The road to perdition is not a one-way street. While people start on that path when life deals them the wrong cards, they can also find an escape thanks to the unconditional love of their family, friends, and lovers.

Saturday 28 December 2019

In the wee hours of the morning, at the time when the creatures of the night dragged their exhausted body to bed, still smelling of cigarettes, , and alcohol, Kim Myungsoo prayed.  The visual of INFINITE, whom their fans worship, prayed with a religious fervor, he knew that he even didn't possessed before. Though born as a Christian and has devoted Christian parents, his faith is not that strong. He even found prayers insignificant but now  he found solace and wisdom in meditation, which allowed him to bath in the purity and compassion of the words. Before the battle, warriors always took comfort in their self-imposed rituals calming, if for a brief instant, a roaring heart thirsty for blood at the anticipation of the struggle.

L was ready to fight to take back what was his. Six years ago, he did not understand what he was up against but these past twelve hours had enlightened him and cleared away all the doubts and insecurities. Sungjong was sleeping fitfully sporting a deep frown as a constant reminder of his troubled state. To the visual, it did not matter because he knew there will be better days. He just needed to convince his former partner as well. Uncomfortable in the role of caring savior having always been the unwilling recipient of overbearing attention, he hoped Sungjong would go easy on him.

He knew too well the damages total despair could inflict on your self-esteem, but the singer had taken it to an all new level by turning to self-mutilation. As an actor, he had taken part in acting about it to describe the extreme measure tormented souls would go to find relief, but this was happening to Sungjong and not to any fictional character but the most important person in his life. Trailing a finger on the uncovered scars, he sighed. For the past few hours that he remained seated by his lover's side, he unconsciously traced his name that was engraved on his ex-lover's arm. He wanted to laugh, thinking that despite of the harsh reality of their break up, he still has a claim over Sungjong. That his name on Sungjong's arm proved that he owned him. But no, it was not his claim that Sungjong was his, it was a reminder of their past - a shadow that will forever remind him of his idiocy and hypocrisy. Ironic it may be - but he knew both of them  haven't let go of the feelings they have for each other before.

At the very moment, he wanted to drown himself with alcohol and to escape from reality but he can't do it right now. He's afraid that once Sungjong will be away from his sight, he would vanish and leave him again. And this time it will be to eternity. While he stood on the bedroom balcony filling his lungs with the sea breeze, L kept an attentive eye on the delicate singer, whose movement indicated his imminent awakening.

"Riku." The moment the frail voice reached his ears, amber eyes locked on the lithe form drowned in the crumpled sheets. After tiptoeing around the bed in case his imagination had played a nasty trick on him, L looked down to meet confused, slightly panicked brown eyes.

"Good morning, Jongie." Politeness was always better than his world renowned icy come backs.

"Water" Ready for the singer's first demand, L handed him a glass. He could see by Sungjong's furrowed eyebrows that he was trying to sort out the events from last night. "How did I get here? Why are you here?" As the puzzles gradually fell into place, the adrenaline seemed to fuel the petite man who gripped the sheet as anger built.

Sitting back on the armchair, the visual resolved to avoid dodging questions. For both their sake, truth was going to be the best remedy. "You washed up on the shore. I came just in time."

"Is that so? You saved me but you could not do the same for a 6-year old." He snarled. Almost instantly, he paled at the harshness of his own words. "Myungsoo, I did not mean…"

The visual abruptly got up and left the bedroom. As weak as Sungjong felt, his guilt gave him energy but his leg failed him when he tried to stand. Shouting for L to come back, he crawled to the door's threshold, reaching out for support with the frame. On his two shaky feet, he continued with great difficulty to the living room. "Myungsoo, I am sorry. Damn it!"

"Yah! Lee Sungjong, I am in the kitchen. Calm down before you get a ." The visual came in and pulled a chair at the dinner table. "Sit down. The food will be served in a minute."

Submissively, the pop star did as he was told and in a blink of an eye, he found himself covered with a blanket. He hugged it taking comfort in the sudden warmth. "There is no food."

"Gyu-hyung had it delivered earlier this morning." The visual returned to the kitchen to delay the piece of information he had to eventually reveal. How did you tell a broken man that the reason of his guilt was unfounded?

"Sunggyu-hyung knows? How? You told him?" The accusatory tone told L that the singer still cared about appearances and wanted to keep at a distance the people who were concerned about him. Sungjong always consider to suffer for the sake of others, to be a martyr for the sake of his hyungs and the people around him. He even prefered to take his life discreetly to lessen the burden and sadness of those people that will be affected with his supposed to be passing. He wanted to believe that by taking his own life, he could redeem the soul of their child and could correct the accident that happened 6 years ago.

With two bowls of ramen in his hands, he sat down at the table across Sungjong. "I did not need to. We all knew. You did not return any of our phone calls, not even your from Woohyun or Hoya."

"Woohyun-hyung..." His once upon a time expressive brown eyes, the doors to the human soul, vacated the premises. No pain, no joy, no struggle, no peace, they conveyed no emotions, just emptiness.

Not able to bear what they were telling them one more minute, the visual attempted to break the spell. "Eat, Sungjong."

"What for? I am not hungry." As a challenge, he pushed the bowl away from him and looked at his former partner, unwavering in his decision.

"Do as you please, but I am not going anywhere."

"Your boyfriend will worry." Myungsoo understood perfectly well what was going on, having a lifetime track record of isolating himself. He smiled. No matter what, Sungjong remained the Diva who was unable to implement a well thought out plan.

"Sungyeol and I broke up last night."

"Not on my account, I hope." The singer said sarcastically.

"It's always been about you."

Suspicions quickly replaced surprise, signaling a looming wrath. This had to be stopped before everything got out of control. "Last night, I was at our CEO's house and I learned that he had a video of that day." Myungsoo pushed the bowl in front of him. Palms on the table, amber eyes bored into brown ones. "I viewed it and what I saw made my stomach turn."

"Of course, it did." Knocking the chair down, Sungjong was trying to run as far away from this conversation as he could.

"Lee Sungjong, don't act like an idiot!" The singer ignored him, slowly heading to the bedroom. "You had nothing to do with it. You told him to wait in the hallway. Jungryul-hyung is the one who gave him permission to go to the pool." Sungjong stopped in his track and stood still for what seemed like an eternity.

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare blaming someone else for what I did, Kim Myungsoo." Denial. It could have been worst.

"Your antagonistic behavior is not going to help."

"Anta… what?" Maybe curiosity or anger forced him to turn around.

Steadfast, Myungsoo pursued. "I saw it of my own two eyes. I don't have the video now but when you are well enough, we can go to our CEO's and you can confirm my story."

Instinctively, Sungjong started massaging his arms, holding on to what he had known for the past six horrible years of his life. The mask was crumbling to uncover raw emotions. His body shook at the realization of the absurdity of his life or what he had made of it.

To renew the long lost connection, Myungsoo closed the distance between them and enveloped him to shield him from the self-loathing feeling threatening to overcome them both. "Cry, Jongie. Cry." The tears damped the visual's designer shirt and decisive hands clawed at his back, probably leaving marks, but Myungsoo did not care.

"That can't be true. Hyung would have told me. He would not keep it as a secret to me. He would not let me offer myself to Go Youngwook. It's…" The unfinished thoughts, hiccups, sniffling, and whimpers were the notes of the song of despair and the visual was here to listen. The release of all the pant-up emotions mentally and physically weakened the already fragile singer. His legs gave out, but Myungsoo surprisingly at ease with his new role of supporter picked him up before he fell on the floor.

"You are exhausted." Back in the bedroom, he laid the petite man once more on the master bed and reached out for the bottle of pills on the night table. "Take this. It will make you sleep better." Compliant and without a question, the singer swallowed hoping somehow that it would keep at bay the nightmares and the monsters inhabiting them. The sobs would not subside though and continued to rack his body. Like that night in early March, six years ago, Myungsoo joined him to bed. With the shyness of a budding relationship, Sungjong slowly closed the distance to fit in the visual's embrace. Home. After many trials and fights, Sungjong and Myungsoo were finally at home with each other, striving for a peaceful stability. "I am sorry." The singer whispered, a lone tear ending its course on the sheet. A finger under his chin, the visual forced the maknae to look at him. "I love you, Lee Sungjong. Everything will be ok. You are not alone anymore." Blinking to acknowledge he had heard him, Sungjong fell asleep with a small smile on his face, a promise to better days.

Edging on an unchartered territory, they were both creating their own path. Lee Sungjong broken and unstable, and Kim Myungsoo, who did not know a first thing about loving someone properly, were holding hands walking away from the road to perdition… for good.

The End

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Well, is it really the end???

who wants a sequel?

btw, thank you to those that subscribed and commented for this story... 

I really appreciated it...