This will picked up from the last flashback and will be the end of my very long flashbacks.

Author's note at the next chapter guys. ^^

Six months had passed since everything had started and yet L noticed nothing. No…all of my hyungs hadn’t noticed everything. Even Sunggyu hyung who was at first adamant of the changes that I was experiencing began to neglect me. Maybe he was too pissed with my stubbornness that’s why he decided to give up on me and the rest of the members…well…they were being themselves… concluding that everything was just a phase – a phase towards ‘maturity’. Sungyeol became the center of L-hyung’s world while I remain as the neglected little rag doll in the corner. I had visited the hospital only twice – to anyone’s knowledge – and begged to the doctor not to let anyone know of my health, of my condition. L visited me once, using the ‘so busy with his schedules’ excuse to avoid another visit, with Sungyeol. Oh, how much I wanted to grimaced and snarled seeing them walk together inside my hospital room but I smiled to them, the pathetic me gave them the sweetest little smile that I could mustered with the condition I am confined with. Sungyeol even joked that I should limit my visits to the hospital. If only he knew the truth… if only they would know what I am hiding from them. In reality, I was in this hospital at least once a week, to the point that some nurses and doctors knew me personally – not as Lee Sungjong, the diva maknae of INFINITE, but as Lee Sungjong, a pathetic boy that was on the verge of his own destruction. I became a frequent visitor of this hospital when my cuts wouldn’t stop bleeding or got infected or whenever I passed out after some schedules. Only our manager would know about my whereabouts and I begged him not to tell anyone – not to tell my hyungs that their beloved little maknae was on the point of no return. I would blame my dizzy spells on dehydration, lack of sleep, sleep or whatever else came to mind – everything that would point out to our heavy schedules. I spoke less to my hyungs, especially to the two of them, and that less soon dwindled to nothing – I didn’t, no, would not speak to them at all except for a quiet hello, yes, or no. On-cam I would receive every fanservice and skinship that L gave me and it shattered my heart, like it was being pierced by a thousand needles but offcam I scampered away everytime he came near me – I would prefer to stay an arm or two away from him. I began to ignore him and Sungyeol completely and refused his offer to sleep with him everytime we were alone at our dorm. I would sometimes not sleep at night and just cry, but I knew he didn’t hear me because it was overpowered with the noise of them making love.

No one else bothered me with the ‘changes’ that I have undergone, not when I acted just like a stubborn mule to mask the emotional pain that was slowly killing me from inside. Even our CEO remained silent with this issue. I assumed that he was oblivious of what was happening – or, he was just trying to be oblivious. The MyungYeol ship began sailing while the MyungJong ship has sank. Everyone knew about the most popular OTP in INFINITE, they were good looking, had a stable career and they were all over the news. There wasn’t an event I could attend where they weren’t cheered by our fans and even other KPOP groups and TV stations have something to say about them. They became to most in demand couple in INFINITE.

Daeryong-hyung would often watch me from afar and invited me to their dorm, but I knew I couldn’t do that. Even the members of Teen Top began to be concern with the change that occurred in me, especially Niel and Ricky. They would pester me to no end just to make me smile. They would even drag me with them just to have a heart-to-heart  – urging me to pour my heart onto them and they were willing to listen to everything I would say. The simple ‘are you doing fine’ and ‘how are you’ turned into much deeper conversation but still, I could not tell them the truth. The two of them didn’t know about my relationship about our visual and telling them everything would complicate my already complicated and ed-up life. They even invite me to have a sleepover at their dorm. I knew I couldn’t join them; L made certain that night after my little escapade at our old dorm, but I couldn’t tell anyone that I am under house arrest by my own lover. I was afraid of what he would do if I listen to what my friends say, I could care less what he did to me and I would not take the risk, I don’t want him to hurt my friends and my family. I know what was hidden underneath his perfect face and façade – underneath his godly appearance – and I know how irrational he becomes and I couldn’t take that chance.

So always lying to my closest friends, I returned ‘home’ to my so-called lover and my new found friend, cutting. I had taken to wearing long-sleeved shirts and pants, refusing to wear shorts and t-shirts like I used to. My cutting had become too deep and often scarred now and though everyone didn't like my new quiet attitude and modest dress, they thought nothing more of it than a passing depression.