On Sunday night, Kibum found himself sitting at the window staring outside. The night sky was dark and full of luminous stars that glittered in the moonlight. He felt calm in that moment, wrapped up in his red and grey plaid blanket that felt so protective. There could have been a million thoughts racing through his mind but all he focused on was the beautiful starry night.

There was a knock on his bedroom door and a moment later Heechul entered the room. He smiled at Kibum as he walked over to the bed and sat down, patting the spot next to him. Kibum slowly uncurled and moved away from the window, feeling a little chilly since the glass had been cold from the nightly temperature drop. So he sat next to Heechul, only noticing at that moment how tired he felt. It had been a long day, but tomorrow would be even longer.

“How are you feeling?” Heechul asked him.

Kibum shrugged his shoulders and yawned sleepily. “I’m alright, I guess. I still don’t feel really good, but I’ll be fine for school tomorrow.”

“That’s the spirit,” Heechul said with a smile, pleased to that Kibum wasn’t using being ill an excuse to get out of school. “I think you’ll have a good time, I really do.”

Kibum nodded slowly, but didn’t answer. It wasn’t very late, only around 8:00PM, but he felt pretty worn out from being sick. He carefully moved around Heechul and curled up with his pillows, spreading his blanket over the bed. He blinked wearily, watching Heechul quietly, and a small frown formed when he saw the expression on Heechul’s face change into what seemed like disappointment and sadness.

Heechul didn’t look at him, but stared at his hands. Kibum’s heart began to race. Had he done something to make Heechul unhappy? He could only assume that Heechul was tired of taking care of him. He knew that he was old enough to deal with being sick, but he’d just been too sick. He hadn’t meant to be such a burden on his family.

“Why didn’t you tell me about what Donghae was doing to you?” Heechul asked in a quiet voice. He slowly looked at Kibum with that melancholy expression, yearning for the answer. What happened to the time when Kibum was by his side all the time, talking to him about all the things in his life from the good to the bad? He missed it, but not half as much as Kibum did.

Kibum closed his eyes, breathing slowly.

His secret had been discovered and that frightened him. It wasn’t that he had been afraid to go to Heechul about the trouble with his brother; that had just been pride preventing him. The problem was, if he started talking he didn’t know if he would be able to stop. If he started with Donghae, there would have been a very high chance he would have been weak and told Heechul about Officer Choi. Talking was too dangerous, no matter what the topic was.

Heechul reached over and smoothed away Kibum’s hair, looking at him sympathetically. “I feel terrible that you’ve been enduring this all summer. Between all the chaos with your parent’s house and dealing with Donghae, you didn’t have a good summer, did you?”

Kibum shook his head, looking up at Heechul guiltily. He wish he’d been able to enjoy the past two months with his family, that he’d been able to appreciate and enjoy all the gifts and outings that Heechul had given to him, but he hadn’t and it made him feel like a terrible person because Heechul had tried so hard to make him happy. The look on Heechul’s face was heartbreaking; it was as if he blamed himself.

“Please talk to me, Kibum,” Heechul said gently, his cheek lovingly. “What’s been going on between you and your brother?”

“I really don’t know,” Kibum admitted honestly, reaching up to place his hand over Heechul’s. “He just started being mean to me out of nowhere. At first it was casual; I didn’t even realize that he was trying to hurt me. Then he started excluding me from everything. That night of the sleepover, when I came to you crying so badly…”

“What happened that night?” Heechul wanted to know, shifting to sit more comfortably.

Kibum sighed softly, recanting the inexcusable happenings of that night. He thought that perhaps Heechul was only aware that Donghae was being a jerk and perhaps he wouldn’t have to tell him about all the messages because they were just so embarrassing and he felt humiliated even thinking about the awful things that Donghae had said to him over the past week.

Of course, nothing ever worked out in his favor. He watched as Heechul slowly pulled out his phone, handing it over. He hadn’t even realized that it’d been missing all weekend but then again he’d been sleeping most of the past couple days.

“Did you read them?” Kibum whispered, looking away in shame.

“I did and I don’t understand why Donghae decided that this was appropriate but rest assured I will be speaking with him and he will be punished. I don’t tolerate this sort of behavior, especially towards you.” Heechul told him seriously, patting his knee assuredly.

Kibum groaned and pulled the blankets to cover his face. He didn’t know why he thought that this wouldn’t end this way. Of course Heechul would always find out when something was wrong within the family. The worst part was it always regarded him and everyone always ended up angrier with him after they got in trouble.

He wished he’d deleted all those messages as he got them, but he hadn’t been able to. He’d tried to, but for some reason he couldn’t make himself do it. They had been serving as a reminder of how pathetic and disgusting he was.

“I want you to know that I think that you’re perfect in every way. I don’t care if you gain ten pounds or a hundred, you’re so adorable that it wouldn’t matter,” Heechul told him with a smile, tugging the blankets away from him. “Just for the record, though, you haven’t gained enough weight to make a difference in your appearance. Gaining weight doesn’t mean you’re fat, Kibum.”

“I know that,” Kibum sighed, wishing the conversation would just end already. He felt mortified that his weight was being brought up. He didn’t understand why everyone had to pay so much attention to him and his body. He shifted uncomfortably, wishing that Heechul had never come to him about this.

“Then do you think you could talk to Key? He’s worried that you might feel ashamed about yourself, maybe feel embarrassed to eat at all. Just let him know that you’ll be alright,” Heechul said, trying to keep it as simple as possible.

“Can’t you talk to him for me?” Kibum complained quietly, not meeting Heechul’s gaze. “I do feel embarrassed. All summer everyone has been very…involved in parts of my life that I want to keep private and personal. I just want to be left alone.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to him for you,” Heechul agreed with a nod. “I don’t want you to feel embarrassed by all the attention but I do understand how you would want to keep some things personal.”

“Thank you,” Kibum told him earnestly. “I’m sorry for not coming to you about this. I just thought it would stop after awhile. I know that I can talk to you but I didn’t want Donghae to get in trouble. Every time that happens to anyone they just get angrier with me. I feel like I’m doing something wrong no matter what I do.”

Heechul ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. There wasn’t a great way to explain that without making him feel worse about himself but he knew that he had to try. It wasn’t right to just let him think that his entire being is wrong.

“Sweetie, it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong. I’ve told you this before: you’ve gone through some things that your brothers just don’t understand and to be honest it’s not likely that they ever will,” Heechul expressed to him slowly, trying to word it right. “You think and feel differently than them. Sometimes it’s just hard for them to understand you and they don’t understand that there are certain things they can’t do to you that they might get away with if it were anyone else.”

Kibum closed his eyes, feeling his lip tremble. “So the problem is me. I’m over emotional and too sensitive. It’s just as Donghae has been saying all summer.”

“No – No that’s not what I – Kibum, it’s not your fault,” Heechul said desperately. He wished he hadn’t said anything at all; this entire conversation was a complete train wreck.

“I don’t feel well. I want to go to sleep,” Kibum whispered, rolling over to face the other way. He clenched his eyes shut and bit down hard on the inside of his lip determined not to start crying. He may have slipped up a couple days ago but he wasn’t going to do it again.

Heechul sighed.

I don’t think this could have gone any worse.

“I’ll get you some more Tylenol but I want you to shower before you go to sleep,” Heechul told him as he got up to leave. “It will help soothe the aches in your body and you won’t have time in the morning.”

Kibum huffed in annoyance but he knew that Heechul was right. There were only three bathrooms in the house but four of them that had to get ready for school. If he didn’t shower now then he’d most likely be forced to wash up in the basement half-bath that he swore was haunted. He went into the bathroom and shut the door behind him before digging through the cabinet for a towel.

When the bathroom began to steam up from the hot water after he’d the shower, he slowly began to unclothe himself. Just by chance he caught his reflection in the mirror over the sink and paused for a moment to look at himself. He slowly traced his fingers around his face feeling the puffiness of his cheeks and pinching the underside of his chin. Kibum lowered his eyes and slowly entered the hot shower.

He felt too ashamed to even look at himself.

~continuum~

When morning came, Kibum was less than thrilled to be woken up at 6:00AM. Even during the school year Heechul had always let him sleep as late as he wanted to, just as long as he’d gotten his school work done at some point during the day. This new routine was a rude-awakening.

In a slow zombie-like motion he rolled out of bed, landing on the floor where he stayed for several long minutes leaning against his bed with his eyes closed. It was only when Heechul walked in for a second and turned the lights on did he groan loudly and