5:47AM

He couldn’t breathe.

The pain in his chest was so great that all he could do was gasp for air, hiccupping and choking on his saliva as tears streamed down his face. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot from the long hours he’d been awake and hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. He hadn’t cried like this since he was a little boy, the hysterical sort of crying that made it impossible to breathe. His head was throbbing and his throat was raw from the hours of intense sobbing.

It was so hard to get a hold of himself, to just breathe in and out normally. He was exhausted, but the adrenaline was pumping through his veins and fueling the fit he was having. It was beginning to hurt very much, the physical pain starting to overpower the emotional hurt in his heart. He couldn’t deal with it anymore, it was just too much for him to handle.

He crept quietly across the hall and into Heechul’s room, his legs feeling weak and shaky with every step. The sobs were growing louder and the struggle to breathe more difficult, but he managed to make it over to the bed where Heechul and Leeteuk were sleeping. He wanted to call for Heechul to wake up, but he couldn’t get the words out through the gasps. It didn’t matter because Heechul had a sixth sense for this sort of thing.

“What’s going on?” Heechul said groggily, blinking open his eyes. He heard the sobs and instantly sat up; reaching over to turn the lamp on the nightstand on he saw the distress Kibum was in. He pulled Kibum onto the bed, into his warm embrace. Immediately Kibum buried his face in Heechul’s chest, holding onto him very tightly.

What the hell is going on? Heechul thought to himself, wrapping his arms around Kibum. He could feel Kibum’s body shaking violently against him, his chest heaving deeply as he struggle to breathe properly.

“Kibum, you need to calm down and breathe,” Heechul instructed him, shifting so that Kibum’s face wasn’t covered. “Come on, deep breath. Deep breath, you can do it.”

“Hey, what’s going on?” Leeteuk piped up, woken by the commotion. He sat up and moved to the other side of the bed, putting a hand on Heechul’s shoulder. “Is he alright?”

“I don’t know, he just came in here,” Heechul answered, rubbing circles on Kibum’s back. “Can you please get him some water?”

As Leeteuk went into the en suite bathroom, Heechul gently pulled away from Kibum and took in his tear streaked cheeks and bloodshot eyes, the sweaty hair on his forehead. He put his hands on Kibum’s shoulders, massaging them soothingly, and Leeteuk returned with a Dixie cup full of water. He handed it to Kibum, who took it with trembling hands and lifted it to his lips to take a sip. The cold water seemed to do the trick because he took a deep breath and was finally able to start suppressing the sobs.

After a couple minutes he was beginning to control himself and the adrenaline began to wear off. Although he was still crying softly, he scooted closer to Heechul and lay against him tiredly.

“Are you okay now?” Heechul asked him lightly, running his fingers through Kibum’s hair. Kibum shook his head and closed his eyes, the light too bright for his swollen eyes. Heechul noticed the discomfort and reached to turn the lamp back off.

“Kibum, what’s gotten you so worked up?” Leeteuk queried, glancing at the window where first morning light was beginning to come up. Judging by how exhausted and worn out Kibum looked, he vaguely wandered if Kibum had been awake all night crying. Kibum didn’t answer and the two shared a look.

“Let’s get you back to bed. We can talk about it later,” Heechul said, patting Kibum’s back.

In a zombie-like state, Kibum slowly followed Heechul back to his own room. He crawled onto his bed and pulled the blankets up to his chin but wasn’t able to close his eyes and sleep. The tears wouldn’t stop and his head was throbbing far too much for him to get any sleep even if he tried. He reached out and grabbed Heechul’s pajama pants, unwilling to let him leave.

“Don’t go,” He whispered in a hoarse voice. “Please…just stay with me.”

Heechul complied and climbed into bed next to him, smoothing the hair out of his face. “Do you want me to get you something to help you calm down and sleep? We still have some melatonin gummies in the medicine cabinet.”

Kibum shook his head, taking a deep, shuddering breath. This was just another one of those moments where he was being too sensitive and emotional, just as Donghae had told him. That didn’t excuse the terrible thing his brothers had done to him hours earlier, but it did stop him from talking to Heechul about anything.

“I’m going to get you something to eat. Something warm in your belly will make you feel better. I’ll be back in just a few minutes, I promise,” Heechul decided, standing from the bed and moving towards the door. He vaguely noticed the small trash can next to the desk was full of candy and snack wrappers.

With a sigh, he headed downstairs with Leeteuk following close behind. They walked past the living room where Key, Mir and their two friends were sleeping soundly. Not wanting to disturb them, the two adults quietly entered the kitchen and flipped on the lights.

“Maybe I should stay for awhile,” Leeteuk said as Heechul opened the refrigerator. “Just give me a day to pack clothes and clean the house. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

“Henry’s concert finale is coming up and he can’t miss anymore practices,” Heechul objected adamantly. “His professor is already pissed that he missed two days this week.”

“I couldn’t leave you to deal with this on your own,” Leeteuk responded desolately.

Heechul smiled at him lovingly as he pulled a plate out of the dishwasher. “I wish that we could do this side by side, but we have responsibilities to all the kids. I’ll be fine taking care of Kibum, it’s not like this is the first time he’s been depressed. I’ll give his therapist a call on Monday and see what we can do about it.”

“You know that he hates going to therapy, all they do is drug him up on anti-depressants,” Leeteuk said with a sigh. “What can they really do for him this time that’s any different from the last couple times?”

“He needs to learn how to cope, Teuk,” Heechul argued, putting the plate of food in the microwave. “Every time something happens he turns to drugs and I don’t want that to