Weeks gone by but it felt like years. Seohyun ignored me since the last time that we spoke and the girls are noticing it. We are on the same room but we’re so disconnected as all of our memories vanished into thin air.

     Mr. Park, our Korean Language teacher, went inside the room and placed his books on top of the table saying, “I’m gonna have to arrange your seating arrangement. I’ve been getting complaints. Maybe if you’re far from your friends, then the noise will be reduced.”

     Everyone grumbled and made noise about the thought. “As if.”

     But that thought was my escape. I’ve been sitting behind Seohyun and it was so hard not to notice her. I want to talk to her; I want to ask how was her day, and the like. And I am so careful about our issue. With the girls surrounding us, it was hell. It was so hard acting friends with her.

     I crumbled on my seat when Mr. Park placed me BESIDE Seohyun. I thought everyone knew that we are friends? I thought he’ll separate us?

      There was a tiny space between our tables and chairs but I felt uneasy throughout the discussion and she kept sighing for god’s sake! It made me feel like I’m the worst person on this planet. I can’t help but think of her and eye her from time to time.

      The bell rang and it was lunch. The halls were crowded with students and I found it hard to breathe. It was suffocating. I ran toward the cafeteria as fast as I can, not minding the bodies colliding with mine, ignoring everyone who says hello to me.

     I sat on our table and the a few minutes, I saw the girls, except Seohyun, carrying their tray eyeing the table.

     Taeyeon leaned in as soon as she placed her tray on the table. ‘What’s the matter? You look… sick.”

     The rest of the girls leaned in forward and was listening intently to Taeyeon.

     “What’s your beef with Seohyun?” She asked.

     I panicked. So they knew.

     Jessica, then placed her hand on top of mine saying, “We know you. Don’t say you’re all right when you’re not.”

     I was so close to tears. I wanted to tell them everything that’s happened but I know for sure that they will hate me. I sound so selfish but they don’t understand my side at all. No one does. But I felt really sorry. For loving, for everything.

     “It was just a misunderstanding.” I managed to say then I smiled. Seohyun came and sat beside me acting like nothing happened. She was smiling. The girls acted normal again. I mean, like, they don’t notice the dead air between us.

     Jessica was telling a story about how she’ll spend Christmas vacation in Japan and I wasn’t interested at all. I look at Seohyun who was pretending like we’re okay. Her eyes flutter as she smiled and it looked so real. How can she do that?

     I excused myself and lied about doing an errand. Did they believe me? I don’t think so. Did they stop me? No. I carried my tray back to the dishwasher and snatched my apple. I quickly went to the comfort room shaking. I felt like puking. I closed the stall door and bent over the toilet. Nothing was coming out and it hurt my stomach. I sat on the floor with my arms hugging my knees. The pain was unbearable. I fished out the apple inside my bag and took a bite. It was rough and didn’t taste like anything but it was enough to last me a day. Two bites and I tossed it in the bin.

     I heard the door opened and heard the students gossiping.

     “Yeah, I know right. Jieun looks so thin nowadays.”

     “Anorexia?”

     “Idk but if she’s doing it for attention then she’s doing a good job.”

     “Oh, God! I hate her!”

     They chuckled on their way out and it left me feeling horrible. I hate being watched.

     I stayed there until the bell rang and as I walk out the door, I felt like my head was spinning, my stomach sinking, and I saw nothing but black.

xxx

     I woke up to a peaceful environment. I looked around and figured out I collapsed.

     “Hello?” I called out and the clinic nurse came to me.

     “Oh, dear.” She said with her hand covering her m0uth. “Are you okay? You look sickly thin.”

     “I’m okay.” I said as I got up. I don’t want to argue about this.

     “Do you want to eat something?”

     I managed to fake a smile and said “No, thank you. I just had an apple before you know… the collapse thing. Who brought me here though?”

     “Oh, I forgot to get his name but it was a caring student. Don’t be afraid to come to me if you feel anything. Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked, for like, a hundred times. And from the look on her face, she’s not buying my I-already-ate-I'm-okay bullsh*t.

     “Uhm, yeah sure, thank you.” I said as I wore my shoes. I was about to walk out the door when she handed me an orange juice in a clear plastic cup and an Advil.

     “Drink the juice. And drink the Advil if you feel faint.” She smiled weakly at me and I bid good bye before she ask again if I was really okay.

     The last bell rang and I bolted outside. I was the talk on the classroom. “She looks sick; She fainted; Maybe she’s pregnant? We should take care of her!”

    I was the first one in the hallway and I felt lonely even more. I walked through the halls with my head down up to the school’s gate. I opened Uber but I was so unlucky that my phone died. I was so focused on my thoughts that I forgot to charge my phone last night.

     There's a taxi, or the subway, or the bus, but I decided to walk. To think about my thoughts.

     “Jieun!” I heard Jiyong called my name but I didn’t turn to him. I kept walking. I just want to be alone. Is that too much to ask?

     I walked a little too fast but it was too late because he was already holding my arm.

     “Damn it! Why are you so-“ He stopped yelling when I turned to face him.

     “What now? I don’t want to see you now or ever!” I snapped back at him and I could see the hurt on his face.

     “My.” He muttered under his breath. “You’re skin and bones.” He held my hand and dragged me to God knows where. I didn’t even have the chance to respond or shake his hand off me because I was feeling so weak.It's like life drained the life out of me.

xxx

     We arrived at a building with SS Company written on the front. We arrived there without saying anything to each other. We were both quiet. We went inside the building. It was black and gold and marbles. It was luxury inside and we didn’t even have to say anything. We just walked inside without problems and everybody around us was calling him ‘sir’. I figured that this is their company’s building.

     We climbed to the rooftop. The ROOFTOP. Really? We went on the edge and he looked up at the sky. I looked up and was completely shocked by the view. It was heavenly. The sky was the color of flaming orange mixed with yellow, the wind was blowing in our ears and the breeze kissing our skin.

     I closed my eyes, and sniffed the breeze. It was refreshing. I relaxed my mind but I was also preparing myself to argue with him. But minutes passed and we were just standing there with our eyes closed with smiles on our faces, not saying anything. Not even a word.

     I craned my neck to him and I stared and wondered... how was he so handsome? His eyelashes are so long and full and black, his skin almost sparkly. I don’t get myself why I’m feeling this way. I don’t even know why I am staring at him.

     I hated the feeling.

     It was so unusual. Am I even allowed to feel this? Am I allowed to be happy? To witnessed this beautiful sky that looked like a painting made by God, the cold breeze, the city lights lighting up one by one, and… him?