In less than ten minutes, the building’s billboard lights were already blazing through my windshield. 24/7 Library. That was the actual name of the establishment. It couldn’t be any more obvious what the building was; perhaps the owner never knew how to be discreet about it or maybe it was a marketing strategy.

I would have reached the place faster if I ignored Umji's advice and skipped the visit to two nearby convenience stores. But I thought I had to put a little effort if I was sincere, which I was. And I had to trust her if I wanted this apology to go smoothly. And so, our conversation over the phone was stuck in my head as I drove to the library.

“Umji-yah?”

“Bring her duck-shaped chocolates.”

“Huh?! Why would I bring that??”

“If you want to be forgiven faster.”

“Do I really need to?”

“You want her to come home soon, right?”

“Yes.”

“Trust me, it can help.”

“Urgh. Ok, fine.”

The library was like the old-school review areas except that it was definitely more modern and there was a fancy coffee shop and cafeteria within the premises. It was just convenient that when I entered the front door, I was welcomed by a big board complete with instructions and maps for first-timers like me.

There are five floors and each floor had a specific population it caters. I thought that arrangement would make it easier for me to find Yerin.

The first floor had the lounge and meeting areas; it’s the only floor where group discussions and chatting were allowed. Because on all the other floors, a red bulb above your table will light up if they catch you being loud. I thought that would be scandalous and so, no one would dare break the silence rule. She’s most certainly not the chatty type, so, it's unlikely that she will be on this floor.

The second floor was for pleasure reading because that’s where the literary pieces were. Hmmm... She could be in there, only that I’ve not seen her carry non-academic books.

The third floor was where the lockers, vending machines, the coffee shop and the cafeteria were strategically located. I know she likes staying in the kitchen to read, but I don’t remember her to be the eating-while-reading type.

The idea just reminded me of the possibility that she might not be eating properly, especially that I learned that money has been a problem since they got kicked out of the academy. The thought suddenly made me hold on tighter to the paper bag I was bringing for her.

The fourth floor had the computers and books on humanities and liberal arts. Unless she changed courses without everyone’s knowledge, I might find her there.

And lastly, which I think will be my first destination was the fifth floor that housed the books on professional programs. The medical sciences are on that floor.

I systematically treaded through all the unfamiliar aisles that greeted me at the topmost level before I checked on everyone on the tables with the same hair color or length. But she wasn’t there and so, I made my way to the floor underneath.

It was definitely easier to find the chocolate ducks than finding her in that ginormous place.

Thankfully there was an information booth by the area before the rows of computers and so I asked the guy behind the counter.

“I’m sorry, I hope you can help me with something (or someone).”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I’m looking for a friend. She’s about this tall, brown hair about this length, really white complexion… And hmmm… Cute but rarely talks.” I would have said she always carried a book everywhere, but I guess that’s just every person in the building except me. And I would have added she could kill someone with a stare, but that would be frightening and unnecessary.

“You’re looking for Yerin?” For a guy who works in a place like that, he had the widest and the most unconventional library smile when he said her name. I’m not sure why, but I suddenly felt a pang of irritation. I managed to prevent it from showing, but I went on thinking which pocket I kept my Swiss knife in.

“Yes, did you happen to see her today?”

“Oh, she’s been here for three days.” His smile was getting into my nerves that I started actually feeling for my knife. But hearing that she spent three days there just slapped my face with insurmountable guilt.

“Ahh…” I just nodded.

“Try the second floor. Sadly, she rarely goes to this floor.” Good for you. That fact made me dismiss cutting his throat.

I bowed and thanked him for shortening my search.

“If you see her, tell her I said hello. Tell her it’s V.” His smile was wider when he raised a peace sign up his face. I’m definitely coming back to cut those fingers.

I bowed again before I turned around and started fidgeting the paper bag to prevent my hands from reaching for my pocket. I still don’t know why his behavior annoyed me but I tried to forget about the encounter as I climbed down two floors. I was also hoping to forget that I had to extend his greetings to her.

I reached the literary section in a breeze and before I could plough through all the rows of bookshelves, I spotted her at the farthest table by the fire exit. As I walked slowly toward the table, I became more and more sure that it was her. I could not mistake the slender built, the color of her hair, her blinding skin tone and her distinct scent.

I wondered if they also had shower rooms in the building because she definitely changed her clothes and she smelled exceptionally good. I didn’t know I actually had a memory of how she smelled like until that day. And I could not believe I was thinking of those things while she was there slumped on the table, sleeping quietly with her head resting on one arm on top of a very familiar textbook. Beside her was a pen and a half-empty water bottle.

I slowly sat next to her, careful not to crush the backpack that laid on the chair. I would have immediately poked her to consciousness but I couldn’t bring myself to disrupt the peace I have never before seen on her face. My eyes inevitably got fixed on her. The serenity of her breathing was just something I never thought I'd come to marvel. There was no trace of pain nor anger on her face.

“I’m sorry for doing this to you.” I whispered but only I heard it.

After ten minutes of just uncomfortably sitting there motionless, my phone buzzed.

UJ: Text if you didn’t get shot. Call if you sustained gunshot wounds. If you don’t reply in 5 minutes, I’ll assume you’re dead. RIP (just in case)

Her message made me smile. I didn’t think Umji had a funny side. Wait. Was she being funny at all?

SB: I found her.

Before I could slide the phone back to my pocket, I felt movement over Yerin’s chair.

“Eonnie…” I whispered. She just looked at me with her sleepy eyes. “I’ve b-been looking for you for three days. Let’s g-go home.” She still didn’t answer. I started to think maybe she was still asleep so I snapped a finger at her face.

She was startled by it that she quickly grabbed the water bottle and hit my head with it. Nope! She was definitely awake.

“Yerin-eonnie, I’m really s-sorry…” I said while rubbing my forehead lightly. “I didn’t mean to-” And the red light over our heads lit up like a soundless siren. . They are dead serious with their policies here. “- hurt you.” I said very quietly.

Obviously irked by my mistake, she pushed the button on the table to acknowledge the warning and turn the red light off.

Afraid to speak again, I took the pen on the table and started writing on the brown paper bag I almost forgot existed.

“Eonnie, I realized I was wrong and I don’t expect to be forgiven. Maybe not yet. But please come home. We I am worried about you. I brought you these, in case you haven’t eaten yet. Please come home… I’m really sorry. -SinnedB”

I adorned my impromptu letter with sad faces hoping it could convince her. And that was all the cuteness I could show in a day, if I pushed it more, I might just die there in the library. Which I thought was another despicable way of dying.

Anxiety crept faster in when she took the pen and started writing on the other side of the brown bag.

“Go home now.”

And I wrote back.

“Ok, but I will wait for you at home. Be safe.”

I stood up, bowed and found my way out of the building.

* * *

It’s been two hours and thirty-three minutes since I left her in the library. I didn’t think it would take her long to come home. I didn’t know if my apology was successful but I was hoping she would at least be considerate that I was worried and so, she should just come home.

It didn’t matter if she never spoke to me again, she doesn’t talk as much anyway. But my conscience will haunt me if her absence went on.

“SinB-yah, are you trying to hypnotize me by walking back and forth?” Sowon cocked her head up as she laid on the sofa. “Because it’s working.”

It was just fortunate that Yuju and Eunha were at work and so, I only had to endure the embarrassment with my roommate and Umji.

“SinB-yah, maybe she had to clean the entire floor after you set off the red light.”

“WHAT?! Is that how it is there??”

“No. I was just trying to think of a less morbid situation.”

“Less morbid??”

“You walking like a penulum-”

“Pendulum.”

“-PenDulum…” Sowon said while glaring at Umji. “… makes me feel that you’re worried like she might have died or something. Maybe she just decided to go on a date. Who knows??”

Sowon’s statement reminded me of that creepV library guy. Maybe he asked Yerin to eat out after his shift. Maybe she was actually waiting for him. Besides, no one told me then if she was seeing someone, and I haven’t asked (yet).

“Yeah, maybe you’re right, eonnie.” But I felt proud of myself for the 'hello' that I totally forgot to tell Yerin about.

“You’ve made me sleepy, I better head up. Don’t forget to lock up.”

I went to Umji as soon as the ground floor was clear of Sowon’s presence. “Umji-yah, you sure about the ducks?”

“Absolutely. The probability of you being forgiven is around eighty-five, give or take five percent.”

“Aish… She’s still not home.”

“I’m not certain why you’re telling me the obvious.”

“Umji-yah, what if she still doesn’t come home?”

“SinB-yah, I can only predict the statistical probability of your success, not the future.”

“I’m just worried.”

“If you’re too worried, why don’t you call her?”

“But her phone has been off.”

“Have you tried calling today?”

“Umji-yah, don’t tell me…” I had a feeling she knew that Yerin’s phone has been on and she just didn’t tell me. Of course, because I didn’t ask.

“Call her already, will you?”

“Fine.” I hissed and dialed Yerin’s number, and sure enough, it started ringing and I immediately put it on speaker.

My anxiety grew with every ring. I know I was the one who clicked on the call button, but I failed to think that particular action through. What will I tell her? I already told her I was sorry. Should I repeat myself? She might think I'm nagging. Should I beg? Nope. Definitely not going to beg. What else do I need to say?

And then the call finally went to voicemail.

“I guess you’ll just have to leave her a message.”

“Should I?” I had to quickly make a decision before the prerecorded prompt ends with that nerve-wracking tone.

*Beep*

Too late, I started talking.

“Y-Yerin-nie, I mean Yerin-eonnie, w-where are you? I said I will w-wait for you here. Are y-you on your way? Do you w-want me to p-pink you up? I mean pick you up? I’m really s-sorry, eonnie. I’m w-worried. C-Come home soon. I beg you, please c-come home...”

My face was red and disgruntled the whole time I was talking and Umji just held her hand up her chin and lips obviously trying to control her laughter. So much for not begging!

“Good lord! Umji-yah! What did I just say?! It’s bad enough that I stuttered in front of her earlier, I didn’t think leaving a voicemail would be worse!” I wanted to shrink to the seemingly perpetual humiliation.

“Hmmm... SinB-yah.” She poked me.

“What?!”

“It’s still recording.” She pointed to the phone.

“.”

“… Still recording.”

I wanted to throw the phone out the window but that wouldn’t erase my still recording message.

That was the story of how I started stuttering.

A/N: I was reading the comments section. What can I say? You guys are insanely cute! But your comments surely make me smile (laugh sometimes) and make me want to write faster. Hahaha! Thank you sooooooo much for reading. I seriously cannot thank you guys enough :)