"I guess I fell asleep.." Seulgi said apologetically. Then she looked at Irene wistfully for a while before she spoke again. "I'm sorry."

 

Irene didn't know if she should feel grateful or sad. She felt her anxiety going away because if Seulgi fell asleep and didn't hear Irene's confession, then they wouldn't have to deal with all of this. On the other hand, Irene felt melancholic because that was probably the last time she'll admit her feelings for Seulgi. Now, more than ever, it's time pack it up, bury it down, and never let it resurface again. 

 

"It's all right." Irene smiled. "It's not important."

 

Seulgi just nodded. "I'm kinda sleepy." 

 

She suddenly got up to turn off the lights. Then Seulgi laid back down on the bed and turned away from Irene. "Let's go to sleep. You must be tired."

 

"I am." Irene admitted. 

 

"Good night, unnie." 

 

Irene stared at Seulgi's back. She knew she should start pulling away because it's just going to be harder from then on. But right now, Irene was vulnerable. She didn't have enough strength to fight herself on this when she's already so exhausted fighting off the demons that threatened to pollute her mind. She needed Seulgi so she decided that's she's going to be selfish for just a little while longer.

 

One last time. 

 

"Seulgi-yah," Irene said softly. "I'm cold."

 

"Oh, hold on." Seulgi felt around in the dark for the thick comforter. "Here." She threw the blanket unceremoniously over Irene. 

 

Irene pouted. "I'm still cold."

 

"Do you want me to turn on the heater then?"

 

Irene took a deep breath.

 

Can't Seulgi take the hint?

 

"No, there's no need for that." Irene decided to take matters into her own hands. 

 

She scooted closer to Seulgi and s her arms around the taller one's waist. Irene also entangled her legs with Seulgi as she pressed her face on Seulgi's back.

 

"You make me feel calm, Seulgi." Irene breathed in the scent of her hair. "Good night."

 

 

---

 

 

Seulgi was really annoyed at Irene.

 

It's been about a week since she ultimately decided to let go of her feelings for Irene. But the girl has been nothing but clingy, affectionate, and worst of all, adorable.

 

Irene was really testing her self control. 

 

Most nights, Irene would knock on her room in the middle of the night and Seulgi would wordlessly let her in. They wouldn't talk much; Irene would just cuddle with her until she fell asleep and Seulgi would just try to lie still without hugging back.

 

She failed every time.

 

As Irene tried to recover, the girls all did their best to cheer their leader up. Every day, Yeri scoured social networking sites (mostly Twitter) for the funniest memes their fans would come up with. Wendy baked different pastries for Irene (but the members ended up eating most of it), and Joy showed her funny videos (which were usually about them) on Youtube.

 

So by the time the four of them were getting ready to perform at the 2020 Great Music Festival, Irene was feeling slightly better. They were still in a media blackout, preferring to just focus on their performance. 

 

"Have fun, girls!" Wendy called from the living room.

 

"I still don't understand why you can't perform with us." Joy grumbled for about a hundredth time. "It's way more fun when it's the five of us."

 

"Aigoo, Sooyoung-ah." Wendy went over to Joy and gave her a tight hug. "Do you miss my charisma on stage?"

 

"We do!" Seulgi whined. 

 

"Don't worry," Wendy smiled widely. "I want my comeback to be as spectacular as possible so it's going to happen when we release our album. Can you imagine that, the fans going wild as they scream my name?"

 

She went around the room chanting. "WENDY! WENDY! WENDY!"

 

The members laughed and joined her. 

 

"Yeah, that's probably better." Irene nodded. 

 

"And you're doing a good job, singing my parts." Wendy looked fondly at them.

 

"But you do it so much better." Yeri huffed.

 

With one last group hug with Wendy in the middle, the girls eventually left the dorm for rehearsal.

 

 

--- 

 

After the recording of their performance, Irene and Seulgi went home in a separate car as the maknaes went on with their other schedules.

 

They were sitting in silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Irene was brought back to reality when her phone buzzed as she got a text message from Wendy. 

 

Unnie, I'm going out with my mom. I know Yerim and Sooyoung will also be out until much later. Maybe you and Seulgi can finally talk?

 

Irene bit her lip as she hastily fired back a reply.

 

I don't think I'm ready just yet, Seungwan! When will you be home?

 

Irene stole a quick peek at Seulgi who was unsurprisingly dozing off.

 

I won't tell you! ;) But I promise it won't be anytime soon. Good luuuuuuuck! Don't make out! 

 

"Son Seungwan!" Irene whispered angrily. 

 

---

 

"Where's Seungwan?" Seulgi wondered aloud when they got home to find the dorm empty.

 

"Out with her mom." Irene replied. "You want to eat? I can cook ramen."

 

"Yes, please!" Seulgi's eyes lit up.

 

Seulgi was playing with her phone on the kitchen table as she waited for Irene to prepare their food. Irene hummed absentmindedly and Seulgi marevelled at how tremendously adorable she looked, crooning and bobbing to the non-existent beat. It made Seulgi think of what their lives would be like in an alternate universe.

 

In another life, Irene and Seulgi would come home to their shared apartment, not the Red Velvet dorm.

 

They would be coming back from work, Irene as a newscaster and Seulgi as a choreographer, not from shooting a prerecorded performance.

 

Seulgi would walk up to Irene as she cooked ramen and they would dance and sing foolishly. 

 

And afterwards, Seulgi would take Irene into her arms.

 

And she would kiss the love of her life.

 

Seulgi's heart ached as the ghost of their 'what-could-have-beens' haunted her. 

 

She didn't even realize she was crying until she felt her tears dropping on her arm.

 

Seulgi quickly wiped them away as Irene turned around. 

 

"You okay?" Irene asked as Seulgi blinked back fresh tears from falling down. 

 

"Yeah," Seulgi rubbed her eyes with her fist. "Something got stuck in my eye."

 

"You want some eyedrops?" 

 

"No, I'm okay."

 

They ate in silence as Irene contemplated whether she should heed Wendy's advice or not while Seulgi tried to forget her pipe dream.

 

---

 

It was almost six in the evening and still Irene couldn't make her mind up. She and Seulgi spent most of their time in their respective rooms, and each time Irene would decide that she'll go over to Seulgi's room to finally have their talk and she'd walk up to her room. However, as soon as she brought her hand up to knock, Irene would suddenly be crippled with fear and she'd run back to her own room.

 

Irene kept waiting for a sign but so far, all she got was complete silence. 

 

After spending another half-hour having an internal debate with herself, Irene decided to just take matters into her own hands. She stood up and slapped her cheeks with both hands.

 

"Screw it. Let's just do this." She said as she determinedly marched towards Seulgi's room.

 

Irene knocked purposefully before her fear got to her. Seulgi opened the door narrowly and poked her head out.

 

"What's up?" Seulgi asked and Irene pushed the door to let herself in. 

 

"Yah!" Seulgi protested as Irene sat down on her bed. 

 

"We need to talk." Irene stared at Seulgi. 

 

"About what?" Seulgi followed her to the bed, forgetting to close her bedroom door. "And why do you look so serious, unnie?"

 

"About us." Irene answered curtly.

 

"What about us?" Seulgi shifted uncomfortably. "I thought we cleared everything up."

 

"No, we most definitely didn't." Irene dissented. "We don't talk about things, Seulgi. And it leaves things unresolved."

 

"What? What the hell are you on about?" Seulgi scoffed. "It's because you never wanted to talk about it!" 

 

"Yes," Irene slightly faltered under Seulgi's glare. "But now I'm finally ready."

 

"No." Seulgi shook her head disbelievingly as she put her hand up. "You don't get to just decide when you want to talk and when you want to leave things be, unnie."

 

"Seulgi." Irene pressed on. "We need to do this."

 

"No." Seulgi said again, with much force this time. She stood up and started pacing. "No, we don't. I'm not gonna let you put me through this again."

 

"But we have to talk!" Irene wrung her hands up. They both were getting frustrated now. "We haven't been the same since that night, Seulgi!"

 

"Which one?" Seulgi was shouting now. "The night when we accidentally kissed? The night when I bared my heart to you and you crushed it without even a second thought? Or the night when you said you were in love with me?"

 

Irene's eyes widened. "So you remembered?" She was shouting now too. "Why did you lie??"

 

"Why did you tell me that if you didn't mean it?!" Seulgi fired back.

 

"I never said I didn't mean it!" Irene was close to tears. She also stood up to face Seulgi.

 

"No." Seulgi shook her head slowly as she stopped pacing. "You don't get to do this, unnie. Not anymore."

 

Seulgi sounded so heartbroken as she said the next seven words.

 

 

"You don't get to break my heart."

 

 

"Seulgi.." Irene felt her tears running down her cheeks but she didn't care. "I'm sorry."

 

"I've been trying so hard to get over you." Seulgi was also in tears. "Because you kept saying that we couldn't. That we shouldn't. And before, I was stubborn. I didn't listen."

 

Then Seulgi looked at Irene. Her face was tear-stricken but she looked at Irene determinedly. "And now I finally heard you. I get it now, unnie. I understand. Now, it's your turn to listen to me. I want you to hear me when I say that you should stop now."

 

Irene clenched her jaw as another wave of tears fell. She could feel her heart breaking.

 

"Whatever it is you wanted to say, whatever it is you want us to talk about," Seulgi continued. "I don't want to hear it anymore."

 

"But I'm in love with you, Seulgi." Irene whispered.

 

Seulgi smiled sadly through her tears. "It doesn't matter."

 

"Maybe.. someday, or in another life.." Seulgi shook her head forcefully. "Whatever. But it won't be right now. I finally get it."

 

Seulgi closed the distance between them. She carefully wiped Irene's tears and held her face as they stared at each other.

 

"I'm in love with you, Bae Joohyun." Seulgi said with much fervor. 

 

Then Seulgi let her go. "But this is all we're supposed to be."

 

Irene felt like she couldn't breathe. Like she was drowning as Seulgi moved away from her.

 

She knew that Seulgi was right. Irene had all the reasons why she and Seulgi can't ever be together permanently etched inside her mind.She understood it and she has accepted it long before.

 

So now Irene couldn't for the life of her understand why she felt so shattered upon hearing that Seulgi has finally accepted their fate.

 

Her heart felt heavy and her head was swimming as Seulgi looked more and more blurred in her vision. Irene didn't know if it was from the tears or because she was feeling faint from not being able to breathe properly.

 

Seulgi was her lifeline and now she's slowly slipping away.

 

Irene mustered all of her strength and all reason flew out the window as she grabbed Seulgi's hand.

 

Irene pulled her close and she held Seulgi's face with her tiny hands. 

 

She knew how much this would hurt later.

 

But Irene didn't care. 

 

Seulgi was worth it.

 

 

Irene closed the distance between them as she pressed her lips against Seulgi. 

 

 

Seulgi was surprised as first and she wanted to pull away but as soon as Irene pulled her in closer, Seulgi's mind went blank.

 

 

Everything just felt right.

 

 

Seulgi placed her hands on the smaller gir's hips as Irene ran her hand's through Seulgi's hair.

 

As they deepened the kiss, nothing else mattered. It was just Irene and Seulgi and the moment they're now in. For a brief moment, they forgot about everything; the pressures, the responsibilites, the problems, the fact that they shouldn't be doing this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But apparently, they also forgot about the fact that the door wasn't closed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"WHAT THE ?!"