Performing their songs as a subunit always felt special for Irene. Seeing the fruits of their labor blossom into something amazing always gets to her. 

 

Additionally, even after countless hours rehearsing the dance, every time they performed on stage, she and Seulgi just had this electrifying chemistry between them. She wondered if Seulgi felt the same. 

 

It took her back to their first performance together and she was annoyed at herself because her deeply buried confusions about her bandmate were resurfacing again, threatening to disrupt the balance she so carefully curated over the years. 

 

Every time Seulgi's hands came in contact with her body, she just couldn't stop her breath from hitching just a little bit.

 

​​​​​Every time she and Seulgi fell asleep together, she just couldn't help but snuggle just a little bit closer to Seulgi's body when they wake up in each other's arms the morning after. 

 

Every time Seulgi held her hand before a big performance when they're feeling nervous, she couldn't help herself from intertwining their fingers together. 

 

Irene realized that the way she craved all these things from Seulgi was dangerous. She was enjoying it too much. 

 

But really, how can she ever resist Seulgi? 

 

During the promotions and album preparations, Seulgi was extra passionate, extra affectionate, extra caring. 

 

​​​​​Even after all the interviews, performances, and photoshoots, when they're alone in the dorm, Seulgi was all those things. 

 

It made it a thousand times harder for Irene to keep her head straight. 

 

Every time they performed, Seulgi was just too intense that Irene had trouble locking eyes with her during the bridge of  Monster where they were supposed to circle each other during the song.

 

So Irene kept her head down, too afraid to get lost in Seulgi's piercing eyes. 

​​​​​​

 

---

 

 

Monster era went by in a blur. 

 

The subunit spent months preparing for the album and promotions so when it actually happened, Irene and Seulgi were surprised as they found themselves practicing for the last day of performing the song live. 

 

"Wow," Seulgi in a breath. "It's over already?" 

 

 "I know, right?" Irene's eyes widened. "It all went by so fast."

 

"We have just been so busy these past few weeks, I haven't had time to pause and appreciate what we did." Seulgi's eyes crinkled into a smile. 

 

"Look at you being so sentimental." Irene laughed loudly. "Kang Seulgi, I didn't know you had such insight."

 

The performance went smoothly as expected and afterwards, Irene and Seulgi invited the crew, dancers, and other staff out for dinner as a way of showing thanks for the hard work. 

 

Afterwards, the duo headed back to the dorm for a well-deserved rest. They changed into comfortable clothes and settled on Seulgi's room to unwind with ice cream. 

 

​​​​​​"We should've stayed in the living room," Irene said disapprovingly. "You're so messy when you eat, you might ruin your bed sheet."

 

"But it's more comfortable here." Seulgi whined. "I won't be able to lie down comfortably on the couch."

 

She looked over to Irene, who was propped up on pillows. "Besides, you look quite settled yourself, unnie."

 

"It is softer." Irene agreed. "So what do you want to do?" 

 

​​​​​"I think I'm still a little bit pumped up from earlier." Irene added. "I know I should be tired, but I don't think I'll be able to sleep just yet."

 

"I feel the same." Seulgi drummed her fingers on her temple. "Wanna watch a movie?" 

 

 

Much to Irene's dismay, the movie that Seulgi chose was a suspense thriller that contained a lot of jumpscares. She spent most of the movie clutching Seulgi's arm and cowering behind it whenever something suprising comes up. 

 

​​​​​​"Yah, Kang Seulgi!" Irene groaned after another scary scene. "Why did you choose such a scary film?"

 

"How did you know it was scary, considering you spent most of the time hiding behind me?" Seulgi chuckled. "Besides, it's not a scary movie. It's just a thriller."

 

"Well it's scary to me!" 

 

"Here," Seulgi took Irene's hand and pulled her in an embrace so tight that Irene's head was nestled in her chest. She wrapped her arms around Irene's waist and locked her hands together, securing the smaller girl in place. "Is that better?" 

 

Irene's heart pounded so hard she was afraid it would just fly off from her chest. She felt her cheeks and ears getting warm but she couldn't seem to shrug herself out of Seulgi's hold. It just felt so good. 

 

Irene knew she shouldn't be indulging this. 

 

"Seulgi-yah.."

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"I have something I'd like to talk to you about, Joohyun-unnie." Seulgi whispered. "But let's do that later, okay?" 

 

Irene could only nod as Seulgi tightened her embrace.

 

 

Irene hadn't realized that they fell asleep until she was woken up by Seulgi's light snoring. She looked up at the girl and marvelled at her face, wondering how Seulgi could look so adorable even while sleeping. 

 

Before she could stop herself, Irene brought a hand up to the taller girl's cheek and she stirred awake. 

 

"Hey," Seulgi muttered sleepily, eyes still closed. "Did we fall asleep?" 

 

"Yes." Irene replied softly. "Sorry if I woke you."

 

"It's no problem." Seulgi smiled. 

 

"So what did you want to talk about?" 

 

Seulgi's eyes fluttered open and she tensed. "Oh.. right."

 

She disentangled herself from Irene and she sat up on the bed. Irene did the same. 

 

"During this era," Seulgi started. "You did well, unnie."

 

"Thank you, Seul." Irene smiled. "You did well too."

 

"We look good together," Seulgi continued. "And we have great chemistry." 

 

"Yes, we do." Irene agreed. "Although I'm not quite sure where you're going with this. You're just stating the obvious." 

 

Seulgi laughed nervously. "Yes. What I wanted to say was.."

 

Irene waited patiently. 

 

"Our time together really made me appreciate you." She eventually managed to say. 

 

"Aigoo," Irene cooed. "It's taken you all this time just to realize that?" 

 

"Unnie, I'm serious." Seulgi looked her intensely and the air around them suddenly shifted. "I tried to ignore it but the more I did, the more it grew."

 

Irene tilted her head. "The more what grew?" 

 

Seulgi shuffled closer so that they're facing each other. She took Irene's hands in both of her own and squeezed. 

 

 

 

"I think I have feelings for you."

 

 

 

Irene's eyes widened. 

 

This cannot be. 

 

"No." Irene stood up suddenly and walked as far away from Seulgi as she can. "No, you don't."

 

Seulgi looked determined. "Trust me, I really tried not to."

 

Irene's heart was beating fast but for all the wrong reasons. It was fine when she was the one who was pining after Seulgi. She could keep her feelings at bay. She could bury it deep down. But Seulgi wore her heart on her sleeve which is why she should shut it down as soon as possible. 

 

"You're mistaken, Seulgi." Irene shook her head slowly. "You can't possibly.. be feeling this."

 

"When we were promoting," Seulgi's voice wavered. But still, she pressed on. "We spent a lot of time together, just the two of us. We got really close.. and I don't know what happened. I just felt that I wanted to be with you all the time."

 

If Irene hadn't been crippled with dread and fear, she would've doted over how adorable Seulgi looked being vulnerable and shy like that. 

 

​​​​​​"Seulgi." Irene repeated, almost pleading. "You're mistaken." 

 

"I'm not." 

 

"You're just confused," Irene reasoned. "You know this is wrong. You know we can't do this. I told you way before---" 

 

"Don't you think I know that?!" Seulgi fired up. She also stood up. "I know I shouldn't feel this way."

 

"So why are you telling me all this then?" Irene also raised her voice. 

 

"Because, I.." Seulgi brought her hands up. "I thought that you--"

 

"No," Irene glared. "No, Seulgi! You can't. We can't!" 

 

"Unnie," Seulgi pleaded. "Please."

 

Seulgi slowly closed the distance between them. She took Irene's hand and leaned on her so that their foreheads were touching. 

 

"Tell me you don't feel this too." Seulgi whispered. 

 

Irene bit her lip. It's already so hard to resist Seulgi but she just made it a million times harder when Seulgi tenderly caressed her cheeks with both of her hands.

 

"Was I just imagining things?" Seulgi breathed. 

 

Irene shifted away and looked at Seulgi. Her eyes were smoldering, boring into Irene's very soul. 

 

She really wanted to give in right now. Being held by Seulgi like this made her go weak and it took every ounce of her to prevent herself from closing the distance between their lips. 

 

"Seulgi.." 

 

Seulgi closed her eyes and moved closer. Irene did the same. 

 

Just when they're about to kiss, Irene thought about how everything would change once they cross this distance. If she kissed Seulgi right now, it would shatter the whole dynamic. 

 

Everything between her and Seulgi would change, and it might affect Red Velvet as a whole. 

 

She can't have that. It would be unfair to the other members. 

 

Irene just couldn't risk everything they worked hard for. 

 

Not even for Seulgi.

 

The tips of Seulgi's lips brushed against hers for a very brief second before she pulled away. 

 

"We can't." 

 

Seulgi looked so dejected as she let her hands fall limply to her sides. 

 

Irene shook her head slowly and pressed her palm on her forehead. She felt light-headed, like she was drunk on Seulgi's touch. She closed her eyes to gather her thoughts. 

 

"Seulgi," Irene said firmly. "I really think you're just confused. This album required some intimacy from us and perhaps you just interpreted those as something more."

 

Irene couldn't bring herself to look at Seulgi as she said the next words. 

 

"I also think you have mistaken my actions in the past weeks to be romantic affection. I apologize for that and I'll try to keep my distance as you sort your mind and your feelings out. Maybe you just got carried away since we spent a lot of time together these past few months. And I'm sorry, but I just don't feel the same way about you. I never did. You're my best friend, Seulgi. That's all we'll ever be. That's all we're supposed to be. Besides, you know that we can't do this. You know it might ruin what we have."

 

It was quiet for a while, as Seulgi took Irene's words to heart.

 

​​​​​​"Okay," Seulgi's voice was small. "I'm sorry. Let's just pretend this never happened. I'll take some time to mull this over."

 

She sat down on the edge of the bed with her back to Irene. 

 

"I'm really sorry." Seulgi repeated as she buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry, unnie."

 

Irene's heart ached at Seulgi's sorrowful state. She just sounded so tired and defeated that all Irene wanted to do was walk over to Seulgi and hold her tight. 

 

Instead, she walked away from Seulgi and over to the door to leave. 

 

She felt like throwing up for breaking Seulgi's heart like that. 

 

Irene felt her body getting heavy as the pressures and responsibilities weighed down on her. 

 

 

It greatly saddened Irene when she was reminded that if she and Seulgi weren't idols, they would've given it a try. 

 

 

But Red Velvet comes first. 

 

 

Irene's tears fell even before she could close the door to Seulgi's room. 

 

 

 

 

 

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