It is always consoling to think of suicide: in that way one gets through many a bad night.

Over the years, Sungjongie had achieved more success and more notoriety than any of us could ever dreamed of. Between his singing, ad, modeling, and even his movie deals, Sungjong found himself at the peak of his career. But was he really happy? His career became his outlet for the past six years. It was the scapegoat of the depression and inner battle we was experiencing. Sungjong may not outwardly show it but he has not moved on since that day. It forever haunted him and was slowly eating him up. His manager once told me that Sungjongie was already on his breaking point and it would only take a little time before their maknae would meet his demise.

L put down the wine he was drinking and faced our CEO who was reading some important documents. "Have you always had cameras here?"

"Since before the pool was built. Why?"

"What about the other rooms in the house?" L inquired further, ignoring our CEO’s question.

"Everywhere. There is no price too high for my family's security."

"Does that mean you have a video of that day?" Now, I saw where he was going with this interrogation.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I had to provide it to the police for the investigation and to clear everyone's name from foul play."

Then, the silence settled. Everyone had been cleared without a problem but the chief of police had made a chilling comment. "Adults should always behave like ones and not pretend they are children. Accidents like that would not happen." Fearing what he meant, I refused to watch the video.

"I want to watch it."

"L, I don't think…"

"I don't care, Sunggyu-hyung. I want to settle this. Maybe, Jongie has moved on, but I haven't. I want to know what happened."

Stubbornness. That's why I was currently sitting on the couch with our CEO, next to a fuming Sungyeol and a brooding Woohyun. Hoya and Dongwoo decided to sit on the floor.  We had waited for Hyejin and the rest of staffs to go to bed since no one could change our pig-headed visual's mind. So, here we were looking at a giggling Sungjong setting Riku on the bathroom counter and cleaning his chocolate mess. In some kind of sick curiosity, Sungyeol sat forward on the couch to get closer to the TV while L seemed to sink deeper into it. The two were having some silly conversation about a beach house and being twelve years old. Then, it switched to the swimming topic.

"Well if you want a beach house, you are going to have to learn how to swim."

"You promised you were going to teach me," whined the little boy.

"I am going to, but not right now. I don't have all my mind." That comment earned a startled movement from L.

Sungjong commanded the fussy little boy to wait for him in the hallway. The image then transitioned to the hallway where Riku was waiting, and Jungryul-hyung came into view.

"Where is Sungjongie?"

"He is in the restroom," said a sniffling Riku.

"What's wrong?"

"Mama does not want to teach me how to swim but I know I can learn quickly."

"Of course, you can. Uncle Jungryul thinks you will be a great swimmer." He added shaking a plush toy in front of the kid, who could not help but laugh at the intoxicated man’s antics. "Why don't you go wait for us by the brand new pool? We will start your lesson tonight!" No, No, No. Woohyun gasped and Sungyeol frowned. Even our CEO looked dumbfounded. L was twitching out of a barely contained anger. Riku hesitated breaking his Mama's rule but temptation won at the end. I stopped the video once it switched to the pool scene. No need to deepen the wound.

"Does Sungjong know about this? Did you tell him?" barked L.

"Of course not. I never watched it. What does it matter? Sungjong-shii knows what happened, he was there." Our CEO answered, keeping his cool. Our CEO has always had the cunning ability to keep his head cool in tough situations but why did I feel like we were on trial?

"No, that's the point. He has no idea. He is convinced he is the one who gave the permission to Riku to go to the pool. Don't you see? Before leaving to Japan, he was depressed. He could not sleep. He barely talked."

"That was six years ago. Now, he is fine." The slightly miffed choding interjected. "He has dealt with his demons. I am sure."

"I don't think he has, Sungyeollie," quietly corrected Hyunnie who knew about the maknae's years of battle with depression. "Besides, what would you know about Jongie's personal feelings? You never return his phone calls." He spat. Throughout the ordeal, Hoya and Dongwoo remained silent, it’s like the two of them was shocked to the core. After all, Sungjongie has just open up to them recently and they clearly have nothing to say about it.

"Twelve years old. Riku, would be twelve years old. . Sunggyu-hyung, where is this new beach house?" yelled our visual attacking me by the collar. Woohyun handed him the address more to save me than to calm our infuriated visual. Why attack me when he could attack our CEO instead. Putting his coat on, he ran to the door, keys in hands, Sungyeol in tow and with these parting words: "Nice going, Mr. CEO. You helped Jongie buy his coffin."

All Sungyeol's futile attempts to fit into L's life were almost endearing. Almost. But reality knocked at our doors tonight. We could all smell our own fears: fear of losing the greatest love, fear of losing a brother, fear of losing control for the first time, fear of losing a secure relationship. We all knew tonight we were going to lose something or someone, but we did not know what exactly.