Taehyung couldn’t take his eyes away from the piece of paper lying on his marble counter, a beer beside it. Yes it was too early to get drunk but after reading the letter on his counter, he sort of needed it. He was on his second day of vacation and after his little dinner with Jungwan, they had spent a lot of times together, mainly doing things that didn’t require him opening someone with a scalpel or talk about a disease or whatsoever. It wasn’t anything professional and Taehyung enjoyed that. Jungwan just sort of helped him get back into a few places he hasn’t been ever since he’s been working at the hospital. Thus ever since yesterday, he had spent the entire day letting Jungwan tour him about anywhere. Because of their heavy schedule of the day, the minute he arrived home, he fell on his bed and was instantly knocked out. It was only in the morning, while he was getting the newspaper and the milk that he found a letter at his doorstep. Taehyung was instantly intrigued, for the mail was usually given on Wednesday and if he wasn’t deluding himself, they weren’t Wednesday. At the spur of the moment, Taehyung had thought about just opening it later the day or ask the janitor after all, the letter could belong to someone else, considering that there was no name written on it. But after a long while debating on it, which wasn’t that long, he ended up opening it. The content in the envelope was anything but very personal. The handwriting let him to believe that the person who wrote it was in a clear state of mind and coming from the person, he recognize the handwriting being from, it was something that never happen often. He was even more shocked that the said person wanted to see him. Considering the last time they met, the man had threaten to kill Taehyung.

“A rendez-vous huh?” Taehyung reads out loud, his thumb running thoughtfully on his bottom lip. He was still reflecting whether it would be a good idea to meet the said ma. He was so absorbed in his thoughts, he didn’t even hear his front door open nor hear the newcomer walk in until he feels a hand on his shoulder. Startle by the touch, Taehyung was about to curse but before he could, a hand covered his mouth saying with a scolding tone

“Gosh, why are you so jumpy?”

“Why the hell are you here Jiminie?” Taehyung asks in return, brushing away the hand on his mouth. Jimin gives him a mischievous look

“Check this out. I just bought it online.”

Pushing aside the things on the table, frowning along the way at the beer still fresh, Jimin says

“Why are you drinking so early?”

“I’ll tell you later.” Taehyung sighs.

“Tell me first what sort of treasure you’ve gotten online.” Taehyung watches with satisfaction Jimin’s face lit up from the excitement of whatever discovery he did once again. Not a lot of people knew about that side of Jimin. But then again, Jimin never liked to expose his hobby. Something about keeping his privacy to himself. Frankly, Taehyung would say that he didn’t want people to know because he was just too lazy to let people know him that well, but who was Taehyung to judge.

“Oh right. I was surfing on the net the other day and check this out. I know you’ve been down ever since… Well you know, so I bought this for you.”

Happily unwrapping the thick layer of clothe he pulled out from a box, he said

“Your very own Gucci leather jacket.”

Gawking at the brand new jacket, Taehyung stuttered in disbelief

“W…Oh my… Jiminie, this is… Are you serious?”

“Yeah, well don’t thank me just yet. Try it first and see if it fits.”

“Are you crazy? I’m scared of ruining it if I try them but seriously you didn’t have to do it.” Jimin lets out a proud smile and smirks

“Yeah well I’m a great bro so…”

“Aren’t you just good to me because you’ve been in a good mood recently?”

Smirking at the sudden change of color the latter had at the innocent tease, Taehyung was examining the jacket when Jimin abruptly asked

“What is this?”

“Oh I was going to tell you about it. It’s a letter from…”

“Park Kyungsoo? Tae, why the hell do you have a letter written by that psychopath?” Jimin yells. Taehyung didn’t flinch whatsoever. He expected such reaction from his best friend. He knew the man too after all.

“Jiminie calm down. It’s just a letter.”

“Probably, but it means that he knows your address. You know what. You’re staying with me for now.”

“Hey, hey, calm down. Nothing is going to happen.”

“He threatened your life.”

“That’s because he lost his daughter. Any parent would react that violently.”

“Don’t cover for him. He had a gun pointed to you. I get that he was heartbroken from his daughter’s death but you didn’t kill her daughter. His wife did.”

Sighing heavily, Taehyung sat back

“I don’t know. I mean she did die in my care. If… If I had just done things differently I could’ve saved her.”

“You were still a resident then. You did all you could.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Jimin seemed like he was going to retort but closes his mouth on a thin line instead and moved behind the counter to get himself a beer. Taehyung couldn’t blame him. He did see the scars of what losing that little girl cost Taehyung.

“You’re not planning on meeting up with him are you?” Jimin finally ask, popping the can a little fiercer than needed. Taehyung shrugged and nonchalantly rubbed his chin in an attempt to ease his tensed muscle. He could see Jimin’s frown getting deeper by the minute, the longer he took to answer and that alone was enough for him to know that Jimin didn’t like that at all. Thus, he reassures quietly

“Jiminie, I’m a big boy. Just trust me ok.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Are you actually thinking about meeting that guy?” Jimin was seething by then. Sighing for the umpteenth time, Taehyung grabbed Jimin by the hand and forcing him to calm down a bit, he said

“Jiminie, calm down will you? Look, he just wants to apologize in person. Everything is going to be alright. We’ll be in a public place anyway.”

“Then I’ll go with you.”

“Thank you. Really but… I think it’ll be better if I go alone.”

“Are you joking? Taehyung, you’re not going to walk into the lion’s den without any back up. I’m not letting you. Are you suicidal?”

“Jiminie, if I were suicidal, I’ll be dead already and you know that. Look, he wanted to meet me alone. And whether it’s risky for me to just go alone after our history, I sort of owe him that.”

“You owe him nothing…”

“I know. But that’s how I feel. Jiminie, that little girl, Yoona, came in the hospital earlier the day with a bruise on her cheek and I sent her away with a pomade only because I was too busy to actually give her a bit of my time. If only I kept her in, she’ll still be alive. Park Kyungsoo will still have a daughter if I wasn’t so dense. She died because I didn’t care enough.” Jimin, whose feature had softened up at the words, shook his head vigorously

“That’s not true. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault if her mom was a complete nut job. You did all you could.”

“I could’ve done better.” The conversation was slowly having a toll on him thus he forced a smile and changing topics, he asked

“Anyway, how are things going with Yoongi hyung?” Jimin didn’t look like he was anywhere disposed to change the topic but after a while, he played along, replying coolly, his hands now gently poised on the counter

“Nothing. We’re… Still trying to get to know each other.”

“And so far, how is that working out?” Jimin flushes slightly then rubbing a particular spot on his nape, he retorts

“Good, I guess. Anyway, did you see Namjoon hyung and Seokjin hyung lately?” Taehyung tries to content his laugh from the obvious flustered man and asked, going along with the conversation’s rhythm

“No. Why?”

“Dude, don’t you know about…?”

“About what?”

“Oh, so you don’t know.”

“Ok, stop beating around the bush. What don’t I know?”

“Well, apparently, the night Namjoon hyung wanted to cheer you up. He had a couple of too many shots and he ended up in Seokjin hyung’s apartment.” Jimin tells him, his grin getting larger by the minute.

“Oh. And so he spent the night there? What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is, he woke up the next morning with a bunch of hickeys on his body and completely next to Seokjin hyung who was by I add, equally .” Taehyung’s eyes immediately widens at the juicy news and failing to hold in his laugh, Taehyung asked

“Are they an item then?”

“Nope. This is where things gets even worse. Namjoon hyung had the audacity to tell Seokjin hyung that it was a mistake. Being the gentleman that he was, Seokjin hyung didn’t react much at that, but I’m sure he was hurt. Namjoon hyung can be so tactless sometime.”

“Yeah. I bet you know a bit about that.”

“Hey, that’s not true. I’m not tactless. Just too sensitive.” Jimin retorts, sporting out a slightly vexed expression. Something that only made Taehyung laugh in response. Jimin’s look exasperated by Taehyung unstoppable giggles but said nothing about it and instead ask in a more serious tone

“Oh about it. How’s grandpa?”

Wiping away the tears that came after his euphoric state, Taehyung answers breathlessly

“He’s ok. Mom and he have decided to pack up and move in with me for a couple of days to rest. So, I’m really excited for that.”

“I’m sure you are. It’s been a while since any of us had homemade food. And your dad?” Jimin carefully mutters the last words. Taehyung smiles encouragingly at his best friend and shrugs

“I’m not sure. Mom avoids talking about him on the phone. And when I’m there, he barely acknowledges my presence so I guess he’s still pissed off.”

“Geez, I know he’s your dad but seriously, what a . I mean, can he just try and be a good dad for once?” Taehyung doesn’t answer. A part of him wanted to defend his old man but another kept him from doing so. Nothing about his family has ever been easy to begin with. And the discovery of his uality only complicates everything. But, Taehyung wasn’t going to pretend to be someone he wasn’t all for the sake of a relationship with his father. Why did Taehyung have to be the one making the effort? Hasn’t he done that for far too long? How much more does he have to endure until his father deems his worthy to be his son?

“It’s ok. It’s nothing I’m not used to. How are things at the hospital anyway?”

“Jungkook ah, can we talk?” Jungkook can hear Ahn ask but he was far too busy to listen to whatever girly complaints the woman had to do. He was already having a hard time staying focus as it is.

“Jungkook ah, please.” Breathing harshly out of his nose, Jungkook finally looks away from the books he’s been studying on and turns his attention to his so call girlfriend. He really was becoming an as days went by and books were the only thing that kept him long enough focus and to prevent him from being a jerk. He was irritable for so many reasons and yes, it had to do with Kim Taehyung. Gosh, he was even more annoying than a girl in her period. Alas, he simply couldn’t help it. Every time he thought, he was actually doing the right thing, Taehyung hyung painfully reminds him of all the reason why he was so perfect and that he, Jeon Jungkook, was dead on in love with him. Why was it so difficult to get over someone? Why did hurt so much to get over someone?

“Yeah, what is it?” He finally asks, trying hard to get his temper under control. Ahn glares briefly at the man, crossed her arms and in a strong tone, she asks

“What the hell is going on? What’s that I’m hearing? You don’t want to go at the cardiology department anymore? Why is that?” Jungkook presses his temple

“I just changed my mind.” Ahn considers him for a long while then finally pushing a chair in front of him, she sat on it and in an exhausted tone, and she says

“Ok, you know what, let’s be honest with each other ok? You don’t love me do you?”

“Where does that come from?” Jungkook asks, taken aback by the sudden question.

“I thought at first that you were but come on Jungkook ah. I’m not stupid. Neither is Jinyoung who was the one that had helped me figure a lot of things out.”

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks in a defensive tone. Ahn gives a strange look and finally said

“Look, whatever issue you’re going through, I don’t think us being together helps you in anyway. And honestly, it’s not fair for me.” At that, Jungkook finally allows himself to display a bit of remorse as he said

“Ahn, I’m really trying.”

“I know you are but if you’re forcing yourself then forget it. Because feelings aren’t supposed to be forced. It comes with genuine determination but also with a heart that is willing to love. But obviously, your heart is not free or willing to open up to someone else.” Jungkook was about to retort but before he could, Ahn lifts a hand to tell him not to and continue in a firm tone

“You love someone else Jungkook ah. And whatever you’re trying to do just stop. Because you’re only making things worse. What are hiding for? Is being in love with that person so scary that you felt like you had to go out with another person to feel safe? Is she that horrible?”

Jungkook wets his lips, his eyes looking anywhere but Ahn

“More like too good for me.”

“You’re really an . Gosh, i… I’m trying to stay calm right now but frankly, I really want to punch you Jungkook ah. How could you do this to me? We were friends before.”

“That’s why I thought you could make me love you more. And I do love you Ahn.”

“Just not as much as you love that other person. May I know who it is?”

Taking Jungkook’s silence as a no, she lowers her gaze and announces in a faint voice, although the determination in her tone gave no space for hesitation

“Let’s break up then. Let’s stop this charade.”

“Ahn…” Jungkook began but was instantly silenced by Ahn’s glare. Jungkook honestly couldn’t blame her for being this hostile. She had every right to be angry.

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. It’ll only serve to make me feel more pitiful than I am already. Just… Give me some time.”

Jungkook laid his head on his fore arm after a while and sighing deeply, he mumbles tiredly

“Damn it.” He really screwed up bad this time. Whoever said that love was the most beautiful thing in the world, really should just drop dead die. Nothing about his love was easy. And yeah, he might be making things complicated by resisting whatever he was feeling, but it wasn’t like there was any actual manual that would help him or guarantee him that everything he’ll do no matter how risky it was, would be worth it. He was scared as hell. Can anyone blame him? He was a man that worked with logic and never tried anything without the certainty that there was even a possibility of things working out. Alas, his chances with Taehyung hyung actually working out were really slim and thus, reasonably he endured everything and fought his urges. And pathetically, try to recover from this forbidden love. Those feelings, he was feelings were wrong. And he’ll be damn if he was one day going to surrender to it. He wasn’t Seokjin hyung. No matter how admirable he was, Jungkook couldn’t sacrifice everything he’s been building for a love that would be fruitless. What good would come out from a union with Kim Taehyung anyway? They would never be able to get married neither would they be able to continue the line of the Jeon or the Kim. So why even bother? They were bound to end anyway. In that kind of relationship, there were no happy endings. Only endings. Talking about ending, it was about time he stopped everything altogether. Whether it was his feelings or his friendship with Kim Taehyung.

Taehyung was supposed to meet up with Jungwan later the day and after that, he had wanted to swing by Namjoon’s hyung restaurant to have a little heart to heart talk with the man. His plan went down the drain however when Jungkook called him out of nowhere and asked if he could drop by instead. Taehyung had first been reluctant about it but after hearing his sort of desperate tone, he finally complies. Hence, he was anxiously pacing back in forth in his living. There were little things in this world that can actually get him this restless. And until recently, no one had ever gotten him so nervous in the degree Jungkook did. It was at the same time intriguing as it was terrifying. Taehyung wasn’t one to overthink thing normally. Yet, everything about Jungkook made his wheels spin faster than any disease or operation ever made him think. If before he thought performing a tracheotomy was hard, it couldn’t be compare with him facing the man that had manage to awake his heart from whatever slumber it used be in.

“Gosh, I need to chill. Taehyung ah, calm the heck down.” He breathes out nervously, forcing himself to actually breathe. Something he had obviously forgotten to do the minute his doorbell rang. Taking in a deep breathe.

He finally opens the door. Taehyung wasn’t really expecting anything from this sudden visit. He knew for a fact that Jungkook didn’t swing that way thus, he tried to calm his palpitation, forcing himself to act as the hyung he was supposed to be but seeing Jungkook in the state he was now, panting and coming so undone before him, Taehyung’s brain completely blanked out.

Still shook to see the flushed man before him, he remarked dumbly

“You ran?”

“Yeah. What I have to tell you couldn’t wait.” Jungkook retorts a little too coldly as he made his way into the apartment. Taehyung didn’t let it get to him whatsoever and recovering from whatever stupor he had been in, he offered

“Want to drink something first then?”

“No. It won’t be long.” Taehyung wasn’t going to lie. Jungkook’s behavior didn’t please him at all. Actually, he was acting a bit too strangely. He looked… Angry?

“Hey, are you ok?” Jungkook closes his eyes firmly and with his back turned, he answers in that same cold tone, he used to use when they had no friendship. When they were separated by their prejudice. And misunderstanding. A period of time, Taehyung had thought to be long surpassed. Yet, what was this distance he was suddenly feeling from his words.

“I’m hoping to be ok after this.”

“Jungkook ah, you’re being weird. What happened? Is it Ahn?” His shoulder went stiff almost immediately at the mention of the name. Taehyung figured it had to do with the young woman then.

“What happened…?” Taehyung started but Jungkook cuts him off

“She broke up with me.” He had said that with so much nonchalant, Taehyung couldn’t help but frown at that. This kid was acting way too strangely. Clearly, he wanted to just talk his heart out. Why to him though? Did he forget that Taehyung was in love with him? Besides, wouldn’t Seokjin be a better choice of listener than he was? Taehyung didn’t let any of his discomfort show anyway and walking behind his counter to get themselves something to drink anyway, he was still preparing the brew when Jungkook takes him aback saying

“She noticed that I was in love with someone else.” Gosh, Taehyung couldn’t have fell harder at that. What on earth was Jungkook doing right now?

“Hyung.” He calls softly and for better measurement, Taehyung hesitates. Why? He just had a really bad feelings with all this. Eventually he makes eye contact with him and the sight he was greeted from immediately makes him regret. How was he supposed to react in front of so much hurt? Or was it hate he was seeing in those wet eyes staring right at him.

“What do I do? Hyung, what should I do to stop feeling so disgusting? I hate it. I hate this so much. Gosh, you don’t know what I would give to just be normal. I’m already having a hard time as it is as THE Jeon Jungkook, the genius. Being even more weird is the last thing I need right now. I don’t want to be different. I can’t go through a second time in the same thing I went through when people found out I had a higher IQ than most. Nobody liked me because of it. And I don’t need more reason for people to avoid. Just… Why? Why did you have to go on your own and confess to me? I was perfectly fine before, you know. Even when I kissed you and realized the deeper meaning of my feelings, I was willing to give up. Just what did you expect confessing to me anyway? What? Did you think we’ll have a happy ending? That we’ll kiss and everything will be ok? Can you promise that we’ll actually work out? Can you hyung?” Jungkook snaps. Taehyung remains silent alas. Honestly, he was feeling something cracking but he refused to let it show as he finally answers

“No. I can’t.”

“Then what? How irresponsible are you? We’re not kids. We can’t always have what we want. Especially not based on feelings. There are norms in our society for a reason. And this… Whatever it is between us would never happen. Not only because it isn’t normal but because it’s wrong. All these feelings we’re feeling, they are wrong hyung. And I hate you for making me take up the role of the bad guy. Of the coward. I hate you for making me feel like such a loser. You’re supposed to be a hyung, yet you give me nothing but heartache. Let’s be real for once. Two men can never be happy together. No matter the amount of effort you put in. It’s just not how the world works. Society isn’t so flexible.” Jungkook angrily spits and Taehyung’s throat instantly goes dry to it. He really hadn’t thought his confession had that big of an impact on the younger man. Once again, just like Park Yoona, he has done things too carelessly. He should’ve known that someone like Jungkook, someone who had more eyes on him than anyone else will be more bothered by his confession than anything else. He messed up again. Bitterly retreating his hands in which he had unconsciously extended towards the younger man to comfort, he mutters regrettably

“I’m sorry Jungkook ah. I’m so sorry. What can I do to make you feel better?”

“That’s the problem I don’t know. I’d like you to stay away but that would hurt too much but staying close to each other only burdens me. It be so much simpler if I could just hate you. If I didn’t love you. But I do. Damn it, this is really the worse. I’m supposed to get married, have kids and live a simple life. Why am I in love with a man instead?”

Taehyung could see the distress in the youngers orbs and although, he was more and more hurt by the biting words and the tears, he unconsciously made Jungkook shed, he suppress the tears threatening to fall and said

“I’m sorry. I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you by confessing but if it bothers you that much I’m taking it back. I’ll… I’ll do whatever it takes to put you at ease. I promise I won’t bother you with any of my feelings. I’ll get rid of them even. I’m sorry Jungkook ah. If you feel like I’ve been messing with you. I’m sorry.” Taehyung doesn’t quite remember what happens after that. He only hears the door closes behind Jungkook and that echoes to his ear like a shotgun. Just then, he finally, finally lets the tears he’s been holding in freely pour down. To think that he would hear the boy he was in love with confess to him unexpectedly to only reject him later on, hurt more than when his father beat the crap out of it. There were just so many thoughts running through his head, he barely could decipher clearly what he was thinking. There were only one thing he understood from the kaleidoscope of emotions he was feeling. His heart went under.