked the newly arrived cranky visual. Great timing.

"Sungjong bought a beach house two hours from here," blurted out Woohyun. L's brown eyes tripled in size but not from surprise like I would have suspected, but from panic. We did not further discuss this new piece of information, and HyeJin, who had heard her favorite uncle's arrival, bolted from the playroom to the welcoming arm of a bewildered L.

"Uncle Myungsoo, you are here! I missed you sooooooooooooo much."

"I was on the phone with you yesterday for at least an hour," our distracted visual responded. I was always amused by his sense of inadequacy in dealing with the innocence of a child. Holding my eight year old with one arm, L embraced Woohyun. Oh, Sungjong, if you could see the man of your life right now, so caring to a family he used to push away, how would you feel?

"How is my favorite niece?" chirped Sungyeol, who had just walked in. The choding tried so hard, sometime it was pathetic to watch. Unlike L's former relationship, I never 'interfered' in the new one. Why get involved when the couple was bound to fail anyway?

When Sungjong barged into L's broken life, I had worried, conspired, manipulated, lied, and blackmailed. All for the sake of the one I wanted to protect. Being the leader of INFINITE, I became so overprotected towards them. I don’t want the two of them to get hurt. I was the one that was openly against their relationship. I cared for the both of them and even I know that our maknae really love L, I would do anything that not to further the damage that was done to our visual. Until one day, I had to swallow the inevitable truth that the lithe diva had wormed his way into the heart of our visual who was day by day becoming cold and devoid of emotions and from the inside was destroying all of the walls separating him from the ones who loved him. It was not an overnight transition but by the time of Riku's tragic death, I had come to terms with the unusual pair and accepted it.

But everything changed. When Sungjong came to me secretly one month after Riku’s funeral and he said he wanted to talk. I knew that he had chosen me to help him in his mourning. He has trusted me to help him despite of some indifference between us. At first, I would think that he would go to Hoya, knowing this two was very close or to Woohyun who he has established a special connection with. But I was wrong, when Sungjong silently crept in my room requesting me if we could talk privately. Thankfully that night, Woohyun has some schedule. So I sat down with him late one night in one of our dance studio and I listened to his guilt-ridden tale of how grief-stricken he had been since he had lost the child. He was somewhat hesitant at first, like he was clueless where he should start. As I put a comforting a hand in his shoulders, I could sense the inner turmoil he was experiencing. The intense emotions that was bubbling within him, but he shed no tears. Not one.

I had seen my share of tortured souls and Sungjong fit right in, except for one crucial difference. He refused to impose his sufferings on his family and friends. He pleaded with me to talk with our CEO to break his record deal, to help him escape, to see that the other members could pursue their music careers, and to take care of L.

"I will level with you, Lee Sungjong. Let's suppose I can grant you all of your professional requests, Myungsoo is his own man, not to mention a stubborn one. You can't put him in a box and expect him to stay there. It doesn't …"

"I understand," our maknae interrupted our CEO. "But it is just a matter of time until I hurt him, too… until I hurt the rest of the members."

"What do you mean?" I was confused. Rolling up his sleeves, our maknae unveiled a mare of lines some healed, some healing, and some maybe a few hours old. I was shocked. I could also feel the inner battle within our CEO. Letting our maknae go would produce a large publicity stint within the industry and it could either be good or bad.

"L-hyung does not know. We don't … since … Well, you know. Everything is spinning out of control and I don't know how long I can hold until it spills onto other people."

My daydreaming was cut short by our visual as he questioned our CEO who was sitting beside me. "So do you spend a lot of time sitting alone by the indoor pool?"

"Just to reminisce every now and then."

"I would not consider this place a means to find peace." His dark undertone made it very clear what he was alluding to. Our CEO only smiled at him.

"Everyone needs to move forward eventually. You too, Myungsoo-shi. You have Lee Sungyeol now."

"Call it whatever it is, hyung." He grumbled as he sat beside us, probably to fill out the awkward silence. "I called the diva to wish him Merry Christmas but I got his voicemail. I left a message."

I nodded. "Yes, he has not responded to my calls either today."

"How did you know about Sungjong's new beach house?"

Nice timing, away from prying ears, especially Sungyeol's. "Our CEO scouted the house for him and helped him with the closing documents."

"I see. That's nice of you." I didn't miss the sarcasm in his voice that was surely directed to our CEO but chose to ignore it.

"Anyway, Hyunnie thought it would be nice to give him a Dom Perignon 1980 as a house warming present. But that was a major faux pas."

"Why is that?"

"Because he does not drink. He hasn't for at least six years. So now we were thinking about buying him a cooking set… L, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just news to me." Avoiding our gaze at all cost, he looked the other direction, ending all discussions on the subject. Sungjong had never been a heavy drinker to begin with but his absolute repulsion for alcohol had been one of the many drastic changes in his life after the accident. Our CEO, Woohyun and I had known about L's careless words at the wedding, and had seen firsthand their devastating consequences. Sungjong had made one too many cuts that night which landed him at the hospital for a few days and earned him his first psychiatric evaluation. It was that time that the three of us became so protective towards Sungjong, surpassing the protectiveness that we have given L. We have even come to the idea of monitoring his affairs although he was miles away from us. Quieting the sordid affair had not been easy but whatever tricked our CEO use really saved our maknae from the foreboding disaster that could occur.

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AN: Hi... again, I am very thankful to those who have subscribed and leave some comments for this ff...

BTW, I hope you will drop by and read my new ff..

On the Edge

... this will be a one-shot and I have only posted the first part...

and

Cutting Through It All 

... which will be multi-chaptered...

Hope you will like this...hehe...

Bye-bye for now...