I was cleaning around the dorm while the others were out enjoying the day. I was enjoying cleaning though. It helped me clear my mind and gave me time to myself. I walked into Tae and Namjoon's room. 

I cleaned up around Joon's desk and noticed 2 notebooks. I was certain they were full of song lyrics. I knew that he had books that he filled with lyrics. There was one that he carried with him everywhere. It was one of his first ones.

I picked up the first book and found a bunch of his writing. But it wasn't lyrics. 

I keep having the same nightmare. I'm trapped in a dark room and I have to find all the boys. I can't find any of them and it scares me. But then I hear Jin's voice calling "Find me". 

I don't want to lose them. 

It's just a dream. Just a dream.

I keep reading, flipping page after page. I begin to notice how many times he mentions me. At first I become embarrassed but then all of it comes together and I begin to see it from his eyes.

He doesn't want to lose us. He's afraid that one day we'll leave him, whether it's our choice or not. And he keeps having an nightmare. He's in a dark room alone. He knows we are in that room and he tries to find us. He keeps stumbling along the others. But my voice is always calling to him, telling him to come find me. It scares him. 

I should have stopped reading. But I read the last page and I dropped it. 

He smiles at me and it drives me crazy. It's not like