With Seulgi gone, everything was bleak.

Irene spent most nights breaking down in the silence of the four walls of her room, only to pick herself back up when morning came.

Since everyone knew about the breakup already, they all had a kind of unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t talk about it anymore. There’s nothing left to say anyway, since Seulgi’s decision seemed final and Irene didn’t try to talk her out of it anymore.

The good thing to come out of this, if there ever was any, was that since they were all busy with their individual projects, they rarely got together, which means that Irene can still pretend that she was okay, as long as she didn’t see Seulgi’s face.

“So..” Wendy tentatively started. She had just come back from a meeting to finalize the tracks of her debut album. “How have you been?”

Irene shrugged. “I’ve been keeping busy, so..”

“I know, your first public appearance is coming up.” Wendy rubbed her member’s hand. “You nervous?”

Irene smiled. “Of course. But it’s fine. I’m fine.”

She wasn’t fine. In fact, Irene didn’t think she’d ever reach a new level of pain, a deeper feeling of longing, a more pitiful sorrow now that Seulgi left her. She felt like she lost Seulgi so many times before and in many different ways but she couldn’t quite understand why this time, it hurt so bad she just wanted to rip her heart out.

But then she realized, it was because she got to know how feels like to truly give herself to Seulgi, to love and be loved with all her heart. And it all crashed and burned within a few months without so much as a proper goodbye.

It’s taking everything in Irene to keep it together these days, especially with Seulgi’s birthday coming up. They used to spend the younger girl’s birthday together, as they so often did in the past, but this time, Irene was really looking forward to it since it’s the first time they would spend Seulgi’s day as a couple.

Irene was informed that she would have schedule on the day beforehand, and Irene had already arranged everything with Yeri. The leader asked their youngest if she could keep Seulgi company for the day while Irene went to the movie premiere of Double Patty. They had it all planned out; the flowers, the intimate candlelit dinner, the rest of the members surprising Seulgi at the end of the day with cake, spending the rest of Seulgi’s birthday eating cake together in front of the TV. Irene thought of it all, and at the time, she felt proud because she really thought of a contingency plan for everything if something doesn’t go according to plan.

The only thing she wasn’t able to foresee was Seulgi leaving her.

---

Any birthday plans?

Seulgi sighed. She really didn’t feel like celebrating her birthday. In fact, she already made her mind up that she’d spend her birthday holed up in her apartment so when Joy sent her a text message, she was quick to type a reply.

I’m planning on going home for the weekend.

Seulgi wondered if Joy would believe her. Out of all the members, aside from Irene, Joy could smell bull from a mile away.

Okay then, enjoy your birthday! Please let us know if there’s anything you want to receive.

Seulgi was halfway though her message telling Joy that they don’t need to bother with a gift then her phone buzzed again.

This is not a request, by the way. If you don’t tell us what you want for your birthday, we’re going to your place to ask you ourselves.

Seulgi chuckled. Sometimes, she sees Irene in Joy.

Seulgi was hit with the usual pang in her chest as soon as her mind drifted to thoughts of Irene. She truly believed that what she did was for the best, so she needed to endure the horrible feeling in her gut whenever she remembered that she was the one who gave up.

Every night before she went to sleep, Seulgi would convince herself that she did the right thing.

Every time she locked eyes with Irene, Seulgi would stop herself from walking up to the love of her life and begging Irene to take her back.

Every time Seulgi regretted her decision, she would force herself to remember the fear and dread she faced when the management made them break up.

What I did was for the best. Seulgi thought over and over again. She had to believe it. She clung to those seven little words like a lifeline. Because that was the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

After some mulling over and several hours of searching on the internet, Seulgi was finally able to think of an item she wanted to receive on her birthday. It wasn’t expensive and it was an item she had been longing to acquire but just couldn’t find the time to do so.

You guys asked if there’s anything I want to receive as a birthday gift. I have something in mind, please buy it.

As soon as Irene saw the text on the group chat, she immediately let the rest of the members know that she’ll be the one to buy the gift. In fact, she was the one who urged Joy to strong-arm Seulgi into asking for a birthday present.

Irene was going to have a busy day but she convinced her new manager to make a small detour so she could buy Seulgi’s gift.

---

Seulgi, it’s here.

Seulgi’s heart jumped at the sight of Irene’s name on her phone. Her hands were shaking as she typed a reply.

What?

Then Irene sent a picture of the bag that she wanted. Seulgi’s heart felt like it would explode because even after she broke Irene’s heart, the other girl still thought of her and found the time to buy her a gift even with her busy schedule. Soon after, Seulgi was crying, slumped on her kitchen floor, her mind on a complete disarray.

She didn’t think she’d break down this hard over a picture of a small, egg-shaped bag.

Thoughts of regret and longing polluted Seulgi’s mind and she mustered all her will to remember her mantra: What I did was for the best. What I did was for the best. What I did was for the best. What I did was for the be—

Her phone rang and it was Irene. Seulgi stared at the blinking lights, before she gathered enough courage to accept the call.

“H-hello?” Seulgi’s voice was thick but she did her best to hide it.

“Why are you crying? It’s your birthday.” Irene’s tone was calm and composed; Seulgi assumed that she was still at a public place because of the chatter on the background.

“I wasn’t crying.” Seulgi lied.

“If you say so.” Irene paused. “Are you going out? I was planning on giving you your birthday present after the premiere, if you’re available.”

“I’ll be at home all day.”

“That’s good.” Irene chuckled awkwardly. “I guess I’ll finally be able to see your place.”

They both paused for a minute or so, both remembering how the apartment was supposed to be their place, their own sanctuary.

“Yeah..” Seulgi replied uncertainly. “Unnie..”

“It’s fine, Seulgiyah.” Irene said softly. “Everything’s fine. It’s just a birthday gift. I’m just gonna go over there to give you your present.”

A long stretch of silence followed after but neither of them wanted to end the phone call. Finally, Seulgi sighed. “I bet you’re quite busy today, so I’ll let you go now.”

“Yeah, yeah..” The crack in Irene’s voice gave her away, and Seulgi was painfully reminded that Irene was still hurting, but she was just keeping it inside.

“Congratulations on your movie, unnie.” Seulgi whispered. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” Irene wanted to say a lot of things:

I miss you.

I need you.

I still love you.

I’m willing to risk it all for you.

But she knows what Seulgi did was for the best.

“Happy birthday, Seulgi.”