AN: Hello... I'm back with another update... this is  told from Sungjong's POV... 

i'm supposed to update yesterday but my other laptop crashed... and this chapter was save in there...

Apparently this update answers the question if Riku died or not... just read to find out...

Also, this chapter explains how did Riku comes to the life of MyungJong...

Btw, I am so thankful for all of my subscribers and those who have commented...

I ask for an apology if this chapter is unclear and contains some error...

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Even though the deafening cacophony of fears was distorting my world, I let it happen without a fight.

6 years ago - 2 months later

I am a musician, a singer. Though I would often say that I love girl groups’ songs the most, but no, I love everything about music. Since I was a little kid, I would envision myself as a singer which is garnering many awards. Music had been my life and I couldn’t imagine what my world would become without music. Everything about me and around me revolved with music.  Everything, from the folding of a piece of paper to the clacking sound of a shoe hitting the pavement, is music to my ears. Sometimes my surrounding is an incoherent symphony that can only make sense once translated into paper, and sometimes it is a beautiful ballad whose raw purity doesn't need to be touched. That was what Riku sounded like to me.

The six-year-old never had a chance. He was pronounced dead on the scene in the midst of the painful cries of some and the angry yells of others. I didn’t know whether those yells were directed to me or not yet I felt the guilt wrapping around my heart. I silently cursed myself for being responsible of the fiasco that was slowly enfolding in front of our own eyes. I stood still in my own bubble of thoughts as I watch the medics covered Riku with a white blanket and carried him towards the ambulance. I couldn’t feel anything that time despite of the tightening hold of Jungryul-hyung and the comforting words of Woohyun-hyung. There were no words that time that could describe how useless I felt, just standing there watching my lover reviving our son and how he was slowly taken away by the hands of death. I had always heard that when life took a tragic turn, people dealt with the stress by blurring everything together. That was a lie. Nothing about that day and the miserable moments since then have been a blur to me. I knew I was not an involuntary peon of a nightmare that would end soon. The incredibly still body of Riku and what it meant tore my heart into pieces. L's desperation in trying to revive him blew the pieces away. With every minute that passed, my lover's cold façade was crumbling while mine was building up. But I could not move, I could not fight, I could not hope, I could not cry.

Two months later, I still could not cry. The rest of INFINITE, our boss and our managers, my friends who have known about the tragedy and even my lover had advised me to go to a grief counselor who could provide me with guidance on how to deal with the pain. For an extremely emotional person like myself, my reaction, or lack thereof, was perceived as... worrisome. At the funeral, Yuki, Riku’s only living relative, shattered by loss, attacked L for his supposed carelessness. If Yuki had known it was I who had been irresponsible, what would he have said?

I promised Yuki that we would take good care of Riku for him but promises are indeed meant to be broken. Riku was the son of L-hyung’s noona. The one that has taken her life away because of a rejected love confession. L-hyung was not aware that Riku exist in this world until that time when Yuki showed up at our dorm in Japan. It was during our first visit in Japan. L and Yuki have known each other through her. I was expecting Yuki to put all the blame on L-hyung but Yuki didn’t blame my lover at all for the death of her sister. He reasoned out that her sister was an idiot for taking her own life and leaving her only the son completely orphaned. L-hyung was totally shocked when he learned about the kid. That time, I could feel the guilt L-hyung was feeling. He still blames himself for her death and to add a cherry on top, he became the reason on why an innocent being became an orphan at an early age. Yuki told us that her sister has been wallowing in depression and was not on her right state of her mind ever since her husband died because of an accident leaving her to take care of their only son, the remembrance of the love that they once felt. Her sister slowly coped up with the depression when she met L but the rejected love confession became the last straw for her to take her own life. She has stated on her journal before she died that what would be the purpose of her life when all of her loved ones was taken away from her. An accident took the life of her husband and I partly became the reason for taking L-hyung away from her. She killed herself because she felt out of love, but does she even think about her child that she has left behind. The child who is product of her and her husband’s love. That time, I questioned myself if Riku could ever felt the filial love every growing kids need. If he could experience the childhood every little kid want. I knew it has been difficult for Yuki to take care of Riku. He was on his last year of college and he has a full-packed schedule. Also, Yuki has his personally life but he dedicated his time on taking care of Riku. L-hyung and I made a silent agreement to meet Riku before we went back to Korea.

Later that week, we met Riku inside a fastfood chain at the mall. He surely was an adorable kid and during our first meeting the two of us have felt the attachment toward each other. He has a boundless source of energy and I could feel that Yuki has filled up with the parental love that was taken away from him but something was lacking. I wondered if there were times when Riku asked about his mother or his father. What amazed me was the innocence that Riku possessed. Riku could be a definition of the exuberance of life but would he grow up like that when he learn the truth about his parents. Throughout the meeting, I have observed that L-hyung couldn’t look directly at Riku. I could sense that L-hyung was bothered by the fact that he has committed a very large mistake towards this kid. I squeezed his hands under the table, assuring him everything would be okay. After having our snack, we decided to stroll for awhile at the mall, checking some random stores and buying some random stuff for Riku. Riku was walking between us, me holding his right hand while his other hand was being held by L-hyung. At first, L-hyung was a little hesitant to hold Riku’s tiny hand but he eventually gave in. I thought that we could be a very cute family. I would be the mother and L-hyung was the father and of course Riku would be our son. I giggled to myself as some people turned their heads toward us as we walk by. I was so thankful for having an effeminate look. It could be of great advantage sometimes. Our time together seemed to fly that fast and we have to bid our farewell to Riku. Before we took him to Yuki, I gave him a big brown fluffy teddy bear that I have bought a day before and our CD. When we arrived at the parking lot, Yuki was already their waiting for us. I said my goodbye to Riku and give him a peck at his chubby cheeks while L-hyung remained silent. Yuki almost whacked Riku’s head when he called me ‘mama’.  I smiled at Riku and lovingly patted his head.  With Riku’s small word, something within me stirred. I couldn’t apprehend what am I feeling but I knew I was really happy. I could also see that my lover’s lips turned into a small grin. That time, I decided that I would make Riku happy, I would be his mother, no, I mean his father. But I thought I would fit well with the role of being his mother since L-hyung would be his father. Just blame the excess progesterone in my body for being effeminate and thinking like a girl sometimes.

Without L-hyung knowing, I contacted Yuki and told him about my plan of adopting Riku temporarily until Yuki could finish his studies and get a stable job to support himself and Riku. I knew that my decision was in haste and it could bring a great transition in our personal lives and our lives as an idol, which can either be good or bad. I crossed my fingers hoping that Yuki would agree, technically I was not planning to take Riku away from him; it was like a joint custody.  I literally jumped with glee when Yuki agreed. I was shouting and smiling so much that it looked like I have taken endorphin in excess and luckily my lover was out that time because of his schedule or else he would think that I am going crazy already. He would complain that even he love my smile, I was smiling too much for his own liking. L-hyung’s permission was the only thing lacking then Riku could have a new mom and dad. Sure, as what I expected my lover was hurt or more likely mad when I told him of my plan and that Yuki was open with the idea of us adopting Riku. He was adamant of the idea of adoption and he said that he needs to think well about it. He didn’t talk to me for a day saying that I went behind his back and made a decision without him knowing. And of course, I didn’t ate anything that day also. Later that evening, he returned home with some takeout and threatened me that if I won’t eat then he would not agree in adopting Riku. He said that how could I take care of a child when I act like a child also. I punched his arms lightly as I smiled towards him, I was very thankful that he was slowly opening up to the idea. I knew that he was afraid and insecure but I don’t know why. Riku was connected to his past. A reminder of the lady that took his own life because of him. A past that my lover couldn’t let go. And despite of all the love that I have given him, his past would always haunt and chain him down.

It was funny that love was the one that brought our family together but love will also the reason for breaking our family apart.

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Therefore I conclude that I am so vain for killing an innocent child... just kidding...

TBH, the death of Riku was not the only reason for the events that will be unfolding in the next chapters..

So will our beloved MyungJong couple breaks up because of this event???

Comment and subscribe to find out...

(P.S. My own mom has been complaining that Sungjong acts more like a female than me...haha..)