Prolouge:

Tired, scared and bloody, I sat huddled in a corner of our dormitory. I don't know when the cutting began nor when his affection stopped. All I knew was for almost half a year I suffered inwardly, begging for his touch and yearning for his love and yet I received none. I doubt that he loved me even our relationship exists. I wasn't enough for him it seemed; I am only a tool for him. He needed me to make his real love jealous. When they became an item he had forgotten that I exist. True, he stayed by my side and make love to me but the feel of love was absent, it was only plain . There were some times that he moaned his name instead of mine. I was supposed to be the love of his life but I was the one that was discarded. It had been all too long since I heard him speak kindly to me and more and more I found myself violently used and thrown out into the cold.

Before, I thought that it was fine … that they were doing it because our company have requested them… that they were doing it for our fans. When he told me, I was confused. My heart was divided into two. But I agreed… I trusted him … I don’t want to be the immature one in our relationship. Even it hurts, like I was being shred into pieces every time the two of them acts like a couple, I endured it. I buried all the hurt that I was feeling deep down in my heart. Sometimes my mind betrayed me… coaxing me to be possessive towards my lover… dictating me that he was supposed to be mine and only mine. I tried… to act selfishly and to claim what was for me but the more I tightened my grip, the more he escaped it.  The more I clipped his wings the more he was flying further away from me.

I want the old us to be back… but it was impossible. I want to fight for his love but I can’t… I am weak…How can I fight for hi if my mere existence was the one that was holding his laughter and smiles back…

I was blinded by his love. I have given them all my trust but in the end, it was me that was thrown away… it was me that was neglected and ignored …

I am the one who was fooled and it hurts… it hurts like hell knowing that my own lover was happy in the arms of the person that I trusted the most.