Erase that.

Two weeks ago, I did not only hate Yerin’s guts, I was allergic to her existence. I detested the inevitability of her presence throughout this mission. And in less than thirty minutes of our first encounter, our tacit repulsion of each other went from viable to terminal.

“So…….” Sowon was desperate to cut short the awkward silence that Yerin left in the kitchen. “Why don’t we get to know you more?” She looked at the others with her wide eyes that Eunha stuttered to throw the first question.

“Si-Sinb-yah, favorite color?”

“Red, obviously.” I answered still side-glancing the girl who had that singular talent of causing everyone discomfort.

“Specify.” She commanded. “Traffic light red? Gala apple red? Drunk cheeks red? Pokemon ball red? Hickey red?” She chuckled to the last option while gauging liquor carefully with measuring spoons.

I would have answered bloody red but they might follow up with what kind of blood. Is it dried blood? Menstrual blood? Arterial, venous, anemic or polycythemic blood? I didn’t want to risk it.

“I think I’ll go with Crayola red.”

“Uhhh… So boring.” Eunha slid a shot glass a third filled with something she called Tension-Breaker, it couldn’t be any more fitting.

“Your all-around footwear?” Umji asked next after being lightly elbowed by Sowon.

“Anything comfortable is fine.” I drank the liquor certain that my answer was still at an unacceptable state.

“Details.” Here we go. “Not-so-original-Stans? Play-safe-Keds? Always-humongous-Martens? Airless-Jordans? Worn-out-Chucks? Potato Socks? Dirty Barefoot?”

“Martens. Definitely Martens.” I answered nodding.

“Ultimate hobby?” Sowon asked unconsciously drinking the refilled shot glass that was intended for me. “Ulk! I drank it. What poison was that?!”

“Hmm… I call that Ex-GF’s wrath.” A smirk and she was back to measuring liquids.

Sowon just rolled her eyes at Eunha before she opened the milk carton I laid on the counter and chugged a mouthful from the lid to wash off the disgruntling taste.

“God…. You’re so unsanitary, spreading your PB lips’ germs.”

“As if you haven’t tasted—” Sowon cut her own punchline. “Uhh… So, SinB, any hobby?”

I wanted to tell her the truth that I spent hours and hours dancing during my growing up years; I loved dancing even before my body knew how to do it. But I didn’t want to throw an absolute curiosity-inducing reply. And besides, I didn’t want that detail revealed especially that those dancing years reminded me of the grief I battled over my mother’s death.

“Reading?” For having quite an expensive education and for being acquainted with a decent amount of literature, I assumed I could pass for a reader.

“Any particular genre?” I was expecting a follow up within the lines of ‘what’s your favorite book or character.’ But genre was definitely an Umji-kind-of-question. “Fiction, I guess.”

“That’s a type of book, not a genre.”

I drank all the liquid from the second shot glass that Sowon self-consciously handed, while waiting for a list of choices that Umji did not enumerate. Eunha poured me a glass of orange juice after seeing my face distort to the last gulp.

“You and Yerin-eonnie have disturbing similarities.” My fellow 98liner’s smirk convinced me that she knew I lied about my hobby. I wanted to change my answer but it was too late.

“See that? We have bookworms for gunmen.”

I definitely dug my own grave on that one.

“Favorite band or singer?” That was definitely a Yuju-question. I wanted to thank her for cutting their our leader’s narrative of the nonexistent compatibility between me and the devil who wore pink jammies. And have I mentioned that I hate pink?

“BIGBANG.” I might have slightly yelled my answer.

“Oh… my… god… I love them too!” From my periphery, I could tell that each of the other members raised an eyebrow. “Have you watched their concert??”

“Not yet.” I would want to, but my hiding kept me from fully enjoying my youth. Watching bands, walking by the river, street food at night, coffee with friends and chasing cherry blossoms are among the things I prohibited myself from doing. I didn’t even attend a regular school in the fear of my father learning that I was still alive.

“Oh, poor you. We’ll get tickets on their next comeback, okay?”

I was still nodding to Yuju’s invitation when Eunha shot me a question.

“Sinb-yah, so far which of the shooters did you like the most?”

“Definitely… The orange juice...” I showed a toothy grin.

Eunha huffed. “Aishhhh… another -lover.”

“Why, who else?”

“YERIN.” Her name echoed and I know Umji saw me grimace to another point to our fictional compatibility. So, I thought, yeah why would she want to drink if she’s already drunk with anger and self-absorption?

“I know you’ll be a good match. I can see it.” Sowon declared. One of us must be blind because I couldn’t see where she got that idea. “Anyway, back to business. So, what’s the plan? Are we meeting your boss soon for some instructions?”

“You can call him Boss JD too. That’s how he wants to be called.”

Boss JD is my uncle. Actually, we’re not related but after my mom entrusted my life to him, I started calling him uncle until I had to resurface and pretend to work for him. I grew up under his supervision and he taught me everything I had to know. He is, in essence, the father I never had.

“He’s going to contact you soon since you are our leader.” I had to emphasize that I will also be under her headship to not trigger suspicion. “But first, I think I’ll need to request that he gives us a new computer.” I saw Umji’s face light up to the idea.

“It’s about time we toss your baby out.” Eunha teased which made Umji frown to the thought of separating with her beloved gadget. “Nah! I’m just kidding.”

“Sinb-yah, how is Boss JD? I haven’t met him. I only got calls from him.”

“I haven’t met him either, Sowon-ssi.” I’ve rehearsed this part since I very well knew I would have to eventually cater to their curiosity about the whole setup. “I got nothing more than phone calls and letters too.”

“How did you get to work for him?”

“One day at a martial arts training, I got a letter inviting me to join a training camp. I wanted to ignore it but I ended signing up for it. And that’s when I learned about the real purpose of the camp. I opted out, of course. I was just fifteen, I didn’t know any better. But then some unforgivable tragedy happened to me and my family that made me reconsider working for him. The rest is history.”

“I guess everyone has some tragic story.” Yuju’s shoulders dropped in what seemed to be a reminiscent moment for her.

“I guess tragedies caused us to be where we are now.”

“How did Boss JD find your group anyway?” There was no need to ask that question but I had to make the get-to-know conversation rolling.

“I’m not sure how but I know it was far from a gracious hiring process. We actually got laid off from The Academy. That’s how we call the syndicate who handled us before. And I guess it was just luck that your… I mean Boss JD found us.”

* * *

Roughly four weeks ago…

“That was our last chance to stay in The Academy.” Sowon broke the reverberating silence.

“I’m sorry, eonnie. I messed up.”

“Umji, don’t blame yourself. You wouldn’t have known the target would bend down to tie his shoe laces.” Eunha recalled the scene that turned their fate around.

“His timing was just impeccable. Imagine, he thought of retying his shoelaces when you were shooting for his leg. The laces haven’t even fallen off! It was pure misfortune.” Yuju shook her head.

“It’s more than misfortune.” Umji negated. “For one, it was my first time to actually execute someone, in spite of it being unintentional, it was still my bullet that lodged in his skull. Second, if I didn’t panic, maybe I wouldn’t have pulled the trigger sooner. Third, now we’re unemployed for my thoughtless mistake.”

“The fault’s all mine.” Yerin spoke with intimidating firmness after being silent enduring both the pain of her leg and the guilt she was nurturing. “If I didn’t sprain my stupid ankle, we wouldn’t have switched to Plan B and forced Umji to shoot at the target. Blame me. I rendered us jobless.”

“You two shut up. There’s no point at fault-finding. Now that we are in this position, we have to make a decision. Our expulsion is imminent, but what do we do after? You are both still in school. Eunha, Yuju and I are practically orphans.”

“I particularly don’t have any objection if everyone wished to stay together. I will work more and help with all the expenses. I am just worried; our students might have to stop school if we could not provide enough.”

“Yerin-eonnie has scholarship, her tuition fee is covered. For the mean time, I’ll stop school and take more writing jobs so I can help with other fees.” Umji offered.

“I won’t take any units until we figure something better. I’ll take more singing gigs if I have to. We’ll also support your mom’s medical expenses, eonnie.” Yuju suggested.

“No one is stopping from school. If we decide to stick together, then we’ll work together. I know we can count on each other.” Even when Sowon’s mind was overwhelmed with doubt, she projected a sense of certainty that everything will turn out the way she hoped. With the semester ending, utility bills appearing in the mail, rent due date coming, the sight of their almost empty pantry and their drained savings account, she had to preserve her disposition as the eldest no matter what.

Yerin remained brooding after the discussion. She carried the guilt of their last failed mission. Like it was not enough that her life was a mess, now it felt like she was becoming a burden to her team because she could only help the least having full units in school and above all, her ill mother needed much help.

* * *

“While we were discussing at the café that day, I got a text. I figured now that it might have been Boss JD. He said to send the others home to pack up and be left behind to wait for a call. I don’t know why I trusted that text and followed the instructions.”

I smiled deliberately to her revelation. I was at the café that day. I sent her the message.

“I guess, sheer desperation made you trust the text.” Eunha butted in handing me another shot glass.

I did not hesitate shoving in the liquid that caused me to briefly scowl. “Urgh… What was that?”

“Unwanted Breakup...” She replied, eyes fixed on Sowon who remained inattentive continuing her story.

“And so, I did what I was told. After they left, he called. And while we were talking, someone… dropped… an envelope… with… money… Wait! That was you, wasn’t it??”

“I thought you’d never remember. Yeah, I was there, I was also receiving instructions from him. Little did I know, I would be part of your group.”

“That explains why your black hoodie looks so familiar!”

“Ohhh... Wow, you must have hidden so well I don’t even remember seeing you there.” Yuju interrupted. I learned soon that she has the most photographic memory. Although she is inclined to recall the immaterial details, the skill still proved valuable for the most part.

I had to excuse myself to get the last bags in the car. Yuju expectedly ushered me to the parking lot and reiterated that it was no trouble that I park my car in that dedicated space for them.

When we returned to the apartment, I did not expect the devil to have rejoined the group in the kitchen. Apparently, she was distributing new sim cards and configuring all the smartphones to become untraceable.

“Would I get one too?” I asked and took out my phone, assuming that I would. But she did not respond and instead took the phone from my hand, pressed my thumb forcefully against the home button and started clicking ten thousand things. “Hey!”

I guess I angered her more that she stared back with her cold diabolic eyes. Her eyes were frightening and sharp that I felt an icy sting at the center of my chest. But for some reason, I stared deeper into her gaze and I couldn’t look away until she had to be the one to do so.

“No.”

“What do you mean no??”

“You asked a question, I answered.”

Knowing it was a pointless conversation, I just sighed and did not counter. She returned the phone and started her business with Yuju’s.

“So, what do you have there?” Sowon peeked into the grocery bag I brought back.

“Just stuff for the pantry and some junk food.” I paused and said something utterly stupid. “Yerin-ssi…” I don’t even know why my mouth opened and called her name. Must be the alcohol. “…Do you care for potato chips?”

“No.” I waited to hear more words but that was all she said. She gave back Yuju’s phone and retreated to her personal hell upstairs. Her indifference seriously bordered on sociopathy and I’m not even exaggerating.

“I had to hand it to you for offering Yerin-eonnie the one thing she despised the most.” Umji sneered and returned to her laptop that was in dire need of resuscitation.

“I apologize for my ignorance.” I reluctantly admitted before taking another shot glass. I had goosebumps and almost gagged to the horrendous taste that lingered. “What’s that?? That’s by far the worst.”

“I call it Tragic Introductions. Haha!” She said laughing as she reclaimed the glass from me.

I agree. For the six of us, our individual tragedies made our paths cross.

As for me and Yerin, surely, we’re a monumental tragedy in the making.

A/N: I apologize for a short update. I got caught up with a few things I had to prepare for a trip to NY. I'll be seeing the girls in person for the first time at KCON NY this June! Pray that I don't die from heart attack when I see them. I'll die happy but with an unfinished story. Hahaha!