It's been six months. 

The moment she let go of his hand and said the words, he didn't think that it would hurt harder than the way he'd imagine it. It hurt him knowing that he couldn't look at her before without seeing the image of his father in flames, her father walking towards him, but the moment he realized that he was the same man that saved his life before, it hurt knowing that his memory played a cruel trick on him to the point that they had to part in the end. He even proposed to make her go on a vacation for the sake of clearing their heads, but this time, she was persistent in leaving him and the firm. He had no choice to respect her wishes, but he couldn't deny the pain crumpling his heart. The last time he saw her was outside his house, her bags in her hands and a taxi she called beforehand.  That night, she said her apologies to him, and he even said his own after his realization about their fathers, but it was clear this time that she had enough. 

"We...We have tried our best." She started. "No matter what we do, we end up hurting so many people around us. Everything is a mess every time we're together." 

His ears were ringing with her words as he let her speak, but each word felt like a knife sinking deeper into his heart.

"It's best if it all ends here." She sighed, her voice breaking. His head shot up to meet her stoic expression. "I...I can't handle getting so many people hurt, including you. This..." She gestured between the both of them. "This is ill-fated. You were right, we can't change anything."

The last words she said that night sounded like an echo, an echo of the past that haunted him for two years, up until they met again. But now, it was louder, and it was definitely more painful the second time around.

"So..." She trailed off. "Let's never cross paths again."

The last sentence kept ringing in his ears even after six months. Every time he'd pass by her room, the sentence echoes in his conscience. Every time he looks at the empty seat before him, the same sentence rings in his ears. Every little part of his house had her little trace in it: the little dent by the wall where her suitcase hit the first time she moved in, the little scratch on the refrigerator when she accidentally wielded a knife by it, and even the little space by the kitchen where she kissed him on their first day. Everything reminded him of her, and somehow, the little thought of it was enough to grab his coat and leave his home for the time being. 

He used to stay at home and play his records to give his mind some peace, but when she left him, it was like he couldn't listen to the songs the way he used to, knowing that they used to listen to it together until they fall asleep. The thought of it makes him shake his head and sigh, the fog melting away past his lips. He walked towards the city instead, just so it could tire him out. He felt as if every time he would ride his car, he would drive to where she is and try to see her again, but he knew that it wouldn't really matter anyways. 

As he was walking by the shops, the snow slowly started falling in the area, twinkling along with the nightlights that were hung in the streets. Couples were huddling together in the crowd, their hands secured as they weave their way in the crowd. Ji Wook snarled at this, the bitter feeling of seeing couples together came back, but the aftertaste was too painful to remove. He passes by a little flower shop and sees a display of lilies, the flower that reminded him of her at times. He always did this every time he passes by the shop: go inside, buy one single lily, and walk around holding the flower until it wilts in his hands. It was somewhat a way for him to actually have a little feel of having her in his hands again. It seemed pathetic, he knew that, but he just wanted to cope with his feelings before he becomes too numb to even think straight anymore. He usually would drink until he would stumble home, but this was one of those nights where he wanted to stay sober and try to clear his head without harming anyone. 

The lily in his hands this time was a Stargazer lily, as said by the florist. It represents strength and confidence, something Bong Hee exuded. He wonders now how she's doing at this moment. Is she busy with something? Is she working? Is she out for dinner? Is she drinking? Is she...in love with someone else? The last sentence was hard to ask to himself even after six months of thinking about it. He doesn't want to rule out the possibility of her falling in love with someone else, but the thought still hurts him to the point that he'd deny it to himself. He then shakes his head and looks ahead, determined to get the thought of it out of his head. He turns towards a corner by a little restaurant, but something stops him: a high pitched laugh, the same laugh that made his heart skip a beat every time he heard it. He'd never thought he'd see the day that he'd hear it again, and it was more surprising that it still had the same effect on him as if he heard her like the first time. He thought at first that her voice was common, but when he heard the voice saying a few words, he turns his head to the window of the restaurant, and the view stops his heart for a moment.

Eun Bong Hee was glowing. Her skin looked as clear as day and her now chocolate brown hair was straightened, ending right past her shoulders. Her happiness was radiating somehow as she talked to Prosecutor Na Ji Hye, and it was blinding enough for Ji Wook. When he saw her wide smile, it was as if it lifted a bit of his heart too. She looked beautiful, and happy. He smiled to himself, wondering if he could walk inside to greet her, but what happened next makes him stop in his tracks. 

Two men, in which he assumed had the same height as his, walked to the table where the two ladies were. One of them sat beside Bong Hee and suddenly wrapped his arm around her shoulder, in which she returned with a warm smile. She says something to him, and he replied to her with a small kiss on her lips, their laughter following afterwards. The sight was enough for Ji Wook to have his heart torn out and stomped to the ground, but it was as if he couldn't look away, like he was set on torturing himself seeing her being happy with someone else. Every time Bong Hee kissed the man on the cheek, it was as if bullets were being shot in his back one by one, but the moment he saw her snuggling up to him, her hands going inside his jacket to wrap around the man beside him, he immediately turned his head and walked ahead. With every step he took, he remembered the feel of her hands wrapping around his fingers, her arms wrapping around his waist, her lips touching his cheeks and his lips. Her scent, her skin, her hair, it was as if she was permanently etched into his skin, but it seemed as if there was no trace of him on her. The thought of Bong Hee being happy with someone else should make him happy as well, but he couldn't deny the feeling that that would've been him if he had been honest and open with her from the start. His dishonesty and his false belief ruined everything, and he knew he couldn't take it back. The hot tears that fell from his eyes slowly cooled down on his face with every step he took, the harsh winter winds running through his body. His bloodshot eyes were enough for some random people to ask him if he was okay, but he walked on, ignoring their pleas. He walked towards the park he always went to ever since his father's death, sitting by a bench near the tree he would usually hang out when he's having the picnic by himself. The snow was glittering this time of the night, but all Ji Wook could look at was the flower in his hands, slowly wilting at he twirled it in his hands. 

If there were some things that Ji Wook regretted, it would be his dishonesty and his failure to be open with the people who care about him the most. He thinks about the time where he flinched when Bong Hee was about to kiss him, and the image of her hurt expression was enough for him to think to himself on how everything is a mess ever since she left. He didn't know if he should blame it on himself or blame it on fate, but all he knows is time won't stop for anyone, and if she will be happier with someone else without hurting anyone, he should be happy too. But with the way his tears are falling from his eyes as he eyed his lily, he hears the small crack of his heart as he thinks about her again.

"I...I want you to be happy. I want to be happy for you." He whispered to the lily, his voice breaking little by little. "But, why can't I do it?"

His tears were slowly falling on the petals of it as he sobbed to himself. "I'm—I'm sorry." He cried. "I'm sorry for being sad."

He wondered how pathetic he looks right now as he was talking to himself, but he couldn't help it anymore. It was like someone poured salt and acid all over his wounds again. "I'm sorry for being sad that you're happy right now." He sniffed. "I'm sorry for being dishonest. I'm sorry for not opening up to you."

The winds were blowing harshly as he spoke, wondering if this was some sort of punishment for him for being cold to her before they fell apart. "I'm sorry for not being enough for you. I'm sorry for keeping everything from you. I'm sorry—" he choked up, sobbing to himself as the lily was slowly being crushed inside his hand. "I'm sorry that I'm still in love with you."

He sniffed to himself as he looked at the limp lily in his hand. "I'll—I'll try my best to be happy for you. I'll try my best to move on from you. I promise you that."

He then looked ahead at the frozen pond in front of him, the snow falling slowly above the ice. He feels another wave of emotions fall on him as he sobbed to himself once again. He would usually have small periods of crying to himself before, but it was as if he needed to let it all out, especially now that he was alone with his thoughts and his emotions. He lets the lily in his hand fall to the ground, the snow slowly covering it as the winds form the frost by its petals.

He wipes his runny nose, clearing his throat as a few tears fell from his eyes. "I know we're ill-fated, but I love you, and I'm sorry Eun Bong Hee. I...I promise I'll be happy for you. I promise that I won't love you one day."

He looked ahead, speaking to the open area as if the winds would carry his words to her. "I'll try my best. I'll do it for you. Just...let me cry over you tonight, for one last time."

He sat there for a while, letting his tears fall until he couldn't cry anymore. When he stood up, the lily was crushed beneath his feet, but he didn't even mind at all as he walked out from the park all the way back home. It seemed as if he was in a haze as he walked back home. The only thing that ran in his mind was how was he going to be happy once again, and suddenly, her face comes into his mind. The image of her with a huge smile on her face, the image of her sleeping on his chest, the image of her in the arms of another man—

His thoughts were broken suddenly, and one moment lead to the other, and suddenly, his body was thrown a few meters away until he was lying on the ground, his blood slowly seeping through the snow. Some fragments of glass were scattered in the snow, and the vehicle that hit him suddenly hit a lamp post due to the slippery roads, the smoke from the vehicle catching the attention of the people. He heard the sudden screams and cries of the people in the area. He then looks towards the sky as the snow slowly fell on his face the pain slowly numbing his senses. HIs vision was slowly blurring until the only thing he's thinking about is Bong Hee's smile. He smiles to himself at the thought of her, until he muttered his last words before he slipped into unconsciousness.

"I'm sorry, I love you."

____

A/N: Wooo...I love angst. 

Anyways, originally I would've wanted him to live, but of course my mind seemed to make a more screwed up image of how the story happened so here we go (spoiler: he dies in this drabble awww).

Also, I might be writing more angst than fluff these days so you better hold on tight to your tissues and your pitchforks for a second because I have some ideas right now. 

Also this seemed to be a bit cliché too so I'm sorry for some who might find this a little meh at least.

And I'm sorry if I'm not that active right now because uni is literally out to tire me out that I can't even write a proper drabble tbh.

AAAAAAND ONE LAST THING!

I might be releasing a few fanfics soon!! Not drabbles, LEGIT FANFICS WITH A PLOTLINE AND CONSTANT CHARACTERS WOOO

although I'm warning y'all one is a heavy makjang while the other one is a romcom and I'm not sure if I could make the romcom one JiJi related or JiBong related lol anyways enjoy this drabble!!! See y'all soon!!