Jungkook hasn’t sleep at wink last time. Seokjin had left him a little after 4 in the morning, reluctantly of course. But because he had work to do Jungkook hadn’t allowed him to stick around. Thus Jungkook spent his remaining time alone in his bed. Withering away. There were so many thoughts in his mind and all had no filter at all that he felt like his head was going to explode. The fact that he cried so much didn’t help him much too. His eyes were puffy, his throat dry and his room smelled like death. He didn’t make the effort to move and open the window however. Too exhausted physically to exert the effort. Just when he had managed to fall asleep, he is immediately awaken by footstep making their way to his bed. Jungkook doesn’t bother to turn around whatsoever, already guessing it too be Seokjin who had certainly forgotten something. That was until a familiar perfume hits his senses and a calm voice says consternated

“Omo, did you die Jungkook ah?”

Finally sitting up from his position, Jungkook mutters with difficulty

“Mom? Dad? What…”

“Jinnie called us yesterday. Said you were feeling really low. What’s going on son? Why do you look like you’ve received the kiss of death?” His father explains as he watches with horror the room before his eyes. His expression only worsen when his wife opens the curtains and he sees for real the gruesome state the room was in.

“Oh my, when was the last time the cleaning lady came in here?” His father cringes.

“What did Jin hyung tell you guys? I’m ok. So you can just go.”

“Oh no you’re not. I might not have been the greatest of mom but I’m still your mother Jeon Jungkook. And obviously you don’t look ok at all. Tell us the truth please. Listen…” She interrupts briefly, rapidly pushing the dirty tissues from his son’s bed with a disgusted look and continue

“I know you think that your father and I give a lot of importance to appearance. But that’s not entirely true. We don’t show you off for the simple satisfaction of seeing those stupid housewives faces distort in jealousy, although it is a very good reason to do so, but because we’re genuinely proud of you. Son, you have been and will always be our greatest pride.”

“Your mother is right. Jinnie told us that you felt suffocated because you thought you had to be the perfect son. Well you don’t have to be the perfect son since you already are to us. And well, althought I admit that it's very entertaining to see you try, if you're unhappy because of it then you can stop now. We’ll always be pleased with whatever you do, you know. Even if you decided to quit medicine and open that ridiculous idea of a restaurant with Jinnie as your chef, we’ll still be as proud of you as any parent would be for their kid. So talk comfortably with us, about anything son. We won’t judge you.”

Jungkook would lie if he said he didn’t feel betrayed that Jin hyung called up his parents and got them down here to give him a pep talk but he was also relieved to see them. He really could take some family support right now.

“Are you guys sure you’ll always be proud of me? No matter what?” He mumbles softly though it was loud enough for his parents to hear.

“Why don’t you test it out and tell us what’s bothering you so much? What’s the reason that could make my son cry like a baby?” His mother softly ask, tenderly wiping a way the tear rolling down Jungkook’s cheek. Jungkook closes his eyes, desperately needing the affection, then finally, after a minute of hesitation, he confesses in a breath

“I’m in love with a man.” Avoiding his parents eyes, he mutters sadly

“I’m sorry.”

From the corner of his eyes, he could see his mother’s hand move towards his cheek with incredible speed and he deliberately closes his eyes for the hit that was coming back instead, he feels his mother cup him gently with both hands and forcing him to meet her eyes, she said

“Oh you should be sorry. My gosh I thought you’ll never figured it out.”

Jungkook must’ve look pretty dumb then for his father burst into laughter and adds hilariously

“Come on son. Did you really think we wouldn’t know? Who do you think helped Jinnie with realizing his uality? For a genius, you’re pretty slow.”

“What…?”

“Don’t worry, Jinnie didn’t tell us anything about you. Actually, we figured it out pretty easily after your las visit. We’ve seen the way you reacted when you talked on the phone with your mentor. What’s his name again? Kim Taehyung? Well from there, we just sort of put the pieces together.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jungkook was getting dizzy from there. His parents knew? And they’re ok with it? What has he been so worried about then?

“Why didn’t we tell you that we knew? Have you met yourself? If we had, you would’ve snapped. I’m sorry sweetheart but you’re not exactly the easy type of person to deal with emotionally.” His mother replies as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And it actually did, which aggravates Jungkook even more. Although the anger was mostly directed to himself.

“Yeah well I’m sorry I didn’t have a lot of practice with my heart.”

“Honey, love isn’t something you need experience to know how to deal with. You could fall in love a thousand times yet you’ll still feel completely at lost in front of the person that makes your heart race. But it’s all about breaching that anxiety, the fear of failing and actually take the chance to get hurt. It wouldn’t be called falling in love then. We might not choose with whom we fall in love with, but we can choose what to do with our feelings. Either you take the chance even if it means that you might break or you let go. Whichever choice you make, both would be painful. But one of them can make you happy. Falling in love is like going to war honey. You never come back the same.”

It’s been a few days ever since the congratulation party in honor of Dr Kang and the last time Jungkook talked with his parents. In person at least. Ever since their conversation, he would sometime randomly call them just to talk. Something he hadn’t been able to do before. And that was really something he needed especially right now. He hasn’t been able to talk with Taehyung ssi unfortunately. After his announcement in leaving Seoul hospital, he had decided to take off and stay with is family in Daegu until he leaves. Jungkook had tried to meet up with him obviously but so far, he hadn’t been able to reach him at all and he was leaving in a couple of days. He has been tempted to just drive over to Daegu but the thought of Taheyung’s dad and the situation he’ll drag Taehyung hyung in if he appears unannounced keeps him put. He had tried then to reach him by their common friends. All in which had refused to be drag into the issue. So much for being friends. Jungkook didn’t give up though and keeps calling the man, leaving countless messages on his answering machine, hoping for the man to reply alas it was all in vain. Jungkook refused to believe that it was too late however and held on to the thin hope that as long as they walked on the same land eventually they’ll talk. He simply didn’t want to fathom the thought of Taheyung hyung disappearing for who knows how long and he’ll never get to tell him what was really in his heart. During that time, he wonders what Taheyung hyung thought about his countless messages. If he knew that Jungkook wanted to talk to him. If he was mad. Or worse did he not love him anymore?

Jungkook wasn’t going through any more identity denial and as a matter of fact, he didn’t know himself better than he did that very moment. Sure, this experience has been a hell of a trauma for him but it was his beautiful trauma and he hoped Taehyung will give him a chance to hear him out. Just one last time.

“If you stare any harder at the screen you might actually manage to make a hole in it.” Seokjin snaps him out of his daze. He was now at the older man’s apartment, patiently waiting for the man who was preparing something behind the tiny space that was his kitchen. It was small perhaps, but Jungkook knew Seokjin didn’t mind it so much. He didn’t too either way. Sighing at the light jab, Jungkook whispers dejectedly

“ He’s not answering.”

“Well, what did you expect? You did call him an awful hyung after all. And called his feelings a burden. Oh and let’s not forget my favorite part, you called him thoughtless.”

“I get it. Do you really have to put more salt on the wound?”

Seokjin rolls his eyes

“I’ll put alcohol on it if I have to. I’m not one of your fangirl that will try and make you feel better with promises I don’t believe in. You messed up. And I’m going to be right here to remind you of that. I mean I hate to have to say that I told you so but I told you so.”

“Wow, thanks hyung. Don’t you think I feel bad enough as it is.”

Seokjin snorts

“So? How many times did I tell you to be more honest with yourself? And did you listen to me? No. You had to go and be a complete arse.”

“Ok, fine I deserve all that but can you at least pretend to feel sorry for me. It wasn’t easy for me to accept who I am.”

“I’ve been there Guk ah. I know exactly what you went through. But I also know how it feels like to not have a reciprocated love. You were lucky enough to have that alas you decided that it wasn’t worth all the scary that comes with accepting it. Don’t be shocked if you meet with him and he tells you that he feels that he also doesn’t want to go through the hassle of being with you. Just like you did.”

Jungkook winces

“I… I know.”

Jungkook really understood why Seokjin hyung was so hard on him but the words didn’t sink in any easier.

It’s true that Taehyung hyung could throw him the same words he had once said out of dread but even then, will he be able to let him go? Jungkook didn’t know.

“Look, I’m not telling you this to hurt you but you have to be prepared. Your habit of getting thing effortlessly has ended the day you met Taehyung ah. If you want to have any kind of relationship now with him, whether it’s only platonic or more, you’ll have to put in efforts. I read somewhere that relationship takes effort. Just don’t screw up again if you have another chance.” Seokjin said, his expression softened.

“I won’t.” Jungkook promises. He really wasn’t the type to not learn from his mistake.

Back to his apartment, Jungkook drops tiredly onto the floor, not even bothering to turn on the light. It wasn’t that late anyway and he could still see fine in the dim light. Slowly bringing the phone to his ear in hopes to see if he had any missed call, although he already knew the answer, his heart clenches uncomfortably at the disappointment he comes nevertheless. Jungkook did then what he always did for a while now. After calling and failing yet again, Jungkook whispers although loud enough for the man to understand him

“Oh hey hyung. I mean Taehyung ssi. I probably lost the right to call you that now have i? Anyway I’m just calling you to ask you once again… You know what I’ll just tell you everything on the phone instead. Obviously you don’t want to meet up with me so I might as well tell you everything like this. Hopefully, you won’t delete this message and actually listen to me till the end. Although the chance of you doing so is really slim.”

Bringing up one of his knee to his chin level, Jungkook continues

“I wasn’t thinking straight a couple of days or months ago. Finding out that I had feelings for a man had scared the hell out of me and in most part, I was simply too proud to accept my feelings. It probably sounds like some lame excuses I’m saying to try and excuse myself but I really wasn’t mentally stable then. Proof is, I went out with Ahn just to prove a point. Just to convince myself that I was still normal. Then again, what did it mean to be normal? Get married with a woman, have kids and eventually die in old age if of course you don’t die before because of some weird disease? Well, then I guess my normal is a little different now huh. Since all I want right now, is spent my life with a man, kiss and love him despite it being considered wrong. I’ve never ever used the word forever before nor do I believe in it but you make me believe in forever. I know it sounds cheesy but, it’s how you make me feel. Told you I wasn’t sane. And I’m not usually the type to say sorry or beg for forgiveness either. But hyung, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for not kissing you back when all I wanted to do was to do so. I’m sorry for saying that your feelings were a burden to me. Because they aren’t. They really aren’t. And even if it’s impossible for you to forgive me entirely, that’s ok. But please… Just reconsider leaving. I know how much your family and friends means to you. Don’t leave just because of someone as unworthy as me. If anyone has to leave, it’s me. Just give me the chance to make things right. I need this… I just need this to be fixable somehow. Hyung, please. Please don’t go. If it’s because of me don’t go. I…” Jungkook doesn’t finish his sentence however. Not because he doesn’t have the emotional endurance to do so but because he doesn’t want to burden Taehyung with it. The words I love you should be said in person anyway.

“I’m sorry.” He ends with those simple words that hold more weight than anything he has ever said before.

Taehyung hasn’t his phone ever since he came back to his family. And so far, being away from the drama and simply be with his family, well mostly his mother and grandfather, he’s finally able to just relax. He even gets to catch two more hours of sleep unlike his normal day usually allows him to have. His grandfather doesn’t say much when he suddenly appears at their door in three in the morning. His mother has been of course delighted of the news he brought but the worried look she wears discreetly doesn’t go unnoticed to Taehyung. Because he wasn’t using his phone, he would call and get news of Jimin and the other by calling with the phone at home. Of course, they would drop by now and then but because he was so busy with his papers and visa, he hadn’t had that much time to just hang out with them. Jimin hasn’t been pleased because of it. Taehyung had just hung up the phone with Namjoon hyung when his grandfather tucks him by his sleeve and silently ask him to follow him. With a slight frown, Taehyung follows his old man for his occasional walk throughout the neighborhood. They’ve been walking for a good thirty minutes now and Taehyung’s grandfather had said a word yet. Taehyung was getting concerned obviously but he doesn’t let it show and instead silently walks alongside his grandfather. He is suddenly taken aback when his grandfather said

“Did you have a fight with the man you’re in love with?”

“Huh?”

“The sudden decision of you leaving. It wouldn’t have anything to do with him would it?”

Sporting a semi shock and pouting face, Taehyung lies shamelessly

“Nope.”

“Really?”

“Yeah gramps. I decided to take up the offer because I think it’s time I try new horizons.”

“Oh. Well I’m sorry if I find it hard to believe. I mean just not a while ago you came and told us you loved a man, and then now suddenly you decide out of nowhere to go to America? Want to try new horizons you say? Go visit the province then. I’m sure you’ll find something to discover.”

“Grandpa…”

“No, listen to me kid. Something is going on and I want to know what.”

Taehyung sighs

“It’s a long story.”

“I don’t mind. We’re taking the long route home anyway.” His grandfather retorts and Taehyung finally gives in. When he finishes telling everything, they had stopped in front of the gate leading to the cemetery. Taehyung hadn’t even noticed that they had been heading there. A painful streak of pain flashes through his face, but he quickly pushes it away as he held onto his grandfather’s arm, helping him walk up the stairs to where his grandmother rested.

“So you’re telling me that he freaked out on you?” His grandfather questions curiously. Taehyung breathes out

“Something like that.”

“And you’re mad at him. That’s why you want to leave?”

“What? No grandpa, I’m not mad at him.”

“You feel guilty then?”

“No. Yes? I don’t know. It’s complicated. Everything about him is complicated. I don’t get him at all. I mean there’s time when I think I do but then there’s other time I just feel so lost.”

“The human’s mind is something very complex Taehyung ah. You of all people should know that.” His grandfather shot back, obviously trying to mock him. Taehyung only rolls his eyes in return though.

“Taehyung ah, please go talk to him again.”

Taehyung was about to retort but before he could, his grandfather beats him to it, saying firmly

“This time, tell him not your feelings but share your thoughts about this whole situation. You also had the shock of falling in love with him too. Running all the way to America won’t fix anything. Not when there’s so many things left unsaid.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t.” His grandfather pushes and Taehyung feels the desperate need to drink alcohol right then. He brushes off the idea however and answers exasperatedly

“If I could I would. I swear I would. The problem is that I… I don’t want him to feel like he owes me anything. Or out of guilt he’ll force himself in doing something he doesn’t want to do.”

“Is that why you turned off your phone?”

“Not really. I turned off my phone to be able to focus on you and mom. I’m also trying to get dad to talk to me so… I’m just a little too busy and I don’t want to be distracted.”

Finally reaching the top, Taehyung helps his grandfather next to his wife’s gravestone and letting him have a moment with his grandmother, he settles next to him and bows respectfully to his grandmother. When he was done, his grandfather tells him fondly

“Do you know what I love the most about your grandmother?”

“Her cooking?”

“No. Well that’s among one of the things I like about her but what I love most about her is the fact that every day with her was a challenge. She never made it easy for me but when I had her, I’ve never been happier. What about you Taehyung ah? Are you really fine with walking away just like that? Without a fight?”

“Grandpa, if he was to let me love him, I’ll be the happiest man on earth. But it’s not that simple. If I’m the object of his fear. How can I allow myself to get close to him? I’m leaving tomorrow anyway. It’s no use talking about something that won’t happen. This is for the best gramps.”

“If you say so.” His grandfather retorts, far from being convinced but thankfully he doesn’t push further thus they proceeded on talking to the one resting below them. Upon their return, his grandfather began to complain about knee pains. Therefore, Taehyung offers to give him a piggy bag ride home. It didn’t mind him that much anyway. His grandfather wasn’t that heavy. Recalling an episode in which he had given a piggy bag to someone else, Taehyung was smiling unconsciously when his grandfather questions

“What’s so funny?”

“Huh?”

“You were smiling. What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Taehyung quickly answers, regaining his composure. Of course, his grandfather doesn’t buy it. Thankfully, he doesn’t insist on knowing thus they quietly made their way home. As they reached their front gate, Taehyung was about to walk in when his grandfather enquires quietly

“Wait, answer me this last question. If he was to tell you something. Will you listen?”

Taehyung answers without a second of hesitation

“Yeah, I would.”

“Hey, do you have everything ready?” He hears his mother yelled across the hall. Barely awake, Taehyung checks once again his passport, his wallet and other important he’ll need on this trip before answering with a yawn

“Yeah mom. Can I have breakfast before you order me around though?”

“Yeah right after you take a shower.” His mother responds and Taehyung can’t help but shiver oh so slightly at the order. Sighing, he complies whatsoever. Coming back with his hair half dried, he wears a simple grey large T-shirt, dark jeans and sneakers before he proceeds to the kitchen with his towel wrap around his neck. At this point, nothing could shock him anymore. Not even when his mother pulls off, way too harshly, his towel from his neck and proceeds to dry his hair for him. Barely registering the scolding words of his mother, Taehyung greets his grandfather, sits at his chair and silently dines. His mother must’ve seen that he wasn’t going to listen anytime soon. So she gives up and applies more effort in drying his impossible son’s hair. Taehyung could use the blow-dryer but why do so when his mother so kindly wants to pamper him.

“When is your plane leaving?”

“Around two this afternoon. But I’ll swing by to Seoul first and say goodbye to Jiminie and the others before heading to the airport.”

“Are you sure that you don’t want us to come with you to the airport?” His mother asks once again but like every time she ask, Taehyung answers

“You don’t have to. It’s already emotional enough as it is. No need to cry even more.”

“Ok. Just call us before you board the plane.”

“Ok I will.”

Taehyung doesn’t linger too long on saying goodbye to his family. After a warm hug to his mother and grandfather. He awkwardly shakes his father’s hand and finally walks out the door. Smiling back to his grandfather who looks at him proudly, he slung his black backpack on one shoulder, puts on his white hat in which he reverse the front from the back, then leaves.

He arrives in Seoul a couple of hours later and to Namjoon hyung’s place a few minutes later. As expected, he sees the entire gang there. Namjoon hyung obviously, Jiminie, Yoongi hyung, Hoseok hyung, Ga Yeon noona and Seokjin hyung. The last one hadn’t seem to be aware of his coming. Perhaps, Namjoon hyung hadn’t informed him. It didn’t stop him from hugging the man whatsoever and cheerfully joke with him. Whatever discomfort there was between them, it had nothing to do with him anyway.

“Gosh, I can’t believe you’re really leaving.” Ga Yeon noona sadly states, walking behind Taehyung and affectionately ruffling the maknae’s hair. Taehyung flashes her one of his trademark smile and in a reassuring tone, he said

“It’s not going to be permanent. I’ll come back in the holidays and you guys can come visit me anytime.”

“Yeah, well try and call us ok? Let’s Skype every three hours.” Jimin adds and Taehyung laughs softly at the sudden emotional guy. He could actually count in one hand the amount of times, his best friend cries and knowing that he was shedding tears because he was leaving moved him as much as it hurt him. He really didn’t like seeing his best pal, his brother cry. Or anyone else for that matter. Instinctively, he grabs Jimin by the top of his head and with a dashing smile, he playfully replied

“No thanks. I’ll let you grow in peace. Let’s make it once every week, ok?” Jimin glares halfheartedly at him. Laughing even more, Taehyung pulls him into a fervent embrace and in an affectionate tone, he continues

“Don’t be mean I was only joking. We’ll Skype every three hours then. You know that I’ll always make time for you.”

“You .” Jimin softly replies and it takes everything in Taehyung not to cry right then. He didn’t want to make this any harder than it is already.

“Make sure to eat properly ok.” This time, Namjoon is the one who speaks. Reluctantly pulling away from Jimin, Taehyung nods slowly and walks up to Namjoon hyung.

“Don’t overexert yourself and make sure to eat healthy. I know it’s going to be hard but at least once a week, get something healthy to eat.”

“I will.” Taehyung answers, accepting the older man’s hug. Namjoon then gives him an encouraging tap on his back before letting go. A gesture Taehyung will certainly miss.

“Hoseokie hyung!” Whines childishly Taehyung and the older man gives an equally amazing performance before they give each other a crushing hug. It was their thing to be overly dramatic but Taehyung honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. These friends of his were so much more than just friends. For them, Taehyung was able to give away his life. And those weren’t simple words. They really meant the world to him. Moving on to Yoongi hyung, Taehyung smiles sweetly at the awkward handshake the man gives him and leaning over to his ear, he discreetly whispers

“Take care of my Jiminie. He’s a nut job but he’s our little angel. I can trust you with him right?” Taehyung knew that Yoongi hyung wouldn’t take his request the wrong way. After all, he knew about his infatuation for Jungkook thus he was completely comfortable with being territorial about Jiminie in front of Yoongi hyung. The man seem to have gone pass his issue with Taehyung and Jimin’s closeness anyway. Yoongi smiles in response and in a nod of agreement, Taehyung lastly moves on to Seokjin hyung. The man doesn’t say much. Nor does Taehyung. Both seem to understand that words wouldn’t speak louder anyway.

“Take care of yourself.” And him, Taehyung doesn’t finish. Still, Seokjin heard it. He heard it oh too well.

Why Seokjin didn’t call Jungkook to catch Taehyung before he leaves was pretty simple. As he watches the man walk towards his car, he had the conviction, he wouldn’t be able to catch the plane regardless. Despite, his strong belief that he needed to leave, Seokjin was ready to bargain his life that Kim Taehyung won’t leave without a goodbye to Jungkook. He was probably being too optimistic but as a bystander that was all he could do. Even if he did call Jungkook, the man wouldn’t answer anyway. The younger man had a surgery schedule right now thus, calling him now would be in vain. Then again, if they were really meant to be. They’ll eventually find their way back together. If not. It’s probably better if they end it all here. Jungkook would certainly hate him for not telling him about Taehyung’s departure but as his hyung, he couldn’t let him suffer a rejection. Nor does he want to see Jungkook break even more than he is already. Was he wrong to want to protect Jungkook? Only time will tell.

Jungkook came out of the operation room 8 hours later. He’s been in the operation room since 7 in the morning and despite the fulfilling feeling that comes after the success of the surgery, fatigue quickly takes over him and from then, the only things he wants to be close to, is his bed. After changing out from his blue attire and heading to his new desk in the cardiologic department, Jungkook decides to stop by at the vending machine first to get some coffee. As he was waiting for his order, he rubs a little too harshly his eyes to clear his view when he slightly jumps at the familiar sound of his ex-girlfriend. Ever since their breakup, the two of them hadn’t really had the chance to talk. Jungkook had been too busy with avoiding and then now chasing Taehyung hyung to remember apologizing.

“Heard your first operation was a success. Congratulation.”

“Uhm, thank you?”

The silence that follows his words were strikingly so uncomfortable, Jungkook would’ve began to fidget if he was the type to do so. There was no avoiding it now anyway. This conversation should’ve taken place a long time ago.

“Hey, I wanted to apologize. I’m really sorry for what happened. I really didn’t mean to hurt you. I was simply sure that I would fall for you.”

Because, Ahn doesn’t answer Jungkook figures it’ll be better if he just walks away but surprisingly, Ahn stretches a hand in front of him and with a smile, she said

“You’re forgiven.”

“Really?” Jungkook can’t help but ask, finding this too easy to be true.

“Yeah. Look, I don’t want things to be weird between us. I mean, the fact that you used me will forever leave me bitter but we were both at fault. You for lying. And I, for denying what was right in front of me. Maybe we’ll never be friends again, but let’s at least treat each other with respect from now on.”

Jungkook feels, well whatever he was feeling was really good. Was it relief? Probably. Finally accepting the handshake, he smiles

“Yeah of course.”

With that being said, Jungkook returned his attention to his coffee, well not so coffee anymore as he realized that he had unconsciously gotten a strawberry breaker. Taehyung hyung’s favorite.

“I didn’t know you liked sweet things.”

“Yeah. Neither have i.” Jungkook retorts, a distant look in his eyes. Something, Ahn has grew accustom to see on the handsome man’s feature. She had learned to never question it though.

“Isn’t it funny that we’re all in different places now? I mean, you and me here. Jinyoung at the ER and Myungjae at the pediatric department. Taehyung sunbaenim too is in a totally different place. I wonder if his plane already left.”

With a frown, Jungkook wordlessly questioned the woman which earns him an equally confused look. Eventually, Ahn tells him

“Don’t you know? His flight is today. I heard from some nurses that Dr Park and Mr Min left early today just for that. To send him off.”

“What?” Jungkook’s entire brain goes through an immediate shut down at the words. He wasn’t listening to Ahn anymore but he did hear what she said

“Yeah. I thought you knew. I mean, you’re the closest to Dr Kim amongst us all interns.”

Jungkook doesn’t register much of what happens next. All he knows is that he wants to go anywhere. No matter where it was. As long as it was far. He needed to breathe first if he wanted to get anywhere far. After whispering clumsy excuses to Ahn, he turns away and with the pink breaker still clenched in his right hand, he makes his way to his desk. Grab his phone and pushing to violently the buttons to check if he has any messages from Taehyung hyung, alas, as he finally drops the phone on his desk, he comes to realize that this was it. This was Taehyung hyung’s answer to him. God, he had thought he had been prepared for it. In truth, he wasn’t. The pain was a thousand times worse. He had only himself to blame for it whatsoever. Just what was he expecting? Taehyung hyung must’ve reached his limit. Jungkook had wasted all his chances. The knowledge hurts him even more than if he was stab only to be brought back to life and stabbed again.

“Dr Jeon? Is everything alright? You can leave early if you’re too tired. I heard you’ve been in an 8 hours surgery. I’m pretty sure our head chief wouldn’t mind you leaving early.” A third year resident tells him from his desk. Merely nodding in response, Jungkook leaves the hospital. He doesn’t drive away though. Instead, he sits behind the wheel. Gloomily staring out the window. Even when it starts to pour, he doesn’t move a muscle. Or when the tears roll down his face. Or when he finds it hard to breathe, he still doesn’t move. He can’t move. He doesn’t find the strength to do so. He knows that he’ll have to move eventually. But now. Just this once. He’ll allow himself to be weak. Just one last time of weakness.

Taehyung arrives in the waiting room with a monumental headache. He’s not only had been slowed because of traffic but the bloody airport seem to have a problem with him leaving. I mean with the security mistaking him for some suspicious individual and the receptionist flirting way too much with him, he walks into the waiting room in a foul mood. As he sits down on one the chair, he was calmly trying to recollect his composure when he remembers the promise he made to his family. Pulling out his phone to call them as promised before he boards the plane, his eyes widen at the amount of missed calls he’s missed. If it was work related, that sure was a lot. He froze in place though at the realization of the number he reads on his screen. It was one of those moment where Taehyung was actually left speechless and by experience, those moments were usually very rare. Yet, Jungkook ssi seem to easily get that reaction from Taehyung. Why did he call him? He wonders silently. After a long hesitation on whether or not he should listen to his messages, Taehyung eventually puts the phone to his ear. It’s not like he has anything to lose by listening to these messages. He hears a little noise and the background and finally, at the voice of Jungkook, Taehyung’s heart can’t help but slightly leap out of his chest. It has really been too long since he heard his voice. No, no, Tae ah, stay focus. It’s not the time to act nostalgic, he scolds himself as he refocused his attention on the voice.

“Hey, hyung, it’s me. Of course you know it’s me, unless you’ve already deleted my number which is highly probable. So yeah it’s me Jungkook. Uhm, I know you’re mad and you have every right to be but please can we talk? I won’t take long. I just really want to tell you something. So call me back ok?”

Next message.

“So uhm I don’t know if you had my first message but yeah, I’ve called you. If you didn’t receive my first message, I called because I wanted us to meet up. Uh… Please just… Just call me back ok?” The other 43 messages all said pretty much the same things. What unable Taehyung to move even when he hears the announcement coming from the interphone informing them that the flight to LA was open for boarding, was the emotion laced in Jungkook’s voice as he spoke. Taehyung wouldn’t be so conceited as to say that he sounded desperate but somehow, that was how he sounded. By the time, he presses the button to listen the very last message, the interphone announce once again which gate he has to proceed to if he wants to catch his flight. He doesn’t move though. Instead, he brings the phone back to his ear.

“Oh hey hyung. I mean Taehyung ssi. I probably lost the right to call you that now have i? Anyway I’m just calling you to ask you once again… You know what I’ll just tell you everything on the phone instead. Obviously you don’t want to meet up with me so I might as well tell you everything like this. Hopefully, you won’t delete this message and actually listen to me till the end. Although the chance of you doing so is really slim.

“I wasn’t thinking straight a couple of days or months ago. Finding out that I had feelings for a man had scared the hell out of me and in most part, I was simply too proud to accept my feelings. It probably sounds like some lame excuses I’m saying to try and excuse myself but I really wasn’t mentally stable then. Proof is, I went out with Ahn just to prove a point. Just to convince myself that I was still normal. Then again, what did it mean to be normal? Get married with a woman, have kids and eventually die in old age if of course you don’t die before because of some weird disease? Well, then I guess my normal is a little different now huh. Since all I want right now, is spent my life with a man, kiss and love him despite it being considered wrong. I’ve never ever used the word forever before nor do I believe in it but you make me believe in forever. I know it sounds cheesy but, it’s how you make me feel. Told you I wasn’t sane. And I’m not usually the type to say sorry or beg for forgiveness either. But hyung, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for not kissing you back when all I wanted to do was to do so. I’m sorry for saying that your feelings were a burden to me. Because they aren’t. They really aren’t. And even if it’s impossible for you to forgive me entirely, that’s ok. But please… Just reconsider your decision about leaving. I know how much your family and friends means to you. Don’t leave just because of someone as unworthy as me. If anyone has to leave, it’s me. Just give me the chance to make things right. I need this… I just need this to be fixable somehow. Hyung, please. Please don’t go. If it’s because of me don’t go. I… I’m sorry”

Somehow the “I” Jungkook leaves unfinished spoke louder than any other words Jungkook had actually uttered. And although he was taking a risk that he might regret, a spark of hope spreads in Taehyung’s chest.

“Excuse me sir but you’re going to LA right? Your flight will be leaving shortly. Do you need help to get to the gate?” Taehyung doesn’t answer. The woman, a security from her uniform was about to repeat the question but before she could, Taehyung answers, his eyes still fixed on his phone

“I do need help but a divine one.” He was certainly going to regret this but he’ll hate himself even more if he didn’t.

“Sir?” The woman enquires. Taehyung only sighs in response.